Archive for the ‘Poetry & Prompts’ Category
Saturday, August 6th, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Poor or Pour or Pore at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GRASS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best grass-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on August 21, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 20, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A barber was itching to score
Some tickets for Hair — needed four.
’Twas a popular show,
So a likely no-go;
Scalpers rendered his purchase odds poor.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 68 Comments »
Saturday, August 6th, 2016
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Mrs. Frankenstein, lissome and lean,
Had as perfect a bod as I’ve seen.
Husband Vic, from the start,
Took her hand, stole her heart,
And her liver, both lungs, and her spleen.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special BOREDOM-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
To stave off his feelings of boredom,
He thought he would sample some whoredom.
The call-girls looked nice,
But on learning their price,
He found that he couldn’t afford ’em.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) J Cosmo Newbery, Brian Allgar, Marty Gerendasy, Dave Johnson, Val Fish, Suzanne Heymann, Kathleen Bartoletti, David Reddekopp, Grzegorz Gigol,
Ian Graham, Fred Bortz, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LEAN/LIEN” RHYME DIVISION)
J Cosmo Newbery:
A man who’d developed a lean,
Put the blame on some lousy cuisine.
But his breakfast was fine,
And his dinner, benign—
It was all of the drinks in between.
Brian Allgar:
I showed her my new trampoline.
“Shall we give it a spin?” She was keen,
But I’m hereby renouncing
A blowjob while bouncing –
The reason, I’m sure you can glean.
Marty Gerendasy:
A young poet whose name was Marlene,
Said “I don’t like a verse that’s obscene.
But if I just suggest,
You can fill in the rest,
And then you can decide what I mean!”
Dave Johnson:
The actors are healthy and lean
In ev’ry McDonald’s ad scene.
Big profits they’d blow
If they were to show
Real fans of their fast-food cuisine.
Val Fish:
The wife, she’s as thin as a bean.
Her sister, not nearly so lean.
For a nice piece of rump,
It’s ‘big sis’ that I’d hump.
Such a shame that she’s only fifteen.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (BOREDOM-LIMERICK DIVISION)
Suzanne Heymann:
“Oh Mummy, school’s out, what a bore!”
“I’ll fix THAT! Now you each get a chore:
Dust and vacuum, do dishes,
Clean rooms, feed the fishes!”
They never complain anymore.
Kathleen Bartoletti:
A fisherman caught a big trout,
Which he wouldn’t stop talking about;
So year after year
He bored ev’ryone near
Till, in tears, his wife fin’ly moved out.
David Reddekopp for his Acrostic Limerick:
I’m lazy; it’s rather overt.
No energy will I exert.
Essentially, null.
Relaxed, but it’s dull
To sit here, in essence, inert.
Brian Allgar:
The girl was convinced she had scored
With a hunk, but her needs were ignored.
Though he stayed the whole night,
There was no sex in sight;
She didn’t get drilled, only bored.
Grzegorz Gigol:
U.S. people ooze love by the fother,
And say ev’ryone there is their brother.
But when bored, they resort
To their national sport,
Which is going and suing each other.
Ian Graham:
I once struck a most happy medium
At a séance both dull and quite seedy. Um,
Just after my slap he
Was rather less happy,
But it did help to lessen the tedium.
Fred Bortz:
Jack yawns. “I think soccer is boring.
I prefer to watch games with more scoring.”
Still Jill feels a thrill
When the tally’s nil-nil,
While beside her, her boyfriend is snoring.
Tim James:
A farmer who’d gotten quite bored
With his job struck the following chord:
“I raise squash every year.
It’s increasingly clear
I’m about to go out of my gourd!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Fred Bortz, Grzegorz Gigol, Ian Graham, J Cosmo Newbery, Kathleen Bartoletti, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marty Gerendasy, Suzanne Heymann, Tim James, Val Fish, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award Winner (258)
Sunday, July 24th, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using either LEAN or LIEN at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BOREDOM, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best boredom-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on August 7, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 6, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
Figurines by the teenage Colleen
Were censored and labeled obscene.
Though they did land a show,
The young artist can’t go;
Seems her work’s too “adult” and “unclean.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Art Humor, Censorship, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Art Humor / Verse, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 90 Comments »
Saturday, July 9th, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using either BOUT or ABOUT at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ALLERGIES, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best allergy-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on July 24, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 23, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
At the end of their sexual bout,
She noticed her lover’s self-doubt.
