Archive for the ‘Music Humor & Verse’ Category
Monday, July 7th, 2008
Prompted to pay special attention to tempo and pacing, I’ve written a tanka made up entirely of Italian musical tempo terms. (At long last my Cal Arts BFA in Music Performance pays off.)
Tempo, Tempo
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Largo, andante,
Allegro ma non troppo,
Accelerando,
Vivace, rallentando,
Allargando al fine.
(You can find more of my musical verse and humor here.)
Tags: Italian Music Terms, Music Tanka, Musical Terms, Musical Verse, Tanka, Tempo Markings
Posted in Music Humor & Verse, Poetry Forms, Tanka | 6 Comments »
Sunday, May 18th, 2008
Musical Discord
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Your playing is way out of tune,”
The conductor informed the bassoon.
“All your high notes are sharp,
And I don’t mean to carp,
But you sound like a horny baboon”.
The bassoonist replied, “Sir, your ear
Gets progressively worse ev’ry year,
And your cues are all wrong,
So we just play along
And pretend your baton waving’s clear.”
(Orchestrated in response to these play, sharp, and simile challenges.)
Tags: Bassoon Poem, Classical Music, Conductor Limerick, Intonation, Orchestra Poetry, Symphony Verse
Posted in Limericks, Music Humor & Verse | 17 Comments »
Friday, December 7th, 2007
Warning: This post (three haiku about competition) is humor-free:
The need to be first—
Exciting, addictive,
But doomed to disappoint.
Competing oboists
Break reeds and steal music—
Angling for an edge.
Orchestra try-outs
Held behind screens to halt bias—
Betrayed by heels.
(For the lighter side of music, click here.)
Tags: Auditions, Competition, Haiku & Senryu, Music, Oboe Reeds, Oboists, Orchestras, Symphony
Posted in Addiction Humor, Behavior & Personality, Haiku & Senryu, Music Humor & Verse | 25 Comments »
Friday, December 7th, 2007
This week’s Friday Five asks us to use these five words in a poem or story: mustard, piano, elastic, moat, and notorious. As you can see, it set me off in a rather silly direction:
The Eccentric Pianist
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The notoriously eccentric pianist
Played electric stride piano
With an elastic reach worthy of Fats Waller
While perched on the deck of his moat-surrounded castle,
Then dined on a meal of mustard sandwiches.
For a post and limerick about a real (and not-nearly-so-eccentric) stride pianist, check out my Ode To Judy Carmichael.
(You can find more of my music humor here.)
Tags: Fats Waller, Judy Carmichael, Music Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Stride Piano
Posted in General, Music Humor & Verse, Poetry & Prompts | 12 Comments »
Tuesday, November 13th, 2007
First (And Last) Visit (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m allergic to felines; I sneeze
And I tear when they’re near—then I wheeze.
So I wish you had warned
That your house is adorned
With a half-hundred cats (Siamese).
Author’s Note: This limerick is based on personal experience. Many years ago, a composer asked my chamber ensemble to rehearse at her home, so she could record a work of hers that we were getting ready to debut. I’d barely taken my oboe out of its case, when I started having trouble breathing. My attack got very bad, very quickly, and I was forced to leave without rehearsing.
I later learned that our host’s hobby was breeding cats, and that her house was packed with them. Since I’m very allergic to cats, this would have been a good thing to have been warned about.
(You can find more of my pets and animals humor here and more of my health humor here.
UPDATE: Happy National Cat Day! (October 29th)
Tags: Allergy Humor, Allergy Limerick, Cat Humor, Cat Limerick, Cats Humor, Chamber Music Rehearsals, Feline Verse, Health & Medical Humor, National Cat Day, October Holidays, Odd Holidays
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Odd Holidays | 18 Comments »
Monday, October 15th, 2007
This pair of short, music-related verse was loosely inspired by this week’s Totally Optional Prompt.
Musical Question
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I watch a flautist play the flute.
She’s really great—there’s no dispute.
Distraction strikes: I know it’s moot,
But why don’t lautists play the lute?
Second Chair Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I play second chair symphony flute,”
Said the flautist. (“My wife plays the lute.”)
“How I wish I had clout!
Then I’d fire the lout
Who plays first chair. He’s here cause he’s cute.”
(You can find more of my song parodies here.)
Tags: Flute Humor, Lute Limerick, Music Poems, Musical Instruments, Musical Verse, Symphony Humor
Posted in Limericks, Music Humor & Verse | 15 Comments »
Monday, September 10th, 2007
It’s time for some silly classical music punning. (Fortunately, the tale told in this limerick never really happened.)
Bach! Humbug!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Your CD collection’s a joke,
And classical sucks,” yelled the bloke.
My discs couldn’t handle
This rampaging vandal:
Now all of my Bach sets are broke.
