Archive for the ‘Sports Humor’ Category
Sunday, January 16th, 2011
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
So I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A sports-loving fellow named Lee…
Here’s mine:
Sporty Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A sports-loving fellow named Lee
Had a very bad elbow and knee,
Which he blamed on a fall
Suffered playing pro ball,
But he only knew sports from TV.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Liar Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Sports Fans, Sports Humor, Sports Injury, Television Limerick, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Entertainment Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Leisure Time Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry & Prompts, Sports Humor, Television (TV) Humor | 22 Comments »
Saturday, January 8th, 2011
My pal Pat McGuire’s latest Unfinished Limerick Contest involves football, the NFL playoffs, and a disgusting-sounding drink called glug.
Since I hate football and would much rather drink tequila than glug, I wrote my own limerick, instead of finishing Pat’s:
Ugh!
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You can’t tempt me with something called glug
In a glass or a cup or a mug.
Plus I hate watching sports
Played on fields or on courts.
So the playoffs? Won’t cheer — I’ll just shrug.
(I won’t be watching The New Orleans Saints play the Seattle Seahawks; or The New York Jets play the Indianapolis Colts; or The Baltimore Ravens play the Chiefs; or The Green Bay Packers play the Philadelphia Eagles. But if you’re a football fan, I hope you enjoy yourselves … and that you don’t lose any big bets.)
Tags: Drinking Limerick, Football Humor, NFL, Patrick McGuire, Playoffs, Sports Humor, Tequila
Posted in Food & Drink Humor, Games Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Sports Humor | 1 Comment »
Thursday, November 11th, 2010
Once again, it’s Limerick-Off time. I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A guy who was drunk and lacked smarts…
Here’s mine:
Drunken Limerick (Drunken Limerick Audio)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man who was drunk and lacked smarts
Was playing a bar game of darts.
His dart throw went wild
And he injured a child.
He should stick to a card game like hearts.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, right above my photo. Thanks!
Tags: Accidents, Bars, Card Games, Darts, Drinking Limerick, Hearts, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Food & Drink Humor, Games Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Poetry Contest, Sports Humor | 18 Comments »
Tuesday, June 22nd, 2010
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman succumbed to a whim…
Here’s mine:
Whimsical Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman succumbed to a whim
And enrolled in an overpriced gym.
She tried free weights, machines,
Even yoga for teens,
Till she ran out of money and vim.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
Tags: Exercise Humor, Gym Membership, Health Club Humor, Health Limerick, Money Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Whimsy Verse, Writing Prompts, Yoga
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Gym Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limerick-Offs, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Relationship Humor, Sports Humor | 23 Comments »
Wednesday, June 16th, 2010
I’m not exactly a sports aficionado. But I’m guessing it’s safe to presume that most games are expected to be noisy.
Apparently, though, South African soccer fans take such noise to a new ear-piercing level, enthusiastically blowing vuvuzelas in the stadiums. What’s a vuvuzela? Well, I know from oboes, but not from vuvuzelas. However, I’ve just learned they’re cacophonous, droning, deafening horns (blown like a brass instrument) that are driving TV World Cup viewers insane.
Vive Vuvuzelas? Please, No! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Attempting to watch World Cup soccer?
Then you’re likely to go off your rocker:
Vuvuzelas abound
With their loud, droning sound.
They are deafening. Help! Need a blocker!
Tags: Brass Players, Football Humor, Hearing Loss, June Holidays, Musical Instruments, Noise Humor, Soccer Fans, Soccer Stadiums, South Africa, Sports Humor, Television Limerick, Vuvuzela, World Cup
Posted in Anxiety & Stress, Health & Medical Humor, Health Verse, Limericks, Mental Health Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Sports Humor, Television (TV) Humor | 9 Comments »
Thursday, April 8th, 2010
Jesse Levy, a Facebook pal of mine who participates in my Limerick-Offs, has challenged me and fellow Facebook friends to write a limerick starting with this line:
There once was a swimmer named Dean.
I love a good challenge, so I wrote this three-verse limerick in response:
There once was a swimmer named Dean.
He was swift and his breast stroke was mean.
When he raced he would win.
He thought losing a sin.
The guy was a swimming machine.
When he finally lost, he freaked out
And suffered a confidence drought —
Could not handle defeat.
He determined to beat
Up the fellow who won his last bout.
Poor Dean does not swim anymore.
He’s in prison, according to lore,
For killing that swimmer.
His weapon? Hedge trimmer.
Yes, that’s how he settled his score.