“Don’t worry,” she said,
As she rose from their bed.
“I’m accustomed to doing without.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 84 Comments »
Saturday, July 9th, 2016
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BARBARA MILLIKAN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this clever limerick. (It was inspired by her daughter’s very successful rugby team in Lane County, Eugene, Oregon, known as the “Reign.”)
Rough and rowdy “Reign” ruggers, the bane
Of all other gal ruggers from Lane;
When it poured like a flood
All were buried in mud,
But no rain ever reined in the “Reign.”
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special BIRD-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
The bird-watcher peered through his glasses,
Believing he’d seen in the grasses
The movement of plovers.
In fact, they were lovers;
He stared at two fine, naked asses.
The girl quickly covered her bits
With a towel, and yelled out “Hey, Fritz!
What d’you think you are doing?”
“Dear lady, I’m viewing
A magnificent pair of Great Tits.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Randolph Wagner, Dave Johnson, Brian Allgar, Marty Gerendasy, Judith H. Block, Tim James, Kathleen Bartoletti, Will T. Laughlin, Barry Solomons, Ken Gosse, Suzanne Heymann, and Kirk Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (RAIN/REIGN/REIN RHYME DIVISION)
Randolph Wagner:
The Habsburgs who ruled over Spain
Were an inbreeding unsightly strain.
Since their gene pool was rotten,
Good looks weren’t begotten:
In Spain on the plain fell the reign.
Dave Johnson:
The Donald is making it plain;
He thinks that he’s ready to reign.
So what if he fails?
From all the hat sales
His wallet is posting a gain.
Brian Allgar:
At tea-time, the Queen would complain:
“The tea-pot is empty again;
I know that I filled it,
But somehow I spilled it —
I can’t pour, but I know how to reign.
Marty Gerendasy:
Tell me, what good is trav’ling by plane,
When it won’t leave the ground in the rain?
Yet another delay!
Happens day after day!
From now on, I’ll be going by train.
Judith H. Block:
You have just washed the car? It will rain.
On a picnic? It’s pouring again.
But plants need the showers.
It’s true, we love flowers.
I guess it’s not smart to complain.
Tim James, for his limerick homage to “MacArthur Park.”
The cake got left out in the rain.
And the recipe? Never again
Will I have it, that’s true.
(What’s that mean? Not a clue.
Maybe drugs make the meaning more plain.)
Kathleen Bartoletti:
A limerick writer named Kane
Loved bathing outside in the rain;
When it started to fall
She ran out, baring all,
With her washcloth, imported from Spain.
I hope this rhyme doesn’t offend.
That’s not something I’d ever intend.
I just saw it so plain;
Kane’s a fine rhyme for “rain”
And too good to resist, in the end.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (BIRDS LIMERICK DIVISION)
Will T. Laughlin:
My bird-watching uncle admits
His blog would get millions of hits,
Overwhelming his host
Any time he would post
New pictures of boobies and tits.
Barry Solomons:
An ostrich let out a big sigh
And pleaded with God asking why,
You would want me to stand
With my head in the sand
When I’d love to be able to fly.
Ken Gosse, who entitles his limerick “Copy Writer,” and who was inspired by a children’s poem.
A woman who swallowed a spider,
Ended up with a bird deep inside her.
She wrote, “How absurd,
To swallow a bird,”
But not first, so the rights were denied her.
Brian Allgar:
His Lordship had picked up a girl
And he paid her to give him a whirl.
But next day, the poor chap
Had contracted the clap —
The wormy bird catches the Earl.
Tim James:
A parrot, apparently spurred
By an urge to repeat all he heard,
Spent a night by the bed
Of a gal. She turned red
When “Oh God! Oh my God!” screamed the bird.
Will T. Laughlin:
We saw a strange bird in the street.
“That’s a Fake-Crested Trump,” muttered Pete.
“How on earth can you tell?”
I inquired. Pete said, “Well,
It just let out a horrible Tweet.”
Suzanne Heymann:
When a bird and a dog had a fight,
I could not tell who had the first bite.
But an eagle so regal
Made off with a beagle
Who’d eaten a seagull last night.
Kirk Miller, whose 3-verser is (he swears) based on personal experience:
The gardener wore a big scowl,
And emitted an ear-piercing howl.
He had reason to gripe:
Birds ate fruit that was ripe.
’Twas a crime he considered most fowl.
To tomatoes the birds had been treatin’
Themselves. He refused to be beaten.
