Archive for the ‘Legislation Humor’ Category

Ode To Weak-Kneed Democrats

Monday, January 25th, 2010

In the wake of the Massachusetts election debacle, I keep naively expecting Democrats to wake up and smell the need to stop acting like patsies.

Any minute now (I tell myself) Dems under Obama’s leadership will call a halt to the futile act of making nice with Republicans (and Blue Dogs) and will start pursuing a truly progressive agenda.

But, alas, Democrats seem to have learned exactly the wrong lesson from losing Ted Kennedy’s Senate seat to a Republican.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Ode To Weak-Kneed Democrats
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama and co are you nuts?
Or did someone abscond with your guts?
If you act like you’re weak
All your power will leak,
Hurling Dems out of town on their butts.

     

********

Some related posts from Think Progress, Common Dreams, Susie Madrak, and Steve Benen.

Joe “Vote 60” No Mo’

Wednesday, January 20th, 2010

I’ve been searching for a positive note in the Massachusetts election debacle and its effect on health care reform and Obama’s agenda. And I’ve finally found the one up side to Democrat Martha Coakley’s upset loss to Republican Scott Brown:

Joe “Vote 60” No Mo’ (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Joe Lieberman’s blue — in a pout.
Massachusetts has cost him some clout:
Mr. “Me-Me-My-Mine”
Now just “Vote 59.”
Dems are screwed with his vote or without.

Dressing Down The President

Wednesday, December 16th, 2009

Removing the Medicare buy-in from the Senate health reform bill (to appease Senator Lieberman) was the last straw for Howard Dean. Dean says, “Kill the Senate Bill,” and I’m inclined to agree:

This is essentially the collapse of health care reform in the United States Senate. And, honestly, the best thing to do right now is kill the Senate bill and go back to the House and start the reconciliation process, where you only need 51 votes and it would be a much simpler bill.

I blame President Obama for this health reform fiasco. For it’s Obama who empowered Joe Lieberman to blackmail the Senate and hold health reform hostage.

And that brings me to my latest double limerick:

Dressing Down The President
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, your job is to lead.
You have failed. So has Senator Reid.
Seems you’d sign any swill
Labeled “health reform bill,”
And then brag that we’ve got what we need.

Yes, you’ve tragic’ly blown your great chance.
So spare us the song and the dance.
Though many will swear
You’ve done much for our care,
I am sorry — the prez has no pants.

“No-Man” Joe

Saturday, December 5th, 2009

When it comes to health care reform, Joe Lieberman is acting like a petulant baby: “Wah, wah, wah! Dump the public option, or I filibuster. So there!”

I don’t know whether Lieberman’s doing this because he’s owned by insurance companies or because he wants to punish Democrats. But it’s clearly not out of conviction. Otherwise, he could surely keep his rationale straight: Joe’s up to seven nonsensical reasons … and counting.

“No-Man” Joe (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Public option’s no good,” asserts Joe.
“Want my health reform vote? It must go.”
But his stated objections
Keep changing directions.
Joe’s mantra on health? “Just say no!”

Related Posts: A Limerick For Traitor Joe; and The Ballad Of Joementum Joe Lieberman.

Stewing Over Stupak

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

This feminist is furious over the abortion-coverage-banning Stupak Amendment to the House health care reform bill. And no, Stupak isn’t a Hyde Amendment-equivalent. It’s the Hyde Amendment on steroids.

I’ve never been a third party-proponent. But Stupak’s inclusion in the House bill shows such disregard and disdain for women’s reproductive rights, that a progressive, pro-choice third party is starting to sound very attractive.

I suppose I must rise out of my Stupak stupor and write a limerick:

Stewing Over Stupak
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Blue Dogs by using extortion
Have effectively outlawed abortion:
Turned the health reform bill
Into “pro-lifer” swill.
Must reverse this, or Democrats’ corps shun.

