Archive for the ‘Legal & Lawyer Humor’ Category
Friday, June 27th, 2014
Okay, this isn’t a major holiday, but still…
Happy Birthday To “Happy Birthday” (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Happy Birthday To You” has a birthday.
Yes, today is its notable mirth day.
But “Good Morning To All”
Was its lyric. Don’t bawl!
I’ll concede it’s less key than, say, “Earth Day.”
The song “Happy Birthday To You” has a strange and complicated history. Its melody was first published on June 27, 1893 as “Good Morning to All,” with lyrics that have nothing to do with birthdays. And its copyright ownership has been the subject of numerous lawsuits. Despite its advanced age, it somehow remains under copyright protection.
Tags: Birthdays, Copyright, Good Morning To You, Happy Birthday Song, June Holidays, Law Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Odd Holidays, Song Lyrics
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Music Poems, Odd Holidays | Comments Off on Happy Birthday To “Happy Birthday” (Limerick)
Friday, June 6th, 2014
A Rhyme To The Wise (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A scrappy young felon liked rhyme,
So he promised himself — no more crime.
He’d instead be a rapper.
But here is the capper:
His “confessional tunes” got him time.
So limerick writers, take heed.
Your rhymes may be next. They could feed
A detective’s suspicions,
Who deems them admissions.
Then indictment — your verse his first lead.
Note: Legal experts are currently debating the surprisingly widespread use of rap lyrics in criminal cases.
Tags: Crime & Punishment Humor, Law Humor, Writing & Publishing Humor
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Writing & Publishing Humor | 2 Comments »
Thursday, May 1st, 2014
May 1st is Law Day, which means I’m legally required to write a limerick:
Limerick Ode To Law Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A day meant to celebrate law
Sounds just lovely, except for this flaw:
Fair play takes some doing;
It’s tough as pursuing
A needle in large stacks of straw.
Tags: Fair Play, Judiciary Humor, Law Day, Law Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, May Holidays, Odd Holidays
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Odd Holidays | Comments Off on Happy “Law Day” (Limerick)
Thursday, April 17th, 2014
Happy “Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day!” Yes there’s really such a day, though I’m pretty sure this isn’t what they’re talking about:
Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man with a habit of peeping
Into homes while their owners are sleeping
Was arrested and tried.
His appeal’s been denied.
Now he’s jailed for his neighbors’ safekeeping.
Tags: April Holidays, Crime, Criminals, Jail & Prison Humor, Neighborly Humor, Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day, Odd Holidays, Peeping Toms
Posted in Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, House & Home Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Neighbors Humor, Obsessions Humor, Odd Holidays | Comments Off on Nosy Neighbor Appreciation Day (Limerick)
Thursday, April 10th, 2014
Blame Game (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A guy who was rather a stoner
Was pulled over and uttered this groaner:
“That jalopy was stole
“By me, so this bowl
“Of hash must belong to the owner.”
Note from Mad Kane: My limerick was inspired by this news headline: That’s not my pot; I stole the car, says Jay man.
Tags: Car & Driving Humor, Car Theft, Crime & Punishment Humor, Drug Humor, Grass, Law Enforcement, Legal Limerick, Marijuana, Stupid Criminals
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Car & Driving Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | Comments Off on Blame Game (Limerick)
Thursday, November 21st, 2013
I found the Washington Post Style Invitational Contest’s request for humorous fake safety regs especially challenging. (You’d think that being a recovering attorney would have helped my case, but no.)
Needless to say, I didn’t win. Here’s where to find the winners list.
And here are some non-inking entries from me:
Lawyers’ Offices: All parties who sign any contract are required to sign a second contract attesting to the fact that they read the first one.
Orthodox Jewish weddings & Bar Mitzvahs: Male dancers must be certified “capable of dancing without killing anyone” by an Orthodox rabbi, who himself has received such certification.
Figure skating jumps at the Olympics and other competitive events shall be limited to two rotations per jump.
Dining: Patrons may not sit near me at a restaurant without first signing a “spillage damage liability waiver.”