Since the gardener’s wise,
A nice plan he’ll devise
To keep birds from his garden of eatin’.
There is little expense he incurred.
Get some net; make a tent; he’s insured
That tomatoes are safe.
While the mockingbirds chafe,
He just smiles and then flips them the bird.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Barbara Millikan, Barry Solomons:, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Judith H. Block, Kathleen Bartoletti, Ken Gosse, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marty Gerendasy, Randolph Wagner, Suzanne Heymann, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (256)
Saturday, June 25th, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Rain or Reign or Rein at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BIRDS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BIRD-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on July 10, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 9, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
Use the wipers. It’s starting to rain.
You’re drifting, so stay in your lane.
Slow down! Yellow light!
It’s a left — not a right!
Backseat drivers — a car owner’s bane!
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Car & Driving Humor, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 106 Comments »
Saturday, June 25th, 2016
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to RANDOLPH WAGNER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny 2-verse limerick:
A detective entreated Bernice
’Tween the sheets of the Chief of Police,
“Keep this tryst undercover.
My boss, who’s your lover,
Can’t know that you’ve fingered my piece.”
She laughed, “We’re discreet. Hold your peace.
Since that cuckolded Chief of Police
Lacks the vim and the vigor
I feel when your trigger
Is pulled, let the firing increase.”
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special Money-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Mad’s ”Limerick-Off” is iconic,
But MONEY’s a theme that’s ironic.
Cash prize? In your dreams!
You’ll win nothing, it seems,
Not even a small gin and tonic.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Marty Gerendasy, Brian Allgar, Tiel Aisha Ansari, Tim James, Robert Schechter, Dave Johnson, Randolph Wagner, Kirk Miller, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LEASE” RHYME DIVISION)
Marty Gerendasy:
A slimy young dude named Maurice
Met a widow he thought he could fleece.
But his try was for naught,
For he quickly got caught.
Now he hopes for an early release.
Brian Allgar:
His grammatical errors increase;
Wrong apostrophes litter each piece.
Then last night, around four,
Came a knock at his door:
“Open up! It’s the grammar police!”
Tiel Aisha Ansari:
When Jason returned with the Fleece
He put his whole crew on release
And all that he tendered
For services rendered–
At most, half an obol apiece.
Tim James:
“Lots of fish in the sea!” is a piece
Of old “wisdom” he cites without cease.
He beds ladies one night;
After that, he takes flight.
His philosophy: catch and release.
Brian Allgar:
There was never a moment of peace;
She could talk like a gaggle of geese;
She would scold and she’d nag
Till a large plastic bag
Brought him silence – a blessed release.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (MONEY LIMERICK DIVISION)
Robert Schechter:
To understand money, be sure
You are not some rich entrepreneur,
For tell me, how shall you
Conceive its true value
Unless and until you’ve been poor?
Dave Johnson:
Though her wealthy old lover is gruff,
He buys her a lot of nice stuff.
But when ready for sex,
There is no time for checks;
Just a blindfold while he’s in the buff.
Randolph Wagner:
A sad, tawdry saga is Mitch’s
Beginning with staggering riches
To which he fell heir.
They were squandered with flair
Since his tool couldn’t stay in his britches.
Brian Allgar: (Donald Trump begs for contributions)
“Please send me some money – you must,
’Cause you know I’m the guy you can trust.
As Prez, I will show how
My bankruptcy knowhow
Can make the whole country go bust.”
Kirk Miller:
If money to me you’d disburse
For odes that were raunchy or worse,
’Twould allow me to say,
In my deviant way,
“I guess that my pay’d be per verse.”
Suzanne Heymann:
Have you ever walked down any street
And found cash in your path at your feet?
A thrill tends to flow
From your head to your toe
Whenever the two of you meet.
Dave Johnson:
Las Vegas, that desert oasis,
Was built on an interesting basis.
You lose all your dough,
Then booze while they show
Bare boobies in big, glitzy places.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marty Gerendasy, Randolph Wagner, Robert Schechter, Suzanne Heymann, Tiel Aisha Ansari, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (255)
Saturday, June 11th, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Release or Lease or Police at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MONEY, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best money-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 26, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 25, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
To enter, please sign this release,
Which affirms you’re not scared of wild geese
And don’t mind being bitten.
More clauses are written.
Their contents? Our lawyer’s caprice.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Law Limerick, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Legal Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 75 Comments »
Saturday, June 11th, 2016
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
The Success Model Two will impress
As it draws out the pits with finesse.