“Short On Facts” Fox

Saturday, October 31st, 2009

One of the silliest Republican (and Fox News) talking points is that the Democratic health reform bill is too long. Fox News Live Desk’s Trace Gallagher seems especially fond of it, making repeated (and inaccurate) comparisons to Tolstoy’s War and Peace. (Well, we always knew that Fox is fond of fiction.)

“Short On Facts” Fox (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When on substance your grasp just ain’t strong,
Simply bitch that the health bill’s too long.
War and Peace is much shorter,”
Rants Trace (Fox “reporter”),
And even on that Fox is wrong.

A Limerick For Traitor Joe

Thursday, October 29th, 2009

Traitor Joe Lieberman is back to his old tricks, once again trying to undermine Democrats. So how’s Joe rewarding Obama and Harry Reid’s excessive generosity in letting Lieberman caucus with the Dems and chair the Homeland Security Committee? By threatening to help Republicans filibuster health reform over the public option.

Joe Lieberman’s latest misanthropic behavior reminds me of the single saving grace in Bush v. Gore: The election was stolen from Lieberman too.

I’ve already written Joe a song parody, so now it’s time for a limerick:

A Limerick For Traitor Joe
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Joe Lieberman’s meanness runs deep.
He’s a back-stabbing, Dem-screwing creep,
Who’s determined to kill
The health reform bill.
But at least he will never be VEEP.

Bystander President?

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

Recent comments by Sen. Jay Rockefeller and others indicate
that a strong public option could become a reality, if only President Obama stopped being a Bystander President.

Bystander President? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Public option’s at stake — tock, tick, tock.
Please step up to the plate, Dear Barack.
Though the sidelines were cool
For a while, you’re a fool
If you fail to ensure it’s a lock.

Related Posts: Ode To Senator Judd “Majority Rules, Except When It Doesn’t” Gregg; Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; Tantrum Politics; and Waterloo Lies

Balking At The Baucus Bill

Saturday, September 19th, 2009

Wendell Potter, the former health insurance industry executive-turned-whistleblower, presents a scathing analysis of the Max Baucus health reform plan.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Balking At The Baucus Bill
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Baucus, your health plan’s so bad,
Can’t decide if you’re dim or a cad.
Cuz the garbage disposal
Befits your proposal.
You’re driving us real Dems quite mad.

Related Posts: Ode To Senator Judd “Majority Rules, Except When It Doesn’t” Gregg; Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; Tantrum Politics; and Waterloo Lies

Ode To Senator Judd “Majority Rules, Except When It Doesn’t” Gregg

Thursday, September 3rd, 2009

New Hampshire’s Senator Judd Gregg, a big “majority rules” fan back when Republicans held the majority, has suddenly become a minority rights advocate. I just can’t imagine why.

Way back when, Gregg was enthused about using filibuster-proof reconciliation rules to pass ANWR drilling legislation:

… “The point, of course, is this: If you have 51 votes for your position, you win,” Gregg told his Senate colleagues on the floor.

He added, “Reconciliation is a rule of the Senate (that) has been used before for purposes exactly like this on numerous occasions… Is there something wrong with majority rules? I don’t think so.”

Responding to the argument that it’s wrong to use reconciliation on a domestic oil drilling measure, Gregg concluded, “We are using the rules of the Senate as they are set up to be used, and that happens to be the rule of the Senate.”

Of course now that there’s a Democratic majority, Gregg has a rather different opinion and is leading the Republican fight against passing health care reform under reconciliation rules:

Sen. Judd Gregg has hundreds of procedural objections ready for a healthcare plan Democrats leaders want to speed through the Senate.

Gregg (N.H.), the senior Republican on the Budget Committee, told the Hill in a recent interview that Republicans will wage a vicious fight if Democrats try to circumvent Senate rules and use a budget maneuver to pass a trillion dollar healthcare plan with a simple majority. […]

Gregg said that Republicans could file “hundreds” of points of order objections to the bill, each one requiring 60 votes to waive.