Elevators: No entry without breath mints.
Tags: Legal & Lawyer Humor, Regulations Humor, Safety Humor, Silly Rules, Washington Post Style Invitational
Posted in Contests, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, September 18th, 2013
This three-verse limerick is based on a real Texas criminal case: “Lawyer admits napping at trial, but rates his performance an 8 or a 9.”
A Criminal Defense? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man got a sentence immense,
Then complained of a sleepy defense:
“My defense lawyer slept
Which makes him inept,
So a do-over trial makes sense.”
His lawyer contested the claim:
“I am not for that sentence to blame.
I slept just a while
And I ran a good trial.
Even dozing, I’m right on my game.”
On this statement the lawyer won’t budge,
And he even is running for judge.
I suppose that he thinks
When he’s caught forty winks,
His court clerk will just give him a nudge.
Tags: Attorney Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Criminals, Daniel Textor Jr., Law Humor, Lawyers, Martin Zimmerman, Sleeping On The Job, Trial Humor
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Sleep & Insomnia Humor | 12 Comments »
Tuesday, September 17th, 2013
My limerick was inspired by this news item:
Group of observant Brooklyn drug dealers told customers they were closed for Shabbat: The five men would text customers with warnings that they were about to stop dealing around sundown Friday, according to a criminal complaint…
“The men are accused of peddling heroin, oxycodone, cocaine and other drugs from their Bedford Ave. drug warehouse…”
Observant Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you plan to sell drugs and break laws,
It seems God will forgive all your flaws,
And you won’t be a goner
So long as you honor
Shabbat with a crime-breaking pause.
Tags: Brooklyn, Crime & Punishment Humor, Drug Dealers, Illegal Drugs, Religion Humor, Religious Humor, Sabbath Humor, Shabbat Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Religion Verse | Comments Off on Observant Limerick
Thursday, August 29th, 2013
Chutzpah Laid Bare (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who had chutzpah to spare
Liked to circle her town wholly bare.
“It’s not me you should stop,”
She’d respond to a cop,
“But that pusher. Consider us square.”
Tags: Brazen Behavior, Chutzpah Humor, Cop Limerick, Law & Order, Naked Limerick, Nudity, Police Limerick
Posted in Bawdy Limericks, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | Comments Off on Chutzpah Laid Bare (Limerick)
Wednesday, August 28th, 2013
Ruthless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A dentist who’s lacking in ruth
Worships money, possessions, and youth.
In his quest for all three,
His crimes guarantee
He’ll be jailed until long in the tooth.
Tags: Bad Behavior, Crime & Punishment Humor, Dental Humor, Dentist Humor, Dentists, Ruthlessness Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor | 2 Comments »
Thursday, August 1st, 2013
As you can tell from this 3-verse limerick, my legal career had a rather inauspicious start:
A Lawyer’s Tale (3-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I once worked for a sleazy attorney.
(Let’s just call him “Unethical Earnie.”)
I rebuffed him when ordered
To do things that bordered
On iffy and worse. What a journey!
I quit just as soon as I could —
Found a new lawyer job — knock on wood.
He flipped out when I left
And he left me bereft,
Ripping off all my cash really good.
Decades later, I just got the news
That this fellow who’s garnered my boos
Lost his license: Disbarred!
No more lawyering card!
Schadenfreude — I virtually ooze.
Tags: Bosses, Career Humor, Employment Humor, Law Humor, Lawyers, Legal Limerick
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Workplace & Career Humor | 16 Comments »
Sunday, June 23rd, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was trying to find…*
or
A woman was thrilled with her find…*
or
A man was irate — he’d been fined…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Finding Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who found she’d been fined
Worked hard at escaping her bind.
She got tied up in knots
Cuz the court system rots:
It seems justice and law ain’t entwined.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Fines, Justice Humor, Law Humor, Legal System, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Contests, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Books | 98 Comments »
Sunday, June 2nd, 2013
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was hit by a suit…*
or
A woman was filing a suit…*
or
A fellow was wearing a suit…*
or
A gal rented space built to suit…*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Suit
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was hit by a suit
From his neighbor, and this one’s a beaut.
