Mad Kane’s Political Madness

September,
September,
Bush promised September.
But Tony now says, no way.

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And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival of the Decline Of Democracy
* Carnival of Principled Government 

Technorati Tags: Iraq War, September Status Report,  Tony Snow, President Bush,  Surge,  Iraq Improvement, General David Petraeus, Surge Assessment 

Thanks so much to Dick Polman, whose politics of selective piety post  inspired this song parody. You can sing it to Billy Joel’s Honesty.

GOP Piety Song Parody (Sing to Billy Joel’s Honesty)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

If you search for hypocrites, 
They aren’t hard to find.
The Republicans just give and give.
They brag about their piousness,
But to justice they are blind.
Consistency just ain’t the way they live.

Piety is such a misused word.
GOPers preach on cue.
Piety — their fakery’s absurd.
See through them and turn red to blue.

They can always find reasons
To use a “faith” disguise,
As they wear religion on their sleeve.
But I don’t want some petty man
To tell us pious lies.
All I want is someone to believe.

Piety is such a misused word.
GOPers pray on cue.
Piety — their zealotry’s absurd.
See through them and turn red to blue.

We must find a leader
Who this war will end,
Who will boost security,
The Bill of Rights defend.
Pieties don’t comfort me,
Nor GOP refrains.
Say no.
Say no.

They won’t keep our country free.
They’re too unconcerned.
They don’t care that human rights are gone.
I despise fake piety,
So to the Dems I must turn,
Cause they’re the ones that we depend on.

Piety is such a misused word.
GOPers preach on cue.
Piety — their fakery’s absurd.
See through them and turn red to blue.

Technorati Tags: Religion In Politics, Piety Humor, Pious Politicians, Religious Hypocrisy, Billy Joel, Song Parody, Honesty Lyrics, GOP Hypocrisy, Dick Polman, Republican Hypocrites, Religious Zealotry, Bill Of Rights, Human Rights

Remember the time Dick Cheney told to Senator Leahy what he could do to himself on the Senate floor? Remember the time George Bush was overheard wishing that someone could get the Hezbollah “to stop doing this [expletive deleted]?”  Well, a federal appeals panel remembers and cites these incidents as a basis for shutting down the F.C.C.’s anti-fleeting expletive crusade.

It’s deliciously ironic, don’t you think? And it’s haiku inspiring too:

Fleeting expletives
Uttered by Bush and Cheney
Stymie censorship.

Technorati Tags: FCC, Bush expletive, Cheney expletive, FCC Censorship

That great seer, soothsayer, and visionary George Bush  predicted Thursday that August may be a bloody month in Iraq:

Bloody Hell, It’ll Be Bloody! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
 
“In August the war may get bloody,”
Says George Bush. What a really quick study!
As the death toll keeps soaring,
On truth, Bush keeps warring.
Is he evil, or simply quite nutty?

Technorati Tags: Iraq War Satire, George Bush Humor, Blood August, Bush predictions, Iraq Death Toll, Bush The Visionary

Please forgive me for not being all that impressed with the Republican Gang of Eleven, who supposedly hammered  George Bush about Iraq and had  the “most unvarnished conversation they’ve ever had with the president.”  And Tim Russert’s breathless reports about this so-called  “defining pivotal moment” in the Iraq debate (and his media echo chamber) merely enable these eleven endangered Republicans to dupe their constituents into believing that they’re finally doing something about the war in Iraq. 

All eleven voted with the President on the Iraq war spending bill and the redeployment bill that came before Congress this week. So woopdidoo!  And a limerick too:

Ode To the Lame GOP Gang Of Eleven
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Eleven Republicans bray:
“We told Dubya what’s what — had our say.
We critiqued Bush’s war
And we gave him what-for.”
Then they all vote the President’s way. 

Technorati Tags: Iraq War, President Bush, Republicans Humor, Media Echo Chamber, Unvarnished Conversation, Defining Pivotal Moment, Gang Of Eleven, GOP, Tim Russert

George Dubya, our swaggering action-figure president, has dubbed himself “The Commander Guy.”  Okay, that’s absurd enough.  But here’s the part you may have missed:

I’m Dub, The Commander Guy.
Don’t care if a zillion die.
I’ll do what I please,
Cuz I own all the keys
To the White House.
And that’s no lie!

(Sorry — just one verse of this Popeye The Sailor Man spoof, cause I already did one full-length Bush/Popeye song parody early in Bush’s presidency.)

Technorati Tags: George Bush Humor, Popeye The Sailor Man, The Commander Guy, Action Figure President

President Codpiece celebrated “Mission Accomplished” day by vetoing the Iraq war spending bill.  Why turn down money he’s just dying to get his grubby hands on? Cause those mean Dems are trying to make him end the war some time during his Presidency. And that just ain’t gonna happen.

No way will George W. Bush clean up his own mess!  He’s never done it before, so why start now?  Bush has always used the here … catch approach to life, kicking the can down the road and sticking somebody else with problems he created.

Bush’s Iraq Strategy: Here … Catch!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Kick the can down the road—that’s the plan:
Stick the war mess on some other man.
Wreak much havoc abroad
And at home. Oh my Gawd!
Then say, “Catch! Fix Iraq and Iran.”

