Archive for the ‘Celebrity Humor’ Category

Limerick Ode To The Emmy Awards

Sunday, September 22nd, 2013

Limerick Ode To The Emmy Awards
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Emmy Awards are tonight,
An annual Sunday night rite,
At which some make the list,
And others feel dissed,
And carpers harp: “TV’s a blight!”

Limerick Ode To Elmore Leonard

Wednesday, August 21st, 2013

Written with fond apologies to the late, lamented Elmore Leonard, after re-reading his New York Times piece, WRITERS ON WRITING; Easy on the Adverbs, Exclamation Points and Especially Hooptedoodle. (His article cautions against the abuse of prologues, adverbs and other description, exclamation points, weather references, regional dialect, the word “suddenly,” etc.)

On a hot, sunny day, an attractive young man sat in a tiny, darkened room, compulsively reading Elmore Leonard’s essay on writing. Carefully noting his ten writing no-nos, he bellowed loudly, “Fuggedaboutit! I can violate all of Leonard’s rules in a single limerick!”

“It’s raining!” he loudly cried out.
Then suddenly felt like a lout.
“A mensch I shall be…”
From this you can see
Leonard’s rules are what writing’s about.

Hashtag Madness (Limerick)

Monday, April 8th, 2013

Please relax Cher fans — Cher is still alive:

Legions of Twitter users were fooled into thinking the pop singer had passed after people began posting about late British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher under the hashtag #nowthatcherisdead.

Hashtag Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Nowthatcherisdead” — hashtag blur
Has created one hell of a stir:
Dear fans of Ms. Cher,
Who’ve read “news” you can’t bear:
Cher’s alive. Thatcher’s dead. As you were!

Suspenseful Limerick

Tuesday, March 12th, 2013

Suspenseful Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There’s a hitch in today’s celebrations,
But no reason to hold back libations.
Cuz it’s not for the birds
And it’s not just the nerds
Who commemorate Hitchcock’s creations.

Happy National Alfred Hitchcock Day!

Limerick Ode To Miserable Singing

Monday, February 25th, 2013

Many people were offended by Seth MacFarlane’s “Saw Your Boobs” at last night’s Oscars. But, at the risk of damaging my feminist cred, I’m not one of them.

Of course, I do understand the negative reaction. However, the song didn’t bother me because I viewed it as parody, rather than misogyny.

But what did bother me at the Oscars was everybody pretending that the Les Misérables cast can sing.

Limerick Ode To Miserable Singing
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are folks who appear up in arms:
For the “boob song,” they sound the alarms.
But to me, here’s what riled:
Dreadful singing gone wild
In Les Miz — kindly call les gendarmes.

Happy National Clerihew Day! (July 10)

Tuesday, July 10th, 2012

I just found out that today (July 10) is National Clerihew Day. What the heck’s a clerihew? It’s a “whimsical, four-line biographical poem invented by Edmund Clerihew Bentley.”

More specifically, clerihews are four-lines long with an A-A-B-B rhyme scheme and irregular meter. The first line names a person — the subject of the poem.

Here are a couple I’ve written about writers:

Edgar Allen Poe
A writerly bro
Who’s famed for the Raven.
What a scary poem maven!

*****

The author George Orwell
We ought not ignore well;
His writings polemic
Ain’t at all academic.

*****

And here are two about actresses:

Bette Davis
Film joy gave us.
Seduced gals and guys
With Bette Davis Eyes.

*****

Mae West
For life had zest.
Stoked gals and blokes
With “evil” jokes.

*****

(You can find my political clerihews here.)

Happy birthday to George Orwell, born June 25, 1903.

Lewis Black & The News Quiz USA — A Limerick Review

Wednesday, March 28th, 2012

Here’s the limerick review I wrote about the Lewis Black-hosted News Quiz USA. I heard it on WNYC radio in NYC, and it was hilarious, featuring panelists Andy Borowitz, Kathleen Madigan, Todd Barry and Ted Alexandro. You can hear it here.

Right now it’s apparently a one-off, an experimental American version of the UK’s BBC News Quiz. Here’s hoping they’ll decide to turn it into a weekly show.

Lewis Black & The News Quiz USA — A Limerick Review
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The News Quiz with host Lewis Black
Was hilarious. Please bring it back.
We need satire fare
Like this on the air.
For great humor, this team has a knack.

Cruising For Laughs

Thursday, December 8th, 2011

I learned some valuable lessons during the second annual Lewis Black Comedy Cruise:

1: When stand-up comics like Lewis Black, Kathleen Madigan, John Bowman, Vic Henley, Mike Wilmot, Greg Proops, Jeff Stilson, and Tim Wilson are having great difficulty standing up, they aren’t necessarily drunk. It could also be THE HURRICANE.

2. My husband’s delusions of grandeur are no longer confined to his thinking he’s both a lawyer and an MD. He now thinks he’s a comedian.