It will not bruise the fruit,
And it’s quiet to boot,
’Cause nothing sucks seeds like Success!
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special ANGER-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
My wife and my best friend in bed!
In my anger, I shot them both dead,
Then I buried them deep
In my composting heap.
Now my garden is very well fed.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Randolph Wagner, Marty Gerendasy, Fred Bortz, Tim James, Brian Allgar, Pedro Poitevin, Konrad Schwoerke, Dave Johnson, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PRESS” RHYME DIVISION)
Randolph Wagner:
His bright “Hallelujahs” impress,
But his musical flair and finesse
Truly can’t hold a candle
To how George can “Handel”
D major, his key to success.
Marty Gerendasy:
Now I really must clean and must press
My good suit ’cause it’s clearly a mess!
Gotta have it by noon,
Better be ready soon,
Or I’ll have to start wearing a dress!
Fred Bortz:
All aboard! It’s the Quantum Express
Where the route’s well-defined, more or less,
’Til you pass through the tunnel.
And then what you’ve done’ll
Be just a statistical guess.
Tim James:
A novitiate tried to express
Her regret, for she’d made quite a mess.
She had made it a habit
To kill off the rabbit.
She cried, but she’s gone, nuntheless.
Brian Allgar:
Those bastards who cynically mess
With your head, causing untold distress,
Spreading lies, propaganda,
False rumours and slander,
Are collectively known as “The Press.”
Pedro Poitevin:
I ask for a threesome and “Yes,”
My wife and her friend acquiesce.
Then I notice my mood—
God, I’ve shrunk like a prude!
Now I’m anxious, I guess, to impress.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (ANGER LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tim James, for his Acrostic Limerick:
The rage in today’s GOP
Rots the party’s insides. We can see
Ugly insults fly thick.
Might a small, stubby dick
Prompt such crap? No, his brain is what’s wee.
Konrad Schwoerke:
I’m thinking divorce, I’m so mad:
To rekindle the romance we had,
I suggested a date night,
A hot, sexy late night—
So she’s out with some actor named Brad.
Fred Bortz:
If Trump makes you angry, just note
That the lies that spew out of his throat,
Though vicious and vile,
Are only a pile
Of bullshit. So get out and vote!
Dave Johnson:
He’s claiming his Trump U was shrewd,
But students cried fraud and they sued.
Court documents show
What the plaintiffs all know:
You don’t have to undress to get screwed.
Suzanne Heymann:
When he joined anger management classes
Along with the ill-tempered masses
He felt he was cursed,
Being fully immersed
In a room with the worst bunch of asses.
So what else could he bloody well do?
He tried Prozac, booze, pot and sex too.
Waves of madness were tidal,
A touch homicidal,
Perhaps suicidal – snafu!
As he went to apply for some pogey,
He met a strange man, some old fogey
Who wore a fedora
And had a bright aura.
It’s hard to ignore a great yogi.
The old wise man could see through his pain
And he sought to unshackle his chain.
Meditation he taught,
And it helped him a lot.
Peace and sanity came back again.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marty Gerendasy, Pedro Poitevin, Randolph Wagner, Suzanne Heymann, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 1 Comment »
Saturday, May 28th, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Press or Impress or Express or Oppress at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ANGER, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best anger-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 12, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 11, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
When job-seekers “dress to impress”
At the office, that’s helpful I guess.
But must social attire
Entail and require
Spending ev’ry last cent you possess?
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Clothing Humor, Competition Limerick, Employment Humor, Fashion Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Money Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Clothing Humor, Contests, Fashion Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Workplace & Career Humor | 79 Comments »
Sunday, May 15th, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using STAY at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SCIENCE, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best science-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 29, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 28, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A litigant seeking a stay
Of an order was told “There’s no way
That you’re getting relief.
You’ve no grounds for your beef,
So the meat of this order is NAY!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Judge Humor, Lawsuit Humor, Lawsuit Limerick, Lawyers, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Litigation Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 68 Comments »
Saturday, April 30th, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CASE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to STUBBORNNESS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best STUBBORNNESS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 15, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 14, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
An attorney was mounting a case
For a gun co, who’d thought him an ace,
But he blew a key deadline,
Which led to this headline:
Hotshot Lawyer Is Shot In The Face.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 88 Comments »
Saturday, April 30th, 2016
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
I knew that her passion was real
When she started to bark like a seal,
Moaning, squirming with bliss.
