Chutzpah Laid Bare (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who had chutzpah to spare
Liked to circle her town wholly bare.
“It’s not me you should stop,”
She’d respond to a cop,
“But that pusher. Consider us square.”
Archive for the ‘Crime & Punishment Humor’ Category
Chutzpah Laid Bare (Limerick)
Thursday, August 29th, 2013Bling Lust (Limerick)
Thursday, August 29th, 2013Bling Lust (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who wanted some bling
Met a guy in a criminal ring.
She figured her man
Would end up in the can.
But she’d wring what she could from her fling.
Ruthless Limerick
Wednesday, August 28th, 2013Ruthless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A dentist who’s lacking in ruth
Worships money, possessions, and youth.
In his quest for all three,
His crimes guarantee
He’ll be jailed until long in the tooth.
Limerick Buff (Limerick-Off Monday)
Saturday, May 11th, 2013Today, May 12th, is Limerick Day, in honor of Edward Lear’s birthday. So it’s an especially good day for a Limerick-Off. And my own limerick seems particularly appropriate too.
As you all know by now, I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who’d swim in the buff…*
or
A fellow was trying to buff…*
or
A savvy astronomy buff… (or zoology or economy or gastronomy buff, etc.) *
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Buff (2-Verse)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a limerick buff
Who of rhyming could not get enough.
She would rhyme night and day
In a metrical way,
Writing verse that her spouse labeled fluff.
It was clearly a matter of time
Till their marriage erupted in crime.
Things came to a head;
Now her husband is dead.
Cause of death — spouse aversion to rhyme.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
No Accounting For Taste (Limerick)
Saturday, April 27th, 2013No Accounting For Taste (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The prison was chock full of crooks,
Like the chef — in for cooking the books.
He’d been caught by the owner,
Who shouted this groaner:
“Fishy numbers! These aren’t chinooks!”
Note from Mad Kane: I learned two things today:
1: Chinook salmon, a.k.a. king salmon, are the “most highly prized salmon in the culinary world.”
2: A “salmon day” is slang for “spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed somehow in the end.”
Happy National Escape Day (Jan 30th) (Limerick)
Tuesday, January 29th, 2013So, is everyone ready for National Escape Day (January 30th)? I didn’t think so.
Here’s a limerick to celebrate, although I’m pretty sure this isn’t the sort of “escape” the holiday founders had in mind:
No Escape (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A felon was trying to run,
But his plan to escape was undone:
He tripped and he fell,
Tumbling into a well.
Never run while you’re under the gun.
How NOT To Use 9-1-1 (Limerick)
Wednesday, January 9th, 2013The 9-1-1 emergency number has become so common, you’d think people would know when (and when not) to use it. But apparently not.
The emergency number is meant
For a notably urgent event.
So don’t call 9-1-1
When your steak’s overdone,
You’ve lost keys, or to vent about rent.
(Using 911 to report a lion sighting in Virginia is probably okay … even if it turns out to be just a labradoodle groomed to look like a lion.)
(The first U.S. 9-1-1 call was made on February 16, 1968.)
Limerick ‘Tude (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, July 1st, 2012It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A moody young woman with ‘tude…*
or
A moody young fellow with ‘tude…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick ‘Tude
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A moody young model with ‘tude
Got involved with a dangerous dude.
He shot her undressed
And later confessed:
“Her depression kept killing the mood.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Nabbed By A Typo (Limerick)
Thursday, March 8th, 2012A teachable moment: When committing crimes, be sure to use spell-check:
Nabbed By A Typo (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man may end up in a cell
Cuz his parking permit had a tell:
There was one extra letter
In “parking.” It’s better
When forging to learn how to spell.
(This is based on an actual news story: A driver in Hoboken, New Jersey forged a parking permit on his home computer. He might have even gotten away with his scam, had he not spelled “parking” as “parkting.”)
Mary, Mary? Au Contrairie (Limerick)
Saturday, February 11th, 2012Abe Lincoln historians and art historians alike have been stunned by this newly discovered art hoax:
For 32 years, a portrait of a serene Mary Todd Lincoln hung in the governor’s mansion in Springfield, Ill., signed by Francis Bicknell Carpenter, a celebrated painter who lived at the White House for six months in 1864.
The story behind the picture was compelling: Mrs. Lincoln had Mr. Carpenter secretly paint her portrait as a surprise for the president, but he was assassinated before she had a chance to present it to him.
Now it turns out that both the portrait and the touching tale accompanying it are false.
