Posts Tagged ‘Campaign Satire’

Nevada’s Wingnut Angle

Thursday, June 10th, 2010

Harry Reid sure caught a lucky break Tuesday: Nevada’s looniest would-be Senator won the Republican nomination. Yes, Senator Reid’s opponent will be the wingnutty Sharron Angle, a woman with views so odd, she almost manages to make Rand Paul look semi-normal.

Nevada’s Wingnut Angle (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Harry’s hopes for November looked bleak,
With Republican odds at their peak.
But he’ll easily wrangle
The wacky Ms. Angle.
Thank you, wingnuts, for picking a freak.

Kirk’s “Factual” Quirks

Monday, June 7th, 2010

It turns out that Mark Kirk’s problems with the truth go well beyond exaggerating his military resume. As the Chicago Sun-Times reports, the Illinois Republican nominee for U.S. Senate has a habit of telling international tall tales about Iranian oil imports, France’s handling of pirates, and the China-drilling-for-oil-off-the-Cuban-coast fable.

Are these deliberate lies? Or is Mark Kirk woefully ill-informed? I’m not sure, but neither explanation would speak well of a would-be senator who’s ostensibly an expert in foreign affairs.

That brings me to my latest limerick:

Kirk’s “Factual” Quirks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mark Kirk is astoundingly lax
When he spouts international “facts.”
Be it China or France
Or Iranian rants,
He’s deceptive and wrong to the max.

Hatching Hypocrisy

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

Okay, so we have two Senatorial candidates who’ve pumped up their military records — Republican Mark Kirk of Illinois and Democrat Richard Blumenthal of Connecticut. We also have the horrified Republican Senator Orrin Hatch, who’s hatched the upright-sounding Stolen Valor Act. Just one problem: According to Hatch, it would criminalize Blumenthal’s behavior but (surprise, surprise) not Kirk’s.

Hatching Hypocrisy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

When a pol says he fought for our land
And exaggerates, bolst’ring his brand,
That’s a crime, says Sen Hatch.
But of course there’s a catch:
Only Dems need obey this command.

Update: One of my few Republican Facebook friends, Rob Hood, posted a limerick response in Facebook asserting that I engage in anti-GOP gloating. Here’s my limerick rejoinder:

I’m a Dem, but I’m surely not gloating.
There’s no reason for happy emoting.
Though the GOP’s worse
Than the Dems, here’s our curse:
Most pols do not merit our voting.

Maine Mishigas

Monday, May 17th, 2010

Would you like to dump the Department of Education and the Federal Reserve?

Do you believe there’s “collusion between government and industry in the global warming myth”?

Do you think the U.S. should adopt “Austrian Economics,” abrogate the “UN Treaty on Rights of the Child” and the “Law Of The Sea Treaty” and resist “efforts to create a one world government”?

Then do I have a Republican Party Platform for you:

Maine Mishigas (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The Republican Party of Maine
Has apparently gone quite insane.
It has managed to fill
Its new platform with swill.
What an odd way to run a campaign.

But citizens tend to ignore
Party platforms — they’re often a bore.
So Dems, spread the word
Re this platform absurd.
Cuz (if known) it has little allure.

Note: I suppose a crazy party platform should be expected from people who’d behave like this while they’re adopting it:

The Republican State Convention was held at the Portland Exposition Building, which is on Park Avenue, near the middle school. Party members from Knox County caucused in a classroom used by eighth-grade social studies teacher Paul Clifford.

When Clifford returned to school on Monday, he found that a favorite poster about the U.S. labor movement had been taken and replaced with a bumper sticker that read, “Working People Vote Republican.”

Later, Clifford learned that his classroom had been searched. Republicans who had attended the convention called Principal Mike McCarthy to complain about “anti-American” things they saw there, including a closed box containing copies of the U.S. Constitution that were published by the American Civil Liberties Union.

Ode To John “Pants On Fire” McCain

Monday, April 5th, 2010

Dear Senator McCain: Pretending to be a maverick is bad enough. But pretending that you never pretended to be a maverick? That’s just silly!

Yes, it’s hard to believe, but McCain’s response to J.D. Hayworth’s primary challenge from the right is to say, “I never considered myself a maverick.” Of course, that would be a bit more convincing had McCain not, among other things, released a 2008 presidential campaign ad calling himself the “original maverick.”

That brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:

Ode To John “Pants On Fire” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a man named McCain,
The Republicans’ “maverick” bane.
He wore the term proudly
And touted it loudly.
But now it’s a primary pain.