And the reason for this?
Gucci pumps at half price! Such a deal!
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Special FRIENDSHIP-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
There once was a fellow named Hutton
(For punishment surely a glutton)
Who’d travel the land
Giving notes out by hand,
Since he wouldn’t “Unfriend” with a button.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
The bimbo could barely conceal
Her surprise when the pastor said “Kneel!
And now let us pray,”
For she thought he said “play,”
And she did so with lip-smacking zeal.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, Brian Allgar, Andy Sewina, Brian Neil, Randolph Wagner, and Fred Bortz. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“CONCEAL/SEAL” RHYME DIVISION)
Dave Johnson:
To “seal with a kiss” has appeal
For expressing affection you feel.
As a phrase or an act,
There’s no doubting the fact
That it’s better than kissing a seal.
Brian Allgar:
The hooker tried hard to conceal
Her disdain at the sight of his “eel,”
So pathetically small;
When he said “Take it all,”
It was more of a snack than a meal.
Andy Sewina:
The conjurer tried to conceal
An ace up his sleeve but no deal,
For the audience saw
That the rookie was raw,
And the magical deal wasn’t real.
Brian Neil:
Intending a partial reveal,
The stripper applied too much zeal;
Whilst dancing she tripped.
Her knickers, they ripped.
Twas way more than she could conceal.
Randolph Wagner:
The thong Thelma wears can’t conceal
Her stupendously hot buns of steel.
Thelma warns, “Since they’re bare
You’re invited to stare
But I’ll pummel those copping a feel!”
Fred Bortz, for his 4-Verse Saga:
The draperies split to reveal
The lectern and Prez with his seal.
It’s Donald J. Trump,
That YUGE horse’s rump,
Declaring that he’s made a deal:
“Sarah Palin’s now Russia’s Big Wheel.
In a straight-up trade, Vlad said that he’ll
Be glad to be Veep
And he promised to keep
Snowden’s secrets. Yes this is all real.
“You see, Vlad and I had this urge
For the US and Russia to merge.
And there’s truth to the rumor:
We will soon have a Duma.
We’ve begun the Congressional purge.”
I awoke with a start and a scream.
Now I know that I never should stream
“Dr. Strangelove” in bed.
It plays tricks with my head.
What a terrible, horrible dream!
HONORABLE MENTIONS (FRIENDSHIP LIMERICK DIVISION)
Dave Johnson:
Two fishing guides – Brody and Gator;
School buddies from down in Decatur.
They both have a skill
To jack up the bill;
One troller and one master baiter.
Fred Bortz:
Though surprised when he learned that his pal
Would be living his life as a gal,
He extended his arms
To her new female charms
’Cause his wife had just said, “Call me Al!”
Brian Allgar:
Said my friend, “I’m away for the night;
Please check that my wife is all right.”
Well, what are friends for?
So I knocked on her door,
And she offered me more than a bite.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Andy Sewina, Brian Allgar, Bruce Neil, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Randolph Wagner, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 5 Comments »
Saturday, April 16th, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SEAL or CONCEAL at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FRIENDSHIP, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FRIENDSHIP-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 1, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 30, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
We’re not buying your bid to conceal
Your role in the heist, so no deal.
You should have been straight.
Now your lies seal your fate.
We can prove you were wielding the wheel.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Crime & Punishment Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 124 Comments »
Saturday, April 16th, 2016
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
The real estate agent had hissed:
“Another gin – tonic and twist.”
After three or four more,
They showed her the door;
And that’s when she started to list.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the Special CAR-Themed Limerick Award for this funny two-verse limerick:
A friend simply can’t let a friend
Drive a Fiat 500. Pretend
It’s a car if you must,
But believe me: it’s just
A roller-skate/Tupperware blend.
When the time comes for parking it, though,
It has an advantage to show:
Wherever you are,
You can just pop the car
In its own glove compartment, and go.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Jeanine Silverio, Will T. Laughlin, Randolph Wagner, Brian Allgar, Kagen Aurencz Zethmayr, Kathy El-Assal, Fred Bortz, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Marty Gerendasy, and Kirk Miller. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“TWIST” RHYME DIVISION)
Robert Schechter:
You haven’t read Oliver Twist?
Don’t bother. I’ll give you the gist.
He said, “I want more.”
They showed him the door,
And he then found it hard to subsist.
Jeanine Jamero Silverio:
Her panties are all in a twist,
Though I’d hoped that she wouldn’t be pissed.
