Archive for the ‘Money & Finance Humor’ Category
Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007
So, have you started working on your income tax return yet? Me neither.
Form 1040 Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There’s a tax form that makes me irate:
Form 1040, a long form I hate,
Due mid-April, each year,
With my check. (Will it clear?)
It’s no wonder I always file late.
Tags: April Holidays, Federal Income Tax, Form 1040 Humor, Income Tax Humor, Money Satire, Procrastination Humor, Tax Filing Humor, Taxing Humor
Posted in Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Tax & IRS Satire | 4 Comments »
Friday, March 23rd, 2007
Boot-Licked
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My new laptop refuses to boot,
So I’m thinking of filing a suit.
Plug and play this sure ain’t.
If it started, I’d faint.
Lots of loot for this trash don’t compute.
Tags: Boot Failure, Computer Satire, Laptop Humor, Law Humor, Money Limerick, Plug And Play, Technology Satire
Posted in Computer Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Technology Humor | 5 Comments »
Friday, March 16th, 2007
Taxing Times
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband Mark and I usually prepare our joint tax returns jointly. Being good citizens, we begin early in February with tax planning discussions like this:
Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.
By late March we’ve made impressive progress:
Mark: We really should start doing our taxes next Saturday.
Me: You’re absolutely right. I’ll pick up Quicksand’s ShirkoTax this week.
Our tax planning culminates promptly on April 14 when Mark boots up the computer, loads ShirkoTax, and does whatever it is one does with tax software. … (Taxing Times is continued here.)
Tags: Husband Wife Humor, Income Tax Humor, March Holidays, Money Satire, Tax Humor
Posted in Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Marriage Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Tax & IRS Satire | 4 Comments »
Saturday, February 24th, 2007
Man Can’t Live By Bread Alone … Or Can He?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Here’s some bread for some bread at the store.
Bring back change or you’re toast, cause we’re poor.
Get me wheat bread or white,
And I’ll toast it quite light.
But this dough ain’t for anything more.
UPDATE: I’ve just learned via Cloaked Monk that today, March 23rd, is Toast Day. So don’t forget to toast Toast Day.
Tags: Bread, Food Satire, March Holidays, Money Satire, Odd Holidays, Shopping, Toast Day, Wordplay Humor
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Holiday Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor, Wordplay | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
Antique Antics
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is this lampshade antique or just old?
They tell me it’s rare. I’m not sold.
But I had it appraised
And was rather amazed:
It’s worth thousands, though covered in mold.
Tags: Antiques Humor, Appraisals, Mold, Money Satire, Shopping Fun
Posted in Business Humor, House & Home Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Shopping Humor | 2 Comments »
Saturday, February 3rd, 2007
Deep Pockets/Pricey Dockets
By Madeleine Begun Kane
If you’re broke, it ain’t smart to defame
An affluent fellow’s good name.
With his pockets so deep,
Your defense won’t be cheap.
No, the law ain’t a poor person’s game.
(My legal humor is collected here.)
Tags: Attorney Humor, Defamation Humor, Law Humor, Lawyer Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Libel Humor, Litigation Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Slander Humor
Posted in Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | Comments Off on Deep Pockets/Pricey Dockets
Wednesday, January 3rd, 2007
Accounting For That CPA
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This accountant is no CPA,
Though he hopes to become one some day.
The exams are a trial,
But they’re surely worthwhile:
He’ll track money for much better pay.
(My money humor is collected here and my career and workplace humor is collected here.)
Tags: Accountant Poem, Accounting Humor, Career Humor, CPA Limerick, Exams, Professions
Posted in Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Workplace & Career Humor | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate? (Humorous Quiz)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
One sure way to test a relationship is to shop with your mate. Not only is joint shopping stressful, but it amplifies differences in temperament and taste. It can even lead to bickering, brawls, and mayhem. So take this compatibility quiz now. Or risk being ousted from your favorite boutique.
1. When you arrive at the mall he:
a. Says “Let’s shop together. It’ll be fun.”
b. Says “Meet me in hardware.”
c. Vanishes.
2. In men’s clothing he:
a. Asks your opinion and compliments your taste.
b. Buys a tie he already owns.
c. Bemoans the demise of the leisure suit.
