Archive for the ‘Republicans Humor’ Category

Rising Oceans Aren’t Risible (Limerick)

Sunday, September 2nd, 2012

That Romney sure has quite the sense of humor. Here’s an example of his convention speech wit:

“President Obama promised to begin to slow the rise of the oceans and to heal the planet. My promise is to help you and your family.”

Rising Oceans Aren’t Risible (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The sea level’s rising, but Mitt
Treats that danger as grist for his wit:
Mocks a serious threat
With a joke that’s all wet—
A GOP cheer-swelling hit.

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Birther” Romney

Saturday, August 25th, 2012

The Birther crowd surely loved this alleged joke from Mitt Romney:

Mitt Romney descended into birther politics today, when he joked during a campaign stop that “No one’s ever asked to see my birth certificate.”

“I love being home, where the both of us were born,” Romney said at a rally in his native Michigan. “Ann was born in Henry Ford Hospital. I was born in Harper Hospital.”

“No one’s ever asked to see my birth certificate,” he continued. “They know this is the place where we were born and raised!”

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Birther” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

No one ever has questioned my birth,
Brags Mitt Romney, with make-believe mirth.
His “joke” was a hit.
Stay classy, dear Mitt.
Boost the Birthers. It shows your true worth.

Platitudes And Platforms (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 21st, 2012

Dear Republicans: If your Platform Committee is going to endorse an “abortion plank that includes no exemptions for rape, incest or even to save the life of the mother,” why bother condemning Todd Akin’s outrageous rape comments?

Were you hoping we wouldn’t notice that your platform is just as misogynous as the guy you’re condemning?

Platitudes And Platforms (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The GOP Platform Committee
Re abortion is lacking in pity
For victims of rape
And of incest: They ape
Akin’s attitude: Irony city!

Limerick Ode To Smear-Meister Mitt Romney

Monday, August 20th, 2012

Your average politician, when caught and called on a blatant lie, will stop repeating it. But not Mitt Romney.

Mitt’s welfare-related smear, claiming Obama has ended welfare’s work mandates is indisputably false, having been famously debunked three weeks ago. And yet Romney still won’t stop repeating it in speeches and using it in fresh ads.

Limerick Ode To Smear-Meister Mitt Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

For Romney, the truth holds no sway,
As his lies mount up day after day.
Welfare, health care and tax—
With the facts he is lax,
Treating voters like ignorant prey.

Paul Ryan’s Stimulus Flimflam (Limerick)

Friday, August 17th, 2012

In one fell swoop, Paul Ryan’s been caught in a web of hypocrisy and lies over Obama’s stimulus package:

After repeated denials, Paul Ryan has admitted he requested stimulus cash even after sharply criticizing the program.

Ryan had denied doing so as recently as Wednesday, when he spoke to ABC’s Cincinnati affiliate, WCPO, in Ohio.

“I never asked for stimulus,” Mitt Romney’s new running mate said. “I don’t recall… so I really can’t comment on it. I opposed the stimulus because it doesn’t work, it didn’t work.”

Two years ago, during an interview on WBZ’s NewsRadio he was asked by a caller if he “accepted any money” into his district. Ryan said he did not.

“I’m not one [of those] people who votes for something then writes to the government to ask them to send us money. I did not request any stimulus money,” the congressman answered.

But as we’ve now learned, Ryan did write letters. He did request stimulus funds.

Paul Ryan’s Stimulus Flimflam (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Paul Ryan’s been caught in a lie
And hypocrisy too — what a guy!
To the stim he said, “No!”
Yet he asked for stim dough,
Then denied that he did it. Pork pie!

Ryan’s Taxing Plan (Limerick)

Tuesday, August 14th, 2012

Ryan’s Taxing Plan (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans love to submit:
“Ryan’s plan will reduce your tax hit.”
Though I’d like to deny
It I can’t, and here’s why:
It is true, if you’re wealthy like Mitt.

Yet Another PolitiFiction Limerick

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

After last year’s Politifact “Lie of the Year” debacle, I’ve been trying to just ignore Politifact’s Truth-O-Meter fakery.

But Politifact is to “truth” what Fox News is to “fair and balanced,” and it does a tremendous amount of damage. Here’s Scott Lemieux on Politifact’s latest just-pretend truth-telling regarding Harry Reid’s claim that he was told Romney didn’t pay taxes for ten years:

Once again, [Politifact has] awarded a “pants on fire” award, in this case to Harry Reid, despite providing no evidence whatsoever that Reid lied. Here’s the problem:

“Many readers asked us to put Reid’s claim to the Truth-O-Meter. We conclude that Reid, despite repeating the claim on at least two occasions, has not produced any solid evidence it is true.”

This does not, in fact, constitute a “lie.” If it is, then Romney has told “pants on fire” lies about what he’s paid in taxes in the years we don’t have returns released for as well. And PolitiFact is double-pants-on-fire-with-an-additional-Pinocchio lying, since they haven’t provided the slightest evidence that Reid wasn’t told by someone that Romney hasn’t paid taxes. As always, PolitiFact simply doesn’t understand what facts and lies are, which is kind of a problem when you purport to be a fact-checker.