Her man’s last martini
Went straight to his weenie…
I found it too HARD to resist!
Will T. Laughlin:
In his pants the geologist pissed
As he felt the cave buckle and twist.
When it fell on his head,
The geologist said,
“Well, I guess I’m in really deep schist.”
Randolph Wagner:
Pled Cecil, “Please cease and desist
Your insipid debasement of Liszt!
You play like it’s Brahms
Or Anglican psalms,
Then add a Wagnerian twist!”
Brian Allgar:
With my hands round her throat as we kissed,
First I squeezed, then I started to twist;
I went mad with my knife
On that doll, large as life –
And as she deflated, she hissed.
Kagen Aurencz Zethmayr:
I never can cease and desist
From giving old saws a new twist.
To tradition I say
(And it’s true every day),
A bird flipped is worth two in the fist.
Kathy El-Assal:
“Please, sir, I want more,” was the gist
That got him expelled, but not missed.
He encountered the Dodger,
Became Fagin’s lodger,
And then — what the dickens? — a twist!
Will T. Laughlin:
In six days, from primordial mist,
God created Creation. The twist?
On the Eighth Day, He woke
From His rest with a choke,
And discovered He didn’t exist.
Fred Bortz, for his 3-verser:
To win on Mad’s limerick list,
Pen a verse that she cannot resist.
For a lim that’s sublime,
Keep tight rhythm and rhyme,
And of course you must end with a twist.
I ended that verse with “a twist,”
So declare–no in fact, I insist–
I must get an award
From the Limerick Board.
If I don’t, it’s a slap on the wrist.
Is my using “a twist” a real twist?
(I hope you are getting the gist.)
I am ever so clever!
I must win! However
By now I think Mad must be pissed.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (CAR LIMERICK DIVISION)
Dave Johnson:
In their hippy days, most would agree
That their lifestyles were simple and free.
But now at the mall
In the very next stall,
They’re parking some huge SUV.
Robert Schechter:
In the days before cheap GPSing
A car trip was sometimes distressing.
Some people used maps,
But I think perhaps
Most people relied on blind guessing.
Tim James:
At the speedway they sold me a ride
In a race car. “It’s easy!” they lied.
My top speed was about
One-oh-six. I got out
Just as soon as my trousers had dried.
Marty Gerendasy, whose limerick is also a “twist” limerick:
Pushed the key in and gave it a twist,
Then the engine just sputtered and hissed.
The damned car wouldn’t start
So I had to ride BART,
And you’d better believe I was pissed!
Kirk Miller:
An electric car auto amass
Miles per gallon that surely surpass
A conventional car,
So electric cars are
Said to be ones that really kick gas.
Jeanine Jamero Silverio:
She’s thirty, but still has some spunk,
Though she looks like an old piece of junk.
Still, she runs like a dream.
(Did you hear a scream?
I locked up my wife in the trunk.)
Brian Allgar:
In the back-seat, we did more than pet,
And it seemed we were covered in sweat …
We’d forgotten the brake,
Ended up in the lake –
Wasn’t sex that had made her so wet.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Jeanine Silverio, Kagen Aurencz Zethmayr, Kathy El-Assal, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marty Gerendasy, Randolph Wagner, Robert Schechter, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 1 Comment »
Saturday, April 2nd, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TWIST at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to CARS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best CAR-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 17, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 16 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A gal with a bun tried a twist,
Then confessed that she’d never been kissed.
But advice met resistance:
“Don’t want your assistance.
Stop dissing my hairdo!” she hissed.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Behavior & Personality, Contests, Dating Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 154 Comments »
Saturday, April 2nd, 2016
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny two-verse limerick:
Brian Allgar:
My wife phoned to say: “I’m delayed;
We have guests, so I’ve hired a maid
To set out the table,
And start, if she’s able,
Preparing the beef marinade.”
Well, I have to confess that I strayed.
Though I’m fond of my wife, I’m afraid
That I’m tempted to roam;
By the time she got home,
Both the maid and the table were laid.
Congratulations to PATRICK MCKEON, who wins the Special GREED-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
As they led him to jail he decreed:
“It was all done for love and not greed.
It’s a passion I feel
Which compels me to steal,
Though that passion’s for cash I concede.”
