Posts Tagged ‘Limerick Of The Week’
Sunday, December 18th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to KATHY EL-ASSAL who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A guy who was terribly high
From putting his thumb in a pie
Had pulled out a plum
Soaked in 50 proof rum
And said, “How besotted am I?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Schechter, Konrad Schwoerke, Ira Bloom, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Johanna Richmond and Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Schechter:
A man who was terribly high
Attempted to tie his own tie.
The thing got so tangled
The poor man was strangled.
The moral: Wear clip-ons, or die.
Konrad Schwoerke:
A man who was terribly high
Felt a penis while stroking her thigh.
“Even fried as a fritter,
I’m not a switch-hitter!
I think I’ll keep passing on bi.”
Ira Bloom:
A man who was terribly high
On the food chain, at last had to die.
He was known, in his day,
To be quite the gourmet,
But the worms found him tasteless and dry.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A gal who was terribly high
On a swing-set let out a loud cry:
“Chicken Little was right!
It’s a real scary sight —
First the rise then the fall of the sky!”
Johanna Richmond:
A gal who is terribly high
Knows her face looks suspiciously sly;
Though she tries to sound grave,
More like straight folks behave,
She’s betrayed by the wink in her eye.
Byron Miller a/k/a Errol Nimbly:
A man who was terribly high
Had been living with pigs in a sty.
When I asked if he knew
That he smelled like a zoo,
He addressed me, “oink-oink” in reply.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Byron Miller, Ira Bloom, Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest, Limericks | 6 Comments »
Sunday, December 11th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A man who was frequently prone
To sitting all day on the throne,
Said, “It’s great to be king,
But there’s only one thing:
It’s a toilet, and I’m in Bayonne.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Kathy El-Assal, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall,
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Drew Nicholson, and John Peter Larkin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A gal who was frequently prone
To engaging in sex on the phone
Found repeat business hard
Since her number was barred
By the women whose husbands she’d blown.
Kathryn El-Assal:
A gal who was frequently prone
To a French existentialist tone
Hung out with Camus
And Jean-Paul Sartre, too.
To her friends, she was known as Simone.
Edmund Conti:
A guy who was frequently prone
To lying face down when alone
Said, “It may not show class
When exposing my ass,
But it beats out what else could be shown.”
Elaine Spall:
A fellow was frequently prone
To be licking and chewing a bone.
When he started to nibble
Some leftover kibble
The doghouse was where he was thrown.
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A gal who was frequently prone
From indulging in much Côtes du Rhône
Raised a glass (in a dream)
At a bistro in Nîmes,
While asleep on the floor in Bayonne.
Drew Nicholson:
A guy who was frequently prone
To refusing to spend time alone
Said “My name’s Herman Cain.
I suspend my campaign,
But I’ll take VP offers by phone.”
John Peter Larkin:
A guy who was frequently prone
Was happy his seed had been sown.
His girl had said no
But she gave him the go
When he found her erogenous zone.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, Drew Nicholson, Edmund Conti, Elaine Spall, Johanna Richmond, John Peter Larkin, Kathryn El-Assal, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 5 Comments »
Sunday, December 4th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to IRA BLOOM who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On toner, proceeded to vent:
“That HP ink-jet
We were eager to get
Now’s the printer of our discontent.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Edmund Conti, Robert Schechter, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Arthur Goikhman a/k/a SurrealGames. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Edmund Conti:
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Decided to sell his one stent.
His search was in vain.
Do I need to explain
That pun which you’ll come to resent?
Robert Schechter:
A woman whose last dime was spent
Entertaining an indigent gent,
Said, “I’m such a dumb bunny.
I thought he had money!
But that’s not what ‘indigent’ meant.”
Veralynne Bosko Pepper:
A woman whose last dime was spent
Found the key to her lock box was bent.
Oh, what could she do?
Solicit a screw?
In a blur, to the bar off she went.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow whose last dime was spent,
Not despairing, went on to invent
A money machine
Like none before seen.
Can you guess to which prison he went?
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A fellow whose last dime was spent
Had no money for food or for rent.
He committed a crime
So he could do time
And live on the taxpayers’ cent.
Arthur Goikhman a/k/a SurrealGames:
A fellow whose last dime was spent
On proving he had no intent
Was guilty as sin
But savored his win,
Since no one dug up the cement.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Edmund Conti, Ira Bloom, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, SurrealGames, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week | 5 Comments »
Sunday, November 27th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A man was attempting to eat
A taco he bought on the street.
