Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Release or Lease or Police at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Release or Lease or Police at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MONEY, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best money-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on June 26, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 25, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

To attend you must sign a release
And concede you’re not scared of wild geese
And don’t mind being bitten.
More clauses are written.
Their contents? Our lawyer’s caprice.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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75 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Release or Lease or Police at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5”

  1. Marty Gerendasy says:

    A young lady whose name was Denise
    Asked me if she could give me a “piece.”
    I said “certainly, honey”
    And I gave her some money,
    Then she said “guess what – I’m the police!”

  2. Daisy Mae says:

    What’s In A Name?

    Their last name is Lies- -pronounced ‘lease’
    The parents, Bernice and Maurice,
    Were both told, “Eff you!”
    By Denise, their nephew
    When they named their new son, FurElise

    But the two meant no breach of the peace
    They just loved that Beethoven piece
    So to keep people happy
    They tried something snappy
    And instead named their son, Rhearelyse.

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    His grammatical errors increase;
    Wrong apostrophes litter each piece.
    Then last night, around four,
    Came a knock at his door:
    “Open up! It’s the grammar police!”

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    The bachelor valued his peace,
    And saw hookers each night without cease.
    He would say: “Why get married?
    Why risk being harried?
    Why buy when it’s cheaper to lease?”

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    There was never a moment of peace;
    She could talk like a gaggle of geese;
    She would scold and she’d nag
    Till a large plastic bag
    Brought him silence – a blessed release.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    … a few from elsewhere, on the subject of money.

    (Donald Trump begs for contributions)

    “Please send me some money – you must,
    ’Cause you know I’m the guy you can trust.
    As Prez, I will show how
    My bankruptcy knowhow
    Can make the whole country go bust.”


    (A fair price)

    Though the Donald is not very nice,
    I’d be voting for Trump in a trice
    If he offered enough
    Of his ill-gotten stuff.
    Fifty trillion would be a fair price.


    (Presidential currency)

    Get ready for President Hill
    And that cheating old reprobate, Bill.
    And when she’s a goner,
    I hope they will honour
    Her head on a three-dollar bill.

  7. Brian Allgar says:

    No wonder the guy was obese;
    He would eat only food full of grease
    And of sugar and fat
    Till one day he went “Splat!”
    So his life had a very short lease.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    Big Pharma

    They’d discovered a cure for cancer,
    But dropped it. Who’d want to finance a
    Huge revenue loss?
    “To stay rich”, said the boss,
    “Lifelong pills, and not cures, are the answer.”

  9. Mark Kane says:

    A wealthy old man signed a lease
    For a randy young stripper, Denise.
    To enjoy an affair?
    Oh No, he did swear,
    “I’m quite married, and she’s just my niece.”

  10. Judith Block says:

    There’s no need to call the police,
    I don’t want this pleasure to cease.
    He’s stolen my heart,
    This roguish upstart!
    He’s destroyed who I was, piece by piece.

  11. Judith Block says:

    Oh, please, someone call the police!
    I’m chased by a flock of mad geese!
    They’ve claimed all my land,
    They shit and grandstand.
    Their honking and nipping won’t cease!

  12. Marty Gerendasy says:

    A slimy young dude named Maurice
    Met a widow he thought he could fleece.
    But his try was for naught,
    For he quickly got caught.
    Now he hopes for an early release.

  13. Brian Allgar says:

    She was moonlighting from the police
    As a hooker called “Mistress Felice”,
    Blonde below and above,
    And he murmured: “I love
    A fair cop”, as he nibbled her fleece.

  14. Fred Bortz says:


    Mad Kane and her lim’rick police
    Cry “Re-verse!” if your an’pests increase.
    They monitor meter;
    Correct when your feet’re
    As if they were honked out by geese.

  15. Zelick Mendelovich says:

    There was once a man too obese
    to release putrid gas from his crease
    his nostrils were venting
    the toxins fermenting
    Cause his ears were clogged with old grease

  16. Kirk Miller says:

    You may think that these lines are caprice.
    Having intercourse gives a release.
    Things are just as they should;
    War has never been good,
    And there never has been a bad piece.

  17. Kirk Miller says:

    Co-habiting birds saved a ton
    Of money and had lots of fun.
    The old adage is true,
    And you probably knew
    That toucan live as cheep as swan.

