Aim for brilliant
In just one-forty characters.
Settle for inane.
Archive for the ‘Computer Humor’ Category
My Twitter Motto (Haiku)
Tuesday, February 24th, 2009Facebook Face Off?
Monday, February 16th, 2009Many Facebook users are angry or at least concerned about Facebook’s revised and more aggressive terms of service (TOS).
Consumerist has some good info here about Facebook’s perpetual content rights grab, and WebTechLaw explains the legal ramifications and what Facebook’s revised terms mean for your content.
I’ve never been a Facebook fan and now I like it even less. But at least it’s provided inspiration for a new limerick:
Facebook Face-Off
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Greedy Facebook has published new rules
Which play all its users for fools.
It’s a content rights grab—
A perpetual nab
Of your stuff just for using its tools.
UPDATE: Facebook has reversed itself about these new rules as a result of bad press and membership ire. I’ll be activating my account and I’ll see how it goes.
Multi-Task Madness
Thursday, February 12th, 2009Perhaps I’m out of line, but I think that when you get behind the wheel of a gazillion pound motorized vehicle, turn the ignition key, get into gear, hit the gas, and begin to move, you should maybe … I don’t know … PAY ATTENTION.
This approach has many advantages. For example, if you carefully observe your fellow drivers, you can:
a: Pick up lipstick application tips from the woman going 65;
b: Place bets on how far into your lane the guy next to you will swerve while switching CD’s or poking his iPod; … (Multitask Madness continues here.)
The Couple That Reads Together…
Monday, October 20th, 2008Mac|Life Magazine is running a limerick-writing contest with a cool prize — a Wacom Intuos3 6×8 tablet. The contest rules, which you can find here, include using the name Mac|Life within your limerick.
Here’s my submission:
A tech-savvy husband and wife
Once suffered occasional strife:
When their fav’rite mag came
First dibs was their aim.
Their solution? Two subs to Mac|Life.
Twitter Tweet Verse (Limerick & Haiku Prompt)
Friday, October 10th, 2008I sure hope many of you use (or at least are familiar with) Twitter. Because Twitter is today’s limerick and haiku topic. First, my limerick:
Twitter Jitters
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I really don’t mean to sound bitter,
But it’s hard to fit humor on Twitter.
Posting tweets so damn short
Is a challenging sport,
Cuz there’s no time for laughs — just a titter.
And now my Twitter haiku (senryu):
My tweets on Twitter:
Memories, links, mutterings.
Fragments of a life.
As you might have guessed, I use Twitter. If you’d like to, you can follow my Twitter Tweets here.
But now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about Twitter. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky.
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
| 1. Elephant Small | 2. Nickers and Ink | 3. Winnie the poohi |
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your verse about Twitter in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Email Hell (Limerick & Haiku Prompt)
Friday, May 9th, 2008Today’s limerick and haiku theme is email and/or spam. First, my limerick:
I’m out of the office right now.
Do I hate answ’ring email? And how!
Missed your missive? I’m glad,
So I won’t say I’m sad.
Pester some other worker-bee. Ciao!
And now my three spam-related haiku:
Suffocating spam
Pours into my computer,
Drowning out meaning.
Virulent spammers
Take over my computer,
Devouring its core.
My email pours in,
The meaningful lost,
Strangled by spam.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about email and/or spam. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.
| 1. Connie 2. Noah the Great |
3. Noah the Great 4. Linda – Nickers and Ink |
5. Felix Morgenstern |
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your email-themed verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Yet Another Tax Humor Piece: Interactive Taxes
Monday, March 31st, 2008Interactive Taxes
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Hello. Welcome to Taxtime, your Interactive Tax Preparer Program. Do you feel like doing your taxes today?
I see. Well, don’t you think you should do them anyway? After all, it’s April 14. And who knows? Maybe you’ll get a refund.
That’s the spirit. Let’s begin with your name, address, and marital status.
Sorry to hear about the divorce. But don’t let it get you down. That alimony deduction will come in handy.
Please don’t cry. Things are bound to improve. In the meantime, let’s talk about dependents. Do you have any children?
Wow! I hope they’re not all in college.
You’re having visitation problems on top of everything else? Gee, I can’t help you there. But you might try our Interactive Matrimonial Lawyer Software.
I hate lawyers too. But we’re really veering off track … (Interactive Taxes is continued here.)