He’s someone I follow
On Twitter. Each swallow
Was widely proclaimed in a tweet.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order): David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, Johanna Richmond, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A man was attempting to eat
At Le Restaurant Jean B. Lafitte,
But his face became pallid
When part of the salad
Got up and walked off on six feet.
Johanna Richmond:
A man was attempting to eat
When his wife hollered out, “Trick or treat!”
It was then he took note
She held open her tote,
So he thoughtfully offered his meat.
David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves:
A gal was attempting to eat
A length of spaghetti – six feet;
She forgot that to coil it
She’d first have to boil it,
Now she’s had to move up from petite.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow was trying to eat
Things acquired from a bet. He’d been beat!
They divided a cow.
The lost bet explains how
She got steaks, he got teats and de feet.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, David McCormick, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest | 6 Comments »
Sunday, November 20th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A woman who went through a phase
Was weary of men and their ways.
“I’m sick of the brawling
And please! No more mauling.
I’m done shopping sales with these gays.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily, Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes, Johanna Richmond, Pari Cooper, Kathy El-Assal, and Matt Monitto. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily
A woman who went through a phase
Took all her old light bulbs to graze.
She was terribly keen
To make them “go green,”
But had a dim grasp of the phrase.
Brenda Bryant a/k/a Rinkly Rimes :
A woman who went through a phase
Of enjoying the masculine gaze,
Decided to tease,
Threw off her chemise,
And walked through the town in her stays!
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow who went through a phase
Of responding as if in a daze
Said, “There’s lots up there twirling
With notes I’ve been squirr’ling.
I suffer from catch-phrase malaise!”
Pari Cooper:
A woman was deep in a phase,
Of lim’ricking all through her days
Ev’ry night and each morn,
(if she didn’t view porn)
She was posting a new MadKane phrase.
Kathy El-Assal:
A woman who went through a phase
Of hogging the spotlight and praise
Took a walk down the aisle
Dressed in haute couture style
For a marriage that lasted mere days.
Matt Monitto:
A woman who went through a phase
Would go hunting for sales. ‘Twas a craze:
There was fire in her eyes
When the prices would rise,
And she’d occupy Macy’s for days.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Brenda Bryant, Johanna Richmond, Karin Gustafson a/k/a Manicddaily, Kathy El-Assal, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Of The Week, Matt Monitto, Pari Cooper, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 7 Comments »
Monday, November 14th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to BRUCE NIEDT who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was famous worldwide
For solving the odd homicide.
When his friend asked, “What schools
gave you such helpful tools?”
“Element’ry, dear Watson!” he cried.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Ira Bloom, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Johanna Richmond, Robert Basler, and Daisy Mae Simon. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Ira Bloom:
A woman was famous worldwide,
But for what, it is hard to decide.
Having sex on the web?
As a partying deb?
I don’t know, but she’s fun to deride.
Madeleine Sara Maddocks:
A fellow was famous worldwide
For being incredibly wide.
When his doctor said “No!
All this blubber must go,”
He considered his options were fried.
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow was famous worldwide
Because often he publicly cried.
But astute folks took note:
His emotional bloat
Expressed only his oversized pride.
Robert Basler:
A fellow was famous worldwide
For marketing fruit that was dried.
Folks loved that his prunes
Didn’t need any spoons
Yet they still did the same thing inside.
Daisy Mae Simon:
A woman once famous worldwide.
Welcomed all to New York’s harbor side:
“…Your tired, your poor…”
Now meet a closed door.
Corporate greed and corruption preside.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Daisy Mae Simon, Ira Bloom, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Robert Basler, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 5 Comments »
Saturday, November 5th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. (I’m a bit early this time because I’m not sure if I’ll have any Internet access Sunday.) I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to BRUCE NIEDT who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow who just let it slip –
“I’m the captain on this ocean trip!” –
Caught the ear of a minx,
So that if the boat sinks,
You might say she’ll go down with the ship!
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Robert Schechter, and Madeleine Sara Maddocks. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman who just let it slip
To her boyfriend that she used to strip.
Heard him shout ,”How’d you dare
Dance and lay it all bare
When for me you won’t even unzip!”
Robert Schechter:
A fellow who just let it slip
That the moyel took too big a snip,
Said, “Now my son Earl
Is my dear daughter, Pearl.
That does it! The man blew his tip.”
