Dear George, I can guess why you ran;
You assumed a sane, serious man
Had a chance this time ’round.
But your party seems bound
To crown someone who b’longs in the Klan.
Archive for the ‘GOP Humor’ Category
Goodbye Limerick For George Pataki
Tuesday, December 29th, 2015Nothing Wry About This Limerick
Tuesday, December 29th, 2015This question’s becoming increasingly common: “What If No One Believes the Fact Checkers?”
When a pol will incessantly lie,
While supporters routinely deny
The fact that he’s lying
And keep on defying
The truth, our poor nation’s awry.
Limerick Ode To “Bad Boy” Cruz
Sunday, December 27th, 2015Ted Cruz is the Senate’s “bad boy,”
But for Teddy that title’s a ploy;
The more INSIDERS hate him,
Despise and berate him,
The more he’s the hoi polloi’s joy.
Limerick Ode To A Smutty Candidate
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015Since when is it okay for presidential candidates to lace their speeches with vulgarisms and obscenities?
Donald Trump is far worse than a jerk.
He’s a fellow whose mind’s gone berserk
And whose speeches are laced
With language debased,
So I’m guessing his “schlong” doesn’t work.
Farewell Limerick For Lindsey Graham
Tuesday, December 22nd, 2015Dear Lindsey, I’ll wistfully miss you
And the bliss that I sensed when I’d diss you.
Those debates, undercard,
Without you shall be marred.
For this scarring abyss I must hiss you.
Limerick Ode To Politifact’s Liar Of The Year
Monday, December 21st, 2015Congratulations to Donald Trump on winning the Politifact 2015 Lie of the Year Award!
The “Lie of the Year” prize is Trump’s.
Though many pols fib, Donald jumps
To the top of the list;
His stump speech’s gist
Is take dumps on the truth to hook chumps.
Open Limerick To Martin O’Malley
Sunday, December 20th, 2015Dear Martin O’Malley, I snickered
And wondered, “Could Martin be liquored?”
Cuz your pre-canned remark,
A don’t-bicker-here bark,
Made no sense because nobody’d bickered.
Note: Here’s the post-debate sub-headline: “O’Malley Bashes Bickering During A Moment Of Peace.”
Trump Isn’t The Only Bigot Seeking the Republican Nod (Limerick)
Friday, December 11th, 2015I hope I don’t sound like a chump,
Who plays down what Trump spews on the stump.
But I fear there’s a threat
That he’ll make you forget
Others’ vileness. It isn’t just Trump.
Please remember: Just because Trump says things and espouse positions that are marginally worse than his fellow candidates, doesn’t mean his GOP opponents aren’t pretty damn heinous in their own right.
What REALLY Scares Me (Limerick)
Tuesday, December 8th, 2015The more loathsome Trump’s statements become,
The more popular Donald’s with some.
It’s not Muslims I fear,
But the folks who hold dear
A vile man who’s both evil and dumb.
Yet Another Mass Shooting Limerick
Thursday, December 3rd, 2015Any pol, whether woman or man
Who says shootings are part of God’s plan
Is just shifting the blame,
And for that I say, “Shame!”
“Control gun sales! Your stance doesn’t scan.”
If You Can’t Beat Trump, Join Him? (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 2nd, 2015Here’s the latest Republican strategy for dealing with the scourge of Trump:
In a seven-page confidential memo that imagines Trump as the party’s presidential nominee, the head of the National Republican Senatorial Committee urges candidates to adopt many of Trump’s tactics, issues and approaches — right down to adjusting the way they dress and how they use Twitter.
In the memo on “the Trump phenomenon,” NRSC Executive Director Ward Baker said Republicans should embrace Trump’s tough talk about China and “grab onto the best elements of [his] anti-Washington populist agenda.” Above all, they should appeal to voters as genuine and beyond the influence of special interests.
“Trump has risen because voters see him as authentic, independent, direct, firm, — and believe he can’t be bought,” Baker writes. “These are the same character traits our candidates should be advancing in 2016. That’s Trump lesson #1.”
If you can’t trump The Donald, then ape him?
That’s the viewpoint of those who’d escape him.
How those GOP trolls
Long to knock down his polls.
What a shame they (like web thieves) can’t “scrape” him.
(Info for those unfamiliar with “web scraping.”)
What Lies Beneath The Lies (Limerick)
Tuesday, December 1st, 2015When Republican pols take the stage,
Seems deceit has become all the rage,
Cuz no matter how sordid,
Their lies are rewarded.