Tags: Athletics, Bad Sportsmanship, Competition, Crime, Poetry & Prompts, Swimming Humor, Writing Prompts
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Crime & Punishment Humor, Limericks, Sports Humor | 7 Comments »
Monday, February 22nd, 2010
As I’ve mentioned before, figure skating is the only sport I enjoy watching on television.
And as much as I was rooting for American skater Evan Lysacek to win the men’s figuring skating gold, I do admire Russia’s Evgeni Plushenko. In fact, I was looking forward to seeing if he could land himself a second gold medal.
But I join many of Plushenko’s fans in being disappointed by his ungracious post-long-program remarks.
After U.S. skater Evan Lysacek took the 2010 men’s figure skating Olympic gold and Plushenko was relegated to silver, Plushenko seemingly put Evan and the other contenders down, saying:
Overall my basic position and attitude is that movement needs to go forward and never stop, never go back. I think people need to do lots of quads.”
As McClatchy’s Gil LeBreton observes:
Because the Russian skater was the only one in the room who does quads, his remarks Thursday night came across as self-serving — sour grapes, unbecoming of a guy who thought he could take three years off from the sport and then dance in and steal the gold medal.
Plushenko, quadruple jump and all, received the silver medal in Thursday night’s men’s figure skating finals. U.S. skater Evan Lysacek, who attempted no quads in his dramatic, near-flawless performance, was rewarded with the gold.
This brings me to my latest limerick:
Thin-Skinned Plushenko Skating On Thin Ice?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Plushenko, your program was fine,
But did not deserve gold, so don’t whine.
Stop implying your quad
Should have earned you the nod.
Evan beat you. His skate was divine.
Tags: Evan Lysacek, Evgeni Plushenko, Olympic Gold, Olympics Figure Skating, Poor Sportsmanship, Quad Jump, Vancouver Olympics, Winter Olympics 2010
Posted in Behavior & Personality, Canada, Entertainment Humor, Family & Relatives Humor, Figure Skating Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Public Figures, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor, Television (TV) Humor | Comments Off on Thin-Skinned Plushenko Skating On Thin Ice?
Saturday, February 6th, 2010
This probably sounds un-American, but I never watch football on television … or anywhere else, for that matter. Not even the Super Bowl.
Okay, maybe the half-time show for the musical acts. (I love The Who!) And perhaps a commercial or two, if my husband’s hysterical laughter gets my attention. But that’s it!
Super Bowl Sunday Blues (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I rarely watch sports on TV.
Figure skating is all that I’ll see.
So on Super Bowl Sunday,
I dream about Monday.
Till then, from our screen I must flee.
Tags: February Holidays, Halftime Shows, Indianapolis Colts, New Orleans Saints, NFL, Olympics Figure Skating, Sports Humor, Super Bowl Sunday, Superbowl, Television Limerick, The Who
Posted in Entertainment Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor, Television (TV) Humor | 11 Comments »
Tuesday, September 15th, 2009
What’s with prominent celebrities and pols whose last names begin with “W”? Joe Wilson, Kanye West, and Serena Williams have all made unspeakably rude public asses of themselves during the last few days. And so the worlds of politics, entertainment and sports have all come together in a sad celebration of awful behavior followed by inadequate apologies.
Here’s my limerick tribute to their unseemly public tirades:
Ode To Incivility
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Must pols and celebs be so rude?
And display a despicable ‘tude?
Misters Wilson and West
And Ms. Williams, it’s best
To attempt not to act so unglued.
Tags: Bad Behavior, Beyonce Knowles, Insincere Apologies, Joe Wilson, Kanye West, Kim Clijsters, Moonman, MTV VMA's, Rudeness, Serena Williams, Singers, Sportsmanship, Taylor Swift, U.S. Open
Posted in Apology Humor, Behavior & Personality, Celebrity Humor, Entertainment Humor, Limericks, Music Humor & Verse, Public Figures, Sports Humor | 4 Comments »
Monday, July 21st, 2008
Sorry for the delay, but though my cast is finally off, I’m still having wrist problems.
Today’s limerick, haiku, and senryu theme is vacations. First, my limerick, which was inspired by my husband Mark:
Vacation Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband is swimming outdoors.
I expect he’ll be back when it pours,
Which it threatens to do
Ev’ry day, so he’s blue.
Yes, vacations are rain guarantors.
And now my haiku (senryu):
I’m on vacation,
Yet here I am writing verse.
Give it a rest, brain.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about vacations. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have until August 1st to post it.