Madeleine Sara Maddocks:
A fellow who just let it slip
That he liked nothing more than to strip
Was arrested one day
With his parts on display
When he failed to remember his zip.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Robert Schechter, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 7 Comments »
Sunday, October 30th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to DAVID MCCORMICK a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A woman was telling a tale
Of a date with a flesh-grabbing male:
‘Told him, “You with the paws!
“Don’t go thinking because
“This date’s ‘blind’ it’s okay to use Braille!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Robert Basler, Bruce Niedt, Emily a/k/a Looking For Roots, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Ira Bloom, Robert Schechter, and Ruth Henson Feder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Robert Basler:
A fellow was telling a tale
On his big application to Yale:
He had biked across France,
Taught the lame how to dance,
And drunk rum from the real Holy Grail.
Bruce Niedt:
A fellow was telling a tale
Of a wolf bite he got on the trail.
“I’ll feel much better soon —
Hey, is that the full moon?”
Now he’s growing a snout and a tail.
Emily a/k/a Looking For Roots:
A fellow was telling a tale,
But the plot had the pace of a snail.
His friends all walked out,
And he started to pout
‘Cuz his whale of a tale was a fail.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman was telling a tale
Of the crowds at an underwear sale.
She pushed, shoved, and hit
Just for one bra that fit
And emerged much more perky, but pale.
Ira Bloom:
A fellow was telling a tale,
Of a harlot he’d chanced to impale:
“I had this erection;
Alas! No protection!
Next I knew, I was lifting her veil.”
Robert Schechter:
A fellow was telling a tale
Which he tried hard to peddle. No sale,
For the folks in his state
Learned he’d gone on a date
Though he’d claimed he’d been hiking a trail.
Ruth Henson Feder:
A woman was telling a tale
‘Bout a piss-poor excuse for a male
Who was three hours late
On their very first date,
Stiffed the bill, and was thrown into jail.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Bruce Niedt, David McCormick, Emily a/k/a Looking For Roots, Ira Bloom, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Of The Week, Robert Basler, Robert Schechter, Ruth Henson Feder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 9 Comments »
Saturday, October 22nd, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JANE SHELTON HOFFMAN who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A woman who’d taken a shot
At the bar with a tall, rugged Scot
Was just starting to flirt
When she peeked up his skirt
And exclaimed, “Is that all that you’ve got?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Shawn Thorsen, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Colleen Murphy, and RJ Clarken. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jesse Levy:
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At an opened up Senator’s slot
Got caught in a scandal
Involving a sandal.
A shoe-in I guess he is not!
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At his neighbor’s antique flower pot
Got a nasty surprise
For that move-not-so-wise:
Steamin’ St Bernard poop through his slot.
Shawn Thorsen:
A woman who’d taken a shot
Of some brew from a simmering pot
Grew a prehensile tail
And oozed slime like a snail …
T’was a gastropod monkey, begot!
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At writing still searched for a plot.
“I am sure I”ll be fine
When I find that first line!”
Do editors wait? They do not!
Colleen Murphy:
A fellow who’d taken a shot
Had practiced his shooting a lot.
But he still had no aim
When he shot at his game,
So he ended with naught in his pot.
RJ Clarken:
A fellow who’d taken a shot
At crashing a chi-chi night spot
Paid a thou for a drink
And much more for ‘wink-wink.’
The next day? Just a sot with no pot.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Colleen Murphy, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, RJ Clarken, Shawn Thorsen, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 8 Comments »
Sunday, October 16th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JANE SHELTON HOFFMAN who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow at work on a case
Dressed his client in white pearls and lace.
But her prints on the gun
Proved she was the one.
“Burn in hell!” shrieked the host Nancy Grace.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Johanna Richmond, and Rachel Hoyt a/k/a Rhyme Me A Smile. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A woman at work on a case
Of a guy who was gone with no trace
Was intrigued by the clue
That his sexy wife, Sue,
Wore a satisfied smirk on her face.
David McCormick:
A fellow at work on a case
Yelled, “What hamfister sketched out this face?!
“Suspect’s eyes/ears transposed?!
“Two-tone lips?! Double-nosed?!” …
“Name’s Picasso, he’s new round the place.”
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow at work on a case
Galactic’ly tumbled from grace:
Through judicial robe zipper
Out slipped the big dipper
When “All rise!” reverbed through the place
Rachel Hoyt a/k/a Rhyme Me A Smile: (related news story)
A woman at work on a case
Had Batman show up at her place.
