Archive for the ‘Crime & Punishment Humor’ Category
Sunday, May 1st, 2011
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus four Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal had to cancel her plan…
or
A man had to cancel his plan…
Here’s mine. (It’s a two-verse limerick, but a standard one-verser will be fine, of course.)
Spurned Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal had to cancel her plan
To marry a very cute man.
He spurned her advances,
Ignored all her glances —
‘Twas over before it began.
She was angry and wanted him dead —
Dreamt of murder while lying in bed.
Now at last he’s been killed
And those thoughts have been stilled,
For that fellow was all in her head.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Battle of the Sexes, Crime, Marriage Limerick, Mental Health, Obsession Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Poetry, Romance Poem, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Mental Health Humor, Obsessions Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Humor, Romance Humor | 88 Comments »
Thursday, April 21st, 2011
Digital Impasse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My brain is packed with secret codes
To access all my stuff,
Like bank accounts and sundry cards.
Recalling them is rough.
I pay my bills online and need
A PIN for each of those.
My website has a password too,
Protecting verse and prose.
These letters, numbers, symbols mix
In ways to stave off theft.
We’re warned to make them quite complex,
Defeating hackers deft.
We’re also cautioned, “Vary them.
Don’t make your codes the same.
A thief gets hold of only one —
You’re screwed and you’re to blame.”
So ciphers clutter up my mind.
I dare not write them down.
With paper bearing secrets dear,
A thief could go to town.
I’m forced to hide them in my brain —
A codified morass,
Despite my fear that one day soon
They’ll flee my mind en masse.
(Prompted by secrets at Poets United.)
Tags: Banking Humor, Bill Paying Poem, Brain Humor, Codes, Computer Humor, Computer Security, Cyber Crime, Hacker Humor, Memory, Online Humor, Passwords Humor, Privacy Humor, Secrets, Technology Verse, Theft
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Computer Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Internet Humor, Memory Humor, Privacy Satire, Technology Humor | 28 Comments »
Sunday, November 28th, 2010
You’d think Texas cops would have more important things to worry about than marijuana in Willie Nelson’s tour bus. But apparently not, so they arrested him. And that cries out for a limerick:
Limerick Ode To Willie Nelson
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Willie Nelson is in a tough spot
Cuz of grass on his tour bus. What rot!
Such arrests make me groan.
Wish they’d leave him alone.
They’re musicians — they’re s’posed to smoke pot.
Tags: Drug Laws, Legal Limerick, Marijuana, Music Humor & Verse, Pot, Willie Nelson
Posted in Celebrity Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Entertainment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse | 5 Comments »
Sunday, August 22nd, 2010
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow who loved doing tricks…
Here’s mine:
Tricky Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who loved doing tricks
Had begun doing magic at six.
He was jailed for his skill
Cuz he used it for ill —
Made his enemies vanish for kicks.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
UPDATE: I’ve just learned via Cloaked Monk that today, March 24th, is Harry Houdini’s birthday. He was born was born Erich Weiss (spellings vary) on March 24, 1874 in Budapest, Hungary. Happy birthday Harry!
UPDATE 2: October 31st (the anniversary of Houdini’s death) is National Magic Day.
Tags: Crime, Enemies Humor, Houdini, Jail & Prison Humor, Magic, Magic Day, Magician, October Holidays, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts | 30 Comments »
Sunday, May 23rd, 2010
Criminal Ode
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some crimes are quite flagrantly blatant—
Not subtle, nor secret, nor latent.
If the doer ain’t caught,
There’s a guy who’s been bought,
Or incompetence utterly patent.
Tags: Crime, Law Enforcement, Law Limerick
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | 1 Comment »
Thursday, April 8th, 2010
Jesse Levy, a Facebook pal of mine who participates in my Limerick-Offs, has challenged me and fellow Facebook friends to write a limerick starting with this line:
There once was a swimmer named Dean.
I love a good challenge, so I wrote this three-verse limerick in response:
There once was a swimmer named Dean.
He was swift and his breast stroke was mean.
When he raced he would win.
He thought losing a sin.
The guy was a swimming machine.
When he finally lost, he freaked out
And suffered a confidence drought —
Could not handle defeat.
He determined to beat
Up the fellow who won his last bout.
Poor Dean does not swim anymore.
He’s in prison, according to lore,
For killing that swimmer.
His weapon? Hedge trimmer.
Yes, that’s how he settled his score.
Tags: Athletics, Bad Sportsmanship, Competition, Crime, Poetry & Prompts, Swimming Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limericks, Sports Humor | 7 Comments »
Monday, April 5th, 2010
My versifying friend Gerald Bosacker has been writing a series of Poetic Headstones — safety hints in limerick form, which he refers to as “limerbituaries.” When he challenged me to write one, I just had to give it a try:
If your doc says, “Go under the knife.
Only surgery’s saving your life.”
Kindly check out his rep.
Mel did not, the poor schlepp.
So Mel is now missed by his wife.
From there, I moved on to something a bit more warped — not exactly a safety hint, but a “limerbituary,” nonetheless:
Just why is this poor fellow dead?
Well mainly he’s missing his head.
He dined with a bad man,
A head-chopping madman,
And that’s the last time he was fed.
Thanks for the inspiration, Gerald.
