Limerick Suit (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A fellow was hit by a suit…*

or

A woman was filing a suit…*

or

A fellow was wearing a suit…*

or

A gal rented space built to suit…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Limerick Suit
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A fellow was hit by a suit
From his neighbor, and this one’s a beaut.
The core of the case:
“His trees have no grace.”
So the suit failed to bear any fruit.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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87 Responses to “Limerick Suit (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Here’s my submission:

    A woman was filing a suit
    Against a fellow who sold her some fruit.
    While it tasted divine,
    After some time
    It made her incessantly toot.

  2. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman was filing a suit
    A divorce application, to boot
    So much ammunition
    Was in her petition
    It guaranteed her decree absolute.

  3. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A woman who wore a swim suit
    Sun-bathed on LA’s coastal route
    Some cried, “Out of bounds!
    She weighs excess pounds!!”
    But she just said, “I don’t give a hoot.”

  4. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A Viking, while wearing a suit
    Of long tunic and cloak made of jute
    Could not make subside
    The oncoming tide
    This Dane King of England, Canute.

  5. -
    A lass who was told that a suit
    Was required for a photo shoot,
    Was most alarmed to find
    It was of the birthday kind—
    But the photos turned out quite cute.

  6. Ailsa McKillop says:

    If you go to work wearing a suit
    In the mind of your boss ’twill take root
    You’ve interview that day
    You chase higher pay –
    A competitor’s latest recruit?

  7. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A guy rented space built to suit –
    Shop premises on busy route
    He stocked delicate glass
    But so much shattered, alas!
    Why did he set up in Beirut?

  8. Ailsa McKillop says:

    A waiter was hit by a suit
    He had brought into such disrepute
    The restaurant, by swerving
    Aside before serving
    To steal bites of the chef’s boeuf en croûte.

  9. Chris Papa says:

    A trial lawyer bringing a suit,
    Sure it would add to his loot,
    Though damage poor doc,
    Or some priest unfrock,
    Said, “Frankly I don’t give a hoot!”

  10. Rosanna says:

    A fellow was was wearing a suit,
    And a tall hat to boot.
    He looked pretty dandy,
    And smelled like cotton candy,
    But he robbed a bank and hid the loot!

  11. kaykuala says:

    A fellow was wearing a suit
    All nicely lined looking cute
    Happily
    Unabashedly
    And he was wearing high boots!

    Hank

  12. John Sardo says:

    A woman was filing a suit
    ‘Gainst a guy she thought was a brute
    He treated her poorly
    And angered her sorely
    Till the suit showed the brute’s disrepute.

  13. John Sardo says:

    A fellow was hit by a suit
    By a gal he thought was real cute
    He made a fast past
    Got a kick in the ass
    She proved a tough cookie, no dispute.

  14. John Sardo says:

    A gal rented space built to suit
    A woman of royal repute
    After flaunting her wares
    Found a rich coot who cares.
    Took his loot and gave him the boot.

  15. Looking dapper in my new Zoot Suit,
    All the ladies were hot in pursuit.
    It would have meant more
    But I paid at the door.
    Say’s here, “Annie’s House of Ill Repute”.

  16. A fellow was wearing a suit
    As he played a nice tune on his flute.
    He got lost in his song,
    But felt something was wrong.
    Whoops! His trouser fell down to his boot.

  17. A lawyer was filing a suit
    In the hopes of obtaining some loot.
    But the case was dismissed
    ‘Cuz the judge, he got pissed.
    As the facts in the case were now mute.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    A fellow was hit by a suit
    Wrongdoing he did not dispute.
    He polluted the air,
    But he didn’t care.
    The fine was so low it was moot.

  19. Kirk Miller says:

    There’s a lawyer who wants an old coot
    Of the Court; yearns to fondle his root.
    To get into the briefs
    Of Supreme Justice chiefs,
    An old judge has to first drop his suit.

  20. Diane Groothuis says:

    A musician was wearing a suit
    In a style that was really “You beaut”
    He started a scandal
    Not by how he played Handel
    But by how he mishandled his flute.

  21. sisterAE says:

    The prank was to measure to suit
    the bridge ‘cross the river (a hoot!)
    In October, I hear,
    shore-to-shore (plus one ear),
    end-to-end lay pledge Oliver Smoot.

  22. Mark Kane says:

    Well in two short days Madeleine and I will be celebrating our 35th Wedding Anniversary.
    So rather than buy her something expensive I figured I’d write a quick limerick describing how we first met.
    (Mostly because I’m a cheap son of a bitch)

    It was a late week day night, and I was coming back home from my Wall Street gig,
    looking rather dashing in my three piece suit I might add.

    Madeleine was returning home from a wind quintet rehearsal, in Manhattan, after spending a full day of law school.

