Donald Trump’s always fighting a war on
The media, trying to score on
The press via Twitter.
The fellow’s a bitter
And nasty old man and a MORON!
Archive for the ‘Politics Satire’ Category
Trump v. The Press (Limerick)
Thursday, October 5th, 2017Donald and Rex (Parody Dialogue)
Wednesday, October 4th, 2017Parody Dialogue (I’m almost positive it never took place.)
TRUMP: You’re to hold an immediate press conference and announce that you NEVER called me a “moron.”
TILLERSON: “Never’s” a strong word.
TRUMP: And that of all 50 U.S. presidents, I’m the smartest.
TILLERSON: We’ve been through this before, sir: 50 states. 45 presidents. That’s why we call you “45.”
TRUMP: I know that!
TILLERSON: Anything else sir? Perhaps I should say you have a 180 IQ.
TRUMP: Good idea, but make it 200.
TILLERSON: I was being sarc…
TRUMP: In fact, make it an even 225.
TRUMP: (Turning to General Kelly) You see? Now THAT’S how you negotiate!
The Party Of Crocodile Tears (Limerick)
Monday, October 2nd, 2017Enough with your “thoughts” and your “prayers,”
Dear GOP pols — no one cares!
All that just-pretend keening
Lacks value and meaning
When the keeners sell NRA wares.
A Trumpian Perspective (Limerick)
Saturday, September 30th, 2017Unsupportive opinions? Flake views!
Unflattering numbers? A ruse!
No matter the topic,
The Donald’s myopic;
If it isn’t pro-Trump, it’s “Fake News!”
Sundry Trump Limericks & More
Thursday, September 28th, 2017*****
Politico Headline of the Day: “Trump takes on a new cause: ‘Make the United Nations great'”
I don’t think we can take any more greatness.
*****
This headline deserves a limerick: “Price cut — Health Secy quits after Trump complains of travel ‘optics’”
Price is OUT! Why is Donald so mad?
It’s NOT that Tom’s plane use was bad.
Yes those charters were pricey,
But THAT’S not what’s dicey;
Trump’s upset by the “optics.” Egad!
*****
Trump’s hired a notoriously poor succession of personal lawyers since RussiaGate began. My limerick explains why.
The best lawyers prefer to be paid
YUUUUGE fees, right on time, for their aid,
And they’re bound to be miffed
When they find themselves stiffed…
Which explains why Trump’s DON’T make the grade.
*****
A 2-verse limerick about Trump’s retweeting a vile animation, described here by the LA Times:
“In the first part of the animation Trump retweeted on Sunday, the president is seen in golf attire, teeing off. The second shows footage of Clinton tripping as she boards a plane, with the video altered to show her being struck in the back with a golf ball.”
What’s it take to make Donald feel tough,
Like a fellow who has the right stuff?
Being seen with a swing
That’s so strong, he can fling
A ball, knocking Hill to her duff.
Nothing else can explain his retweet
Of a golf gif that Donald finds neat–
Animation conveying
Misogyny saying:
Striking women at will can’t be beat!
A Quintet Of Limericks & Some Quips about Trump, the NFL, Kneeling, & Fake Patriotism
Thursday, September 28th, 2017*****
Dear Donald: Ballplayers have a 1st amendment right to peacefully protest racism, just as you have a 1st amendment right to make an ass of yourself on Twitter.
*****
You must stand for the flag; don’t go kneeling!
Such a “diss” at a game sends Trump reeling.
How he’ll rant and he’ll rage!
I suspect at his age
Trump can’t bend without fainting or squealing.
*****
Neo-Nazis can protest at will,
Wielding arms as they menace and kill.
That’s just fine with Prez Trump.
But black athletes? He’d dump
’Em for kneeling; he treats ’em like swill.
*****
Trump Tweet: “The issue of kneeling has nothing to do with race. It is about respect for our Country, Flag and National Anthem. NFL must respect this!”