Tags: Bach, Bach Sets, Baroque, CDs, Classical Music Humor, Music Collection, Musical Puns, Vandals
Posted in Crime & Punishment Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Wordplay | 1 Comment »
Monday, May 21st, 2007
As regular readers know, watching American Idol is one of my guilty pleasures. But it sure wasn’t much of a pleasure last week, when mellifluous Melinda was sent packing and Blake wasn’t:
Yet Another American Idol Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Melinda was beat out by Blake?
Now that’s what I call a mistake!
He’s all shtick and no voice.
What a terrible choice!
I suspect that his fans ain’t awake.
Tags: American Idol, Blake and Melinda, Fox TV Humor, Music Satire, Singers, Singing Humor, Television Humor, TV Humor, Vocalists, Vocals
Posted in Entertainment Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Television (TV) Humor | 2 Comments »
Sunday, May 6th, 2007
I live in New York City, so my husband Mark and I often catch great musical acts, plays, art shows, and other entertainment and cultural diversions in the Big Apple.
Why don’t I write about our New York fun? I keep meaning to, but quickly forget to. Blame ADD, a bad memory, or just being a wee bit disorganized.
Anyway, I’ve decided to launch a new posting category — Night On The Town — in which I’ll write more regularly about our Manhattan adventures … in theory, anyway.
And what better way to start, than with the wonderful Judy Carmichael! We caught her stride piano act Friday night at the Knickerbocker Bar and Grill, and she was excellent, as always. Mark and I own every one of her recordings!
For those who don’t know what stride piano is, it’s a musical style that originated in Harlem early in the 20th century. And nobody does it better than Judy Carmichael. In fact I love her playing so much, I’ve written her a limerick:
Ode To Judy Carmichael (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Judy Carmichael’s known for her stride.
She’s a pianist of note far and wide—
A female Fats Waller.
You’ll whoop and you’ll holler
With joy at her musical ride.
Tags: Art Shows, Big Apple, Entertainment, Fats Waller, Jazz Pianist, Judy Carmichael, Knickerbockers Bar and Grill, Musical Acts, New York City, Plays, Stride Piano
Posted in Celebrity Humor, Entertaining New Yorkers, Entertainment Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, New York Limericks & Haiku, Night On The Town, Recreation & Fun Humor | 1 Comment »
Wednesday, April 25th, 2007
American Idol — My Guilty Pleasure
By Madeleine Begun Kane
American Idol’s a show
I enjoy. Why? I really don’t know:
Awful singing, odd judging,
And, maybe, vote fudging.
I’m missing it now. Gotta go!
Tags: American Idol, Fox TV Humor, Judging Humor, Music Satire, Singers, Singing Humor, Television Humor, TV Humor, Vocalists, Vocals Humor, Vote Fudging
Posted in Entertainment Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Television (TV) Humor | 5 Comments »
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
Musical Faux Pas
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The solo violist played well,
With strong bowing, tone clear as a bell.
But she messed up the end;
When the time came to bend
For her bow, she got dizzy and fell.
Tags: Accident, Bow, Music, Music Verse, Musical Humor, Viola, Violist
Posted in Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Wordplay | 3 Comments »
Monday, February 12th, 2007
Those &^%$#$% Auditions!!!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If a symphony job is your mission,
You’d better learn how to audition.
Those try-outs are trying.
Remember, no crying!
Can’t hack it? Become a physician.
Tags: Auditions Humor, Classical Music, Instrumentalists, Music Satire, Orchestra Musicians, Symphonic Music, Symphony Orchestras
Posted in Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Workplace & Career Humor | 2 Comments »
Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
Open Sesame
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Why on earth are CDs packed so tight?
You can’t hear them without a huge fight.
When you buy a CD
Then your plight is to free
That damn disc. It might take you all night.
UPDATE: Happy Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day! (August 7)
Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day Video
UPDATE 2: Oct 1 is CD Player Day.
Tags: August Holidays, CD Cases, CD Player Day, CDs, Discs, Money, Music, October Holidays, Odd Holidays, Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day, Recordings, Records, Shopping
Posted in Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Odd Holidays, Shopping Humor | Comments Off on Open Sesame
Thursday, January 25th, 2007
Ode To The Bar Exam
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“I’m worried I won’t pass the bar,”
Cried the would-be attorney (no star).
His career he regretted.
Strung out, how he fretted:
He shouldn’t have quit the guitar.
(My legal humor is collected here.)
Tags: Attorney Humor, Bar Exam Humor, Career Humor, Guitar, Lawyer Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Musician Humor
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Workplace & Career Humor | 1 Comment »
Saturday, November 25th, 2006
Give Me An “A!”
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When symphony instruments tune,
They’re not matching the flute or bassoon;
It’s the first oboe’s “A”
That the strings must obey.
If they don’t, be prepared for High Noon.