The core of the case:
“His trees have no grace.”
So the suit failed to bear any fruit.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Law Humor, Lawyers, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Litigation Poem, Neighbors Humor, Outdoors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Trees, Writing Prompts
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Neighbors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 87 Comments »
Saturday, April 27th, 2013
No Accounting For Taste (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The prison was chock full of crooks,
Like the chef — in for cooking the books.
He’d been caught by the owner,
Who shouted this groaner:
“Fishy numbers! These aren’t chinooks!”
Note from Mad Kane: I learned two things today:
1: Chinook salmon, a.k.a. king salmon, are the “most highly prized salmon in the culinary world.”
2: A “salmon day” is slang for “spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed somehow in the end.”
Tags: Accounting Humor, Bookkeeping Humor, Chef Humor, Chinooks, Cooking Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Criminal Poetry, Culinary Humor, Fish Humor, Law Humor, Salmon Day, Salmon Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor | 8 Comments »
Tuesday, March 19th, 2013
Okay, nobody’s going to boo hoo over unemployed lawyers. In fact, some may even secretly (or not so secretly) cheer for news that getting a legal job is harder than ever. (And it wasn’t exactly easy a zillion years ago when I went to law school.)
Though the Bureau of Labor Statistics expects 73,600 new lawyer jobs to be created in the U.S. in the current decade, American law schools graduate about 44,000 new JDs each year. So averaged over the decade, there are six new lawyers for each new job.
Limerick Ode To Unemployed Lawyers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you’re planning on law school, beware:
Those legal spots just aren’t there.
For each new lawyer job,
Six new lawyers named Rob
Or Roberta will vie for the chair.
Tags: Education & School Humor, Labor Statistics, Law School, Lawyer Jobs Limerick, Lawyers, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Unemployment Humor
Posted in Education & School Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 7 Comments »
Wednesday, January 9th, 2013
The 9-1-1 emergency number has become so common, you’d think people would know when (and when not) to use it. But apparently not.
The emergency number is meant
For a notably urgent event.
So don’t call 9-1-1
When your steak’s overdone,
You’ve lost keys, or to vent about rent.
(Using 911 to report a lion sighting in Virginia is probably okay … even if it turns out to be just a labradoodle groomed to look like a lion.)
(The first U.S. 9-1-1 call was made on February 16, 1968.)
Tags: 911 Calls, Animal & Pet Humor, Cops & Police, Crime & Punishment Humor, Emergency Calls, Emergency Line Limerick, Food Verse, Hamster Humor, Labradoodle Humor, Lion Humor, Pizza Humor, Policeman Verse, Telephone Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Telephone Humor | Comments Off on How NOT To Use 9-1-1 (Limerick)
Sunday, December 23rd, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was sipping some port…*
or
A woman was sipping some port…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Port
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A tall lawyer was sipping some port,
While doing some prep work for court.
He drank more than he should have.
Too bad, cuz he could have
Prevailed, but instead came up short.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Drinking Limerick, Law Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Legal Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Liquor Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Port, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 95 Comments »
Thursday, November 29th, 2012
Remorseful Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was feeling remorse
About taking an ill-advised course:
He’d married a gal
Who was also his pal,
Before he’d secured a divorce.
Tags: Divorce Humor, Divorce Limerick, Husband Wife Limerick, Marriage Humor, Marriage Limerick, Relationships Poetry, Remorse Humor, Spousal Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Family Verse, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Marriage Humor, Relationship Humor | Comments Off on Remorseful Limerick
Saturday, October 6th, 2012
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man was involved in a feud…*
or
A gal was involved in a feud…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Feud
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A shrink was involved in a feud
With his neighbors, and ended up sued.
On his problem he dwelled,
As lawyers withheld
Any aid, saying “Not in the mood!”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Feud, Lawsuit Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick Contest, Litigation Poem, Mood Humor, Neighbors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Psychiatry Humor, Psychology Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Neighbors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 59 Comments »
