Limerick Ode to A Government Shutdown
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The thought of a government shutdown
Should be quickly, decisively cut down.
But I fear that we’re screwed
Cuz of Washington’s mood:
Boehner’s party has turned into Nut Town.
I didn’t think I could do it. But I’ve summed up the Republicans’ radical (Paul Ryan-authored) budget plan in a single haiku:
Republican plan:
End entitlements, send wealth
to entitled rich.
*****
UPDATE: Prompted by a poetry site to include this trio of words in a poem (adamant, fabricate, peculiar) I challenged myself to fit them all into a single haiku:
Republican pols —
peculiarly adamant
fabricators.
Okay, so we have two Senatorial candidates who’ve pumped up their military records — Republican Mark Kirk of Illinois and Democrat Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut. We also have the horrified Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, who’s hatched the upright-sounding Stolen Valor Act. Just one problem: According to Hatch, it would criminalize Blumenthal’s behavior but (surprise, surprise) not Kirk’s.
Hatching Hypocrisy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When a pol says he fought for our land
And exaggerates, bolst’ring his brand,
That’s a crime, says Sen Hatch.
But of course there’s a catch:
Only Dems need obey this command.
Update: One of my few Republican Facebook friends, Rob Hood, posted a limerick response in Facebook asserting that I engage in anti-GOP gloating. Here’s my limerick rejoinder:
I’m a Dem, but I’m surely not gloating.
There’s no reason for happy emoting.
Though the GOP’s worse
Than the Dems, here’s our curse:
Most pols do not merit our voting.
You’d think that, in the wake of the BP Gulf oil disaster, raising oil spill liability limits would be a no-brainer, even for Republicans. But apparently not. Just ask Sen. Lisa Murkowski (R-Alaska), who blocked the Menendez-Nelson-Lautenberg “Oil Company Bailout Prevention Act,” a bill that would increase the liability cap for oil spills from $75 million to $10 billion.
Oily Obstruction (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Liability caps for a spill
Would be raised by the Democrats’ bill.
But Sen. Lisa says “No!”
She’s protecting each co
That drills oil, despite all that they kill.
They’d be hurt by such law, she maintains.
Such indifference to other folks’ pains!
Who will cover the bills
For the victims of spills?
It seems oil cos have Lisa in chains.
Credit where credit is due: When it comes to self-contradiction, Mitt Romney is both fearless and peerless.
Once a staunch advocate of individual health insurance mandates — the Massachusetts governor who ardently defended their constitutionality — Romney has flip-flopped. Now that they’re required by the Democrats’ Affordable Care Act, they’ve magically turned unconstitutional.
Of course, constant flip-flops can be hard on the constitution. So it’s no surprise that Mitt Romney was for individual mandates before he was against them.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Mitt Romney: Constitutionally Confused
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Individual mandates are great,
Said Mitt re Mass. health bill’s debate.
Now he swears that they’re awful
And even unlawful.
Your claims, my dear Mitt — get them straight.
Senator Chuck Grassley, one of healthcare reform’s most vocal opponents, has outdone himself. He’s now trying to take credit for portions of the Affordable Health Care For America Act, bragging that he authored the good parts.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Chuck Grassley Upchucks Hypocrisy
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Chuck Grassley threw health care a curve
When he stalled reform efforts with verve.
His votes were all “no.”
His performance was po’.
Yet he brags he’s an author. What nerve!
********
And speaking of taking credit, check out Don Davis and his Rethuglicans Take Credit for ‘Home Scare Reform’.
When it comes to health reform, Republicans are stuck between their crock and a hard place.
Repeal (requiring a veto-proof majority as long as Obama is president) is virtually impossible, not to mention unpopular. But the very GOP lies that came close to blocking health reform have brainwashed the Republican base into demanding its rescission. Consequently, many Republican leaders feel forced to perpetuate their doomsday and Armageddon claims and fight for repeal, even though they know it’s a lost cause.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Republicans: Stuck Between Their Crock And A Hard Place
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The GOP base screams “Repeal!”
And Republicans pledge to with zeal.
Cuz they set their own trap
With their factual gap:
Nixing laws that have widespread appeal.
How ironic that GOP state leaders are vowing to challenge the Affordable Health Care for America Act in court. For a party that’s always lambasting trial attorneys and activist judges, Republicans sure are litigious:
Republican Trials (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Republicans constantly boo
Trial lawyers. They do it on cue.
For a party that feels
Such attorneys are heels,
The GOP sure likes to sue.
Now that health reform has passed, Republicans are angrier than ever. Mitt Romney calls it an “unconscionable abuse of power” and Bill Kristol is urging repeal in a Weekly Standard editorial. Moreover, Senators John McCain, Judd Gregg and their fellow GOPers are so incensed that they’ve come up with a very creative threat:
GOP senators emerged Monday to caution that the health debate had taken a toll on the institution, warning of little work between parties the rest of this year.
“There will be no cooperation for the rest of the year,” McCain said during an interview Monday on an Arizona radio affiliate. “They have poisoned the well in what they’ve done and how they’ve done it.”
Wow! The next thing you know, Republicans will be vowing to filibuster and obstruct.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Addled Threats
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The GOP’s angry as hell.
Says McCain, Dems have “poisoned the well.”
So the rest of the year
We won’t work with them here.
