Dear Mitt, A Limerick Love Note
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Mitt, I’m enjoying your height.
Not too tall. Not too short. You’re just right.
And I also adore
That your cars number “four.”
Please forgive me for being so trite.
Archive for the ‘Republicans Humor’ Category
Dear Mitt, A Limerick Love Note
Monday, February 27th, 2012Limerick Ode To “Cheerful” Newt Gingrich
Saturday, February 25th, 2012Limerick Ode To “Cheerful” Newt Gingrich
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I confess I became rather tearful
At Newt’s self-description as “cheerful.”
These were not tears of sadness,
But rather of gladness:
Cuz the “Newt Show” ain’t done. (I’d been fearful.)
Mitt Romney’s Taxing Crowd Numbers (Limerick)
Friday, February 24th, 2012Imagine giving a speech in a stadium meant to hold 65,000 people. Now imagine only 1,200 people showing up.
If you want to see what that looks like, check out this photo of Mitt Romney’s speech in Detroit’s Ford Stadium.
Mitt Romney is holding an event at Ford Stadium which has failed to attract enough people to come even close to filling it up (in fact, you could fit Romney’s 1,200 person crowd in the 65,000-seat stadium 54 times over).
Mitt Romney’s Taxing Crowd Numbers (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Just twelve-hundred folks in a place
Meant for sixty-five-thousand. Bare space!
That’s Mitt in Detroit:
Romney’s team ain’t adroit,
And poor Mitt has a very small base.
A G(Rand) VEEP Scheme? (Limerick)
Thursday, February 23rd, 2012Talking heads are always spouting theories, so why can’t I? This one’s for those who think Ron Paul’s being suspiciously nice to Mitt Romney:
A G(Rand) VEEP Scheme? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Does Ron Paul have a plan rather grand
In helping Mitt further his brand?
Maybe Mitt promised Paul:
“If you’ll kindly play ball,
Then I’ll hand the V.P. slot to Rand.”
The Chastity Chase (Limerick)
Tuesday, February 21st, 2012When I see a title like this, I pretty much have to write a limerick: Santorum Good for Chastity-Belt Sales? Manufacturer Says, “We’ve Had a Boost”
The Chastity Chase (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s good news for Republican men:
You can guard against gals with a yen
For sex you deem evil
With something primeval:
Yes chastity belts — Curb your hen!
Republicans’ Bush-League Fantasy (Limerick)
Tuesday, February 21st, 2012Many GOP leaders are understandably upset by the remaining quartet of presidential aspirants. Their solution? A brokered convention featuring the brother of “He Who Can Not Be Mentioned.” Yes, Jeb Bush, as Republican Savior.
Republicans’ Bush-League Fantasy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Some Republicans weave quite the web
Of fantasy — Florida’s Jeb:
They’d replace their prez roster
With Bush, who will foster
A fix for the GOP ebb.
Limerick Ode To Feminism
Monday, February 20th, 2012Over the years, I’ve met many post-feminist women — gals who think the struggle is over, and who see no further need for feminism. I wonder what they think of the Republicans’ rampant, re-energized War On Women.
Limerick Ode To Feminism
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’ve met women far younger than I
Who’ve never quite understood why
We need feminist gals.
It seems they and their pals
See no ceiling of glass — just the sky.
They think gender-based battles are done,
And the feminist fight has been won.
Yet in merely a flash,
Rights can turn into ash:
Once again, we are under the gun.
(Related Posts: Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans, More Contraceptive Madness, Feminist Humor Category)
Just In Time For Presidents Day — Would-Be Presidential Clerihews
Saturday, February 18th, 2012In case all those ads haven’t clued you in, Presidents Day is nearly here. To celebrate, I’ve written a pair of clerihews for would-be presidents Mitt Romney and Rick Santorum. What’s a clerihew? A whimsically biographical four-line poem, more fully described here.
Willard Mitt Romney
Has wealth that’s omni.
