Archive for the ‘Seasons Humor’ Category
Thursday, January 27th, 2011
Who needs to join a gym when you own a home in New York and experience … pardon my French … winter! Cardio? Check. Muscle building? Check. Seriously, there’s nothing quite like lifting a snow-packed shovel way over my head in my quest for a place to dump the damn stuff. I’m talking mountains of snow, some of it still lingering from December.
That brings me to my wintry mix of limericks:
I Need A Landlord, STAT
By Madeleine Begun Kane
While owning a home can be nice,
It isn’t all sugar and spice:
After snow and ice falls
There’s no landlord for calls
About shov’ling. That’s part of the price.
Lamentable Weather
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I know that it sounds like I’m wailing,
But it’s thund’ring and lightening and hailing.
It was snowing all day.
Now an ice storm? Okay,
It’s official. Can’t take it. I’m bailing.
Tags: Exercise Humor, Gym Membership, Health Limericks, Home Ownership, Ice Storms, Landlord Tenant Humor, New York City Verse, Shoveling Snow, Weather Humor, Weather Poem, Winter Humor
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, House & Home Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Outdoors Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 3 Comments »
Friday, December 31st, 2010
New Year’s Eve Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
New Year’s Eve is upon us. Hooray!
Wish you all lots of joy night and day!
And to each of my friends
As the current year ends,
I promise more limerick play.
Tags: December Holidays, Holiday Limerick, New Year's Eve
Posted in Holiday Humor, Seasons Humor | Comments Off on New Year’s Eve Limerick
Tuesday, December 28th, 2010
Queens Unplowed (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We’re in Bayside — no sign of a plow.
So our streets remain hazardous now.
The snow storm’s long done,
Yet no plow trucks. Not one!
Has Queens been neglected? And how!
Update: Here’s my haiku on the same subject:
Neglected Queens streets
Piled with snow and slick with ice.
Residents frosted.
Update 2 Yet another related haiku:
Manhattan tourists
Ask why Times Square looks so good:
Snow was shipped to Queens.
(More Queens blizzard and snow removal and Mayor Bloomberg stories and more snow verse here.)
Tags: Bayside, blizzard, Mayor Bloomberg, New York Weather, Queens New York Humor, Roads, Snow Plows, Snow Poetry, Snow Removal, Streets, Transportation, Weather Humor, Winter Storm
Posted in Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Outdoors Humor, Queens Verse & Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, December 28th, 2010
Mark and I are looking forward to the next heavy rain storm, since we don’t dare hope for a multi-day thaw. And until one or the other happens here in New York City, we won’t be able to use our back door (which opens out) or get into our yard.
My two-verse limerick explains all:
Who Needs A Door, Anyway?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Can’t exit our house from the back,
Cuz the door’s blocked by snowdrifts, alack!
We would shovel it free
If we could, but you see
We’ve no route to that snow we can track.
For the trail to that door’s through the yard.
And clearing that path’s more than hard.
For the yard gate is blocked
From inside, as if locked
By still more snow. Our entry is barred.
Tags: Backyard, Chores, House & Home, New York City Verse, Outdoors, Seasonal Verse, Shoveling Snow, Snow Poetry, Weather Humor, Winter Limerick
Posted in Chores Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Outdoors Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 2 Comments »
Sunday, December 26th, 2010
Blizzard Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The snowfall is coming down quick
And, alas, it appears to be thick.
Though winter’s just started,
I’d gladly discard it
Cuz shoveling isn’t my shtick.
Tags: Blizzard Forecast, Seasonal Verse, Shoveling Snow, Snow Poetry, Weather Poem
Posted in Chores Humor, Limericks, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | Comments Off on Blizzard Limerick
Saturday, December 25th, 2010
A reader asks, “What do Jews do on Christmas?” So as a public service, I offer a limerick explanation:
What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s a query that’s answered with ease:
“What do Jews do on Christmas Day, please?”
We watch movies and read.
Surf the Net. (Dull indeed!)
But mostly we munch on Chinese.
(I’ve dedicated that limerick to Supreme Court Justice Elena Kagan. (This post explains why.) And here’s a fun article about Jews and Chinese Food.