And how is that diff’rent? Do tell!
********
I proud to say that this post is mentioned in the excellent
Health Wonk Review: Special Edition On Health Reform.
The House has apparently ditched the “deem and pass” health reform voting mechanism. Instead, it will hold separate up-or-down votes on the Senate health care bill and on the changes to that bill. While various explanations have been given, my limerick explains the real reason “deem and pass” plans have been abandoned:
“Deem and Pass” Ditty
By Madeleine Begun Kane
So “deem and pass” will not be used.
Not surprised — I was rather bemused:
To me, it was seemin’
It sounded like “demon.”
Of framing faux pas the phrase oozed.
As you undoubtedly know, Senator James Bunning (R-Kentucky) is retiring at the end of the year … and none too soon. Embittered and unstable, Jim Bunning seems determined to inflict as much damage as possible during his final months in office.
The immediate crisis caused by “Bunning’s Blockade” is now over, and unemployment benefits and other payments blocked by Bunning’s obstruction are back in the pipeline.
Not that Bunning’s finished making trouble. He also placed a blanket hold on all pending presidential nominees.
Why? Because he felt like it.
I do believe Bunning’s earned himself a limerick:
Ode To An Obstructionist (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Republican Senator Bunning
Seems senile and evilly cunning.
On his way out the door
He’s done damage galore.
But at least he’s not once again running.
South Carolina is a very entertaining state … if you’re into oddball politicians and very strange laws.
For instance, South Carolina has a little known (until now) law requiring subversive agents to register with the state and pay a five dollar fee.
No, I’m not kidding. If you’d like to overthrow the government, you’re required to register with the government.
Naturally, Tea Party members think this law was passed purposely to target their group. If so, that would make South Carolina pols highly precognitive — the law dates way back to 1951.
But if any subversives do feel the urge to register, they’d better do it soon. Why? Because State Sen. Larry Martin, a Republican, is pushing to repeal it:
“I readily recognize when it had been passed and what the purpose of it was back in the 1950s,” he said. “But I don’t think Osama bin Laden is going to register. It’s outlived its usefulness.”
This cries out for a limerick, don’t you think?
Subversive Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re subversive and live in SC?
There’s no problem — just pay a small fee.
File a form with a fiver.
It’s cheap, you conniver.
You’d best file if you party with tea.
I haven’t lived in California since I graduated from Cal Arts a zillion years ago. And when I read stories like this one about the California Assembly’s silly anti-cursing bill, I’m in no rush to go back. And certainly not to Sacramento:
Gosh-Darn Pols!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
California Assembly’s decree:
The first week of March is “cuss-free.”
So don’t fret about health,
Or pine for lost wealth,
Cuz your pols are protecting you. See?
Update: After writing this, I ran across this interesting post on the same topic by Seth Frederiksen, who’s originally from California. And there’s more information about the bill over here at skippy’s.
As Steve Benen points out, we’ve already tried incrementalism. Nonetheless, Senator Lamar Alexander (R-Tenn.) keeps asserting that Congress can’t pass major legislation and should instead do things in bits and pieces.
Of course, Lamar and his fellow Republicans would say and do just about anything to prevent Democrats from passing comprehensive health care reform.
Lamar has earned himself a limerick:
A Limerick For Lamar
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Incremental reforms are the best,
Claims Lamar in support of his quest.
Sweeping change is too hard,
Says this Sen. to retard
All our health reform progress. Quelle peste!
It’s getting hard to keep track of all the Republican “trash and cash” Recovery Act hypocrisy. But Steve Benen has a stimulus hypocrisy update, and I have a limerick:
Ode To GOP Stimulus Hypocrisy
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“The stim bill was bad. Voted no,
Cuz it won’t the economy grow.”
That’s the GOP rant
As they privately chant,
“Now give me more stimulus dough.”
Senator Evan Bayh (Pretend-Dem-Indiana) has announced that he won’t seek reelection this year. The conserva-Dem’s stated reason? Partisan gridlock is blocking progress.
While this is being viewed as a huge loss for Democrats and a great pick-up op for Republicans, I sure won’t miss Blue Dog Bayh. His so-called moderation and his unrelenting push for compromise with uncompromising Republicans has been a large impediment to passing progressive legislation.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Senator Bayh, Buh Bye!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Sen. Bayh will not run again. Why?
Cuz there’s “not enough progress.” How wry!
He says partisanship
Is the cause. Here’s a tip:
Our problem is DINOS like Bayh.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her non-political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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A Tragic Limerick Ode To John McCain
Sunday, December 19th, 2010If John McCain hadn’t done quite so much damage to our nation, I could almost feel sorry for him. After all, it’s hard not to pity a man who’s turned into a pathetic shell of a human being.
McCain’s Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repeal temper tantrum is only the latest example of the sad, ugly person that McCain’s become:
A Tragic Limerick Ode To John McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane
John McCain seems embittered and mean,
Acting worse than a badly raised teen.
His convictions? No more!
Just conniptions galore.
He’s lost heart, and he’s left with just spleen.
Tags: DADT, John McCain, Military, Republicans Humor, U.S. Senate
Posted in Don't Ask Don't Tell Humor, Gay Rights, John McCain, Legislation Humor, Military Humor, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Publicity Hounds, Republicans Humor, Senate Satire | 7 Comments »