3. In lingerie he:
a. Says you look sexy in an oversized robe.
b. Asks you to model see-through garments too small to identify.
c. Hands you a Wonderbra. … (“Is It Safe To Go Shopping With Your Mate?” is continued here.)
(You can visit my marriage humor collection here.)
Tags: Gender Differences Humor, Husband Humor, Shopping Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Behavior & Personality, Family & Relatives Humor, Feminist Satire, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Marriage Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Relationship Humor, Shopping Humor | 9 Comments »
Tuesday, December 5th, 2006
Where’s The Beef?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A butcher once had quite a beef.
His grievance? A meat-stealing thief,
A man who, when caught,
Claimed the beef had been bought.
‘Twas a story that beggared belief.
Tags: Beef, Butcher, Criminals, Food Verse, Law Humor, Meat, Theft
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Business Humor, Crime & Punishment Humor, Food & Drink Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, November 28th, 2006
Ode To Prosperity
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The affluent prosper quite well,
As their savings continue to swell.
It is great to be rich.
Destitution’s a bitch.
You might say that it’s taxing as hell.
(My money and tax humor is collected here.)
UPDATE: October 31 is World Savings Day.
Tags: Affluence, Destitution, Humor, October Holidays, Odd Holidays, Poverty, Satire, Taxes, Wealth, World Savings Day
Posted in Business Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Odd Holdays, Social Satire, Tax & IRS Satire | Comments Off on Ode To Prosperity
Monday, September 25th, 2006
“Stop The Chaos!” screeches the magazine cover. “Take Control Of Your Cluttered Life!” Periodicals are packed with chaos-avoidance techniques. But do they work? Let’s see.
1. Awaken early, inspired by self-help articles to finally organize your life. Grab paper scrap and jot down all urgent chores. Admire list, savor it, enhance it with scribbled notes. Spill coffee, rendering list illegible. Then, lest you be tempted to do something that might garner a check mark, file list under “T” for “To Do.”
2. Forget where you left list. Start new one, grow bored, take shower instead. Dash through house naked and wet in search of clean towel. Try to start a wash. Realize you left detergent off list.
3. Check if you’re low on other cleaning supplies. Notice several empty containers squandering space under sink. Yank everything out of storage and strew on floor. Resolve to rearrange cabinets once you’ve looked at mail.
4. Retrieve bills, ads, alarming bank statement from mail box. Hunt for check register and fail to find it. You never find it … which is why you haven’t made an entry since the Eighties.
5. Decide bank info must be buried in your bag or briefcase. Dump contents of both onto table and chase renegade coins. Smooth every particle of crumpled paper. Use magnifying glass to decipher contents. Take your time; any fragment could be a clue to your deficit balance.
6. Find nothing that sheds light on finances. Decide bank’s probably right. Stuff papers back into bags … just in case.
7. Forage through remaining mountain of debris. Find 97 pennies and count them twice. Hunt for coin wrappers. Start third list.
8. Spill pennies into already stuffed drawer. Resume foraging. Find stale stick of gum, half eaten candy bar, rusty key, crud-encrusted tissues, and several items you’ve never seen before. Attempt to throw out. Add garbage bags to list… (How To Disorganize Your Life is continued here.)
Tags: Finances, Health Satire, Humorous How-To, Magazines, Media, Self-Help
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Media Humor, Mental Health Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Self-Help Humor, Social Satire | 1 Comment »
Friday, September 15th, 2006
How’s this for a corporate nightmare? Every Segway Personal Transporter ever manufactured has been recalled due to a “software glitch in the scooters that can make riders fall.”
This recall calls out for a limerick, don’t you think? So here’s my Ode To The Segway Scooter:
The maker of scooters called Segway
Has recalled them from road, walk, and hedgeway.
Their software’s quite galling.
It’s prone to cause falling.
Now lawyers have fresh “we allege” prey.