  18. Brian Allgar says:

    “What is money?” asked Winnie-the-Pooh.
    “It’s the stuff that buys honey,” said Roo.
    “You want some? Forget it,
    You’ll only regret it –
    The rich will just take it from you.”

  19. Randy Wagner says:

    When Jason, a hero of Greece,
    Was arrested and grilled by police,
    They told him, “You scammer!
    You’re off to the slammer.
    We’ve named your new hoax ‘golden fleece.'”

  20. Randy Wagner says:

    A smart working girl named Clarice
    Serviced johns very fast to increase
    Her receipts and her profit.
    The moment she’d doff it,
    She’d target his early release.

  21. Randy Wagner says:

    When Beethoven penned a new piece,
    Writing gave his love life a new lease
    In the depths of his mind,
    Since the girls he declined
    Found him saving himself für Elise.

  22. Randy Wagner says:

    A sad, tawdry saga is Mitch’s
    Beginning with staggering riches
    To which he fell heir.
    They were squandered with flair
    Since his tool couldn’t stay in his britches.

  23. Randy Wagner says:

    The honky-tonk radio’s theme
    Kept the star-gazer’s eyes all agleam:
    “If you’ve got the money,
    I’ve time for you, honey!”
    Sans cash, it was all a wet dream.

  24. Randy Wagner says:

    A detective entreated Bernice
    ‘Tween the sheets of the Chief of Police,
    “Keep this tryst undercover.
    My boss, who’s your lover,
    Can’t know that you’ve fingered my piece.”

    She laughed, “We’re discreet. Hold your peace.
    Since that cuckolded Chief of Police
    Lacks the vim and the vigor
    I feel when your trigger
    Is pulled, let the firing increase.”

  25. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    This is not a contest entry, but I couldn’t help myself:

    Today, I am queer and I’m proud,
    ‘Cause I stand with those weeping aloud.
    It is not divine will
    When some coward would kill—
    Let us all say we’re gay and unbowed.

  26. Kirk Miller says:

    Making money — executives’ creed.
    Lack of ethics, a problem indeed.
    Money’s love to excess
    May not end in success.
    What’s the problem? It’s avarice, aGREED?

  27. Brian Allgar says:

    I was reading a great press release –
    “Trump arrested for breach of the peace:
    Judge declares “For your crime,
    Thirty years is the time” . . .”
    What a shame that my dream had to cease.

  28. Brian Allgar says:

    I pretended that she was my niece,
    That lovely young hooker, Felice.
    But my friend wasn’t fooled;
    “Let me join you”, he drooled,
    So she charged us five hundred apiece.

  29. Kirk Miller says:

    Too much money in politics (sigh).
    If alive, founding fathers would cry.
    Legislature today
    Is bi-cameral? Nay.
    It’s buy-cameral, best money can buy.

  30. Brian Allgar says:

    (I hope this is NOT an accurate prediction, even if it deserves to be)

    Money talks! Though the Knight had been robbed,
    His supporters just would not be fobbed,
    And elected the Rook,
    Even though he’s a crook.
    “But I should have won!” the Queen sobbed.

  31. Kirk Miller says:

    Square dance caller put on a good show
    And he watched people dance to and fro.
    Lots of money he made
    And was handsomely paid
    Not by check, but with some do-si-dough.

  32. Kirk Miller says:

    If money to me you’d disburse
    For odes that were raunchy or worse,
    ‘Twould allow me to say,
    In my deviant way,
    “I guess that my pay’d be per verse.”

  33. Tim James says:

    “Lots of fish in the sea!” is a piece
    Of old “wisdom” he cites without cease.
    He beds ladies one night;
    After that, he takes flight.
    His philosophy: catch and release.

  34. When Jason returned with the Fleece
    he put all his crew on release
    and all he would tender
    for service they rendered–
    at most, half an obol apiece.

  35. Crystal says:

    A lady who wanted release
    Decided to call the police.
    But they said, “Sorry, ma’am,
    That your marriage is damned.
    Get a lawyer and pay for your peace!”

  36. Diane Groothuis says:

    I think I will call the police
    If that racket next door doesn’t cease.
    I have sent a long email
    To that rowdy female
    WIth the heading in BOLD “Whore and Piece”.