Said he saw in the sky
The bat signal (no lie)
But she just didn’t trust his thin face.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David Lefkovits, David McCormick, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Rachel Hoyt, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 6 Comments »
Saturday, October 8th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog, on Facebook, and on GooglePlus) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to J COSMO NEWBERY who wins Limerick of the Week for this very clever verse:
A guy in the mood for a bite
Ate a candle and half a flashlight.
“I’m on a new diet,
I urge you to try it,
Now I’m lighter but not very bright.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Veralynne Bosko Pepper, RJ Clarken, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Mark Megson, and Pari Cooper. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Veralynne Bosko Pepper:
A guy in the mood for a bite
Stepped out, in a cape, for the night.
It was foggy and gray.
WOW! He LOVED it that way!
Let’s see now … whose neck’s the right height?
RJ Clarken:
A gal in the mood for a bite
Gets a call for a dinner invite.
Andrew Zimmern’s her date:
Bizarre food’s on the plate.
Change of mood. She says, “Fasting tonight.”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A guy in the mood for a bite
Told a gal who was not very bright,
“Just give me a taste
Of your soft, little waist,
and I promise that’s all for the night.”
Mark Megson:
A guy in the mood for a bite
Found a tasty one during his flight:
The air hostess’s rear
Was deliciously near.
He gave the poor girl quite a fright.
Pari Cooper:
A gal in the mood for a bite
Thought she’d thaw something out for that night.
When she opened the freezer,
The sight didn’t please her.
In fact she lost all appetite.
When the stench from the box hit the air,
She thought she saw something like hair!
A whole body dismembered,
But then she remembered,
She’d bought Dahmer’s old Frigidaire!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: J Cosmo Newbery, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Megson, Pari Cooper, RJ Clarken, Veralynne Bosko Pepper, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 6 Comments »
Sunday, October 2nd, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to PHYLLIS STERLING SMITH a/k/a Granny Smith, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A fellow was going to bat
For a law client monstrously fat.
When she lay down on hubby,
A man merely tubby,
She mashed him as flat as a slat.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jesse Levy, Pari Cooper, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Steph Holdridge, Linda Moss, and Johanna Richmond. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jesse Levy:
A woman was going to bat
For a local disgraced Democrat.
He tweeted his junk!
He’s a punk not a hunk.
His career? Well now, that ended that.
Pari Cooper:
A fellow was going to bat,
Had a dick that was long as “all that”.
He rounded each base,
In a three legged race,
Then tripped on his balls and fell flat.
David McCormick:
A fellow was going to bat
So he donned, for protection, a hat;
Gloves and shirt, lightly padded;
Then furtively added
A cup for his this and his that.
Steph Holdridge:
A fella was going to bat
For a gal who was losing her flat.
He stopped the eviction
With a tale that was fiction,
And moved in with his dog and his cat.
Linda Moss:
A fellow was going to bat.
From nowhere appeared a black cat.
He threw up his hand,
Tossed the bat in the sand.
Superstition will trick you like that!
Johanna Richmond:
A fellow was going to bat
For a perky, pump-lovin’ pack rat;
Her footwear collection
(A shoo-in erection)
Could heal him in five minutes flat.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David McCormick, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Linda Moss, Pari Cooper, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Steph Holdridge, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 7 Comments »
Saturday, September 24th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to RJ CLARKEN who wins Limerick of the Week for this very clever verse:
A guy who was fast on his feet
Courted courtesan gal Marguerite.
He danced her, romanced her
And then he unpantsed her.
Camille? Il est très bittersweet.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jane Shelton Hoffman, Earlybird, Scott Crowder, Daisy Mae Simon, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A guy who was fast on his feet
Was viewed as a sexual treat.
But the ladies agreed
His incredible speed
Disappointed them under the sheet.
Earlybird:
A gal who was fast on her feet
Decided to learn how to tweet.
Her fingers are fitter
From learning to Twitter.
But she never gets up from her seat.
Scott Crowder:
A guy who was fast on his feet,
Took the sportscaster gal to his suite,
And made hot, dirty love,
With the soon to be Guv.
Just a wild mama grizzly in heat.
Daisy Mae Simon:
A guy who is fast on his feet
Will appear on TV to compete
Despite onemillionmoms
Raising outrageous qualms.
A huge win for Chaz B. would be sweet!