Yes, hubby Mark Kane actually did a three-minute routine on “amateur comic night” — his virgin performance — and he did amazingly well.

And no, I didn’t perform any of my limericks. Why not? Because I can’t even remember what I wrote 30 seconds ago.

3) When you rumba really fast, and with lots of enthusiasm, it passes for dancing … at least on a ship-load of Lewis Black groupies.

Okay, right now you’re probably saying to yourself, “What’s with all this prose? I want me some limericks!”

Well don’t worry. I’ve written a half-dozen limericks about the cruise and some of the comedians who made it so much fun:

Cruising For Laughs
By Madeleine Begun Kane

We went cruising with Lew, Vic, Kathleen,
John and Wilmot, whose act sure ain’t clean.
Also Tim, Jeff and Greg,
And some hurricane — Meg???
Comics bravely tried not to careen.

*****

Limerick Ode To Vic Henley
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The stand-up comedian Vic
Has a wit that’s incredibly quick.
He hails from the south,
But his city-smart-mouth
Conjures up multi-cultural schtick.

*****

Limerick Ode To Mike Wilmot
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The off-color comic named Mike
Tells some jokes that the squeamish might spike.
But his musical tales
Provoked huge laughter gales.
So Mike’s funny, but leave home your tyke.

*****

Mad Kane At Sea
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m afraid that I’m feeling at sea:
I went cruising — a comedy spree
With Lew Black and his crew,
Who were funny on cue.
How I miss all that laughter and glee!

*****

Limerick Ode To Greg Proops
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The brilliant Greg Proops hurts my brain.
His routines nearly drive me insane:
His mind is so fast,
And his humor’s a blast,
Yielding laughter that leaves me in pain.

*****

Pining For Lew
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m afraid I don’t know what to do,
Cuz I’m pining away for dear Lew.
To wait a full year
For more Lewis cruise cheer?
Such pain can’t be borne by this Jew.

*****

(You can read my limericks about the 2010 cruise here and my Kathleen Madigan limerick here.)

Birthday Limerick For Franz Liszt

Saturday, October 22nd, 2011

Today, October 22, is the birthday of the Hungarian virtuoso pianist/composer/conductor Franz Liszt. Some people consider Liszt to be the world’s first rock star.

Birthday Limerick For Franz Liszt
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The pianist/composer named Liszt
Was as hot as the cancan and twist:
Caused a Beatle-like heat—
Gals would swoon from his beat
And the sounds he produced with each wrist.

Limerick Ode To Hot Dog Heckling

Thursday, October 13th, 2011

The hot dog throwing incident almost made me feel sorry for Tiger Woods. Of course, if Tiger Woods sang Italian opera, it would have been fruit.

Limerick Ode To Hot Dog Heckling
By Madeleine Begun kane

An inventive new golf misdemeanor
Is attack Tiger Woods with a wiener.
Yes, a hot dog was thrown
And a frank critique shown.
It could have been worse: Orangina?

Limerick Ode To Peter Falk

Friday, June 24th, 2011

Mark and I were very saddened to hear that Peter Falk has died. He’s provided so much entertainment and so many laughs over the years, I had to write this limerick:

Limerick Ode To Peter Falk
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Alas, we have lost Peter Falk.
He was famed for his “one more thing” talk.
His Columbo spurred laughs
With his “just pretend” gaffes,
As he nailed ev’ry bad guy he’d stalk.

Nameless Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

Sunday, April 17th, 2011

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here are two excellent resources: OEDILF on Writing A Limerick and Speedy Snail’s Limerick Rhythm and Meter.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal with a very long name…

or

A guy with a very long name…

Here’s mine:

Nameless Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal with a very long name
Desired celebrity fame.
Oh to have a huge halo
Like Oprah and J.Lo —
And be crowned a one-moniker dame.

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!

American Idol Not Idyllic

Thursday, March 10th, 2011

American Idol Not Idyllic (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I watched Idol last night — wasn’t dandy.
They gave compliments out just like candy.
And something is wrong
When with song after song
The toughest of judges is Randy.

(Linked in I Saw Sunday)

Accidental Haiku

Saturday, March 5th, 2011

It makes me fidget,
but I book myself to write
accidental verse.

*****
Accidental glance,
de-liberating romance—
just the dance of chance.

*****

Shocking incident:
things accidentally went
exactly as planned.

*****

Ms. Bristol Palin’s
book contract and dancing gig—
accident of birth.

*****

Booked reservation
at restaurant, but canceled—
had reservations.

*****

If you dare mention
certain odd affinities,
brace for fidgeting.

*****

Limerick Odes To Charlie Sheen

Wednesday, March 2nd, 2011

After flunking (badly) The Guardian’s Who Said This — Gaddafi or Charlie Sheen quiz, I forced myself to watch ABC’s entire 20/20 Charlie Sheen interview conducted (I’m not sure how) by Andrea Canning. Yikes!