“We are very much engaged in taking a hard look at our rights under reconciliation,” Gregg said. “It would be very contentious.”

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Ode To Senator Judd “Majority Rules, Except When It Doesn’t” Gregg
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Majority rule is just great,”
Said Gregg in the drilling debate.
“You’ve got 51 votes,
Then you win.” Check his quotes.
Yet 51 Dem votes don’t rate.

Related Posts: Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; Tantrum Politics; and Waterloo Lies

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Texting?

Monday, August 31st, 2009

Brace yourself for a large dose of libertarian outrage: Texting while driving may soon be outlawed.

An organization of state highway safety officials on Monday plans to call for a ban on texting while driving, joining a growing chorus of legislators and safety advocates endorsing such a policy.

The group, the Governors Highway Safety Association, whose members are appointed by state governors to lead highway safety agencies, said it adopted the policy in light of a growing body of research showing the increased crash risk posed by texting motorists.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Texting?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you text while you drive, you’re insane.
You’re a hazard like snow, ice, and rain.
And if govs have their way,
You will soon have to say:
“BRB, AFK, must refrain.”

(If my last line needs translating, here’s a chat and text message abbreviation dictionary.)

Related Posts: Multi-Task Madness; Pedestrian Plea; Multitasking Mania; and Contending With Time

Open Limerick To President Obama

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009

Watching Republicans out-maneuver President Obama on “bi-partisan” health care reform has been so painful, I sometimes feel forced to avert my eyes. So I’ve written this open double limerick to President Obama:

An Open Limerick To President Obama
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, the GOP’s clear:
Won’t support any health reform. Hear?
You can whittle the bill
Down to bupkis — you still
Won’t get votes. Yes they’ve duped you, I fear.

Your naivety’s hurting our cause.
And so how about taking a pause?
Work with Dems on the Hill
To create a fresh bill
That has nary a GOP clause.

Related Posts: Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; Tantrum Politics; and Waterloo Lies

Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them

Sunday, August 16th, 2009

Republican hypocrisy is stunning. Almost everyone who’s been throwing around the “death panel” epithet used to have a very different opinion of end-of-life-care planning:

1) Back in her half-term as Alaska governor, Sarah Palin spoke out for advance healthcare directives in her 2008 Healthcare Decision Day Proclamation.

2) Rush Limbaugh enthusiastically read ad copy championing LegalZoom.com, whose services include do-it-yourself living wills.

3) Newt Gingrich recently advocated for advance directives (end-of-life planning) in his July 2nd Washington Post column.

4) Most Senate and House Republicans voted to fund counseling for end-of-life issues and care in George W. Bush’s 2003 Medicare prescription drug bill.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Sarah and Limbaugh and Newt,
Put your “death panel” nonsense on mute.
Cuz you once were big fans
Of end-of-life plans.
Were they “death panels” too? Now please scoot!

Related Posts: An Open Limerick To President Obama; Tantrum Politics; and Waterloo Lies

Tantrum Politics

Thursday, August 6th, 2009

Planning to attend a local town hall meeting about health care reform? Hoping to learn something and to express your opinion?

Well, be sure to bring a pair of ear plugs. Because the only thing you’re likely to hear is an enraged, screaming mob. And the only thing you’re likely to learn is that it’s frustrating and possibly dangerous to be a Democratic Congressperson.

Here’s my limerick about the right-wing scheme to stifle intelligent discussion of the issues by inciting angry mobs to shout down these meetings.

Tantrum Politics
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If reform can’t be fought using facts,
Simply give civil discourse the ax.
Block discussion with mobs
Packed with morons like Dobbs.
That’s the path of Republican hacks.

Related Posts: An Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; and Waterloo Lies

Waterloo Lies

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009

Back in July, South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint bragged about Republican plans to “break” Obama. How? By killing health care reform, turning health care into Obama’s “Waterloo.”