    Then she sees me walk by her, on the train, gives me this warm come-hither smile, and well the rest is history.

    Now for the limerick:

    She smiled at this guy in a suit.
    On a Train? Well she thought him quite cute.
    He strolled by, what a shame,
    Then returned, asked her name,
    As he started his avid pursuit.

  23. Fred Bortz says:

    The proctologist settled a suit
    With damages hard to compute.
    The plaintiff asserted
    His doctor converted
    The smell of his former sweet toot.

  24. Don says:

    A fellow was wearing a suit
    got off the plane after 60 hours en route
    happy to be home again
    all the way from Afghanistan
    kissed the ground, called Mom and to his flag gave a salute

  25. Fred Bortz says:

    A tribute:

    When Sendak’s Max donned his wolf suit,
    The Wild Things declared, “You’re a brute.”
    He ranted and roared.
    Then back home he soared
    To a piping hot meal and some fruit.

  26. A gal bought a new Chanel suit
    And in it she looked very cute
    Til people noticed she
    Didn’t wear hosiery
    And had different shoes on each foot.

  27. Sue Dulley says:

    A man who was large and hirsute
    Was nevertheless not a brute.
    Though he was so hairy
    His loving wife Mary
    Would often describe him as “cute”.

  28. Sue Dulley says:

    A man all dressed up in a suit
    Caught the train for his morning commute.
    His outfit, so formal,
    Was looked on as normal
    By others who took the same route.

  29. Sue Dulley says:

    A cute guy was hit with a suit.
    The baby was equally cute.
    The mom, he’d been dating
    But, recalculating,
    The timing just did not compute.

  30. Sue Dulley says:

    … For my granddaughter …

    A girl in a gymnastics suit
    Performs her routines, looking cute.
    She loves to compete
    At an out-of-town meet
    But the best is the free bag of loot.

  31. Matt Monitto says:

    A man who was wearing a suit
    Fled his wedding with coppers en route.
    As he told the town jailer,
    He gave lip to his tailor:
    He’d said “Birthday!” but should have stayed mute.

  32. Tom Harris says:

    Quite impressed with her birthday suit,
    Liz said, “Wow! Am I really cute.
    A nice rounded butt,
    And no sign of a gut,
    And, oh boy, these tits are a toot.”

  33. Randy Mazie says:

    The Prostitute Prosecutes

    A woman was filing a suit,
    A working girl who’d prosecute
    A John who owed
    For parts that she showed,
    Then leaving her irresolute.

    *************************************************

    A woman was filing a suit-ey,
    She thought she being a cut-ey
    With guys who were shy
    She’d open their fly
    And pull out their rooty-kazooty.

    Then this women demanded her boot-ey
    Which the men would try to disput-ey,
    But she had an attorney,
    Their buns he would burn-ey
    if they didn’t pay off absolutel-ey.

    Randy Mazie @ thewritersvillage.wordpress.com

  34. Bone says:

    A fellow was hit by a suit
    And though he was quite resolute
    Off to a good start
    His case fell apart
    When he called the judge an old coot

  35. Stephen Fleming says:

    A woman was filing a suit
    To get from a fellow some loot.
    “He diddled me silly
    And sired a filly”
    Cried he” I didn’t give a shoot”

  36. Ira Bloom says:

    A fellow, while shedding his suit,
    Asked a woman of some ill repute:
    “Have you consternation,
    For your reputation?”
    She said: “Uh, it’s hard to refute.”

  37. Tom Harris says:

    Said the man who thought he would suit
    Miss Polly, a gal with much loot,
    “My loins – on fire –
    I’m filled with desire.”
    Said she, “Make a move and I’ll shoot.”

  38. Diane Groothuis says:

    Now young Mark Kane wearing a suit
    Made a move which was very astute
    And that orchestral chick
    Did not give him the flick
    As they stepped on the train to commute.

  39. RJ Clarken says:

    A woman who purchased a suit
    by Givenchy, ‘because it was cute’
    soon discovered she erred
    when her ‘best’ friend declared,
    “Mine’s a few sizes smaller, to boot!”

  40. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow who filed a suit
    went to court to pursue a dispute
    over property rights
    re air space and plane flights,
    but the case didn’t fly. It was moot.

  41. RJ Clarken says:

    A fellow who wore a new suit
    was upset that he had to commute
    via subway: A chap
    who smelled bad held the strap
    next to his for the whole F-train route.

  42. Pat Hatt says:

    A fellow was wearing a suit
    And he went to give a toot
    His suit was white
    Now in the light
    It is as brown as his boot

  43. A fellow was filing a suit
    ‘Gainst a neighbor for playing his flute
    Much too loud and too long
    And he HATED that song!
    “Can’t the guy at the least use a mute?!”