And now some edits for accuracy:
“The issue of kneeling has EVERYTHING to do with race. It is about respect for TRUMP! NFL must respect ME!”
*****
Being Jewish, I know little about kneeling … except that it hurts.
Why is church kneeling good, but field kneeling a “diss?”
*****
Trump’s been having one hell of a day;
Each athlete and flag-tweet foray
Ran aground with a thud,
Like turds in the mud.
Former allies are fleeing him. YAY!
*****
I’ve been waiting anxiously for evidence of Trump-voter remorse.
But I never expected it to come from Trump-donor team owners!
******
Despite Kelly’s strong will and precision,
The Donald needs MORE supervision;
He’s divisive and worse.
Hence my need to write verse
And provide him with well-earned derision.
*****
I can’t catch. I can’t run. I can’t throw.
I’ve no clue where those ball things should go.
But the Donald’s a tease,
And his sports-feud re knees
And flags makes me yearn to go pro.
*****
Puerto Ricans Are Citizens Too (Limerick)
Thursday, September 28th, 2017Puerto Ricans are citizens too.
Yet their suff’ring’s ignored. What to do?
Send donations and grouse;
Inform Trump, Senate, House
Their help’s WAY overdue. Please come through!
*****
Trump on delivering aid to Puerto Rico: “This is an island sitting in the middle of an ocean. It’s a big ocean, it’s a very big ocean.”
Wow! I had NO idea!
McMaster’s Role (Limerick)
Thursday, September 28th, 2017“I’m here to serve; NOT to control,”
Says McMaster, describing his role
Re President Trump,
Who surely would dump
Any chump who owned up to that goal.
Remember Deficit Hawks? (Limericks)
Thursday, September 28th, 2017Dear Republican Deficit Hawks:
We’re awaiting your screams and your squawks.
Never mind my verse preface; it’s
Clear only deficits
Grown under Dems are a pox.
What Happened? I’ll Tell You What Happened! (Limerick)
Thursday, September 14th, 2017You don’t wish to read Hillary’s book?
That’s just fine, but don’t ask us to brook
All your bitching and moaning,
Begrudging and groaning;
It is YOU who gave US Trump the Crook!
Limericks and Sundry Humor (September 2017)
Thursday, September 14th, 2017Dear Donald, I wish you’d vamoose
It ain’t safe in DC with you loose.
The whole nation, in fact,
Would at last be less racked,
If you’d simply become a recluse.
*****
The Donald is starting to backtrack
In response to fierce tweets from the whack-track
That their love for him’s gone
Cuz he’s “Amnesty Don.”
DACA deal with the Dems? Cue sad sack-track.
*****
The media’s only too glad
To opine that Trump’s pivoting. Sad!
Though he turns on a dime,
Those ain’t pivots; Each time
It’s a sign he’s insane. The guy’s MAD!
*****
CNN Headline of the Day: “Trump has nominated 42 people for US attorney. Only one is a woman”
No doubt Ivanka is VERY disappointed.
*****
Devastating Hurricane: “WRONG Time To Mention Climate Change!”
Mass Shooting: “WRONG Time To Mention Gun Control!”
Anyone detect a pattern here?
*****
Headline of the Day: “Upbeat Trump raves to Schumer, Pelosi about news coverage of their deal”
Donald loves to be praised in the press,
Which is rare, cuz his reign is a mess.
But the deal he just made
With the Democrats paid
Off in cov’rage that’s easing his stress.
Seems the same can’t be said for old Mitch
And Paul Ryan. (Betrayal’s a bitch!)
With high hopes for some wins,
They put up with Trump’s sins.
Their reward? They’ve been dumped in a ditch.
******
Press Query: What will you do about X?
Trump: We’ll see.
Child’s Query: Can I do X? Can I? Can I?
Parent: We’ll see.
*****
Trump has a long history of taking undeserved credit for donations. Will Hurricane Harvey be yet another example?
