Archive for the ‘Health & Medical Humor’ Category
Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman succumbed to a whim…
Here’s mine:
Whimsical Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman succumbed to a whim
And enrolled in an overpriced gym.
She tried free weights, machines,
Even yoga for teens,
Till she ran out of money and vim.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Tags: Exercise Humor, Gym Membership, Health Club Humor, Health Limerick, Money Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Whimsy Verse, Writing Prompts, Yoga
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Gym Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Humor, Sports Humor | 23 Comments »
Wednesday, June 16th, 2010
I’m not exactly a sports aficionado. But I’m guessing it’s safe to presume that most games are expected to be noisy.
Apparently, though, South African soccer fans take such noise to a new ear-piercing level, enthusiastically blowing vuvuzelas in the stadiums. What’s a vuvuzela? Well, I know from oboes, but not from vuvuzelas. However, I’ve just learned they’re cacophonous, droning, deafening horns (blown like a brass instrument) that are driving TV World Cup viewers insane.
Vive Vuvuzelas? Please, No! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Attempting to watch World Cup soccer?
Then you’re likely to go off your rocker:
Vuvuzelas abound
With their loud, droning sound.
They are deafening. Help! Need a blocker!
Tags: Brass Players, Football Humor, Hearing Loss, June Holidays, Musical Instruments, Noise Humor, Soccer Fans, Soccer Stadiums, South Africa, Sports Humor, Television Limerick, Vuvuzela, World Cup
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Sports Humor, Television (TV) Humor | 9 Comments »
Monday, April 5th, 2010
My versifying friend Gerald Bosacker has been writing a series of Poetic Headstones — safety hints in limerick form, which he refers to as “limerbituaries.” When he challenged me to write one, I just had to give it a try:
If your doc says, “Go under the knife.
Only surgery’s saving your life.”
Kindly check out his rep.
Mel did not, the poor schlepp.
So Mel is now missed by his wife.
From there, I moved on to something a bit more warped — not exactly a safety hint, but a “limerbituary,” nonetheless:
Just why is this poor fellow dead?
Well mainly he’s missing his head.
He dined with a bad man,
A head-chopping madman,
And that’s the last time he was fed.
Thanks for the inspiration, Gerald.
Tags: Crime, Death Limerick, Doctors Humor, Gallows Humor, Headstones Tombstones Humor, Health Limerick, Medical Humor, Safety Verse
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Crime & Punishment Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Sunday, March 14th, 2010
Are you as sick as I am of our twice-yearly clock-adjustment ritual? Do you think, as I do, that we have more than enough daylight and that there’s no need to save any?
I’m sorry, but my internal clock is sufficiently confused and doesn’t need Daylight Savings Time to make my chronic insomnia even worse. And I’m inclined to clock the next person who reminds me to change my damn clocks.
Save Me From Daylight Savings Time (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My natural clock is a mess.
Just thinking of sleep gives me stress.
Spring forward—fall back
Makes me more out of whack.
So I don’t change my clocks — I just guess.
(More DST humor here.)
Tags: Clocks Limerick, Daylight Savings Time, DST Humor, Holiday Poetry, Insomnia Humor, March Holidays, Standard Time, Time Humor, Time Verse
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Behavior & Personality, Celebrations Poetry, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Holiday Humor, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Seasons Humor, Sleep & Insomnia Humor, Time Humor | 4 Comments »
Wednesday, March 10th, 2010
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this as a first line:
A wealthy old fellow named Bart…
Here’s mine:
A Limerick Meal
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A wealthy old fellow named Bart
Began ev’ry meal with a fart.
When guests came to dine
They’d pretend all was fine
Cuz they hoped to inherit his art.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Tags: Art Limerick, Digestion Humor, Dinner Humor, Fart Limerick, Greed Humor, Inheritance Humor, Money Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Art Humor / Verse, Behavior & Personality, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Food & Drink Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Smell Humor | 12 Comments »
Saturday, February 27th, 2010
Here we go again: Yet another scientific study says many of us should have ignored a previous study. The latest concerns the dangers of taking daily aspirin to guard against heart attacks and strokes.
Are Health Studies Making Us Sick? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Daily asp’rin is good, so they said.
But it seems we were maybe misled.
Though it might prevent strokes,
It may cause many folks
To enjoy bleeding ulcers instead.
Related Post: Margarine Is Good For You. Oops — Never Mind.
Tags: Aspirin, Bleeding Ulcers, Health Limericks, Medication Humor, Science Satire, Scientific Studies, Scientists, Strokes
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Science Humor | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010
My lifelong klutziness is starting to get on my nerves. Okay, I don’t complain when I fall while trying to swing dance. Not too much, anyway. After all, there’s assumption of risk involved. But just the other day I managed to fall off a folding chair. And that’s plain stupid … not to mention, embarrassing:
Feeling Silly … And Sore (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If I fall while I dance, I don’t care:
It’s a case of swing dancer, beware.
But my clumsiness irks
When I’m one of those jerks
Who foolishly falls off a chair.