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A gal who was fast on her feet,
When caught in a clinch indiscreet,
Said: “My dear, I am told
That the cure for a cold
Is to heighten one’s bodily heat.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Daisy Mae Simon, David Lefkovits, Earlybird, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Limerick Of The Week, RJ Clarken, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 6 Comments »
Sunday, September 18th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to DAVID MCCORMICK a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A gal who was covered in sweat
Vowed, “Girl! That’s your last pirouette!
“Admit it! You grew too
“Rotund for your tutu!
“BELLY dancing is now your best bet!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Mark Megson, Ira Bloom, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, RJ Clarken, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A gal who was covered in sweat
While performing a horny sextet,
Between visions impure
And a skilled embouchure,
Earned the “Rusty Trombone” sobriquet.
Mark Megson:
A guy who was covered in sweat
Was arrested for humping his pet.
“It was choking” he cried
“So the Heimlich I tried,
An action that I now regret!”
Ira Bloom:
A guy who was covered in sweat
Told his friend, while collecting a bet:
“It may seem a fiasco
To guzzle Tabasco—
I do it to get out of debt.”
Madeleine Sara Maddocks:
A guy who was covered in sweat
Made his lady loves rather upset.
As he slipped and he slithered
His ardour just withered,
Leaving appetites sorely unmet.
RJ Clarken:
A guy who was covered in sweat
Had the hots for a sexy brunette.
So he said, “It sounds screwy:
You make me feel dewy!”
That line hasn’t worked for him yet.
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith:
A guy who was covered with sweat,
Indignant, rushed Pooch to the vet.
“She encountered a rake.
What means should I take?
I’m not ready for puppies just yet!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David McCormick, Ira Bloom, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Madeleine Sara Maddocks, Mark Megson, Phyllis Sterling Smith, RJ Clarken, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 8 Comments »
Sunday, September 11th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to Ira Bloom who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow was trying to dine
On a meat which he couldn’t define.
It was beaten with mallets
And sauteed with shallots;
For roadkill, he thought it divine.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Johanna Richmond, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Linda Scheller, Charles Mashburn a/k/a Marbles In My Pocket, and Neal Pattison. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
David McCormick:
A fellow was trying to dine.
Of his sirloin, there still was no sign;
Told the waiter his plight,
“Will I sit here all night?”
“Oh no, sir, we close up at nine.”
Johanna Richmond:
A woman was trying to dine
When her date, a bit touched by the wine,
Took dessert down below
Where she heard him cry, “Whoa,
Crème brûlée never tasted so fine!”
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman was trying to dine
When he whispered, “These breasts are so fine.”
Her face got beet red.
From the table she fled.
But he just meant his Chicken Divine.
Linda Scheller:
A fellow was trying to dine
On his caviar, fois gras and wine.
He looked through the glass,
Saw a match-selling lass
And then muttered, “Oh well. I’ve got mine.”
Charles Mashburn:
A fellow was trying to dine
But mostly he drank lots of wine,
Became quite unstable,
Slipped under the table.
His wife said, “Oh no, he’s not mine.”
Neal Pattison:
A man who was trying to dine.
Saw his fork had a speck on one tine.
Was it pepper or spice?
Was it rats? Was it mice?
He decided to stick with the wine.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. It was an especially strong group of poems, and I had a very tough time choosing.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Charles Mashburn, David McCormick, Ira Bloom, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Linda Scheller, Neal Pattison, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 3 Comments »
Sunday, September 4th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to JANE SHELTON HOFFMAN who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow who felt he’d been had
Complained of a misleading ad.
“It never did rise
Or double its size
Even though she was scantily clad!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Amy Barlow Liberatore a/k/a Sharp Little Pencil, David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves, Kerri Anderson, and RJ Clarken. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A woman who thought she’d been had
By her dubious date, “Man from Glad,”
Found his fetish for plastic
Sincere, not bombastic:
His meatballs were sandwich bag clad.
Amy Barlow Liberatore:
A woman who felt she’d been had
Gazed out of the window, quite sad.
Her millionaire dream,
A big Ponzi scheme.
Her slick lover was two times a cad.
David McCormick:
A woman who felt she’d been had
Told the Judge, “Kissed some frog on a pad.
“Well, next thing I seen
“Was this ugly, old queen
“Not the ‘handsome, young prince’ in his ad”.
Kerri Anderson:
A woman who felt she’d been had
Did say to her mother, “I’m sad.
“I’ve cooked and I’ve cleaned,
“I’ve primped, pressed and preened,
“But the only man ’round here is Dad.”
RJ Clarken:
A fellow who felt he’d been had
Re buying a dubious ‘Strad’
Found his authentication
Lacked substantiation.