So he’s claiming he never did use it,
Though we know that he’d often abuse it.
But he’s feeling the sting
Of the nutty right-wing,
So with lies he’s attempting to lose it.

“Traitor Joe” Wasn’t Disloyal Enough? (Haiku)

Tuesday, November 18th, 2008

The Dems cave and give Joe Lieberman a meaningless punishment. What a surprise!

Democrats hand Joe
A tiny slap on the wrist.
Thumbs down to the Dems.

Does Sarah Palin Even Know What “Intellectual” Means?

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

It’s hard to believe, but Sarah Palin told People Magazine that she’s an “intellectual.” Sorry, Governor Palin, but I’ve known some intellectuals, and you ain’t no intellectual:

Does Sarah Palin Even Know What Intellectual Means?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gov. Palin’s astonishing claim?
She’s a smart, “intellectual” dame.
That gal may be bright
And quite tough in a fight,
But her intellect’s woefully lame.

Where’s My Personal Shopper?

Thursday, October 23rd, 2008

After seeing Sarah Palin prance around in so much stylish, pricey-looking apparel, I wrongly assumed Alaska was so sort of fashion Mecca.  But sorry, Alaska.  It turns out that Palin’s $150K wardrobe hails from Saks Fifth Avenue in St. Louis and New York and Neiman Marcus in Minneapolis, all courtesy of the RNC and personal shopper Jeff Larson.

So here’s what I want to know:  Does John McCain’s tax plan provide a $150K tax credit for personal shoppers?

Where’s My Personal Shopper?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gov. Palin, you’re taking some heat
For your clothing which, granted, is neat.
But with budgets austere
Why wear clothing so dear?
And just who are you calling elite?

I’m A McPalin Haiku Hysteria Finalist

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008

Cool news!  Nearly 4000 people submitted haiku to the McPalin Haiku Hysteria contest held by People For The American Way and The Nation Magazine.  And I’m one of the twelve finalists!!!  So I’d really appreciate your voting for my haiku here. The three winning haiku will be published in The Nation.

We were allowed to submit up to three haiku, and here are the three I submitted.  (The first one is the haiku that made the finals.)

Palin knows nothing
About the Constitution.
Puppets don’t have to.

An anti-choice veep
Who opposes free rape kits?
Thanks, John, but no thanks.

Would Palin court picks
Destroy the Constitution?
You betcha! Wink, wink.

Ode To Sarah “Geography-Challenged” Palin

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008

Sarah Palin has a very strange relationship with geography.  Who else do you know who:

1) Keeps an eye on Russia from her Alaska bedroom window;
2) Thinks Afghanistan is “our neighboring country;”
3) Describes New Hampshire as being part of our “great Northwest;” and
4) Tells crowds how much she enjoys visiting “pro-America areas” of America. 

Come to think of it, that last one does make some sense to me: Palin’s marriage to a (presumably reformed) secessionist, must surely make meeting pro-America Americans refreshing, indeed.

However,  I do remain concerned about Palin’s Afghanistan and New Hampshire problem:

Ode To Sarah “Geography-Challenged” Palin
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gov. Palin’s geography gap
Is appalling. Please give her a map.
This isn’t a test,
But New Hampshire? Northwest?
On our “neighbor” Afghanistan’s lap?

Ode To John “Air-Quotes” McCain

Thursday, October 16th, 2008

Sarcastic air-quotes around “health” in “health of the mother”? Who the hell uses sarcastic air-quotes anymore … let alone when referring to women’s health? Big mistake, Senator McCain!

Which reminds me — during last night’s debate I had a revelation about the gravitas-test versus the guy-you’d-enjoy-having-a-beer-with-test.  In this year’s election, gravitas-guy (Obama)  is also the fellow I’d enjoy having a beer with … if only I liked beer:

Ode To John “Air-Quotes” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Many voters ask:  Whose views are best,
As opposed to the drinking-pal test.
But whichever the measure,
Obama’s my pleasure.
McCain?  He’s a cranky old pest.

Sarah In Wonderland

Sunday, October 12th, 2008

A  bipartisan legislative panel in Alaska finds Sarah Palin guilty of abusing her executive power.  So is Palin contrite?  Hahahahaha!

Actually, I’m find it tough to get my head around Palin’s response.  (Unlike so many Republicans, I’ve never been any  good at holding two contradictory positions at the same time.)

Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin this weekend disregarded an ethics investigator’s finding that she had abused her executive power as Alaska’s governor and instead embraced a second finding in the report to say that she had been cleared of wrongfully firing her state public safety commissioner. …

In a Saturday conference call with Alaska journalists, Palin said she was “pleased to be cleared of any legal wrongdoing … any hint of any kind of unethical activity there.” She denounced the investigation, calling it “a partisan circus.” …

Okay, I’m not positive, but here’s what seems to be the McCain campaign’s official response to the Troopergate ethics violation report: 

1) It  exonerates her; and

2) If it hadn’t been an Obama-controlled hit job, it would have exonerated her.

My head hurts.

Sarah In Wonderland
By Madeleine Begun Kane

So what is Gov. Palin’s excuse
For the finding of power abuse?
She pretends it ain’t there,
While she claims it ain’t fair,
With the facts playing games, fast and loose.

Team Of Liars (Limerick)

Thursday, October 9th, 2008

Team Of Liars
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The McCain/Palin team now is rife
With liars, including John’s wife.
So it’s surely no shock
They’re defaming Barack.
As McCain might say:  John, get a life!

What I Learned From Last Night’s Obama / McCain Debate

Wednesday, October 8th, 2008

Here’s what I learned from the second presidential debate: If (heaven forbid) Election 2008 has to be resolved in court, the title of the case will be McCain v. That One.

McCain And Palin Make Rudy Look Like A Class Act

Tuesday, October 7th, 2008

It’s not easy to make Rudy Giuliani look like a class act. But both McCain and Palin have managed to do it quite handily.   While Rudy (on at least one occasion) had the decency to chide an audience member for connecting Democrats with terrorists, McCain and Palin apparently feel no such compunction. Why do I say that? Because they greet   anti-Obama audience-shouts like “Treason,”  “Terrorist!” and “Kill!” with silence.

McCain And Palin Make Rudy Look Like A Class Act
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John McCain, I sure hope that you’re proud:
You and Palin prompt rage in a crowd.
Your supporters shout swill:
“Treason!”  “Terrorist!” “Kill!”
Even Rudy would say: Not allowed!

Ode To Attack Dog Palin

Tuesday, October 7th, 2008

Ode To Attack Dog Palin (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Palin proudly proclaims “I don’t blink!”
(Doesn’t count when it’s merely a wink.)
She attacks with a smile,
Throwing lies cross the aisle —
Slimes Barack as a terrorist fink.

Sarah Palin Passes Her Reading Test

Tuesday, October 7th, 2008

Sarah Palin Passes Her Reading Test
By Madeleine Begun Kane

To those who say Palin was best,
I’ll concede she debated with zest.
But she read off her notes
All night long, so your votes
Are based on an open book test.

Finally, A John McCain Statement I Can Agree With

Monday, October 6th, 2008

At first, I was amused by John McCain’s bitter-sounding “life isn’t fair” remark.

Asked why Obama has been rising as the Wall Street crisis has dominated attention, McCain said with a chuckle on Fox News Channel: “Because life isn’t fair.”

But on second thought, I’ve decided McCain is right:

Finally, A McCain Statement I  Can Agree With
By Madeleine Begun Kane

McCain’s very wrong about war
And on health care and taxes and more.
But he’s right (though it’s rare)
With his “life isn’t fair,”
Cuz what else could explain Bush v. Gore?

A Do-Over Supreme Court Test For Palin?

Thursday, October 2nd, 2008

According to Fred Thompson, Sarah Palin’s inability to name a single Supreme Court case she disagrees with wasn’t her fault.  Why not?  Because Katie Couric didn’t give her a list of cases.    I half-expected Thompson to demand  a do-over test.

A Do-Over Supreme Court Test For Palin?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

You’re excused, dear Ms. Palin. Rejoice!
Now that Thompson has lent you his voice,
The court case-test you flunked
Has been strongly debunked
As unfair — wasn’t  multiple choice.

Dear “Everyday Working Class” Sarah

Wednesday, October 1st, 2008

Sarah Palin, who likes to refer to herself as “Joe Six Pack“, is trying to dupe us into believing she’s “an everyday, working-class American.” Palin even claims that her “Joe Six Pack” status is why “the Washington elite” don’t think she should be running for Veep.  (Apparently it has nothing to do with her making Dan Quayle look like a genius and George Bush look coherent.)

Just wondering: How many “everyday, working-class Americans” do you know who own “a single-engine plane, two boats, two personal watercraft and a half-million-dollar, custom-built home on a lake…”

Sarah deserves another limerick, don’t you think?

Dear “Everyday Working Class” Sarah
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Your custom-built lake house sounds nice,
And your plane,  boats, and tanning device.
But kindly don’t claim
You’re a “working class” dame.
We don’t buy it, so sorry, no dice.