St. Valentine’s Day,
Okay for loving couples.
Much sweeter for stores.
(My Valentine’s Day limerick and another haiku are here. And here’s my Valiant Guys Guide To Valentines Day humor column.)
Archive for the ‘Shopping Humor’ Category
St. Valentine’s Day Haiku
Tuesday, February 8th, 2011Limerick Ode To Greed
Monday, December 27th, 2010As I’ve mentioned previously, my pal Patrick McGuire runs a weekly Unfinished Limerick Contest. The latest finished oddly, as explained in this … uh … press release. And I’m proud to say I garnered an Honorable Mention, despite having broken just about all of the contest’s rules. How did I pull off this feat? You’ll just have to read Patrick’s blog.
Here’s my entry:
Limerick Ode To Greed
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Tis the season to make lots of cash
For business, for God. Got a stash?
Yes, ain’t it ironic
That greed is so chronic?
We worship the gods of mall trash.
Poor Excuse For A Limerick 
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who grew up quite poor…
Here’s mine:
Poor Excuse For A Limerick (Poor Excuse Limerick Audio)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who grew up quite poor
Is rich now, but always craves more.
Is it greed or just fear?
It isn’t quite clear
Why she hankers to buy out each store.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo.
Thanks! And happy holiday shopping!
Limerick Ode To Left-Handed Underwear
Monday, October 11th, 2010Facebook pal and Limerick-Off regular Peter Metrinko pointed me to this article about a fashion breakthrough — underwear for left-handed men. Needless to say, I felt compelled to celebrate southpaw undies with a limerick:
Limerick Ode To Left-Handed Underwear
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You left-handed men, there’s good news:
Southpaw undies — much handier to use.
When you visit the loo
There’s a bit less to do.
But please don’t the priv’lege abuse.
UPDATE: August 13th is Left Hander’s Day. Enjoy!
What A Drag!
Wednesday, September 29th, 2010Needless to say, I wrote this limerick while running around doing sundry chores:
What A Drag!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who’s dragging a cart
Has some errands to run. Where to start?
The cleaners and grocer —
Too bad they’re not closer.
How she longs to stay home and make art.
Neither High, Nor Dry
Wednesday, November 18th, 2009I understand why buying a car or a home appliance or pricey wine would require some research. But purchasing towels shouldn’t be all that complicated. So why is it that whenever my husband and I buy towels, they suck? Actually the problem is … they don’t suck.
Neither High, Nor Dry (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Our new towels seemed fine at first blush.
They were velvety smooth and so plush.
But they don’t absorb well.
You might say they repel.
Can’t our towels act more like a lush?
Valentine’s Day Verse (Limerick & Haiku Prompt)
Thursday, February 5th, 2009Valentine’s Day is coming up — an ideal topic for my very overdue limerick and a haiku (senryu) prompt. First, my limerick:
St. Valentine’s Day’s coming soon.
It’s a choc’late and rose-sellers’ boon.
Will your loved one come through
And make festive ado?
Or just buy you a five-buck balloon?
And now my haiku (senryu):
St. Valentine’s Day—
One day each February?
No. Daily each year.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about Valentine’s Day. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. And please post a comment as well.
(For more Valentine’s Day cheer, my Valiant Guy’s Guide to Valentine’s Day humor column is here.)
1996 Humor Column About Underwear Shopping With My Mother
Monday, January 5th, 2009Thanks to all of you for your kind emails, comments, and Twitter tweets about my mother’s death. I really appreciate it!
In my mother’s honor, I’m posting a 1996 humor column she inspired during happier (and funnier) times:
Secret Shopper
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’m not going in there. No way. Forget it.”
My seventy-something mother’s stance was as rigid as her words; arms folded across her chest, unyielding legs pointed away from the shop I’d just suggested.
She and I had spent the entire afternoon combing through three department stores for the definitive pair of panties. Or at least my mom’s idea of same. This illusive undergarment had to be loose, comfortable, 100% cotton, and totally devoid of lace. And that was just for starters. It also had to completely cover my mother’s hips and come in a large size, the exact number of which she resolutely refused to disclose. … (Secret Shopper is continued here.)
Threefer Haiku
Friday, May 16th, 2008Impulse purchases
liberate you from your cash,
betray your self-worth.