So it’s no surprise that the President’s foes are wielding the Big Lie in their non-stop efforts to block reform. Or that their lies target the elderly, scaring them into thinking Democrats intend to mandate elder-euthanasia.

This brings me to my latest limerick, Waterloo Lies:

Waterloo Lies
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The GOP’s spreading big lies
To ensure that our health reform dies:
“The bill will kill gran —
Shorten seniors’ life span.”
Their goal? Cut Barack down to size.

Update: Check out the interesting and informative Health Wonk Review.

Related Posts: An Open Limerick To President Obama; Republicans Were For “Death Panels” Before They Were Against Them; and Tantrum Politics

Mad Thought Of The Day

Sunday, February 8th, 2009

Are Republicans insane? Their bombastic rants and stimulus bill obstructionism could easily lead to that conclusion.

But I think there’s a more basic explanation. Republicans are simply being consistent with their long-held GOP credo:

     If at first you don’t succeed, make sure your successors don’t either.

Hey Republicans, Go Filibuster Yourselves! (Updated)

Saturday, February 7th, 2009

It looks like the Senate may end up passing a stimulus bill that’s smaller (spending-wise), larger (tax-cut-wise), and far less likely to work than the bill passed in the House.

I don’t know about you, but I’m sick and tired of Senate Democrats letting Republicans blackmail them with the mere threat of a filibuster. Here’s a thought: Instead of caving in to GOP demands, how about telling them to go filibuster themselves?

Find out if they’re bluffing. Make them work for all those concessions. Let the American public see GOP venality and obstructionism in action!

And that brings me to my latest verse:

Hey Republicans, Go Filibuster Yourselves!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Republicans, stop all your bluster—
Your obstructionist taunt: “Filibuster!”
Just go through with your threat.
Dems, please make these guys sweat,
And we’ll see what support they can muster.

I am betting they don’t have the numbers,
That they’re bluffing. (Dems let them — the bumblers.)
But majority rules
When they don’t act like fools.
Dems, we need a good bill. Don’t be fumblers!

(Updated first paragraph for clarity.)

D.C. Snow Job

Thursday, February 5th, 2009

Life in Washington, D.C. must be great! Otherwise, the D.C. Council would surely have better things to do than passing laws that require drivers to remove snow from their cars.

I’m not kidding. The D.C. Council has “unanimously approved emergency legislation that will require drivers to remove frozen snow and ice from their vehicles.”

But the good news is there’s no fine … yet … just a warning. A last minute amendment eliminated the fine “until a hearing can be held and council members can study laws in other jurisdictions.”

I love “Nanny State” laws, don’t you?

D.C. Snow Job
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I am guessing D.C. is crime free,
And that cops there are bored as can be.
How else to explain
A new law that’s insane:
Auto-snow is illegal debris.

No Quid? No Quo!

Thursday, January 29th, 2009

I was glad to see that at least some House and Senate Democrats want to take back the economic stimulus package concessions they gave Republicans in return for what turned out to be a grand total of zero votes. After all, as my latest limerick says, “No Quid? No Quo!”

No Quid? No Quo!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The stimulus bill was jam-packed
With concessions the GOP backed.
Yet the whole GOP
Nixed the bill. Seems to me
That the Dems should those changes redact.

Who Needs Oversight, When You’re Spending Money You Don’t Have?

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2008

According to the GAO, TARP (the gazillion dollar Troubled Asset Relief Program) is seriously lacking in oversight. Why? Because of a single Senator’s anonymous block on the program’s IG (Inspector General) nominee.

Sen. Max Baucus, the fellow who made sure the TARP bill provided for an IG, isn’t too pleased. And that brings me to my latest limerick:

I’m never a person to carp,
But nobody oversees TARP.
One anonymous “hold”
Stopped the process out cold
Of confirming an IG who’s sharp.