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your vacation-related verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Tags: Rain Limerick, Swimming Humor, Vacation Verse, Weather Poem, Writing Haiku, Writing Prompts
Posted in Family Verse, Haiku & Senryu, Holiday Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limerick & Haiku Prompts, Limericks, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Sports Humor, Vacation Humor, Writing & Publishing Humor | 11 Comments »
Tuesday, October 23rd, 2007
Toying With Kites (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The sight of a kite in the sky
Is delightful and lovely, so why
Is it quite impolite
To say, “Go fly a kite!”
This idiom just doesn’t fly.
Don’t forget to celebrate Go Fly A Kite Day every June 15th. (It’s believed to be the anniversary of Ben Franklin’s 1752 kite experiment.)
(You can find more of my outdoor sports humor here.)
Tags: Ben Franklin, Idiom Humor, June Holidays, Kite Experiment, Kite Flying, Language Satire, Outdoors Verse, Science, Sports Limerick
Posted in Hobbies Humor, Language Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Outdoors Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Science Humor, Sports Humor, Wordplay | 6 Comments »
Sunday, October 21st, 2007
These two horse-related poems were loosely inspired by this week’s Totally Optional Prompt:
First, a limerick:
A Horse of A Different Color
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There are folks who succumb to a weakness
For races like Belmont and Preakness.
But there’s only one horse
Race I’ll bet on—the course
To the White House—a sign of my geekness?
And now, a haiku about New York City:
Trumpeting cars horns.
Clip-clopping carriage horses.
Central Park Sunday.
(You can find more of my horse humor here.)
Tags: Belmont Stakes, Central Park, Horse Humor, Horse Racing, New York, Political Horse Race, Preakness Stakes, Triple Crown
Posted in Animal & Pet Humor, Haiku & Senryu, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, New York Limericks & Haiku, Outdoors Humor, Queens Verse & Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor | 17 Comments »
Tuesday, June 5th, 2007
My husband Mark and I were never meant to own a motor boat. Why not? Any couple who can’t figure out how to open their car hood, should probably stick to something propelled by oars. And we surely would have done just that, had the prior owner of our weekend home not made it a package deal. If we wanted his irresistible house, we’d have to spring for his 120 horse power boat — perfect for anyone whose idea of relaxation is charging across a rocky three mile lake at the speed of screams.
OUR FIRST TIME OUT: My husband — a man who can build a wood stove fire in a flash, who whips up gourmet feasts in fifteen languages — couldn’t figure out how to unhook the boat’s cover. Refusing my help, he struggled for an hour. Victorious at last he hurled the cover off, in the process spilling gallons of water all over the boat.
By then I was ready to bail out. But Mark handed me a pail, and we spent the next 45 minutes heaving water overboard. Once all the water was safely under the boat, it was time to begin boating. I optimistically climbed onto our 16 footer, while my husband worked the knots from ashore. A former boy scout, he did this rather well. So well, that the boat (free at last) started to drift without him. …. (Motor Boating Just Isn’t Our Speed continues here.)
Tags: Boating Humor, Husband Wife Humor, Motor Boating, Outdoor Activity Humor, Outdoor Fun, Outdoor Sports, Water Activities
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Hobbies Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor | 5 Comments »
Monday, February 26th, 2007
The last time I went bowling, I aimed my ball so badly, it went flying diagonally and landed in a neighboring lane. (On the other hand, I’m not half-bad at Wii-Bowling.)
I’m Not Bowled Over By Bowling
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Don’t ask me to bowl. I’m the worst.
When I try to, I’m bound to be cursed.
Other bowlers complain:
“You must aim for your lane!”
No more bowling, unless I’m coerced.
Tags: Bowling Humor, Sports Humor, Virtual Games, Virtual Sports, Wii
Posted in Games Humor, Hobbies Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Sports Humor | 3 Comments »
Tuesday, February 13th, 2007
Surmounting Marriage
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Before agreeing to marry my husband Mark, I asked him the usual questions:
- Do you know what a hamper is and have you ever actually used one?
- Do you spend weekends sprawled in front of a sports-spewing screen, devouring couch potato chips?
- Are your parents likely to drive me to drink?
Mark told the appropriate fibs, I pretended to believe him, and several months later we wed. But soon after the wedding, I realized I’d forgotten to ask the most important question of all: When you see a mountain, do you get an irresistible urge to do something stupid? (Surmounting Marriage is continued here.)
Tags: Husband Wife Relationship Humor, Marriage Satire, Mountain Climbing, Outdoor Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Fashion Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Relationship Humor, Sports Humor, Travel Humor, Vacation Humor | 11 Comments »
Friday, September 15th, 2006
How’s this for a corporate nightmare? Every Segway Personal Transporter ever manufactured has been recalled due to a “software glitch in the scooters that can make riders fall.”