On a more serious … uh … note, here’s some info that might make this limerick a bit more meaningful to some of you: Symphony orchestras tune to the first oboist, who generally gives his fellow musicians an A-440. Many string players prefer a slightly sharper pitch, an A-442 or A-444, believing that it gives their sound a more desirable brightness. This can lead to lots of bickering.
You can find more of my music related humor here.
Tags: A-440, Bassoon, Classical Music, Flute, High Noon, Musical Instruments, Oboe Humor, Pitch, String Players, Symphony Orchestra Humor, Tuning
Posted in Limericks, Music Humor & Verse | 8 Comments »
Monday, September 18th, 2006
One afternoon your ten-year old daughter comes home from school, enthused about learning to play an instrument. Your eyeballs start to throb. Your head begins to pulsate. You ask yourself whether tin ears are passed down from parents to their children. How do you resolve this dissonant dilemma?
AGREEMENT entered into on ___________, 20__ , by noise-averse Parents and instrument wielding Child.
WHEREAS, Child has expressed an interest in studying the sax;
WHEREAS, Parents hate the sax and don’t even consider it a real instrument; … (Musical Accord is continued here.)
Tags: Children Humor, Clarinet Humor, Education & School Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Funny Contracts, Music Humor & Verse, Music Lessons, Musical Instruments Humor, Parenting Humor
Posted in Children Humor, Education & School Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Satirical Contracts | 11 Comments »
Monday, September 11th, 2006
If you’ve ever wondered exactly how the Wonderbra works, this ad provides a handy demonstration.
And that gives me all the excuse I need to post my Wonderbra Song Parody:
Wonder of wonders.
Miracle of miracles.
Wonderbra can make you huge.
Wonder of wonders.
Wonderbra oh Wonderbra.
Lifts, shores up, and stacks your boobs.
Wonder of wonders.
Miracle of miracles.
Deepens cleavage on demand.
Wonder of wonders.
Wonderbra oh Wonderbra.
Scoops and swells your mammary glands.
The day I first tried on that bra.
That was a miracle.
That was a miracle.
They gaped and gawked and cheered “Hurrah!”
That was a miracle too.
But for all breasts be they large or small.
The most miraculous bra of all. …
(My Wonderbra Song Parody is continued here.)
Tags: Bra Song, Fashion Humor, Feminist Humor, Lingerie Song Parody, Song Parodies, Underwear Humor, Underwear Parody, Wonderbra Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Fashion Humor, Feminist Satire, Music Humor & Verse, Social Satire, Spoof Lyrics | 4 Comments »
Monday, August 28th, 2006
“You’re gonna swing dance in this weather? Are you insane?”
I’ve been asked that a lot lately, which isn’t surprising when you consider this summer’s humidity and heat wave. New York City’s weather has been so unbearable, that felons have switched from car theft to stealing AC’s. … (Jump, Jive, and Sweat is continued here.)
UPDATE: Happy International Dance Day! (April 29th)
Tags: April Holidays, Dancing Humor, Exercise Humor, Hobby Humor, International Dance Day, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Odd Holidays, Physical Fitness Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Swing Dance Humor
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Odd Holidays, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor | Comments Off on Jump, Jive, and Sweat
Friday, August 25th, 2006
Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple’s interests just don’t jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues.
AGREEMENT entered into on _____, 20__ between opera-buff Wife and sports-fan Husband.
WHEREAS, Husband has been badgering Wife to attend a ball game for as long as they’ve been married, and he has never managed to reach first base;
WHEREAS, Wife has been pressuring Husband to go to the opera for years, and Husband is running out of excuses; and
WHEREAS, Husband and Wife know that if they don’t resolve this soon, each will be attending all functions solo.
NOW, THEREFORE, the parties hereby agree to the following spare time terms:
1. Wife will attend one ball-type game, the selection of which shall be in Husband’s sole discretion, and Husband will attend one opera performance, the selection of which shall be in Wife’s sole discretion. In exercising such discretion, both spouses will keep in mind that divorce lawyers are really expensive … (Sparring Over Spare Time is continued here.)
Tags: Ball Games, Funny Contracts, Husband Humor, Law Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Opera Humor, Spare Time, Wife Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Recreation & Fun Humor, Relationship Humor, Satirical Contracts, Sports Humor, Time Humor | Comments Off on Sparring Over Spare Time
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
You have to dot those i’s.
You’ve got to cross those t’s.
You have to seem so wise.
You must justify those fees.
And if you’re smart and lucky
You will turn your case around.
That’s what the law’s about.
You have to file those claims.
You’ve got to sue those stiffs.
You have to shift the blame,
With no ands or buts or ifs. …
(That’s What The Law’s About is continued here.)
Tags: Attorney Humor, Litigation Humor, Law Humor, Law Office Humor, Lawyer Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Litigation Humor, Song Parodies
Posted in Business Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Social Satire, Spoof Lyrics | Comments Off on That’s What The Law’s About (Sing to the Hokey Pokey)