I’m no shrink, but if Sheen isn’t certifiable, I can’t imagine who is. Yet Sheen’s suing CBS and Warner Bros. for canceling Two and a Half Men. CBS and Warner Bros. should keep a copy on hand of ABC’s interview. Because that show gives CBS all the ammunition it needs to defeat Sheen’s case. We’re talking loony-tunes-uninsurable!

And so, Charlie Sheen has earned himself two “Dear Charlie” letter limericks. Here’s the first:

Dear Charlie, you’re acting bizarre.
We don’t need yet another sick star.
You appear on the brink
Of a breakdown, yet think
You’re not crazy, which proves that you are.

And here’s my second limerick:

Dear Charlie, you’re losing your sheen.
Once funny, you’re now turning mean.
It’s clear that you’re sick.
Get some help. Do it quick!
And stop wasting your comedy gene.

(You can find more letters at Write A Letter.)

It’s Time To Tanka Beethoven (Tanka)

Sunday, February 27th, 2011

It’s Time To Tanka Beethoven
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The King’s Speech film score
gets Desplat an Oscar nod,
but poor Beethoven
is overlooked once again—
He needs a new publicist.

NOTE: Alexandre Desplat’s Oscar-nominated score for The King’s Speech is dominated by the music of Ludwig van Beethoven, specifically Beethoven’s 7th Symphony and Beethoven’s Piano Concerto No. 5, the Emperor Concerto. For more information on Beethoven’s frequent appearance in film scores, read Why Beethoven Deserves An Oscar.

Fighting Mad

Saturday, February 26th, 2011

Since I already wrote a limerick review of the Fighter, I wasn’t planning to post on that topic again. Even Melissa Leo’s “Consider” her for an Oscar photo campaign wasn’t enough to get me writing. Though for the record, I think she looks great in those pics and I’m rooting for her.

Actually, now that I’m on the subject, here’s a message to Leo critics who fault her for showing herself in a more physically attractive light: You’re being sexist. Freedom of choice is a feminist ideal. So if Melissa Leo chooses to look glamorous and sexy for a change, that’s just fine with me. More power to her!

But back to what prompted this post. Carry On Tuesday’s saved by the bell prompt got me thinking about boxers, which reminded me of the Fighter and inspired this limerick:

Saved By The Bell
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The boxer was saved by the bell
After being in boxing match hell.
He needed a break.
That’s all it would take:
That sound ere he once again fell.

(Also for I Saw Sunday.)

UPDATE: Congratulations Melissa Leo on your Oscar! I knew you could f…ing do it.

Have You Ever Noticed…

Monday, January 3rd, 2011

This question will probably make me sound ageist and grumpy. In my preemptive defense, let me say:

1) I’ve been tossing AARP’s annoying magazine for years; and

2) I am grumpy.

So here’s my question: Have you ever noticed that Andy Rooney isn’t funny anymore?

I used to be a fan and would never turn 60 Minutes off until Rooney’s monologue was over. I even owned one of his humor collections. But I can’t remember the last time Andy Rooney made me laugh … or even giggle. These days his commentaries make me cringe.

Now to those who may argue that I’m not funny either, I say:

CBS doesn’t pay me a gazillion bucks a year to not be funny!

And no, this limerick isn’t funny either:

Have You Ever Noticed…
By Madeleine Begun Kane

At the risk of incurring some ire:
Andy Rooney should really retire.
It’s not that he’s old,
And I don’t mean to scold,
But he’s funny no more, and it’s dire.

Limerick Ode To Willie Nelson

Sunday, November 28th, 2010

You’d think Texas cops would have more important things to worry about than marijuana in Willie Nelson’s tour bus. But apparently not, so they arrested him. And that cries out for a limerick:

Limerick Ode To Willie Nelson
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Willie Nelson is in a tough spot
Cuz of grass on his tour bus. What rot!
Such arrests make me groan.
Wish they’d leave him alone.
They’re musicians — they’re s’posed to smoke pot.

The Tenor Of Our Anniversary

Saturday, June 5th, 2010

My husband Mark and I had a wonderful time celebrating our 32nd wedding anniversary on Friday, June 4th in Manhattan. We saw a Broadway play — Ken Ludwig’s hilarious Lend Me A Tenor, which was directed by Stanley Tucci. (There’s more about the play in my two-verse limerick.) We also dined at Nocello and enjoyed attempting to dance the rumba at the Marriott Marquis’ Broadway Lounge.

And now, my limerick:

The Tenor Of Our Anniversary
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Hubby Mark and I partied last night.
(It’s been thirty-two years of delight.)
Saw a great Broadway play.
What a heavenly way
To celebrate marriage just right!

Shaloub and LaPaglia star.
(Both are Tony’s — you know who they are.)
Justin Bartha stars too.
We kept laughing on cue
At Lend Me A Tenor. Har, har!