Tags: Assumption of Risk, Clumsiness Verse, Embarrassing Experiences, Folding Chair Dangers, Trip & Fall Limerick
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Clumsiness Humor, Dance Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks | 3 Comments »
Thursday, February 11th, 2010
I’m so sick of this snowy New York winter. And of all the fretful phone calls from my mother-in-law, warning hubby Mark about snow shoveling and heart attacks. Funny, she isn’t at all concerned about my heart.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Send Us Spring, STAT!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m achy from head down to toe.
The cause? I’ve been shoveling snow.
I wanted to punt,
But instead, did our front,
While my spouse did the rest — quid pro quo.
********
I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention the one up side of February which is coming up very soon: Valentines Day. And so happy Valentines day, especially to you fellows who may find this Valentines Day column helpful. Gals, you can thank me later.
Tags: Health Risks, Heart Attack Poetry, Mother-in-Law Humor, New York Weather, Seasonal Verse, Shoveling Snow, Snow Poetry, Snow Storm Poem, Snow Verse, Weather Poem, Winter Limerick
Posted in Chores Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, New York Limericks & Haiku, Outdoors Humor, Relationship Humor, Seasons Humor, Weather Humor | 6 Comments »
Wednesday, January 6th, 2010
I’m short. Five-foot-zero, to be specific. But I never wear heels. Okay, I do have one pair of special-occasion shoes with a one-inch heel. Does that even count?
I forswore high heels way back in my early twenties. Why? Isn’t it obvious? Because they hurt! Besides, even if I braved three-inch heels, I’d still be really short. Plus I’ve never thought teetering was all that sexy.
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Shoo, Heels!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m short, but wear flats — never heels.
Cuz they hurt. Gals, you know how it feels.
So my word to height seekers:
Just give me some sneakers,
Or flip flops, or better yet — wheels.
Tags: Comfort Humor, Fashion Verse, Feet Humor, Height Poem, High Heels Humor, Shoes Limerick
Posted in Aging Humor & Verse, Fashion Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Physical Appearance, Walking Humor | 4 Comments »
Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
A period play about vibrators? It sounds like an unlikely theme for a Broadway play, but playwright Sarah Ruhl pulls it off in her In the Next Room or the vibrator play.
I highly recommend this funny and insightful comedy about hysteria, a “disease of the womb.” And so does New York Times theater critic Charles Isherwood. But Isherwood’s review is missing a limerick:
Vibrant Vibrator Play (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A “Vibrator Play” on Broadway?
Yes, it sounds just a little risqué.
But it’s witty — not crude.
(Though it ain’t for a prude.)
I just loved it, so book it today.
(The details: In the Next Room or the vibrator play is a Lincoln Center Theater production, directed by Les Waters and playing at the Lyceum Theater. It stars Laura Benanti, Michael Cerveris, Maria Dizzia, Thomas Jay Ryan, Chandler Williams, Quincy Tyler Bernstine, and Wendy Rich Stetson.)
Tags: Broadway Comedy, Charles Isherwood, Feminist Humor, Hysteria Disease, Les Waters, Lincoln Center Theater, Sarah Ruhl, Theater Review, Vibrator Play, Vibrators
Posted in Authors & Playwrights, Entertaining New Yorkers, Feminist Satire, Health & Medical Humor, History Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Movie & Play Humor, New York Limericks & Haiku, Night On The Town, Social Satire | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, August 11th, 2009
I’ve received a fair (or unfair) amount of hate mail over the years, mostly for my anti-Bush humor. What else inspired hate mail? This dental humor piece brought in a flood of angry mail after it appeared in the Philadelphia Inquirer. For a brief period, I was Public Enemy #1 among dentists, dental students, and their family members. So it’s lucky for me and my teeth that I live in New York.
Dental Deal (Satirical Contract)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Does the very thought of a dentist set your teeth on edge? Is pudding too challenging to chew? This contract should help mitigate your pain.
AGREEMENT entered into this ____ day of ________, 20__ by anxious Patient and drill wielding Dentist.
WHEREAS, Patient views dentistry as legalized S & M; and
WHEREAS, Dentist enjoys pillaging mouths almost as much as yachting and golf;
NOW, THEREFORE, Dentist and Patient hereby agree as follows:
1. Dentist shall instruct his receptionist not to ask, “How are we today?” If we were well, we would not be here.
2. Dentist acknowledges that Patient’s time has a modicum of value. Accordingly, for every minute Dentist keeps Patient waiting, one dollar shall be subtracted from Patient’s bill. Double, if the waiting room is filled with kids.
3. Dentist shall not try to persuade Patient that X-rays are safe. Such assurances lack credibility when piped in by a Dentist who’s encased in protective gear and cowering next door.
4. Dentist shall not say “You have so many fillings, I can’t read the X-rays.” Otherwise Patient shall say, “Your invoice has so many dollars, I can’t pay the bill. … (My Dental Deal contract continues here.)
Tags: Dental Students, Dentists, Funny Contracts, Hate Mail, Teeth
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Satirical Contracts | 1 Comment »
Thursday, June 18th, 2009
Empty Nest (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was feeling depressed.