Do not rush to give Trump an ovation
For his one million dollar “donation”
To victims of Harvey;
Though pledges are marvy,
Please buck promise and payment conflation.
******
Trump proclaimed he’d treat Dreamers “with heart,”
But his vow was a lie from the start.
Dumping DACA, he’s dashed
All their dreams; hope’s been smashed
By a bigot who’s slashed us apart.
*****
This probably sounds cynical, given Trump’s obvious instability.
But despite Donald’s mental unfitness, I don’t believe the powers that be will ever use the 25th Amendment to remove him from the presidency.
Hence my limerick rant:
Has the Donald succumbed to a funk?
Is his psyche okay? Oh what bunk!
Why fret NOW? It’s too LATE!
Foolish votes sealed our fate.
That ship’s sailed and, alas, we are sunk.
*****
Is anyone else sick of stories claiming that Ivanka and Jared tried really, really hard to get Trump to do the right thing?
Poor Ivanka and Jared are sad,
Once again disappointed by dad
After trying sooooo hard.
If you buy this canard,
You’re as blind as daft Donald is mad.
*****
Two-Verse Limerick:
Have you read Donald’s tweet-rants today,
Aimed at partners of DPRK?
They clearly were meant
To scare China. Trump’s vent
Was a threat to stop trade. Foolish bray!
Even Donald would rather not crash
Our economy. That would be rash.
So his threat to stop trade
With China charade
Is naught but nonsensical trash.
*****
Trump to Pence: I saw photos of you in Houston, hugging Harvey victims and clearing debris.
Pence: Just doing my part, Mr. President.
Trump: Stop trying to make me look bad!
*****
Dearest Trump fans, condemning Obama
For Katrina, with Sturm, Drang, and drama,
Is a waste of Snopes’ time.
Dopey gripes are a crime.
Did he also cause Black Tuesday trauma?
*****
Dear Donald, I hope you’re aware
That you’re poor at pretending to care.
Though some suckers still buy
Ev’ry pretense and lie,
Being selfish is all that you share.
*****
Trump: “Harvey. It sounds like such an innocent name, but isn’t.”
Me: Donald. It sounds like such an innocent name, but isn’t.
*****
Trump on the Hurricane Harvey recovery: “We want to do it better than ever before. We want to be looked at in five years or 10 years from now as this is the way to do it.”
I, for one, am looking forward to all the congratulatory phone calls Trump will be inventing.
*****
Pro-brutality, favors rascality,
Can’t accept or contend with reality,
Badly raised, must be praised,
His mentality’s crazed;
Trump’s normality — national malady.
*****
FEMA Adviser: The Dallas Convention Center will house 5000 Harvey refugees.
TRUMP: Unacceptable! I’ve banned ALL refugees!
*****
Journalist: During the campaign, you claimed to have no dealings with Russia.
Trump: That’s right, and I didn’t!
Journalist: Then how do you explain your Moscow Trump Tower “letter of intent?”
Trump: I INTENDED to have dealings. Bigly different!
*****
Satirist’s Quandary
Sunday, August 27th, 2017I may soon have to start placing tags
On my satire posts; flashing flags
That say, “Warning! Not True!
“It’s a spoof!” How I rue
The resemblance of real news to gags.
Trump’s Selective Condemnation (Limerick)
Sunday, August 27th, 2017Donald tends to be quick to opine;
He’ll condemn and he’ll bluster and whine.
White Supremacists, though,
Never get Donald’s show
Of disdain. Rein them in? Never! Nein!
Dear Donald: Golf All The Time! Please! (Limerick)
Sunday, August 27th, 2017Donald’s lengthy vacations are fine!
Let him golf ev’ry day — I won’t whine.
When Trump works, he does harm,
Raising fear and alarm;
Full-time frolicking’s far more benign.