Tags: Business Limerick, Computer Humor, Lawsuit Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Litigation Humor, Money Limerick, Personal Injury, Personal Transporters, Product Liability Humor, Product Recalls, Riding Scooters, Scooter Defects, Segway scooters, Software Bugs, Technology Humor
Posted in Business Humor, Computer Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor, Technology Humor | 3 Comments »
Saturday, September 2nd, 2006
THOUGHTFUL INTERVIEW
For a job applicant, an interview is to be sought, then dreaded, then endured. And managers rarely relish interviews any more than the trembling supplicant on the other side of their desk. So it’s probably just as well that people can’t read minds. If they could, most interviews would be aborted within 45 seconds:
INTERVIEWER: Good morning Mr. Jones. I’m so pleased that we’ve finally had a chance to meet. (This loser’s been clogging my voicemail and email with desperate messages.)
APPLICANT: It’s a pleasure to speak with you. (She’s been dodging my messages for weeks. I’ll never get this job.)
INTERVIEWER: George Smith recommended you highly. So naturally I reviewed your resume and gave you a call. (George is an idiot. Why is he wasting my time with this jerk?)
APPLICANT: I’ve known George for years, and he’s very familiar with my work. (George is an idiot — a well-connected idiot. And if he weren’t my wife’s brother, he wouldn’t give me the time of day.)
INTERVIEWER: So tell me something about yourself. (He must be a relative. God I hate this job.)
APPLICANT: Well, —- I have a highly diversified background — everything from computer programming, to teaching, to sales. (One of these days I’ll find something I’m good at.)
INTERVIEWER: Which of those fields best reflects your skills? (Just what we need around here — another jack-of-all-trades.) … (My Thoughtful Interview is continued here.)
Tags: Business, Career Humor, Employment, Finance, Interviews, Labor Day Humor, Money, Office, Unemployment Humor, Work, Workplace
Posted in Business Humor, Holiday Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Money & Finance Humor, Social Satire, Workplace & Career Humor | 3 Comments »
Wednesday, August 9th, 2006
You have to dot those i’s.
You’ve got to cross those t’s.
You have to seem so wise.
You must justify those fees.
And if you’re smart and lucky
You will turn your case around.
That’s what the law’s about.
You have to file those claims.
You’ve got to sue those stiffs.
You have to shift the blame,
With no ands or buts or ifs. …
(That’s What The Law’s About is continued here.)
Tags: Attorney Humor, Litigation Humor, Law Humor, Law Office Humor, Lawyer Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Litigation Humor, Song Parodies
Posted in Business Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Money & Finance Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Social Satire, Spoof Lyrics | Comments Off on That’s What The Law’s About (Sing to the Hokey Pokey)
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
Finding a new job can be a daunting challenge. But if you follow my simple 21-step plan, you’ll soon be battling cranky alarm clocks, rush-hour traffic, and the “living for the weekend” daily grind.
1. Lose job.
2. Panic, freak out, and turn into a pulsating blob of hysteria. CAUTION: It’s best to do this at home — you’ll be wanting that reference.
3. Torture everyone you’ve ever met with your tale of woe. Bitch about your former boss, your boss’ boss, your lousy luck, the manipulative coworker who stole your job, the economy, and, of course, the world as we know it. Seriously consider buying a voodoo doll.
4. Perfect the art of sleeping late, parading about in slatternly garb, and doing absolutely nothing. Tell your spouse you spent the entire week working on your resume. When spouse says “Let me have a look,” say you’re still fine-tuning it.
5. Start working on resume. … (Working Stiffed is continued here.)
Tags: Business Humor, Career Humor, Employment Humor, Job Hunting Humor, Job Loss Humor, Office Humor Column, Unemployment Advice, Work Humor, Workplace & Career Humor
Posted in Business Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Money & Finance Humor, Self-Help Humor, Social Satire, Workplace & Career Humor | 7 Comments »
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006
The road to buying a house is paved with dwindling bank accounts, devious brokers, and home owners who (you hope) are desperate to sell. Yes, it’s a challenge. But with the help of these easy to follow instructions, you can negotiate your way into unthinkable debt:
1. Decide you must buy a house because your present one is:
a. too small;
b. too large;
c. non-existent … (Hapless Home Buyer’s Guide is continued here.)
Tags: Bank Humor, Broker Humor, Budget Humor, Finance Humor, Home Buying, House Buying, Money & Finance Humor, Mortgage Humor, Real Estate
Posted in Family & Relatives Humor, House & Home Humor, How-To Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Money & Finance Humor, Real Estate Humor, Self-Help Humor, Social Satire | 1 Comment »