Yet Another PolitiFiction Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Politifact, kindly stop lying.
Though you claim to check facts, I’m not buying.
You pretend to the role
Of a fact-checking soul,
But it’s pro-Romney lies you’re supplying.

Limerick Ode To Romney Hood

Tuesday, August 7th, 2012

President Obama has aptly named Mitt Romney “Romney Hood,” inspired by “a recent report from the non-partisan Tax Policy Institute that claims Romney’s tax proposals are likely to result in a net tax increase of $2,000 for middle-class wage earners while cutting hundreds of thousands of dollars from the tax bills of the country’s most wealthy.”

Limerick Ode To Romney Hood
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s an outlaw in town, Romney Hood,
Who’d become U.S. Prez, if he could.
He targets the poor—
Would the middle class gore.
His election plans must be withstood.

Reid v. Romney (Limerick)

Monday, August 6th, 2012

I’m pleased that Harry Reid’s doubled down on his claim that Mitt Romney may not have paid taxes for ten years. And I agree with Nancy Pelosi: If Reid says he has a good source on this, Reid has a good source on this. Unlike Mitt Romney, Reid isn’t a liar.

Instead of making assertions about what’s in his tax returns, Romney needs to follow custom and release his returns. If Romney’s lying about his tax returns now, it wouldn’t be the first time: He was caught lying about his tax returns back in 2002 regarding the critical issue of residency.

Reid v. Romney (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m glad that Reid’s on the attack
And is giving Mitt Romney some flak.
I just wish Harry Reid
In the Senate would lead
With a similar street-fighting knack.

UPDATE: Here’s a second limerick related to this topic:

Harry Reid is not up for election,
So his jab in Mitt Romney’s direction
Is fail-safe of course:
If Reid’s wrong, then his source
Just misled him. Reid’s plan is perfection.

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Foreign Fumbler” Romney

Wednesday, August 1st, 2012

Mitt Romney’s image-bolstering trip to Great Britain, Israel, and Poland was jam-packed with gaffes. Yet according to Mitt, none of this is his fault: The biased media’s to blame.

But as Maddowblog’s Steve Benen puts it:

…it wasn’t news organizations’ fault when he insulted the British; it wasn’t news organizations’ fault when he misquoted the Australian finance minister; it wasn’t news organizations’ fault when his campaign kinda sorta gave the green light on a unilateral strike on Iran; it wasn’t news organizations’ fault when he used borderline-racist language at his Israeli fundraiser; it wasn’t news organizations’ fault when he praised a socialized health care system he claims to abhor; and it wasn’t news organizations’ fault when his press secretary said, “Kiss my ass. This is a Holy site.”

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Foreign Fumbler” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney’s big trip. Oy Gevalt!
A tri-country gaffe-filled assault:
Poland, Israel, Great Britain—
Still reeling from Mitten.
But of course it’s the “media’s fault.”

UPDATE: Cool news! KPCC’s Patt Morrison announced the results of her political limerick contest on her show and here. The two winning limericks are the one I posted above and one by Mason Kroll.

Mitt Romney Dances Away From Dressage (Limerick)

Saturday, July 28th, 2012

In a healthy marriage, spouses share each other’s joys and take pride in one another’s accomplishments. For instance, imagine a married woman whose horse makes it all the way to the Olympics. If her marriage is a good one, you’d expect her to watch and root along with her spouse.

Alas, Ann Romney won’t be experiencing such loving togetherness. Why not? Because Mitt has made his indifference quite clear, presumably for political reasons: Dressage is Ann’s thing, and he doesn’t plan to watch it.

“I have to tell you, this is Ann’s sport,” he said. “I’m not even sure which day the sport goes on. She will get the chance to see it, I will not be watching the event…”

Mitt Romney Dances Away From Dressage (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ann’s horse in Olympic contention
Has been causing Mitt’s camp apprehension:
He won’t watch it compete.
What a strange way to treat
His fine wife. Should she skip his convention?

Limerick Ode To Mitt (The Diplomat) Romney

Thursday, July 26th, 2012

Dear Mitt Romney: How on earth did you manage to cause a diplomatic incident in Great Britain?

Just what we want in a president — someone so desperate to show off his knowledge about the Olympics, that he insults our best friends, the Brits, while a guest in their country.

LONDON — Mitt Romney’s carefully choreographed trip to London caused a diplomatic stir when he called the British Olympic preparations “disconcerting” and questioned whether Londoners would turn out to support the Games.

“The stories about the private security firm not having enough people, the supposed strike of the immigration and customs officials, that obviously is not something which is encouraging,” Mr. Romney said in an interview with NBC on Wednesday.

That prompted a tart rejoinder from the British prime minister, David Cameron. “We are holding an Olympic Games in one of the busiest, most active, bustling cities anywhere in the world. Of course it’s easier if you hold an Olympic Games in the middle of nowhere,” an allusion to Salt Lake City, which hosted Games that Mr. Romney oversaw.

Limerick Ode To Mitt (The Diplomat) Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt’s Olympian need to convey
Expertise nearly caused a huge fray.
A prez needs the skill
Of diplomacy: Shrill,
Blow by blow game-host insults? Bad play!