  37. Kirk Miller says:

    There once was a miser named Ken
    Who lusted again and again
    For all kinds of money,
    And said, “It’s not funny;
    For Japanese bills I’ve a Yen.”

  38. A harlot, a young sassy piece,
    Saw her business quite quickly increase.
    “The example I see
    Is Airbnb—
    It’s a rental and not a full lease.

    The woman, well known to police,
    When arrested, protested “Pul-leese,
    As I’ve told you before,
    I like to sleep in the raw;
    The men are just visiting their niece.”

    “Like Jason and the Argonaut caprice,
    Men look for the famed piece of fleece.
    Their sweet offers to pay,
    Make me invite them to stay
    But those who slip in, I release.”

  39. Barry Solomons says:

    A farmer needing sexual release
    Often had sex with his geese,
    But he ran out of luck
    When his boner got stuck,
    Saying in future he’d be applying some grease.



    This restaurant’s much too DEER
    So you’ll need lots of DOE to eat here,
    Now I think thirty BUCKS
    For a chocolate MOOSE sucks
    And I’m STAGgered at the price of a beer.

  40. Mark Kane says:

    From an officer tasked with the peace,
    Saying, “Can you desist or please cease?”
    I was taken aback
    By this sweet southern flack.
    In New Yawk we have ruder police.

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    FYI: Mad: My real name is Elyse

    Even though my name is Elyse
    I must now speak my piece
    It is not Lisa
    And certainly not Theresa
    But it’s okay if you call me “Lis”

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    I ran into my home-ed student Bernice
    20 years after I signed my lease
    At the grocery store
    She said, “Miss Moore,
    I still can’t find that elbow grease”

  43. Kirk Miller says:

    A dairy cow has a large girth.
    Its owner declares with much mirth:
    “Since I have a cash cow,
    I’ll earn money. Here’s how:
    Just milk it for all that it’s worth.”

  44. Dave Johnson says:

    Though her wealthy old lover is gruff,
    He buys her a lot of nice stuff.
    But when ready for sex,
    There’s no time for checks;
    Just a blindfold while he’s in the buff.

  45. Dave Johnson says:

    Mad – please replace line 2 of my entry above with
    “he buys her a lot of nice stuff.”

    Thanks Dave

    From MBK: Done.

  46. Dave Johnson says:

    They’re trying to figure out how
    To talk Trump into dropping out now.
    Two billion or so
    Could entice him to go;
    The Koch brothers then take a bow.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:


    My 2 husbands called me Lys
    But we had few moments of peace
    We would fight all night
    Till the morning light
    At which time they called me “meese”

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    When I was racing, came the police
    My slacks were a bright cerise
    I said I was sorry
    I destroyed my Ferrari
    And my pants are a period piece

  49. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A car that I once had to lease
    Was all falling apart, piece by piece
    The brakes screeched like a cat
    Then the tires went flat
    Dragging bumper caused sparks to increase.

    Poop dropped on my cracked windshield by geese
    Engine seized, lacking oil and grease
    ‘Twas in traffic jam mode
    As it blocked the whole road
    Until somebody called the police.

    Tow truck came and he wanted my money
    Unless I, for one night, was his ‘honey’
    I at first said “Okay”
    But instead, ran away
    Well, he didn’t think that was so funny!

  50. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Some addicts would sell their own mother
    Just to get one more fix, then another
    Stealing cash for cocaine
    It’s a big ball and chain
    Where dumb slaves inflict pain like no other.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    I had to call the police
    Concerning my blind date, Reese
    He moved very fast
    And I became aghast
    When I noticed his knife-like crease

  52. Dave Johnson says:

    An old gigolo known as “Benny”
    Worked hard to be worth every penny.
    But years have conspired
    To make the guy tired;
    Now clients are not getting any.

    His hard times are over, it’s true;
    They’ll have to find somebody new.
    That dude in the tub
    Could give ’em a rub;
    While Cialis is cleaning up too.

  53. Randy Wagner says:

    The beautiful beaches near Nice
    Can provide a free-swinging release
    For the mammary gland.
    Ladies, topless and tanned,
    Are the Côte d’Azur’s primo showpiece.

  54. Fred Bortz says:


    “Please help!” comes the man’s mournful call.
    “I’m a Mexican trapped in the thrall
    Of a store called J. Crew.”
    So I know that it’s true:
    If you’ve seen Juan, then you’ve seen The Mall.