Waging war on the truth’s become sage.
Trumping The Truth (Limerick)
Wednesday, November 25th, 2015With their lies, guys like Donald Trump try us.
Prove them wrong, they just laugh and defy us.
They keep getting their way
Cuz there’s NO price to pay.
Call them out? They shout, “Media bias!”
Shedding Tears For Ben Carson? (Limerick)
Monday, November 9th, 2015The “liberal bias” lie is in full bloom this election cycle. And in its latest manifestation, RNC Chairman Reince Priebus and Hugh Hewitt would have us believe that the press is being really mean to Ben Carson, while treating Hillary Clinton with kid gloves.
Of course such assertions are so laughable, even Joe Scarborough is mocking them.
Hugh Hewitt and Reince look askance
At the Ben Carson cov’rage. Their stance:
It’s a lib-press vendetta!
Hill’s treated much bettah!
(Even Joe isn’t buying their rants.)
Why Should Ben Carson Captain Our Ship Of State? (Limerick)
Wednesday, November 4th, 2015Carson’s dearth of credentials is stark,
And being the prez ain’t a lark.
But just mention his lack,
Ben’s response will be whack:
He says “amateurs built [Noah’s] Ark.”
Ben Carson’s full Twitter quote is: “It is important to remember that amateurs built the Ark and it was the professionals that built the Titanic.”
Undoing Undue Optimism (4-Verse Limerick)
Saturday, October 31st, 2015Most press coverage about the “cleaning the barn” two-year “budget deal,” negotiated by Boehner as he was handing off his Speaker gig to Paul Ryan, is unduly optimistic. It tends to lull us into thinking that the opportunity for House wingnuts to wreak havoc has been largely eliminated for a substantial period of time.
But that really isn’t true. Why not? Because, generally speaking, there are three broad opportunities for Tea Party types to threaten or cause shutdowns.
1: Budget bills.
2: Debt ceiling crises.
3: Appropriation bills.
And, alas, only the first two items on that list were resolved, leaving ample opportunities for essential appropriation bills to be saddled with unacceptable riders. For instance, riders eliminating Obamacare or defunding Planned Parenthood, to name just two. In other words:
Right-wing Republicans can still pursue their goals through riders on appropriations bills—and, if they don’t get their way, shut down the government.
With Ryan as Speaker, don’t think
That we aren’t stuck right on the brink
Of Tea Party trouble.
It still can cause rubble
Through spending bills yet to gain ink.
The fact that the budget’s resolved
And the ceiling on debt ain’t involved,
Should not make you relieved.
If you are, you’re deceived,
Cuz the poison pill risk isn’t solved.
The House must appropriate cash,
Via bills which the wingnuts can trash
Through riders from guys
With Tea Party ties,
Turning programs we need into ash.
If that happens, then what can be done?
Only vetoes, and those aren’t fun.
But the blackmailing Hill
Can’t prevail on such bill!
Are there any good choices? Nay! None.
Curtains for Jeb? (2-Verse Limerick)
Thursday, October 29th, 2015Who should quit after last night’s debate?
It was Jebbie’s worst showing, to date,
A performance dismaying.
His fans must be weighing
Their option to dump his dead weight.
Jeb’s attack on pal Rubio failed,
And at Marco’s retort, Jeb just flailed.
Then smooth sailing for Marco.
From Jeb? Not a spark! Oh,
Jeb’s run has been fully derailed.
About Those Polls (Limerick)
Tuesday, October 27th, 2015Four recent polls (3 in Iowa, 1 national) show Ben Carson ahead of Trump, prompting Trump to claim that polls with so many candidates aren’t very scientific.
Unless they show Trump ahead, of course.
When The Donald tops polls, they’re “terrific!”
He runs second? They’re “unscientific.”
Cuz when Trump’s on the stump,
Though his number’s might slump,
His ego-laced lines stay prolific.
Jeb Bush – Unhappy Campaigner (Limerick)
Sunday, October 25th, 2015Jeb Bush is sounding bummed these days about the toxic nature of the race to be the Republican presidential nominee:
I’ve got a lot of really cool things I could do other than sit around, being miserable, listening to people demonize me and me feeling compelled to demonize them. That is a joke. Elect Trump if you want that.
It seems Jebbie objects to the slings
And arrows of primary swings;
Having chosen to run,
He just ain’t havin’ fun…
And would rather do “really cool things.”