Limericks & Sundry Humor (July and August 2017)
Sunday, August 27th, 2017I’ve gathered into a single batch loads of limericks and other (mostly Trump-related) humor I wrote during the summer of 2017, while recovering from wrist surgery:
*****
I suspect there’s a hole in Trump’s soul;
Donald pardoned a bigoted troll,
Deeming racism kosher.
(What act could be gaucher?)
Bias AIN’T just okay. It’s Trump’s goal.
*******
An unqualified Trump aide named Gorka,
Who’s despised by most ev’ry New Yorkuh,
Has been dumped. Will he rail
In a big pay-day tale?
I’m betting his story’s a corkuh.
*********
Alas, Harvey is fixing to mow
Through Texas, a menacing blow.
Trump’s FEMA’s done little;
Just talk laced with spittle.
But at least, Donald’s helped Sheriff Joe.
*****
Life With Mark and Madeleine:
Mark: I love NPR, except for late afternoons.
Madeleine: What’s the problem?
Mark: Each time I tune in, I hear the same damn story!
Madeleine: Maybe they should call it “One Thing Considered.”
*****
“Alex Jones calls Charlottesville violence a false flag, because alternative facts are still a thing”
What to do when your allies are caught
Doing wrong, and you fear all’s for naught?
There’s the Infowars’ chestnut:
Yes Jones is the best nut
To hatch “false flag” claims, overwrought.
*****
Oval Office blight;
Hope’s plummeting out of sight.
Can’t succumb to plight!
*****
I have run out of patience with those
Who voted for Trump. Your vote blows!
If you still like the guy,
Please do NOT explain why.
I don’t care; You’re to blame for our woes!
*****
Sarah Huckabee Sanders: “The President is probably one of the strongest presidents we’ve had on economic issues.”
So true! Which Is why I can’t wait for Trump’s forthcoming treatise:
Strong Dollar/ Weak Dollar: Which One’s Better?
*****
Trump Advisor: A quick question, Mr. President, before you leave for golf: Any thoughts on naming an Ambassador to South Korea?
Trump: Absolutely not! No ambassador until they stop building nukes!
Trump Advisor: Sir, I’m pretty sure North Korea’s the one with the nukes.
Trump: Double check and get back to me. But first, where are my clubs?
*****
“POTUS has been briefed on [Hurricane] Harvey’s progress, as well as preparations, by his Homeland Security Advisor, Tom Bossert.”
Bossert: Harvey’s headed to Texas, but things are under…
Trump: Paul Harvey! Great radio guy! But isn’t he dead?
*****
Trump’s White House (from Cab Secs to VEEP)
Is so lawless, I just want to weep.
Take the Hatch Act; Ben’s speech
Last night was a breach.
My advice? Plead “I spoke in my sleep.”
(Ben Carson Hatch Act Phoenix Rally)
*****
“Trump to Congress: Fund the Wall or I’ll Shut the Government”
Donald thinks he has magical powers
To bully, till ev’ryone cowers:
“Build my wall!” (His first love)
“Or I’ll shut down the gov!”
No, not Mexico’s government! Ours!
*****
Trump’s Phoenix Rally
Yet another divisive Trump rally!
(Donald’s held way too many to tally.)
He was crazy, yet boring;
I swear I heard snoring,
As hundreds skipped Donald’s finale.
*****
Photo of the Day: “President Trump stares straight into solar eclipse without glasses”
The eclipse had us viewing our skies,
But ev’ryone knows it ain’t wise
To stare at the sun
While the moon’s having fun;
So dear Donald, good luck with your eyes.
*****
Our Naval destroyer collides.
Ten sailors are lost in the tides.
Trump is asked, as the Prez,
To comment, and says:
“That’s too bad!” What a lift he provides!
*****
Mar-a-Lago keeps losing events,
Reducing Trump’s dollars and cents;
Non-profits galore
Wish to be there no more.
Schadenfreude? My case is immense!
*****
Modest Proposal 4 Trump’s Afghanistan speech:
Declare victory. Take credit. Announce immediate withdrawal.