  55. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The Euro is so overrated
    The economy’s underinflated
    Euros kill competition
    And business tradition
    The issue’s still being debated.

  56. Suzanne Heymann says:

    A bell in old London resounds
    As a pickpocket stealthily bounds
    A poor victim named Heather
    Now light as a feather
    Has lost altogether, twelve Pounds.

  57. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The Chinese Yuan prints its bucks
    Multi-colored, just like the Canucks
    The bills are the kind
    Where folks don’t really mind
    If you’re all colorblind, you poor schmucks!

  58. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Now don’t you complain, don’t you heckle
    If I want to use only the Shekel
    If you’ve never known
    How its value has grown
    You’re about ten cards short of a deckle.

  59. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Remember, it’s Ruble, not Rubble
    The Russians don’t want any trouble
    If just one buck will buy
    Thirty-two Rubles, try
    To keep current, it’s actually double.

  60. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Only eight countries using the Peso
    The number’s shrunk, if I may say so
    There once was quite plenty
    There used to be twenty
    If only that number would stay so.

  61. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Have you looked at the Japanese Yen?
    There’s an egg in the middle (no hen!)
    Big white eggshell there, folks
    And I tell you no yolks
    Where’s the chicken? Escaped from the pen!

  62. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The German Mark – thing of the past
    They knew that it just couldn’t last
    In the Euro-filled moat
    They stay (somehow) afloat
    Like a big heavy boat with no mast.

  63. Suzanne Heymann says:

    The Norwegians, Danes, Swedes and their Krone
    Are doing quite well on their own
    The Krone thrives and survives
    ‘Cause they’ve saved all their lives
    So they’ve certainly reaped what they’ve sown.

  64. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Hey, remember those priceless Swiss Francs?
    Must be trillions now, stashed in their banks
    All those offshore accounts
    Are why poverty mounts
    And our checks all just bounce, let’s say ‘thanks’!

  65. Suzanne Heymann says:

    I checked out old India’s Rupee
    That’s ’cause I’m a little bit snoopy
    How much for a buck?
    Sixty-seven – what luck!
    As their currency value seems droopy.

  66. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Then you have those American Dollars
    Made by clever congressional scholars
    There’s a global demand
    Though its debt is quite grand
    With exchange rates all run by white collars.

  67. Dave Johnson says:

    Decrying that no one respects it,
    Great Britain has pulled off its “Brexit”.
    The subsequent crash
    Is draining our cash;
    They ought to be calling it “Wrecksit”.

  68. Dave Johnson says:

    An MBA student named Jenny
    Has assets desired by many.
    Her business plan states
    Only hourly rates
    To service both Lenny and Penny.

  69. Dave Johnson says:

    Our smartphones and other devices
    Unlock a whole world that entices.
    They hold our attention
    Full time, not to mention
    Lost moments – and that’s what the price is.

  70. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Have you ever walked down any street
    And found cash in your path at your feet?
    A thrill tends to flow
    From your head to your toe
    Whenever the two of you meet.

  71. Dave Johnson says:

    A hot girly dancer – Tallulah
    Knows how to go after your moolah.
    She’ll jiggle her wares,
    Remove all your cares
    And do all the things that’ll fool ya.

  72. Dave Johnson says:

    Las Vegas, that desert oasis,
    Was built on an interesting basis.
    You lose all your dough,
    Then booze while they show
    Bare boobies in big, glitzy places.

  73. Ken Gosse says:

    I just found your page today while looking for Limerick contests. Thank you for presenting these ongoing opportunities and for listing resources for others.

    I’m sure you’ll understand the difficulty I had using lease, release, and police (in that order, below), considering the events described. Normally, I won’t use the same rhyme in lines 3 and 4, but this seemed the best way to explain my situation. I also decided to tie in the Money theme in the first line.

    Sheesh! ~
    I was broke, so I took out a leash,
    On a dog collar with quick-releash,
    But I fell on my keesh
    And knocked out all my teesh
    ‘cause it failed when he chased the poleesh.

  74. Tim James says:

    There are slang terms for cash by the batch.
    Here’s a few of the words that attach:
    Moolah, bread, dosh and dough.
    Yes, it all goes to show
    That we all have an itch for the scratch.

  75. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Money-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick-Off Winner 255.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Rain.