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
It’s not “I have lain” but “I’ve laid,”
If you lured her to bed and then played,
But if in that same bed
You were sleeping instead
You have lain but not laid, I’m afraid.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Marty Gerendasy, Tim James, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Robert Schechter, Will T. Laughlin, Allen Wilcox, Randolph Wagner, Patrick McKeon, Mary McGarvey, Jeanine Silverio, Brian Allgar, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “LAID” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO GREED LIMERICKS)
Marty Gerendasy:
There was a young lady who made
Lots of money with guys getting laid.
But insatiable greed
Made her do one more deed,
Which is how she got caught in a raid.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“LAID” RHYME DIVISION)
Tim James:
Since I hate buying cars, I delayed
Going down to the lot. But I made
The deal of my life:
A new Ford for my wife.
I thought it a pretty good trade.
Dave Johnson:
Their accountant was handsomely paid;
But in time, he apparently strayed.
Many thousands, they say,
Went a prostitute’s way;
It looks like those funds were miss laid.
Fred Bortz:
The bishop knew how to get laid.
He’d have fun with a nun in the glade.
His number one Sister
Was really a Mister.
He glowed when the truth was displayed!
Robert Schechter:
They said I’d be handsomely paid
If I marched in the Virgin Parade.
I was game for a buck,
But damn my bad luck!
Before the check cleared, I got laid.
Will T. Laughlin:
Oh, when did my sex appeal fade?
I stare at my breakfast, dismayed:
Orange juice gets a squeeze;
Bacon strips (such a tease!),
And the eggs, unlike me, have been laid.
Allen Wilcox:
It was down on his couch that he laid
On a fine APRIL day, and he prayed
That he not wake too soon.
But he woke up in JUNE,
Which left him completely disMAYed!
Randolph Wagner:
His ex, at his funeral, laid
A rose on his corpse. Quite dismayed,
She sighed, “Only if
You had been half as stiff
While living, I’d surely have stayed.”
Patrick McKeon:
On his deathbed an old pilot prayed
For a post mortem heaven upgrade.
But he couldn’t go straight
To that great pearly gate,
Since his final approach was delayed.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (GREED LIMERICK DIVISION)
Dave Johnson:
The billionaire’s bluster and babble;
A cringe-worthy gift to the rabble.
Unhinged and absurd,
His bleating is heard
And reads like a bad game of Scrabble.
Will T. Laughlin:
A candidate, out on his tours,
Said this as he spoke to “the poors”:
“I have money, and stuff,
But it isn’t enough –
I won’t rest ’til I take away YOURS.”
Mary McGarvey:
San Francisco’s Directors of BART
All get fat while the trains fall apart;
These crooks full of hooey
Let BART go Ka-blooey
With grand theft as a great noble art.
Tim James:
Gordon Gekko, film crook, didn’t care;
He praised greed. So does Trump. Let’s compare!
The guy from the flick
Was much less of a dick;
In addition, he had better hair.
Jeanine Silverio:
Though he dressed in a monk’s humble habit,
Vows of poverty displeased the abbot.
The sheer weight of his tax
Broke the peasantry’s backs.
He lusted for gold and to grab it.
Brian Allgar:
He would gorge himself, heap after heap,
Every moment he wasn’t asleep.
This greedy young glutton
Ate huge bowls of mutton
Until he had wolfed the whole sheep.
Suzanne Heymann:
Those Black Fridays are days filled with greed
Where the shoppers create a stampede.
Boxing Day’s not enough?
Life may get tough and rough
As you buy all this stuff you don’t need.
Tempting bargains would help you forget
That there’s int’rest on top of the debt.
While you think you will ‘save’
You’ll find out you’re a slave
As you’re hit with a wave of regret.
So live under your means; give up greed.
Pay off all of your debts; then you’re freed.
A belly well-fed
And a roof o’er your head
And some love in your bed’s all you need.
Your big debt load at least will have ONE dent
Till it’s vanished, becoming redundant.
The stress will stop seething.
You’re once again breathing
And living a life that’s abundant!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Jeanine Silverio, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marty Gerendasy, Mary McGarvey, Patrick McKeon, Randolph Wagner, Robert Schechter, Suzanne Heymann, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (249)
Saturday, March 19th, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using LAID or MISLAID or DELAYED at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GREED, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GREED-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 3, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 2 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A woman whose plane was delayed
Yelled and flew off the handle, then prayed.