While I’m posting holiday humor, I might as well post the rest of the holiday verse I dashed off this week.
I hope you’ll think that these haiku
Ain’t all that bad for this old Jew.
HOLIDAY HAIKU Quartet
Best safety advice
For the holiday season:
Hide under your bed.
*****
Since it’s Christmas Eve
Your shopping better be done,
Or you’ve been naughty.
*****
A generous gift
From our fav gov agency:
Revised 1040.
*****
No gifts for Kwanzaa
Or Christmas or Chanukah.
Husband’s gift enough.
*****
Tags: Chinese Food, Christmas Humor, Christmas Limerick, December Holidays, Elena Kagan, Food Poem, Holiday Haiku, Holiday Humor, Holiday Limerick, Jewish Humor
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Food & Drink Humor, Holiday Humor, Jewish Humor, Limericks, Religion Verse, Seasons Humor | Comments Off on What Do Jews Do On Christmas? A Limerick Explanation
Saturday, December 25th, 2010
When I was growing up, my mother used to joke that “Christmas isn’t such Jewish holiday.”
We Jews do tend to feel left out of things this time of year. After all, Chanukah may be really, really long, but it just doesn’t have that Christmas panache. Ask Jon Stewart, if you don’t believe me.
So I think we Jews need a Christmas limerick, and I’ve written one in my late mom’s honor:
A Jewish Christmas Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re Jewish and feeling left out?
We have holy days too we can tout.
So enjoy and feel chipper.
We’ve still got Yom Kippur.
On second thought, go ahead — pout.
Update: For those who pronounce Yom Kippur the other way, I’ve written an alternative B-rhyme for the 3rd and 4th lines. Here’s the alternate version:
A Jewish Christmas Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re Jewish and feeling left out?
We have holy days too we can tout.
Ain’t you thrilled to your core
By the great Yom Kippur?
On second thought, go ahead — pout.
Tags: Chanukah, Christmas Humor, Christmas Limerick, December Holidays, Holiday Limerick, Jewish Humor, Jon Stewart, Religion Humor, Seasonal Poems
Posted in Celebrations Poetry, Holiday Humor, Jewish Humor, Limericks, Religion Verse, Seasons Humor | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, December 21st, 2010
My post about haiku and senryu put me in the mood to write more haiku. And what better inspiration than this morning’s extremely rare total lunar eclipse/winter solstice combo!
It’s very cold here in New York. But as my husband sleeps, I’ve been outside watching the eclipse, coming indoors periodically to write some lunar eclipse haiku — a total of seven for a total eclipse:
Here they are:
The lunar eclipse
Is just beginning right now.
Moon’s barely dented.
*****
Bundled up, yet chilled,
I watch moon’s vanishing act.
Quarter’s gone missing.
*****
Icy New York air
Mocks me as I moon eclipse.
Glad cops missed my show.
*****
Ventured out again
As solstice moon wastes away,
Mere shadow of self.
*****
Winds howl in protest,
Demanding that the shy moon
Come out of hiding.
*****
The sky teases us
With a hint of yawning light,
As moon awakens.
*****
Moon stages comeback.
Turns out its retirement
Was only a phase.
Tags: Astronomy Verse, Lunar Eclipse, Moon Haiku, Science Verse, Seasonal Poems, Seasons, Weather Poem, Winter Humor
Posted in Haiku & Senryu, New York Limericks & Haiku, Outdoors Humor, Science Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 7 Comments »
Wednesday, December 1st, 2010
Just in time for Chanukah, I’ve given Winter Wonderland a new first verse. Feel free to add your own verses, if you’re so inclined. As for me, I’m on the hunt for some chocolate Chanukah gelt. But first I must sing my Chanukah song verse:
Candles lit. Are you looking?
Dreidels spin. Latkas cooking.
Menorahs aglow.
(A mitzvah, you know.)
Chanukah is here. Strike up the band.