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And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Hillary’s Missed Opportunity To Obtain A ‘Stranglehold’ On The Nomination
* Latest Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Feminists
* Caption Contest Day at the Mattress Police
* Carnival of the Vanities
* Carnival of Family Life
* Carnival of the Storytellers
* Writerly Types Carnival
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of Conflict
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival on Observations of Life
* Best of Me Symphony
* This Is Not My Country
* Worldwide Opinions 

UPDATE: How could I forget to mention this? I’m running another limerick contest on my other blog. The theme is mothers and there are cash prizes for the two best limericks!

Technorati Tags: The Global War On Terror Supplemental, Iraq War, George W. Bush  Satire, Iraq Humor, Iran Humor, President Codpiece, Mission Accomplished, War Spending Bill

I’m betting that Laura Bush can finally say goodbye to her relatively high approval numbers.  Why? Because on this morning’s Today Show, Laura said something to Anne Curry that’s way beyond obnoxious:

NBC: Do you know the American people are suffering?

Laura Bush: Oh, I know that very much. And believe me, no one suffers more than their president and I do when we watch this. And certainly the Commander in Chief, who has asked our military to go into harm’s way.

NBC: What do you think the American public needs to know about…

Laura Bush: Well, I hope they do know the burden of worry that’s on his shoulders, every single day for our troops.

(You can see Laura Bush in action here.) 

This calls for a song parody, don’t you think?  And so I bring you my Serenade for the First Sufferers, which you can sing to Carolina In The Morning, by Gus Kahn & Walter Donaldson:

Serenade for the First Sufferers (Song Parody — sing to Carolina In The Morning)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

No one suffers more
Than George and Laura from the war. 
They’re really mourning.

Photos of the dead
On cable news fill them with dread.
They’re really mourning.

They’d prefer ignoring
Tales of death and gore.
Where are the happy stories 
They long to hear once more?

Waking up so early
To the news of hurly burly
In the morning

Makes the Bushes surly.
How they hate to think so early
In the morning!

Pity George and Laura.
No one knows all their pain.
Death’s lousy,
But it’s George under strain.

No one suffers more
Than George and Laura from the war. 
They’re really mourning!

Technorati Tags: Laura Bush Humor, Laura Bush, NBC, Anne Curry,  Today Show,  Iraq War, War Satire, George Bush, Political Song Parody, Death Suffering, Troops, Military, Mourning, Commander In Chief, Pain

On April 1, 2007 U.S. Senators John McCain and Lindsey Graham held a press conference in Iraq, in which Sen. Graham rhapsodized about buying “five rugs for five bucks” in a Baghdad marketplace. This was part of their joint effort to convince the American people that the war in Iraq is going far better than the media would lead us to believe.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Merchants Of Hype
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Five rugs for five bucks!  What a deal!
Baghdad-shopping for Graham’s quite a steal.
Now I’m sold on the war
Cause I know what it’s for:
It’s to carpet Graham’s home.  How surreal! 

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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Bush U.S. Attorney Disgraced by Appeals Court for Sham Prosecution of Innocent Woman (Buzzflash Analysis)
* Romney’s Fatal Admission: ‘I Hunted Gays Only Twice’
* Mitt Shoots Himself In The Foot
* Caution: Genius At Work
* what are friends for, if not to bomb little upstart arabic countries?
* The Talking Dog Interviews Marc Falkoff, co-counsel to 17 Yemenis held at Guantanamo
* Levin Shows The Dems Cards

Technorati Tags: Lindsey Graham, Five Rugs For Five Bucks, John McCain, Iraq capitalism, Baghdad Marketplace, Baghdad Shopping, Iraq War Satire, Blog Publicity, Linky Love, Skippy, Don Davis, Shakesville, Booman, OneGoodMove, Levin, Romney

Rachel Maddow has an  update on Orrin Hatch’s smear campaign against Carol Lam, the U.S. Attorney for San Diego who was recently fired by the Justice Department. Senator Hatch has now issued a just-barely-an-apology for telling the following lies about Lam this past Sunday on NBC’s Meet the Press:

She was a former law professor, no prosecutorial experience, and the former campaign manager in Southern California for Clinton.

I’ve summarized this sorry saga in a pair of limericks called Truth On The Lam:

Truth On The Lam
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Orrin Hatch hatched big lies about Lam,
Won’t admit that his claims are a sham.
She was wrongfully axed,
But he conjured up “facts”.
About truth Hatch does not give a damn.

Under pressure, Hatch issues a letter
To Tim Russert that isn’t much better
Than his televised lies.
Hatch just barely denies
That his Lam claims belong in the shredder. 

Technorati Tags: Carol Lam, Orrin Hatch, Senator Hatch, Tim Russert, Televised Lies, Rachel Maddow, Smear Campaign, U.S. Attorney, San Diego, Justice Department, NBC’s Meet The Press, Prosecutorial Experience

Dems Pull Bush’s Chain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Congressional Dems reached a deal.
No, it isn’t ideal, yet I feel
It’s all right—a first step.
Stop this war? Dems said, “Yep!”
As for reining in Bush, they said, “Heel!” 