Fellow passengers, scared
By her conduct, soon aired
Their dismay: “Help! We plainly need aid!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Air Flight, Airplane Humor, Competition Limerick, Flight Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Passenger Humor, Planes, Poetry & Prompts, Transportation, Travel Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest, Transportation Humor, Travel Humor | 140 Comments »
Saturday, March 19th, 2016
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins both the Limerick-Off Award and the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this funny limerick:
When Marilyn stepped on the vent,
Her skirt billowed up like a tent.
The crowd loved the show,
Crying out “Way to go!”
And that is where Kennedy went.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the SIBLING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Dear Brother: I wooed Mrs. Lister,
But her husband broke in as I kissed her.
I’m now on the run
In the guise of a nun…
Yours truly, your brother the Sister.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Marty Gerendasy, Ian Graham, Brian Allgar, Judith H. Block, Allen Wilcox, David Reddekopp, Will T. Laughlin, Fred Bortz, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “VENT” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO “SIBLING” LIMERICKS)
Tim James:
Two brothers set out to invent
A machine that could fly. So it went:
Though they had the Wright stuff,
They had troubles enough.
In the ground they left many a dent.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“VENT” RHYME DIVISION)
Marty Gerendasy:
Please excuse me, but I need to vent
’Cause the landlord just jacked up my rent.
What a dastardly deed
Based on nothing but greed.
I may have to go live in a tent.
Ian Graham:
No alibi could she invent
For her night in a wigwam with Brent.
“He’s a crook,” her folks curse.
“That makes it much worse.
It was done with a crim’nal in-tent.”
Brian Allgar:
Yes, the Donald knows how to invent
Vicious lies to incite discontent.
Though he’s boastful and shifty,
His ‘groupies’ score fifty –
That’s, roughly, IQ and percent.
Judith H. Block:
My darling, that’s not what I meant
By positions that we could invent.
While I’m all for hot sex
And did not provide specs,
A pretzel was not my intent!
Tim James:
A sailor lost ev’ry last cent
But the sex was a signal event.
While they rolled, yawed and pitched
She got greatly enriched
While he, like his money, got spent.
Allen Wilcox:
“It was what I was trying to prevent –
Going into the hole where I went.
It wasn’t my goal.
I missed the right hole.
It’s the way that my damn thing is bent.”
David Reddekopp:
There’s naught I can do to prevent
What the skies, I surmise, have now sent.
The snow is now falling.
I find it appalling.
It’s the winter of my discontent.
Will T. Laughlin:
In the spring, I met young Mrs. Trent,
Whose husband was agèd and bent.
A tentative kiss
Led to hours of bliss –
Though suspicion I tried to prevent.
I guessed no malicious intent
Months later, when Mr. Trent sent
Me a note to invite
Me to join them one night –
I agreed to attend the event.
“I’ve challenged my cook to invent
A new dish for you,” leered the old gent;
“A pity my mate
Will be joining us… late.”
Then he tittered. Now, what had he meant?
From the kitchen, and up through the vent
Came a strangely familiar scent…
Mixed with garlic and leeks.
How he laughed at my shrieks,
As out through the window I went.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SIBLING” LIMERICK DIVISION)
Fred Bortz:
He once had a tomboyish sister
So commanding that none would resist her.
Then his sib stopped pretending.
“I’m done gender bending,”
He said. “You must now call me Mister.”
Will T. Laughlin:
The left half of Siamese twins
Berated her mate for his sins.
Cried he, “How the hell
Is a fellow to tell
Where you end, and your sister begins?!”
Dave Johnson:
Two brothers named Jason and Kevin
Show up at the gym before seven.
They don’t like to sweat;
Any six-pack they get
Will come from a 7-Eleven.
Will T. Laughlin:
Sure, kids are a pain in the tush…
But try being Barbara Bush:
At the end of your life
As a mother and wife,
Your illusions deflate with a whoosh,
And as you step out of your bubble, you
Are left with the facts. And they trouble you.
O the stigma! The shame
To the family name,
That the smartest Bush brother was W!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allen Wilcox, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Fred Bortz, Ian Graham, Judith H. Block, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Marty Gerendasy, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Limerick-Off Award (248)
Saturday, March 5th, 2016
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using VENT or PREVENT or EVENT or INVENT at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SIBLINGS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SIBLING-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 20, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 19 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A bully had tried to prevent
His grown daughter from dating a gent.
But the bully’s ex-bride
Took their joint daughter’s side:
“At least he (unlike YOU) isn’t bent.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Contests, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick Competition, Limerick Contest, Limerick Writing Contest, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Poetry Contest | 119 Comments »