(Her syndrome is called “empty nest.”)
Her home was too calm.
She missed being a mom—
Though her spouse “helped” by being a pest.
Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.
Tags: Depression, Empty Nest Syndrome, Family, House & Home, Husbands, Limericks, Mental Health, Parenting, Writing Prompts
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Battle of the Sexes, Children Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, House & Home Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Mental Health Humor | 19 Comments »
Friday, May 22nd, 2009
Obstreperous Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
An obstreperous fellow named Joe
Picked a fight with a long-standing foe.
It began with a curse.
He soon needed a nurse.
Now Joseph is missing a toe.
Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.
Tags: Argument, Curse, Fight, Health, Nurse
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts | 4 Comments »
Thursday, May 21st, 2009
Doc Mockery (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A nervous young fellow named Phil
Asked his doc if he needed a will.
He responded, “Don’t worry,
But kindly go hurry
And pay up your overdue bill.”
Update: Happy National Doctors’ Day! (March 30th)
Tags: Bills, Doctors, Doctors Humor, Health, Law, March Holidays, Medicine, Money, National Doctors Day, Odd Holidays, Patients, Wills
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts | Comments Off on Doc Mockery
Wednesday, December 17th, 2008
“Dear Son” Letters
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whenever my husband gets mail
From his mom, this is true without fail:
It concerns medications
And health aberrations.
Just reading her notes makes me pale.
Tags: Drugs, Health Limericks, Letters, Medications, Meds, Moms, Mothers, Sons
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Communication Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Family Verse, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Relationship Humor | 4 Comments »
Thursday, November 20th, 2008
A limerick and a haiku (senryu) with teeth today. First, my limerick:
I think I’m becoming unglued —
Not my mind, but a cap caught on food.
But I can’t blame the guy
Who implanted it. Why?
I forgot to get perm-glued — not shrewd!
And now my haiku (senryu):
The left and the right
May mouth off at each other,
But both hate dentists.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about dentists and/or teeth. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. And please post a comment as well.
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your dental verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
UPDATE 2: Happy National Toothache Day! (celebrated yearly on February 9th) And happy Dentists Day! (celebrated yearly on March 6th)
Tags: Cap, Dentist, Dentists Day, Food, National Toothache Day, Teeth
Posted in Haiku & Senryu, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Odd Holidays | 18 Comments »
Wednesday, June 4th, 2008
This space has been quiet of late.
But it’s not that my readers don’t rate.
I’ve broken my wrist,
And my brain’s in a twist
From pain killers. Writing must wait.
Tags: Brain Humor, Broken Wrist, Health Limerick, Injury Verse. Accident Poem, Pain Killers
Posted in Blogging Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Mental Health Humor | 4 Comments »
Friday, May 16th, 2008
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is warnings and/or caution. First, my limerick:
Please be careful when closing that door.
If it hits you, you’re bound to be sore.
My hand is still numb
From its catching my thumb,
And I’m thinking of suing this store.
And now my warning-related haiku:
Storm clouds fill the sky
as walkers heed their warning
while birds cheer them on.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about warnings and/or caution. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.
(Note: My limerick was inspired in part by Sunday Scribblings’ “sore” prompt and Inspire Me Thursday’s “door” prompt.)
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your warnings and/or caution verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Tags: Cautionary Verse, Health Poetry, Injury Poem, Legal Limerick, Litigation Poem, Nature Haiku, Shopping Accident, Warning Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Advice Humor & Poems, Haiku & Senryu, Health & Medical Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Shopping Humor | 15 Comments »
Friday, April 18th, 2008
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is health. First, my limerick:
Maladjusted Men
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Maladjusted men sometimes say, “Doc,
Chiropractic is naught but a crock.
Your adjustments don’t work,
You’re a sick, spineless jerk,
And I’ll sue till you’re broke and in hock!”
And now my handy haiku:
My musical hands,
Stricken by carpal tunnel,
Betrayed by my wrists.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about health. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your health-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Tags: Adjustments, Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, Chiropractic Humor, Health Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Health & Medical Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, November 13th, 2007
First (And Last) Visit (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m allergic to felines; I sneeze
And I tear when they’re near—then I wheeze.
So I wish you had warned
That your house is adorned
With a half-hundred cats (Siamese).
Author’s Note: This limerick is based on personal experience. Many years ago, a composer asked my chamber ensemble to rehearse at her home, so she could record a work of hers that we were getting ready to debut. I’d barely taken my oboe out of its case, when I started having trouble breathing. My attack got very bad, very quickly, and I was forced to leave without rehearsing.
I later learned that our host’s hobby was breeding cats, and that her house was packed with them. Since I’m very allergic to cats, this would have been a good thing to have been warned about.
(You can find more of my pets and animals humor here and more of my health humor here.
UPDATE: Happy National Cat Day! (October 29th)
Tags: Allergy Humor, Allergy Limerick, Cat Humor, Cat Limerick, Cats Humor, Chamber Music Rehearsals, Feline Verse, Health & Medical Humor, National Cat Day, October Holidays, Odd Holidays
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Odd Holidays | 18 Comments »