There’s a lot more to this story, so I recommend that you read the entire New York Times article. But before you leave me, here’s a limerick:
Mary, Mary? Au Contrairie (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Art historians suffered a shock:
Mrs. Lincoln’s famed portrait’s a crock.
A rip-off took place–
The pic hasn’t a trace
Of Abe’s Mary — it’s scam-ridden schlock.
The Critical Ass (Limerick)
Thursday, January 5th, 2012This woman is clearly a creative criminal:
DENVER — A 36-year-old woman was charged Wednesday after punching, scratching and sliding her buttocks against a painting worth more than $30 million, authorities in Colorado said.
Carmen Tisch is accused of pulling her pants down to rub up against the work, an oil-on-canvas called “1957-J no.2”, by the late abstract expressionist artist Clyfford Still.
The Critical Ass
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some critics can be rather tough
On art they don’t like, even rough.
But to rub your nude ass
On it seems rather crass.
Her defense? She was trying to buff.
Dip Your Toes In Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, December 25th, 2011Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
Our Menorah was glowing
And so was my mouse.
A new Lim’rick-Off posting
Was due in a flash:
My virtual gift
For your holiday bash.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who’d stepped on some toes…*
or
A woman who’d stepped on some toes…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Dip Your Toes In Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who’d stepped on some toes
Was concerned about threats from two foes.
Far from being his fans,
They had murderous plans.
But instead, both his foes decompose.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Prone Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, December 4th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A guy who was frequently prone…
or
A gal who was frequently prone…
Here’s mine:
Prone Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A guy who was frequently prone
To gamble with cash from a loan,
Dealt with lenders who whack
When you don’t pay them back.
Now he’s prone in cement, grave unknown.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Black Eye (Limerick)
Thursday, December 1st, 2011Black Eye (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who had a black eye
Was stopped on the street and asked why.
When her mate said, “She fell,”
They thought “husband from hell.”
His story they just wouldn’t buy.
But she really did fall on her face.
(She’d been rushing, as if in a race.)
So she told them, “Please stop.
“I do NOT need a cop.
“It’s my pace that’s at fault. He’s an ace.”
Author’s Note: I case anyone’s wondering, this really happened to me a couple of week’s ago. Mark and I were in Manhattan, on the way to see The Judy Show: My Life as a Sitcom with Judy Gold. We were running late, and I was walking so fast, you could call it running.
I tripped, fell down really hard, and two week’s later my face is still recovering. But at least I no scare longer people … or make them think I’m an abused spouse.
And no, we never got to see that show. But we did have a great Indian meal before I ruined our night by taking that stupid spill.
UPDATE: I really must thank the owners and management of Angelo And Maxie’s, a well-respected seafood and steak restaurant that’s a couple of doors away from where I fell. They could not have been nicer and more helpful, quickly giving me tons of ice, towels, bandages and a first aid kit. They even let me take over their ladies room for at least twenty minutes. I’m looking forward to actually dining there in the near future.
Worldwide Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Saturday, November 5th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was famous worldwide…
or
A woman was famous worldwide…
Here’s mine:
Worldwide Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was famous worldwide:
His two wives had suspiciously died,
And wife number three,
Catching on to his spree,
Turned him in. Now he’s fit to be tried.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Limerick Tale (Limerick-Off Monday)
Saturday, October 22nd, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was telling a tale…
or
A woman was telling a tale…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Tale
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was telling a tale
Of the time that he landed in jail.
It was mostly untrue,
But he told it on cue
Cuz he thought that it made him sound male.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Take A Shot At Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, October 16th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who’d taken a shot…
or
A woman who’d taken a shot…
Here’s mine:
Take A Shot At Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At a gal, once his lover, now not,
Missed her heart, hit her arm
And still did her great harm.
Now he sleeps on an old jailhouse cot.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
UPDATE: April 23 is Lover’s Day
Fair Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, July 10th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was lovely and fair…
Here’s mine:
Fair Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was lovely and fair
Had a spouse who’d gone heaven knows where.
She suspected foul play.
She’s the victim, I’d say:
An affair in his lair caused her scare.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Limerick Plot (Limerick-Off Monday)
Sunday, May 15th, 2011It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was hatching a plot…
or
A woman was hatching a plot…
Here’s mine:
Limerick Plot
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was hatching a plot
To kidnap a rich fam’ly’s tot.
But the germ-fearing man
Abandoned his plan.
Seems the youngster was rescued by snot.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