Tags: Crime, Death Limerick, Doctors Humor, Gallows Humor, Headstones Tombstones Humor, Health Limerick, Medical Humor, Safety Verse
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Crime & Punishment Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, July 19th, 2009
It sounds like something out of George Orwell: E-book editions of 1984 and Animal Farm have been vanishing from people’s personal Kindles. I might add that these e-books have been purchased and fully paid for.
Amazon, at the request of an Orwellian publisher, has been repossessing these e-books without permission and refunding the purchase price. (More commentary here, plus my three verse limerick about this outrageous invasion of privacy, plus an update about Amazon’s welcome Kindle policy change.)
Update: If you would like to read this general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here.
If you would like to read my other political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here.
And my limerick about Kindle blogs is here.
Tags: E-Books, Kindles, Orwellian, Privacy
Posted in Business Humor, Computer Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Internet Humor, Kindle Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Media Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Privacy Satire, Technology Humor, Writing & Publishing Humor | 5 Comments »
Thursday, May 28th, 2009
Employee Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A hard-working woman named May
Was employed at a very low pay.
And to make matters worse,
Her boss stole her purse.
How is that for bad fortune! Oy Vey!
Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.
Tags: Bosses, Career, Crime, Employer, Money, Theft, Work, Yiddish
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Workplace & Career Humor | 9 Comments »
Monday, May 5th, 2008
Cautionary Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Identity theft is quite scary,
Causing problems horrific. Be wary!
Your rep can be doomed,
And your assets consumed
By any old Tom, Dick, or Harry.
(Note: This was inspired by Writers Island’s “identity” prompt and Totally Optional Prompts’ “transformation” prompt. And speaking of prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my “dog-related verse” prompt.
Tags: Assets Loss, Credit Humor, Identity Theft, Legal Limerick, Money Verse, Reputation Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | 7 Comments »
Monday, September 10th, 2007
It’s time for some silly classical music punning. (Fortunately, the tale told in this limerick never really happened.)
Bach! Humbug!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Your CD collection’s a joke,
And classical sucks,” yelled the bloke.
My discs couldn’t handle
This rampaging vandal:
Now all of my Bach sets are broke.
Tags: Bach, Bach Sets, Baroque, CDs, Classical Music Humor, Music Collection, Musical Puns, Vandals
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Wordplay | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, June 19th, 2007
An Arresting Affair (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal in New York was arrested
For strolling outdoors while bare-breasted.
But courts say, “No fair!
You can not make gals wear
Shirts and blouses, cause men go bare-chested.”
Yesterday, CNN reported that Jill Coccaro has received a $29,000 settlement of her civil rights lawsuit against New York City. She’d been arrested for topless strolling and was detained for twelve hours, despite a 1992 New York State appeals court ruling that women have the same right as men to remove their shirts.
(You can find more of my legal verse and humor here, my feminist humor here, and my New York humor and limericks here.)
UPDATE: August 26th is Go Topless Day, sponsored by GoTopless.org.
Tags: August Holidays, Bare Breasts, Bare Chests, Equal Treatment, Feminism, Go Topless Day, Lawsuit Limerick, New York Law, Police Overzealousness, Topless Humor, Topless Strolling, Women's Rights, Wrongful Arrest
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Crime & Punishment Humor, Feminist Satire, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Odd Holidays, Social Satire, Weird News Snark | 5 Comments »
Tuesday, May 15th, 2007
Only In Queens, New York (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Wanna ride?” says a cop on the force.
I decline, though politely, of course.
I am tired, it’s true,
But my joints do not rue
My refusal. He’s riding a horse.
(True story: A New York City cop on horseback offered me a ride after I complimented him on his beautiful (and gigantic) horse. Though tempted for roughly a nano-second, I took pity on my back and said a cowardly “no thanks.”)
Tags: Animal Verse, Cop Limerick, Horse Humor, Horseback Riding, New York City Cops, Police Force Poem, Policeman Verse, Queens New York Humor
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Queens Verse & Humor | 16 Comments »
Monday, April 30th, 2007
Bill Collection Time (A Legal Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The judge viewed your case with derision,
So he rendered an adverse decision.
But when paying my bill,
Do not bear me ill will,
‘Cause I saved you from going to prison.
UPDATE: Don’t forget to enter my Mother’s Day limerick writing contest. The deadline is May 12, 2007 and there are money prizes for the best two limericks.
Tags: Accounts Payable Humor, Bills, Courthouse Humor, Criminals, Judge Humor, Law Humor, Legal Satire, Money & Finance Humor, Prison Humor
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | 4 Comments »
Sunday, February 18th, 2007
Deal? Or No Deal!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You lied in your last deposition,
Further weak’ning your flimsy position.
I’ve been fleeced, I can see—
It’s apparent to me.
So an out-of-court deal ain’t my mission.
Tags: Court Humor, Depositions, Law Satire, Lawyer Humor, Legal Satire, Lies, Litigation Humor, Out-Of-Court Settlements
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks | 5 Comments »
Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
Where’s The Beef?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A butcher once had quite a beef.
His grievance? A meat-stealing thief,
A man who, when caught,
Claimed the beef had been bought.
‘Twas a story that beggared belief.
Tags: Beef, Butcher, Criminals, Food Verse, Law Humor, Meat, Theft
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Business Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | 1 Comment »