(Sometimes I like to challenge myself by using several prompts at once, and today’s a threefer: “impulse,” “betrayal,” and “liberation,” all courtesy of Writers Island. And speaking of writing prompts, I’ve just posted a new one whose theme is “warning” and/or “caution.”)
Update: My husband Mark (who seems to be turning into a poet) read my haiku and almost immediately came up with his own. I must confess that I like his better:
That impulse buy —
betrayal of frugality.
Ah … liberation.
This Is A Warning (Limerick & Haiku Prompt)
Friday, May 16th, 2008Today’s limerick and haiku theme is warnings and/or caution. First, my limerick:
Please be careful when closing that door.
If it hits you, you’re bound to be sore.
My hand is still numb
From its catching my thumb,
And I’m thinking of suing this store.
And now my warning-related haiku:
Storm clouds fill the sky
as walkers heed their warning
while birds cheer them on.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about warnings and/or caution. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.
(Note: My limerick was inspired in part by Sunday Scribblings’ “sore” prompt and Inspire Me Thursday’s “door” prompt.)
| 1. Crafty Green Poet 2. Connie 3. Felix Morgenstern 4. gautami tripathy |
5. Noah the Great 6. Lilibeth 7. Moe Lauher 8. Noah the Great |
9. Granny Smith 10. Alan Summers |
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your warnings and/or caution verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Ring Of Truth (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 5th, 2008Ring of Truth
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“This engagement ring — that’s what I’d like,”
Said the gal to her boyfriend named Mike.
But looking unsteady,
Said Mike, “I’m not ready,
So can’t I just buy you a bike?”
There’s No Substitute For A Bad Job (Limerick and Haiku Prompt)
Friday, February 15th, 2008Today’s limerick and haiku theme is bad jobs. Why? Because everyone I know has had at least one really awful job. As for me, I’ve had more bad jobs than I’d care to remember. So here’s a pair of poems about two of them. First, my limerick about substitute teaching:
In my twenties I substitute taught.
‘Tis a challenging job and it’s fraught;
All those calls before dawn
To instruct devil’s spawn
Made me anxious, uptight—overwrought.
And now, my haiku about working in a discount department store:
Discount lingerie:
Folded, painstakingly shelved.
Soon to be litter.
Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about bad jobs. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry.
Bulletproof Backpacks: In Case Your Kid’s Classmate Is Packing
Monday, August 20th, 2007It’s mid-August, which means back-to-school day is just around the corner. And that in turn means it’s time to start shopping for school supplies: rulers and notebooks and pens and lunch boxes and calculators and computers and school clothes and … bulletproof backpacks???
“We’re just trying to give kids a defensive tool to use in case something does happen,” Curran said of the backpacks, which sell for $175 US. …
Since they started selling online last week, they’ve sold out of their initial stock of several hundred backpacks and are now ordering a new shipment from Massachusetts.
Methinks this calls for a limerick:
Bulletproof Backpacks: In Case Your Kid’s Classmate Is Packing
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Selling bulletproof backpacks? How sad!
Could the safety of schools be so bad,
That parents must buy
Such an item? Oh my!
Are they needed, or just a mad fad?
(You can find more of my school and education humor here.)
Man Can’t Live By Bread Alone … Or Can He?
Saturday, February 24th, 2007Man Can’t Live By Bread Alone … Or Can He?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s some bread for some bread at the store.
Bring back change or you’re toast, cause we’re poor.
Get me wheat bread or white,
And I’ll toast it quite light.
But this dough ain’t for anything more.
UPDATE: I’ve just learned via Cloaked Monk that today, March 23rd, is Toast Day. So don’t forget to toast Toast Day.
Antique Antics
Tuesday, February 20th, 2007Antique Antics
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is this lampshade antique or just old?
They tell me it’s rare. I’m not sold.
But I had it appraised
And was rather amazed:
It’s worth thousands, though covered in mold.
Open Sesame
Saturday, February 3rd, 2007Open Sesame
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Why on earth are CDs packed so tight?
You can’t hear them without a huge fight.
When you buy a CD
Then your plight is to free
That damn disc. It might take you all night.
UPDATE: Happy Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day! (August 7)
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day Video
UPDATE 2: Oct 1 is CD Player Day.