This recall calls out for a limerick, don’t you think? So here’s my Ode To The Segway Scooter:
The maker of scooters called Segway
Has recalled them from road, walk, and hedgeway.
Their software’s quite galling.
It’s prone to cause falling.
Now lawyers have fresh “we allege” prey.
Tags: Business Limerick, Computer Humor, Lawsuit Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Litigation Humor, Money Limerick, Personal Injury, Personal Transporters, Product Liability Humor, Product Recalls, Riding Scooters, Scooter Defects, Segway scooters, Software Bugs, Technology Humor
Posted in Business Humor, Computer Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Limericks, Money & Finance Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor, Technology Humor | 3 Comments »
Monday, August 28th, 2006
“You’re gonna swing dance in this weather? Are you insane?”
I’ve been asked that a lot lately, which isn’t surprising when you consider this summer’s humidity and heat wave. New York City’s weather has been so unbearable, that felons have switched from car theft to stealing AC’s. … (Jump, Jive, and Sweat is continued here.)
UPDATE: Happy International Dance Day! (April 29th)
Tags: April Holidays, Dancing Humor, Exercise Humor, Hobby Humor, International Dance Day, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Odd Holidays, Physical Fitness Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Swing Dance Humor
Posted in Health & Medical Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Odd Holidays, Recreation & Fun Humor, Sports Humor | Comments Off on Jump, Jive, and Sweat
Friday, August 25th, 2006
Do you and your spouse argue about how to spend your spare time? Togetherness can be tough to achieve when a couple’s interests just don’t jibe. But this contract may be just the cure for your spare time blues.
AGREEMENT entered into on _____, 20__ between opera-buff Wife and sports-fan Husband.
WHEREAS, Husband has been badgering Wife to attend a ball game for as long as they’ve been married, and he has never managed to reach first base;
WHEREAS, Wife has been pressuring Husband to go to the opera for years, and Husband is running out of excuses; and
WHEREAS, Husband and Wife know that if they don’t resolve this soon, each will be attending all functions solo.
NOW, THEREFORE, the parties hereby agree to the following spare time terms:
1. Wife will attend one ball-type game, the selection of which shall be in Husband’s sole discretion, and Husband will attend one opera performance, the selection of which shall be in Wife’s sole discretion. In exercising such discretion, both spouses will keep in mind that divorce lawyers are really expensive … (Sparring Over Spare Time is continued here.)
Tags: Ball Games, Funny Contracts, Husband Humor, Law Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Opera Humor, Spare Time, Wife Humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Music Humor & Verse, Recreation & Fun Humor, Relationship Humor, Satirical Contracts, Sports Humor, Time Humor | Comments Off on Sparring Over Spare Time
Sunday, August 20th, 2006
Tubing — the masochistic act of hurtling down a fall-fraught river while clinging to an inner tube. Somehow my husband Mark talked me, a devout wimp, into trying it.
Why did I go along for the rocky river ride? Perhaps I was dazed by the beauty of the Catskill Mountains’ Esopus River. Perhaps the brave (or foolish) teens who plunged heedlessly into the Esopus shamed me into it. Or maybe I was feeling guilty for being a perennial naysayer. Whatever the reason, one summer day I broke my first rule of survival: If they advise helmets, avoid it.
Before risking the river we signed a paper saying our survivors couldn’t sue. Then Mark paced while I interrogated the clerk about safety. Jagged rock protection was high on her (and my) list. Sneakers for the feet, a helmeted head, and plywood in the tube to protect the tush.
After a short, steep bus ride up river, the driver said “Just throw your tubes into the river and get in.” He pointed towards what looked suspiciously like waterfalls.
Foolish me, I’d assumed there’d be an attendant to provide advice, guidance, and moral support. And to hold the damn tube in place long enough for me to lower myself onto it and grab its pathetic excuse for handles. At the very least, they could have posted a sign saying, “Start your death ride here.” … (Tubing Blues is continued here.)
Tags: Husband Wife Humor, River Tubing, Battle of the Sexes, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Recreaton Humor, Travel Humor, Tubing humor
Posted in Battle of the Sexes, Family & Relatives Humor, Humor Columns & Humorous Essays, Leisure Time Humor, Marriage Humor, Outdoors Humor, Recreation & Fun Humor, Relationship Humor, Sports Humor, Travel Humor | 5 Comments »