Tags: Chanukah, December Holidays, Festival Of Lights, Hanukkah, Holiday Song, Jewish Humor, Song Parody, Winter Humor
Posted in Celebrations Poetry, Holiday Humor, Jewish Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Seasons Humor | 6 Comments »
Wednesday, November 24th, 2010
I can’t let Thanksgiving go by without writing a limerick. Or maybe I can. On the other hand, I’m pretty sure it’s my duty as an American citizen to post this while there’s still time to save yourselves:
Limerick Ode To Thanksgiving
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whatever you’re planning to eat
This Thanksgiving, I hope it’s a treat.
Whether stuffing and turkey
Or something more quirky,
Here’s hoping it doesn’t repeat.
Tags: Food Verse, Holiday Poetry, November Holidays, Stuffing Limerick, Thanksgiving, Turkey Humor
Posted in Celebrations Poetry, Food & Drink Humor, Holiday Humor, Limericks, Seasons Humor | 5 Comments »
Monday, September 20th, 2010
Rumor has it that fall will arrive on September 23rd. So I thought I’d celebrate with my Limerick Ode To Autumn:
Limerick Ode To Autumn
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Feels like autumn — the walking is easy
Cuz it’s cool and it’s dry and it’s breezy.
But what do I spy?
Flying pollen — oh my!
Any minute I’ll surely be sneezy.
Tags: Allergy Humor, Autumn Poems, Fall Limerick, Hay Fever, Health Limerick, Outdoors, Seasonal Verse, September Holidays, Sneezing, Walking, Weather Poem
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Outdoors Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, June 29th, 2010
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
On a hot, muggy day in July…
Here’s mine:
Hot Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
On a hot, muggy day in July
Our A/C decided to die.
I phoned for a fix
And received a firm nix:
“It is too hot to work. We might fry”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Update: Air Conditioning Appreciation days run from July 3 to August 15.
Tags: A.C. Humor, A/C, Air Conditioning Humor, HVAC Humor, July Holidays, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Seasonal Verse, Summer Gripes, Technology Limerick, Weather Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 22 Comments »
Wednesday, March 17th, 2010
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this as its first line:
There’s a hint of sweet spring in the air.
Here’s mine:
A Season For Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a hint of sweet spring in the air,
And I’m strolling outside, both arms bare.
Yes, I know it can’t last.
Winter surely will blast
One more storm, but right now I don’t care.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, you’re welcome to join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Tags: March Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Seasonal Verse, Spring Holidays, Spring Limerick, Weather Poem, Winter Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Seasons Humor, Walking Humor, Weather Humor | 19 Comments »
Sunday, March 14th, 2010
Are you as sick as I am of our twice-yearly clock-adjustment ritual? Do you think, as I do, that we have more than enough daylight and that there’s no need to save any?
I’m sorry, but my internal clock is sufficiently confused and doesn’t need Daylight Savings Time to make my chronic insomnia even worse. And I’m inclined to clock the next person who reminds me to change my damn clocks.
Save Me From Daylight Savings Time (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My natural clock is a mess.
Just thinking of sleep gives me stress.
Spring forward—fall back
Makes me more out of whack.
So I don’t change my clocks — I just guess.
(More DST humor here.)
Tags: Clocks Limerick, Daylight Savings Time, DST Humor, Holiday Poetry, Insomnia Humor, March Holidays, Standard Time, Time Humor, Time Verse
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Behavior & Personality, Celebrations Poetry, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Holiday Humor, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Seasons Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Time Humor | 4 Comments »
Tuesday, March 2nd, 2010
Dear Press: Clean Up Your Own Damn Mess! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
We get headlines each March from the press:
“It’s Spring — Time To Clean Up Your Mess.”
Seems they’re too dumb to know
That we’re still getting snow.
Dear journos, stop giving me stress!
Related Post: Guilt Springs Eternal
Tags: House & Home, Household Chores, March Holidays, Media Limerick, Seasonal Verse, Spring Cleaning, Stress Humor, Weather Poem
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Chores Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Media Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 2 Comments »
Thursday, February 11th, 2010
I’m so sick of this snowy New York winter. And of all the fretful phone calls from my mother-in-law, warning hubby Mark about snow shoveling and heart attacks. Funny, she isn’t at all concerned about my heart.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Send Us Spring, STAT!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m achy from head down to toe.
The cause? I’ve been shoveling snow.
I wanted to punt,
But instead, did our front,
While my spouse did the rest — quid pro quo.