But he’s stiff as a yoke.
Kindly give that man a toke.
*****
Ricky Santorum
Loves his forum.
Being prez is his quest
In a knit sweater vest.
(My set of eight Eight 4-Liners For The Initial Republican Contenders is here.)
More Contraceptive Madness (Limerick)
Thursday, February 16th, 2012After yesterday’s post, I’d hoped to be done with birth control commentary for a while. But then I saw this headline: Santorum Sugar Daddy Foster Friess Gives ‘Gals’ Contraception Advice: Put An Aspirin Between Your Knees. And that story lives up to its headline:
Appearing on MSNBC with Andrea Mitchell today, Foster Friess, the main donor to the Super PAC backing Rick Santorum’s presidential bid, dismissed the controversy surrounding President Obama’s new birth control rule by suggesting that women should just keep their legs shut…
FRIESS: “On this contraceptive thing, my gosh, it’s so inexpensive. You know, back in my days, they used Bayer Aspirin for contraceptives. The gals put it between their knees and it wasn’t that costly.”
More Contraceptive Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Rick Santorum and Friess — quite the pair
In their “stop contraceptive care” guerre:
Don’t want kids with your squeeze?
Put a pill ‘tween your knees,
Like Bay’r asp’rin, sez Rick’s billionaire.
Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans (Limerick)
Wednesday, February 15th, 2012What century is this? The aggressive anti-contraception GOP stance makes me wonder whether I bought the wrong calendar.
Rick Santorum, a man who’s dangerously close to snatching the Republican presidential nomination away from Mitt Romney, apparently wants to preside over an antediluvian America: Here’s Santorum explaining why he wants to fight “the dangers of contraception:”
It’s not okay because it’s a license to do things in the sexual realm that is counter to how things are supposed to be.
And Rick is far from the only bedroom-obsessed Republican. GOP over-reach regarding contraception is approaching epic proportions:
Last week, Freshman Senator Roy Blunt (R-MO) filed legislation to allow any employer, religiously affiliated or not, to refuse to cover any essential or preventive health service, not just contraceptives, based on the “religious belief or moral conviction” of the employer. Word from DC is that Blunt and allies will attempt to add the provision as an amendment to other legislation now moving through the Senate….
The fact that American voters are overwhelmingly pro-birth control is apparently irrelevant to Republican politicians.
Perhaps a limerick might help Republican pols get the message:
Dear Bedroom-Invading Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Republican pols, please abstain
From ent’ring my bedroom domain.
And also stay out
Of my bathroom. Don’t pout!
If you’re truly “small gov,” you’ll refrain.
Limerick Ode To Rick “What Book?” Santorum
Monday, February 13th, 2012Before I get to today’s Rick Santorum limerick, here’s a post from my other blog about the Mary Todd Lincoln portrait hoax.
Getting back to Santorum, Rick (not to be outdone by Ron Paul’s newsletter disclaimers) is feigning ignorance over his very own book:
Only days after having to explain a comment about women and emotions in combat, Rick Santorum seemed to struggle a bit on Sunday to explain a remark in his 2005 book “It Takes a Family” that blamed “radical feminists” for undermining families and for trying to persuade women that they could find fulfillment only in the workplace.
Asked on the ABC News program “This Week” about the book’s contentions, Mr. Santorum noted that his wife, Karen, had written that section — though only his name is on the cover and he does not list her in the acknowledgments as among those “who assisted me in the writing of this book.” …
In the interview on Sunday, Mr. Santorum pleaded unfamiliarity with the citation, saying, “I don’t know – that’s a new quote for me”…
Limerick Ode To Rick “What Book?” Santorum
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Rick, when you author a book
You have placed yourself square on the hook
For the contents inside.
You’re a coward to hide
From your screed. Either that, or a schnook.
Rick Gives Them Something To Talk About (Limerick)
Wednesday, February 8th, 2012Pity the poor political journalist (or political satirist), who must conjure up constant commentary about a race that’s effectively over.