Technorati Tags: Congress Humor, Iraq War, Spending Bill, House Bill, Rein In Bush, U.S. Troops Readiness, Veterans’ Health and Iraq Accountability Act, Strategic Redeployment, U.S. Troops

Purges and Surges, Twin Scourges, Oh My!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dub’s prosecutorial purges
And unauthorized, bellicose surges
Have led me to think
(Though I’m far from a shrink)
What a sick way to deal with his urges!

Technorati Tags: Iraq War, Prosecutor Purge, Attorney General, Bush Mental Health, Iraq Surge

What George Bush Might Say, If He Spoke English
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You’re cowards! You’re traitors! J’accuse!
You in Congress, I’ll surge if I choose.
What power you had,
You’ve abandoned. How sad!
As always, I win and you lose.

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And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* David Swanson: Subpoena Dick
* ABC’s John Stossel: ‘Rats Make Good Pets For Wounded Vets’
* American Trouble Maker
* Reno 911
* Carnival of Satire 68 and Carnival of Satire 69
* Carnival of Feminists

Technorati Tags: Iraq Surge, Iraq War, Traitors, Anti-Surge Bills

Here’s a good story about the hate-filled, bigoted venom directed at John Edwards, which was recently spewed by a person whose name I will no longer mention, because it only encourages her.  (Via the indispensable Buzzflash.)

Why I Won’t Use What’s-Her-Name’s Name Anymore
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are wingnuts so starved for attention,
They’ll use words that you’re not s’posed  to mention,
Like that you-know-who stick
With her Edwards-slam: Sick!
So I’ve banned her to show my dissension.

(Here’s my previous verse about what’s-her-name.)

Technorati Tags: John Edwards, David Bonior, Right-Wing Machine, Right-Wing Filth, Bigoted Attacks, Conservative Conference, Political Discourse,   Offensive Remarks, Conservative Political Action Conference, CPAC, Homophobia, Anti-Gay Slurs, Rehab

By now, you’ve surely read the two-part Washington Post story about the abysmal treatment Iraq War veterans are receiving at Walter Reed Army Medical Center:

Why Does George Bush Hate Our Troops?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Where’s the medical aid for our troops?
When they’re injured, they’re treated like dupes.
Those who’ve lost arm or leg
Need our help, yet must beg
Us for care, forced to hurtle through hoops.

Technorati Tags: George Bush, Troops, Iraq War, Medical Care, Injured Veterans, Walter Reed Army Medical Center

This weekend’s Senate session reminds me of the fuss Republicans made when Senator Reid and Speaker Pelosi imposed a substantially longer work week on Congress. Some even argued that the imposition of a 5-day work week proved that Democrats are anti-family.

I Guess They Miss The “Good Old Days”
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“How dare they (Pelosi and Reid)
Make us work 5-day weeks,” goes the screed
Of the GOP members,
Forgetting November’s
Results favored change done with speed.

Technorati Tags: Pelosi, Reid, 5-Day Weeks, House, Senate, Congress, GOP,  Anti-Family

I take a strange solace in Libby’s “awful memory” defense.  Why?  This limerick should explain it:

Why I’m Qualified To Be Dick Cheney’s Top Aide
By Madeleine Begun Kane

According to Libby’s defender,
His mem’ry’s a major offender:
It is creaky as hell
And it’s leaky, as well.
Mine too –  I could be a contender.  

Technorati Tags: Lewis Libby, Libby Prosecution, Dick Cheney Aide, Libby Defense, Scooter Libby, Criminal Law Humor, Lawyer Humor, Memory, Leaks

You just have to love it: Senator John Warner helped kill the debate on Bush’s surge, voting to block a vote on his own Warner-Levin Iraq War Resolution:

Ode To Little John Warner
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Little John Warner
Posed in the corner
With Dems, as an anti-surge guy.

But then he devolved,
And replaced his resolve
With “Republican soldier, am I.”

UPDATE:  John Warner has signed a letter demanding a vote on his resolution, after having helped block the vote on that very resolution.  I guess he was for it before he was against it, before he was for it.  I’m getting dizzy. 

Technorati Tags: John Warner Humor, Surge, Iraq Resolution, Filibuster, Iraq War, Bush White House, Warren-Levin Resolution

Mess?  What Mess?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

From Dub’s State of the Union address,
Who would guess that our nation’s a mess?
Yet what leader would say:
“Things are awful today,
And the fault lies with me.  I confess.” 

Technorati Tags: President Bush, State of the Union Address

In an apparent reversal of his anti-tax-increase position, Bush is expected to use this week’s State of the Union address to announce tax increases for some workers whose employer-provided health plans cost significantly more than the national average:

Read His Lips: Tax The Middle Class
By Madeleine Begun Kane

George Bush has at last found a tax
That he’s fond of and backs to the max:
If your boss pays big bucks
For your health plan, the crux
Of Dub’s scheme is your taxes will wax.

Technorati Tags: Bush Tax Increase, Health Insurance, Middle Class Tax Increase, Health Plans