Limerick Ode To Mitt (The Wonk) Romney

Wednesday, July 25th, 2012

Mitt Romney’s a real foreign policy wonk. Who knew?

Limerick Ode To Mitt (The Wonk) Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s the message that’s coming from Mitten:
Barack has been mean to Great Britain—
He has dissed Winston’s bust,
For which Romney has lust,
And Obama ain’t Anglo-Sax smitten.

Tithing-Schmithing

Thursday, July 19th, 2012

Let me confess up front that tithing big bucks to your church or synagogue doesn’t impress me … and not just because I’m an agnostic. In my opinion, generosity to one’s religious peer group often tends to be self-aggrandizing: “Hey, look at me — I’m a big church-macher!”

Now give the same amount of money to a food or health charity or a symphony or art museum, for instance — one that you’re not directly affiliated with — that, to me, is generous.

And this isn’t my only problem with Ann Romney’s defense of hubby Mitt’s tax return secrecy. Here’s what she said to Robin Roberts in an ABC Good Morning America interview:

He’s a very generous person. We give 10 percent of our income to our church every year. Do you think that is the kind of person who is trying to hide things, or do things?…

We’ve given all you people need to know…

In other words, if “you people” could see Mitt’s secret tax returns, “you people” would know there’s no need for “you people” to see them.

Tithing-Schmithing (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Just what is Mitt trying to hide?
In secrecy, Romney takes pride.
How ironic and blithe:
We should trust him; his tithe
Means he’s good — so decreeth his bride.

*****

Four years ago, Mitt Romney gave John McCain a slew of tax returns, hoping to become McCain’s running mate. McCain didn’t pick him, but now says Romney’s tax returns weren’t a problem; Sarah Palin was simply a “better candidate.”

Obama’s thank you note’s in the mail.

Limerick Ode To Wimpy Mitt Romney

Tuesday, July 17th, 2012

According to Bloomberg Businessweek, Mitt Romney may have a wimp problem.

Limerick Ode To Wimpy Mitt Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Is Romney a wimp? So it seems:
“Take it back” is the message Mitt screams.
Say “you’re sorry,” retract;
That’s Mitt Romney’s whole act.
So is that how he’d deal with regimes?

Running-Mate Rumblings (Limerick)

Tuesday, July 17th, 2012

A VEEP pick this early in the campaign would be very unusual. Yet the media is packed with rumors saying Romney’s VP announcement is imminent. Gee … I wonder just who’s feeding those rumors.

Running-Mate Rumblings (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Here’s a rumor conveyed with a swoon:
Romney ‘s VEEP pick may come very soon.
Mitt is desp’rate for eyes
On NOT-Bain: No surprise
That the news now is VEEP-gossip strewn.

*****

Mitt Romney, on his post-February 1999 affairs:

I did not have corporeal relations with that company, Bain Capital!

Limerick Ode To Mitt “How Dare You Call Me CEO!” Romney

Friday, July 13th, 2012

Anyone who’s ever been a corporate lawyer (and I confess that that includes me) knows that corporations take SEC filings very seriously. So if someone (ie., Mitt Romney) is designated as Bain’s “CEO,” “President,” “Chairman of the Board,” and “sole stockholder,” he can’t disclaim responsibility. In other words, either Romney’s lying now, or several Bain documents are deceptive, if not fraudulent.

Limerick Ode To Mitt “How Dare You Call Me CEO!” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney’s goal to be president’s fraught.
In Bain’s titular web he’s been caught:
Says Mitt, “chief exec”
Has no meaning. Then heck,
Being POTUS must also mean naught.

Open Limerick To House Republicans

Wednesday, July 11th, 2012

Open Limerick To House Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

House Republicans, kindly get real:
Your big focus is health care repeal—
Over thirty such votes!
Where’s your bill that promotes
“Jobs, jobs, jobs” with equivalent zeal?

Open Limerick To Chief Justice John Roberts

Monday, July 2nd, 2012

Open Limerick To Chief Justice John Roberts
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Justice Roberts, your allies are mean,
And their attitude’s often obscene.
When they hate one decision,
Their answer’s derision:
Your meds fried your brain. No more sheen!

With people like that in your camp,
Perhaps it is time to revamp
Your views and opinions.
Dump low-lives as minions.
Convert! Be a working man’s champ.

GOP Falls Out Of Love With Roberts (Limerick)

Friday, June 29th, 2012

Republicans are in shock over the U.S. Supreme Court’s “Obamacare” decision. They’d been so sure they had Justice John Roberts in their pockets, that they’re behaving like betrayed lovers: How dare he side with the liberal wing of the court on the constitutionality question!

Many of them are enraged to the point of irrationality. In fact, even Justice Roberts seems to have noticed the GOP’s “what have you done for me lately” nastiness. He actually joked about going into hiding.

GOP Falls Out Of Love With Roberts (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The decision John Roberts just penned
Has sent ACA foes round the bend.
Up till now he’d promote
All their views with his vote.
Has their Roberts’ romance reached an end?