  44. A student was wearing a suit
    For her first teaching stint: substitute
    At a poor city school
    Where torn jeans were the rule.
    When they spied her, they started to hoot.

  45. Stephen Fleming says:

    She was dressed in her best birthday suit
    To give her sad lover the boot.
    “If you think you’ll do better
    I’ll gladly unfetter.
    I thought you were much astute”

  46. colonialist says:

    A woman was filing a suit
    To clean out her husband of loot;
    In birthday suit found
    A mistress wrapped round,
    He’d earned that she put in the boot!

    A Scotsman was wearing a suit
    As an absolute route to look cute -
    But the kilt plopped on top
    Was a bit of a flop;
    “Och, laddie, wha’ ARE ye aboot?”

  47. A knight in a well-armored suit
    Was plagued by an itch in his boot.
    His helmet he lifted
    As sideways he drifted,
    Lost balance and fell on his snoot.

  48. Tim James says:

    That white-headed guy in the suit
    Is a mover-and-shaker named Newt.
    “Family values!” he sang
    While his mistress he’d bang.
    Tell me, what’s the reverse of astute?

  49. Caught by the Suit
    by M. J. Joachim

    A fellow was hit by a suit
    He dodged, and it wasn’t cute
    The suit kicked his ass
    Fines and jail not to pass
    For all of his new stolen loot

  50. Sue Dulley says:

    She rented a skydiving suit
    And strapped on her first parachute.
    She landed okay
    In a field full of hay
    After many tense moments enroute.

  51. A park ranger dressed in his suit
    Had a barn owl who he had named Hoot.
    Nevermore was his crow
    And his mule was named Tow.
    Oh, and Gingrich the name of his newt.

  52. Mark Kane says:

    She entered the barracks sans suit,
    A lady of sexy repute.
    With rapid ascension,
    They came to attention;
    Recruits with their firm stiff salute.

  53. James Hazelton says:

    A fellow was wearing a suit,
    As best man to his buddy Knute.
    But the bride changed her plan,
    And ran off with our man,
    ‘Cause, “gaberdine made him
    look so darn cute”.

  54. foam says:

    A lassie who wore a tight suit

    Laced up one stiletto black boot

    She looked for the other

    Which she found with lil brother

    He was stuffing her boot with a newt

  55. Diane Groothuis says:

    A Frenchman in his sailor suit
    With a neat little beret to boot
    Went to Paris and Bruges
    Notre Dame, Moulin Rouge
    Said “I’ll finish when I have seen ‘toute’”.

  56. foam says:

    A lady who wore a tight suit

    Went out with a man, quite a brute.

    He groped at her cleavage

    Then was startled by spillage

    Cause he’d come in his clumsy pursuit

  57. yt cai says:

    The Brown Knight in an armor suit
    One time while at war had to toot
    His name is what it means
    Never should’ve ate beans
    Lost the battle to musical fruit

  58. Johanna Richmond says:

    The Great Leveler

    No matter the price of the suit;
    When that back-talking Maximus (Glute)
    Throws its cares to the wind,
    Rich and poor are chagrined.
    Mighty mouth of the south, I salute.

  59. Diane Groothuis says:

    That woman who out of her suit
    With partner as “pissed as a newt”
    Although very plucky
    Had failed to get lucky
    The reason- she wan’t so cute.

  60. foam says:

    A lady who wore a tight suit
    Went out with a man, quite a brute
    He groped at her cleavage
    Which caused him to spillage
    His seed in his clumsy pursuit.

  61. SNOW WHITE’S LAMENT

    “When Prince Charming was pressing his suit,
    He was kind, and attentive, and cute.
    Now we’re married, the Prince
    Ain’t pressed anything since –
    He makes ME do the ironing… the brute!”

  62. My tailor just made me a suit
    Of equal parts Spandex and jute.
    It’s yellow and green
    Striped with aquamarine,
    And with bright purple piping, to boot!

  63. Look: I know he’s a guy in a suit,
    Who can’t really breathe fire out his snoot.
    Yet I still get a thrill
    Out of watching Godzilla…
    I’m fond of the rubber galoot.

  64. Our limerick rhyme-word is “suit”:
    Here’s the worst one — and that’s absolute.
    It’s intended in fun,
    So I beg: when I’m done,
    Would you kindly not hurl rotten fruit?

    (ahem)

    I’m told that some Hollywood suit
    Pitched a biopic: “Hawley and Smoot”.
    Smoot never would bend
    To the Hollywood trend…
    (cough) … but Hawley would.

    …………………………………Ain’t THAT a beaut?

  65. Diane Groothuis says:

    That woman who out of her suit
    Whose body was rather hirsute
    Said “If I’m feeling brave
    I’ll have a close shave
    And then I will capture that brute”.