Web Withdrawal Woes
Monday, September 24th, 2007I dedicate this to everyone’s who’s ever been driven mad by a website or blog outage:
Web Withdrawal Woes (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
This outage has led me to think
I’ve gone bonkers, berserk—need a shrink.
I keep checking the site.
It’s still down—what a plight!
Web withdrawal may drive me to drink.
Ode To The Google PageRank Obsession
Wednesday, July 18th, 2007Website owners, webmasters, and people who specialize in search engine optimization (SEO) and search engine marketing (SEM) tend to be an obsessive bunch, perpetually checking stats in their quest for better numbers. What do improved numbers mean? In theory, they beget better placement in search engine results pages (SERPS), more sales, and higher ad rates.
This obsession tends to reach a frenzied peak roughly four times a year, when Google’s Toolbar is updated, and you learn if your latest PageRank has risen or (heaven forbid) dropped. And while some may claim that they don’t care about PageRank, nobody believes them.
In honor of Google PageRank update season, which apparently is upon us, I’ve written this limerick:
Ode To The Google PageRank Obsession
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Google PageRank obsession is back,
‘Cause an update is due, which we track.
Have our efforts paid off?
Although many will scoff,
We need proof that we’re leading the pack.
(You can find more of my computer and technology humor and limericks here, including my song parody Webmaster’s SEO Complaint.)
Captured By CAPTCHA
Monday, May 21st, 2007If you’ve ever registered for a site or an email list, you’re surely familiar with those frustrating anti-spam CAPTCHA forms. CAPTCHA, which is an acronym for “Completely Automated Public Turing test to tell Computers and Humans Apart,” generally does a really good job of blocking … me:
Captured By CAPTCHA (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The CAPTCHA form used on their site
Quickly conquered computerized blight,
Because bots can’t decode
Any image it showed.
But then neither can I—there’s my plight.
(You can find more of my technology humor here.)
Sleepless In Geekdom
Friday, April 20th, 2007Early in our marriage, my husband Mark worked as a computer programmer and was on over-night call:
Sleepless In Geekdom
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My husband’s a super-smart geek
Who’s on overnight call once a week.
And those questions they pose
After wrecking our doze
Sound, to me, much like Latin or Greek.
UPDATE: Happy International Programmers’ Day, January 7th!
And happy Geek Pride Day, May 25th!
Boot-Licked
Friday, March 23rd, 2007Boot-Licked
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My new laptop refuses to boot,
So I’m thinking of filing a suit.
Plug and play this sure ain’t.
If it started, I’d faint.
Lots of loot for this trash don’t compute.
A Spam Filter That Really Works Would Be Nice
Saturday, March 10th, 2007A Spam Filter That Really Works Would Be Nice (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
My filters should block them, but nay!
Spam emails beset me each day,
Pushing stock, naked boys,
Drugs for sex, naughty toys—
All ad nauseam. Please, go away!
Backup Blues
Tuesday, February 20th, 2007Backup Blues
By Madeleine Begun Kane
They told me to back up my drive,
Which has crashed—it’s no longer alive.
Had I heeded their warning,
I wouldn’t be mourning
My data, which didn’t survive.
The Up Side Of Winter
Friday, February 16th, 2007Here’s another limerick about our recent New York snow and ice storm:
The Up Side Of Winter
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Outside our abode, it ain’t nice;
There’s snow on the ground and there’s ice.
But I’m snug in my house—
Just me and my spouse
And our mouse. Leave this haven? No dice!
Ode To The Segway Scooter
Friday, September 15th, 2006How’s this for a corporate nightmare? Every Segway Personal Transporter ever manufactured has been recalled due to a “software glitch in the scooters that can make riders fall.”
This recall calls out for a limerick, don’t you think? So here’s my Ode To The Segway Scooter:
The maker of scooters called Segway
Has recalled them from road, walk, and hedgeway.
Their software’s quite galling.
It’s prone to cause falling.
Now lawyers have fresh “we allege” prey.
A Traveler’s Net Woes
Tuesday, August 8th, 2006If your husband ever invites you to join him on a business trip, be sure to ask him these questions:
1. Will you ever get to see him while he is not — technically — asleep?
2. What will he do, if you accidentally lock yourself out of your hotel room in the middle of the night while you are not — technically — dressed?
Unfortunately, I didn’t think to ask these questions when my husband Mark invited me to join him for a six-week Boston business trip. So I had to learn the answers the hard way. …