********
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the one up side of February which is coming up very soon: Valentines Day. And so happy Valentines day, especially to you fellows who may find this Valentines Day column helpful. Gals, you can thank me later.
Tags: Health Risks, Heart Attack Poetry, Mother-in-Law Humor, New York Weather, Seasonal Verse, Shoveling Snow, Snow Poetry, Snow Storm Poem, Snow Verse, Weather Poem, Winter Limerick
Posted in Chores Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, New York Limericks & Haiku, Outdoors Humor, Relationship Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 6 Comments »
Saturday, December 19th, 2009
A huge snow storm (perhaps even a blizzard) is about to descend on New York City and has already hit much of the east coast. And that means it’s the weatherman’s time in the sun:
Ode To The Weatherman (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The weatherman’s acting excited:
New York City’s about to be smited
With a snow storm real big,
Which I really don’t dig.
And just why must he look so delighted?
(Note: Yes, I know that the past tense of smite is smote. Artistic license, okay?)
UPDATE: I’ve just learned that today (February 5th) is National Weatherperson’s Day, observed on the birthday of John Jeffries.
Tags: Blizzard Forecast, February Holidays, John Jeffries, National Weatherperson's Day, New York Verse, New York Weather, Odd Holidays, Snow Poetry, Snow Storm, TV Weather Reports, Weatherman Poem, Winter Humor, Winter Storm
Posted in Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Odd Holidays, Outdoors Humor, Seasons Humor, Television (TV) Humor, Weather Humor | 3 Comments »
Monday, June 22nd, 2009
June in New York’s been a wash-out this year. So I’ve written both a limerick and a haiku about our rainy weather. And I welcome you to write some weather verse too:
First my limerick:
June Down The Drain
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Oh, when will the rain ever wane?
Our weather this June’s been insane.
We are having a bout
With the inverse of drought.
So whoever’s in charge, please refrain!
And now my haiku:
Rainy New York June
Has identity crisis:
It thinks it’s April.
Feel free to write your own weather-related limerick (using my first line, if you’d like) and/or weather haiku and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my FB friends in a limerick-off and haiku-off.
Tags: April, Drought, Haiku & Senryu, Identity Crisis, June, Limerick, New York, Rain, Showers, Verse, Weather, Writing Prompts
Posted in Haiku & Senryu, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Outdoors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 17 Comments »
Sunday, March 29th, 2009
Guilt Springs Eternal
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Spring has arrived. Do you feel guilty yet? If not, you apparently don’t read women’s magazines. Every March and April they’re packed with “clean up and organize your life” articles. Stories with catchy titles like Spring Into Action — Tidy Up Your House. Or Wash Away Winter Blues. Or Banish Clutter Now; Otherwise We’ll Keep Torturing You With Articles Meant to Make you Feel Like A Slothful Bum. Personally, I’d rather read Why Clean? It Will Only Get Dirty Again Tomorrow.
Why do magazines publish these pieces? Because every spring millions of women have the same Pavlovian response: Guilt. Guilt quickly followed by a spending spree on periodicals and cleaning supplies. They grab every magazine in sight and, in a fit of post-New Year’s resolution fervor, vow to Martha Stewartize their homes.
Do these articles help? Do they unlock the sacred secret of “eat off your basement floor” womanhood? Hahahahahahaha. Pardon me — I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were serious. (Guilt Springs Eternal continues here.)
Tags: Chores, Essays, Feminism, Guilt, House, Magazines, March Holidays, Martha Stewart, Media, Men, Parody, Seasons, Spring Cleaning, Women
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Chores Humor, Feminist Satire, House & Home Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Media Humor, Seasons Humor | 11 Comments »
Sunday, July 13th, 2008
Mosquitoes are on the attack.
They’ve bitten my arms & my back.
Though they MAY be “God’s creatures” —
These venomous leechers,
I’m tired of being their snack.
Tags: August Holidays, Bug Limerick, Insect Bites, Mosquito Humor, Odd Holidays, World Mosquito Day
Posted in Insect Humor, Linky Love, Odd Holidays, Outdoors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Seasons Humor | 4 Comments »