What’s another Trump lie?
*****
Though Trump skirts the truth to the max,
With an attitude far worse than lax,
He defended delaying
Tough statements by braying:
Before speaking, “I like to know facts.”
*****
Both sides good!
Both sides bad!
Me like facts!
Fake media’s mad!
*****
Dear Trump, don’t expect me to cheer
Today’s speech; your reluctance was clear.
Condemnation delayed
Simply won’t make the grade.
Sneers and jeers for your words insincere!
*****
Me great president!
Racism bad!!!
Everyone happy now?
Can I go back to golf?
*****
The Donald’s an arrogant fool
Who possesses just one tiny tool:
The dominance game,
Which is best not to aim
At someone who’s equally cruel.
*****
Trump & North Korea Haiku
“Fire!” “Fury!”
“Locked and Loaded!”
Adolescent bullies, goaded.
*****
Bombings tend to make Trump go to town;
He’ll speak out and he’ll tweet and he’ll frown!
But he’s yet to decry
Friday’s mosque attack. Why?
Have Twitter and Facebook been down?
*****
Seems that Pence has been caught at ambition,
A perilous White House condition.
Pence denies it, of course.
Will Trump force a “divorce,”
As suspicion incites trust attrition?
*****
“Is the Donald about to ‘reset?'”
That’s a query I simply don’t get.
Yet the press loves to ask it.
Instead, I would task it:
Truly cover our national threat.
*****
The Trump presidency could be just the thing that converts me from agnostic to atheist.
*****
Dear Head of the Boy Scouts, explain
Trump’s invasion inside your domain
With a broadside so mad,
You said “Sorry! My bad!”
Tell me: Why would you think he’d act sane?
*****
If Trump’s White House is a “fine-tuned machine,” mark me down for a jalopy.
*****
Sean Spicer has fled from his box,
So the White House is losing his vox,
Which was often embattled;
He lied and he prattled…
Skills soon to be transferred to Fox?
*****
A visit from “Donald, the Cad”
To London’s postponed; the poor lad
Heard that protests were planned,
Making Trump feel unmanned.
Demonstration-fears stopping him? Sad!
*****
Junk health insurance—
Just what the doctor ordered.
*****
Dear Jared, you’ll soon be in hock
To your lawyers, who bill round the clock.
Will they help you to skate?
I say prison’s your fate,
As a chip off the old Kushner block.
*****
Trump’s Voter Fraud “Investigator” Demands State Voter Records, And States Ain’t Happy:
“Just what are they trying to hide?”
Trump’s response, when most states won’t abide
By vile records demands;
Voter privacy stands
Somehow wrong? Trump’s returns, still un-eyed.
*****
Does Donald Obey Golf Rules? Of Course Not! (Limerick)
Tuesday, June 27th, 2017Some golf fans may be fine with Trump’s lies. But driving his golf cart on the green is a bridge too far.
Lazy Trump drives his cart on the green,
His infraction obscenely routine.
He’s engulfing golf fans
In a fury that spans
The entire political scene.
Don’t Be Duped By Health Bill “Hold-Outs” (Limerick)
Friday, June 23rd, 2017“I can’t vote for that bill in the form
That it’s in at this time.” That’s the norm
From a devious pol
Who’s just trying to stall;
Though lukewarm, he’ll conform to the swarm.
Russian Election Interference — NOT A One-Time Thing (Limerick)
Wednesday, June 21st, 2017Though people seem prone to adopt
The past tense re the Russians, I’ll opt
To claim present tense crime
Re elections, each time;
There’s no reason to think that they’ve stopped.
Nominee Obstruction Obfuscation (Limerick)
Wednesday, June 21st, 2017Trump’s been tweeting “Obstruction!” on cue,
Blaming Dems. Confirmations are few,
But can non-nominees
Be stymied? Oh, please!
Self-obstruction’s the root of Trump’s rue.
