Just in time for National Cat Day (Oct 29):
Dear cat, you can’t dupe me with purr-bull,
And you don’t deserve anything herbal.
No treats and no pity,
Felonious kitty!
I’ve proof that you’ve eaten my gerbil.
Happy National Potato Day! (October 27)
A woman with terrible taste
Cooked potatoes that tasted like paste.
“I just can’t choke them down,”
Growled her spouse with a frown.
“Now I know where the Elmer’s misplaced.”
It’s National Dictionary Day, created in honor of Noah Webster’s birthday.
I attempt to learn new words each day–
At least one, sometimes two, but they stray;
Seems as new words are learned,
The old ones are spurned:
“You’re evicted!” those brain-hoggers bray.
I’d almost forgotten to say
That it’s “Train Your Brain Day.” Yes, today!
Like most people, my brain’s
Badly trained. It campaigns
To unceasingly lead me astray.
Happy World Egg Day! (October 9)
On “World Egg Day” a Facebooker begs:
“Kindly stop cracking wise about eggs.”
I’ll concede we’ve been laying
Some eggs, but quit braying;
We aren’t yet down to the dregs.
Happy Bathtub Day! (October 7)
When it’s time to get clean, we can choose
Either shower or bathtub — I’ll use
A hot shower each time
Cuz I hate soapy slime,
And in tubs the slime clings like tattoos.
Brace yourself! Tomorrow, August 31, is Eat Outside Day.
Although eating outside can be fun,
My enjoyment is quickly undone
By insects that join
To dine on one’s loin.
Just one bite, and I’ll bug out and run.
It’s National Banana Lovers Day, so here’s my requisite limerick:
The smell of bananas is vile.
Just one hit of them raises my bile.
They taste awful when green
And when ripened, obscene.
In essence, they stink up the aisle.
For National Dog Day, a 2-Verse Acrostic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Canine friends are my subject today,
And I love to watch dogs on display,
Never letting you down.
I can’t see why you’d frown
Near a puppy that just wants to play.
Ev’ry pooch needs a human to love.
(People swear they’re a gift from above.)
Always loyal and sweet–
Lets you know: “Time to eat!”
So line up to adopt and don’t shove.
Happy National Knife Day. (August 24)
It’s “Knife Day,” so celebrate knives.
Give that weapon/utensil high fives.
But don’t wave it aroun’.
Kindly put that knife down
To ensure that each rev’ler survives.
Today’s the 3rd Friday of August, which means it’s International Apostrophe Day:
The apostrophe’s often misused
And bruised by the over-enthused,
Whose possessives, contractions,
And capital actions
Leave marks when our grammar’s abused.
Limerick Ode To “Bad Poetry Day” (3-Verse)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Bad Poetry Day” is today,
But I’d rather keep bad verse at bay.
Writing poorly on purpose
Would seem to usurp us
And lead to poetic decay.
I contend that it’s hard to deny
We write badly enough when we try
To create something clever
Or sweet, or endeavor
To craft something witty or wry.
This very 3-verser of mine
Provides proof of my point. Ev’ry line
Should be thrown in the can.
But I just got a plan:
I shall claim that it’s bad by design.
Happy National Tell A Joke Day! (August 16)
A fellow who looked like an ape
Was unusually quick with a jape,
So his blind dates enjoyed
All the jokes he employed,
But then quickly made good their escape.
It’s Champagne Day — not that I need an excuse to drink champagne … or write silly limericks:
A flutist who’s fond of champagne
Trills “Vintage!” — a chilling refrain.
Dating rich, shady guys
For their bank account size,
She loves swilling their ill-gotten gain.
Limerick Ode To Bagpipe Appreciation Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A spy was perturbed by the drone
From some bagpipes, a mind-numbing tone.
Though he wanted to pound
The source of that sound,
He held back, lest his cover be blown.
*****
UPDATE: November 19 is “National Blow Bagpipes Day.”
Limerick Ode To National Scotch Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I hate to complain or to carp.
About liquor it’s rare that I harp.
But I’d scotch any notion
Of drinking a potion
Whose wet-carpet smell is so sharp.
Happy National Dance Day! (last Saturday of July)
I’ve learned that I’m taking a chance
Whenever I venture to dance
With my husband, who’s wild;
I’ll likely be piled
On the floor — never good for romance.
Yesterday, July 20, was National Lollipop Day. So here’s my belated limerick:
Lollipop Ode (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m not a big lollipop fan;
They suck, much like sugary bran,
Though a Tootsie Roll Pop
Can be tempting to swap
For veggies or glop from a can.
Limerick Ode To Pandemonium Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Pandemonium Day has arrived,
A fete that sounds rather contrived,
Because chaos surrounds us,
Abounds and confounds us.
So don’t count on it being high-fived.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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