  66. JulesPaige says:

    A gal rented a space built to suit
    Hoping to garner a lot of loot
    As a young designer
    Not an elder forty-niner
    She was hoping to sell, not get the boot!

    ©JP/davh

  67. Sue Dulley says:

    She was crowned in a gown, not a suit
    To the sound of a cannon salute.
    Her son waits his turn
    For the throne that he’ll earn,
    When his Mummy’s embalmed like King Tut.

  68. Sue Dulley says:

    Like suitors who never quite suit
    Or tutors who seldom will tute,
    Though much used for email,
    Blogs, pics (male and female)
    Computers don’t often compute.

  69. Carolyn Henly says:

    Said the pedant: “It just doesn’t suit
    To misuse such a fine word as ‘moot’!
    It does not rhyme with ‘mute’
    ‘cute,’ ‘dispute,’ or ‘impute,’
    But with ‘hoot’ ‘toot,’ ‘flute,’ ‘snoot’ and ‘zoot suit!’”

  70. Diane Groothuis says:

    Gareth Hughes now wearing the suit
    With a damsel in red hot pursuit
    Says “I think she’s too keen
    If you know what I mean”
    So he puts on his runners to scoot.

  71. Newsericks says:

    I no longer must wear a suit,
    Though the one in my closet’s a beaut.
    I wore it to work
    But my boss was a jerk,
    So I went off on him and got the boot.

    (Read more of my own political poetry at Newsericks.)

  72. The lawyers are filing a suit
    Robot doctors are now in dispute
    Machines doing surgery
    May commit perjury
    Saying “That doesn’t compute”

  73. The sisterhood’s traveling suit
    Has ambitions no one’ll refute
    So I’d like to conclude
    That a first fam’ly feud
    Against Jebby would sure be a beaut

  74. A gal rented space fit to suit
    The Canuckistan language dispute
    Then she rattled a saber
    “Your friendliest neighbour
    Says ‘eh’ but we don’t say ‘aboot’

  75. A fellow could fill out a suit
    From his biceps to butt he was cute
    Though the thing that was rare
    And made everyone stare
    Was the bulge of his low hanging fruit

  76. A fellow was following suit
    When forbidden he bit of the fruit
    Though it stuck in his throat
    He was handed his coat
    And his wife was sent packing to boot

  77. Some suitors persistently suit
    Minotaurs should be very minute
    Come-muters might hum
    As they quietly come
    And dis puter’s done made from dat pewt

  78. In China Jian Feng filed suit
    ‘Gainst his bride ‘cuz their baby’s not cute
    Seems his beautiful wife
    Had gone under the knife
    Thus affecting their marriage vows moot

  79. So this New York musician brought suit
    ‘Cuz a contest was just for the ‘yoot’
    ‘Course he lost, but the grudge
    Filed appeals ‘cuz the judge
    “Was too senile to hear the dispute”

  80. My fav’rite Nebraskan filed suit
    Against God, with intent to impute
    That he caused to transpire
    Floods, earthquakes and fire
    For his part, the Yahweh was mute

    The judge promptly threw out the suit
    Saying God had no street or rur’l route
    And the bench then observed
    Though the lord must be served
    “We’ve no viable means of pursuit”

    So the plaintiff’s appealing the suit
    Says “The grounds for dismissal are moot
    We’re subpoena forgoing
    Jehovah’s all knowing
    We shouldn’t his presence dispute”

    Then the high court vacated his suit
    Though the brief they reviewed was astute
    Now he’s known as the hater
    Who sued the Creator
    From Oshkosh to Lincoln to Butte

  81. The dude’s done and dusted his suit
    Donned a cowboy hat, splashed on the Brut
    Grew a moustache and said
    From the edge of the bed
    How the #bleep# do I pull on this boot

  82. So the dude in the chute and the suit
    Gives the crowd a “Yee Haw” and a hoot
    Then tightens his dally
    And ringward they sally
    Like Satan was hot in pursuit

  83. Sue Dulley says:

    This goes between the last 2 of Steve’s:

    The dude in the slick western suit
    When he fin’lly crams foot into boot
    To Cowtown will speed
    And will hit the Stampede
    Like a saddle bronc out of the chute.

  84. Dean Geier says:

    Ode to 1977

    My mother once made me a suit
    Of double-knit hounds tooth. Oh, Shoot!
    Now the picture of me you might get to see
    Cuz my mom really thought it was cute.

  85. Sue Dulley says:

    In posh-British, suit is “seeute”
    And rhymes not with moot but with mute.
    But who really cares
    And wants to split hairs?
    Doesn’t matter as long as it’s cute.

  86. rafael says:

    A man who once wore a fine suit
    Was nekked, for he lost all his loot
    Blown up his nose
    And unthinkable woes
    Cost him his pink, puckered boot

  87. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This week’s Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, the Limerick Saga Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 117

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Rose.