Oh fiddlesticks! He was sure mad.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Amy Barlow Liberatore, David McCormick, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Kerri Anderson, Limerick Of The Week, RJ Clarken, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 9 Comments »
Saturday, August 27th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to DAVID MCCORMICK a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A fellow who tended to brag
Blustered, “Ski slalom Gold? In the bag!”
But he met a sad fate
When, at the last gate,
He zigged when he needed to zag.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, RJ Clarken, and Jane Shelton Hoffman. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond:
A woman who tended to brag
Hoped her bra hid her sizable sag,
But the long straps and clips
She hooked up to her hips
Bobbed her boobs with each derriere wag.
RJ Clarken:
A woman who tended to brag
All about her ‘Kate Spade’ shoulder bag
Discovered … a fraud!
Yes, she saw it was flawed:
The name was misspelled on the tag.
Jane Shelton Hoffman:
A woman who tended to brag
Said she’d been in a bachelor mag
As not only the cover,
But Most Wanted Lover,
Even though she was starting to sag.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David McCormick, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, RJ Clarken, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 4 Comments »
Sunday, August 21st, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to BRUCE NIEDT who wins Limerick of the Week for this entertaining verse:
A woman who always seemed game
Bedded men who all asked her the same:
“Did you have a good time?”
And each night she would chime,
“Oh yes! I am so glad I came!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Johanna Richmond, Matty, Ira Bloom, and Jesse Levy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Johanna Richmond
A woman who always seemed game
Loved a man who put “spicey” to shame;
While his creamed pepper jack
Made a very nice snack,
His Jamaican jerk set her aflame.
Matty:
A fellow who always seemed game
Went out with a strange looking dame.
As the petting got heavy
In back of his Chevy,
He found out that Pete was her name.
Ira Bloom:
A woman who always seemed game,
From Siam, said without any shame:
“I will whip your behind,
If you like Thais that bind,
‘Cause I dress not to kill, but to maim.”
Jesse Levy:
A woman who always seemed game,
Could never remember my name.
I told her, quite peevy,
“My dear, it is Levy.”
Now her name and mine are the same.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: Bruce Niedt, Ira Bloom, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Limerick Of The Week, Matty, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week | 9 Comments »
Sunday, August 14th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to Patrick McGuire who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A man who was lacking in wit
Had lawyers who never would quit.
The jury declared
The man should be spared
’Cause the glove at the scene did not fit.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Mark Megson, J Cosmo Newbery, and Scott Crowder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Mark Megson:
A man who was lacking in wit
Performed an odd comedy skit.
He stood on two logs
And juggled some frogs,
To which the crowd said “Is this it?”
J Cosmo Newbery:
A girl who was lacking in wit
Thought a penis was something that bit.
At the end of the night
She exclaimed with delight,
“It’s toothless, but knows how to spit!”
Scott Crowder:
A man who was lacking in wit,
Was stupid and didn’t know spit.
So he asked Joe the Plumber,
“Back Dumb or back Dumber?”
Joe suggested Michelle over Mitt.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: J Cosmo Newbery, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Megson, Patrick McGuire, Scott Crowder, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, August 7th, 2011
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off. I’m very pleased to announce the winning Limerick of the Week and the Honorable Mentions:
Congratulations to David McCormick a/k/a AdamantYves who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
A love-smitten gal was irate
When H. Lecter, (her beau), turned up late;
“My regrets,” he said quickly,
“My tummy felt sickly,
“It’s probably someone I ate.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jesse Levy, Kay Saladay, Johanna Richmond, and Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Jesse Levy:
A love-smitten gal was irate
’Cause she went with a real reprobate.
He was lazy and greedy
And boy, was he needy.
But his paintings do hang in the Tate.
Kay Salady:
A love-smitten gal was irate
When her guy showed up late for their date.
The smell of perfume
Drifted into the room.
Then her love quickly turned into hate.
Johanna Richmond:
A love-smitten gal was irate
When her man fled the deli mid-date:
Her pickle juice trickle
Made lover-boy fickle;
He took his knishes too –– great!
Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith
A love-smitten gal was irate
That her chatter seemed starting to grate.
She talked up a flurry.
He left in a hurry.
She joined “on-and-on anon.” Late.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
Tags: David McCormick, Jesse Levy, Johanna Richmond, Kay Saladay, Limerick Of The Week, Phyllis Sterling Smith, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
Posted in Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limericks | 5 Comments »