So it’s no wonder that the media’s in a tizzy over the Rick Santorum Sweep … even though it yielded Rick zero delegates.
Rick Gives Them Something To Talk About (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The press was beginning to mope.
But Santorum’s three wins offer hope
That the race isn’t done,
Mitt may NOT be the one.
But does Rick stand a chance? Answer: Nope!
The Limerick Romney Wanted To Send Trump
Monday, February 6th, 2012This headline is funny, but not surprising: Donald Trump Takes Credit For Mitt Romney’s Big Win In Nevada:
“There was a lot riding on that particular race in Nevada and it was interesting, because the numbers were much, much greater than you thought,” Trump gloated. “And a lot of people are giving me credit for that. And I will accept that credit.”
Here’s the limerick that Romney staffers talked Mitt out of sending:
The Limerick Romney Wanted To Send Trump
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Donald, big thanks for your backing,
But I fear that your modesty’s lacking.
My win in Nevada
Was ME. You did NADA!
I regret I did not send you packing.
Limerick Ode To Newt Lunacy
Friday, February 3rd, 2012I’ve finally figured out how Newt plans to populate the moon: He’ll catapult the poor onto the moon via trampolines.
Yes, I know that sounds crazy. But I can’t think of any other explanation for this nutty Newt quote:
I really believe that we should care about the very poor, unlike Governor Romney. But I believe we should care very differently from Barack Obama….What the poor need is a trampoline so they can spring up, so I am for replacing the safety net with a trampoline.
Limerick Ode To Newt Lunacy
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The safety net’s bad, prattles Newt,
Suggesting we give it the boot.
From his odd bag of tricks,
Newt throws this in the mix:
Trampolines — out-of-poverty route.
Keep The Safety Net Safe From Mitt Romney (Limerick)
Friday, February 3rd, 2012There’s been lots of talk about this Mitt Romney gaffe: “I’m not concerned about the very poor. We have a safety net there. If it needs repair, I’ll fix it.”
But as Ezra Klein points out, the problem with Mitt Romney isn’t his gaffes, it’s his policies, which would dig a deep hole in that safety net.
Keep The Safety Net Safe From Mitt Romney (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Find some holes in the safety net? “Fix it!”
That’s how hypocrite Romney depicts it.
But we’re onto Mitt’s game
And his policy aim:
What his policies do is deep-six it.
Trump Endorses Romney — Election Over (Limerick)
Thursday, February 2nd, 2012Will Trump endorse Newt? Will The Donald go with Mitt? Will Donald Trump fire himself from The Apprentice so he can run for president as a third-party candidate?
At long last, all that heady speculation has ended.
Trump Endorses Romney – Election Over (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Donald Trump had been sending up flares.
His endorsement speech finally airs:
Despite all that’s been writ,
He is going with Mitt.
I have only one question: Who cares?
Buh-Bye Dan Burton (Limerick)
Tuesday, January 31st, 2012Bill Clinton nemesis Dan Burton is finally retiring. Good riddance!
The Republican Indiana Congressman, who fathered an out-of-wedlock son, was famed for his anti-Bill Clinton vendetta, his Vincent-Foster-was- murdered obsession, and his backyard Foster-shooting “re-enactment.”
Burton was at his most famous in the 1990’s, when he led many of the investigations against President Bill Clinton. “If I could prove 10 percent of what I believe happened, he’d [Clinton] be gone,” Burton declared in 1998. “This guy’s a scumbag. That’s why I’m after him.”
His campaigns against Clinton began in full force when he delivered a House speech in which he alleged that Deputy White House Counsel Vince Foster, whose death was ruled a suicide, was actually murdered and his body moved to Fort Marcy Park in northern Virginia.
Buh-Bye Dan Burton (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
At long last, we are closing the curtain
On the slanderous reign of Dan Burton.
His witch-hunt campaigns
To put Clinton in chains
Mean that Dems shall not miss him — that’s certain!
