Help! I can’t stop writing acrostic limericks! Here’s my latest:
Hasty Acrostic Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
He who rushes ain’t likely to rate
And he’ll probably err and be late.
So take enough time —
To be careful is prime.
Easy does it. Perfection can wait.
Opinionated Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow who thought he knew best
Spurned conflicting opinions with zest—
His perpetual song:
“I am right. You are wrong.”
Self-improvement, it seems, not his quest.
Creative Keys (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When you’re whipping your verse into shape
And you’re caught in a rhyme-challenged scrape,
The delete key is handy,
Assisted by brandy,
And last, but not least, try escape.
(Prompted to escape)
Just a single spark —
all you need to fire up
imagination.
*****
Blaming messenger
heralds avoidance when you
can’t bear the message.
*****
Some thorny problems
can’t be solved by deep thinking
and just need deep sleep.
*****
(Prompts used in this post: making fire from We Write Poems, messenger from Sunday Scribblings, and thorn from Weekend Wordsmith)
Unstuck (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whenever I feel like I’m stuck —
Like I’m trapped in a rut or in muck,
I attempt something new.
(What else can you do?)
And sometimes that changes my luck.
(Inspired by Big Tent Poetry’s stuck prompt.)
The task at hand over at Three Word Wednesday is to write a poem using these three words: Figure, Juicy, and Stress. I enjoyed the mental exercise and wrote this limerick:
If Only Life Were That Simple
By Madeleine Begun Kane
When I’m feeling a bit under stress
And I figure my life’s in a mess,
If I read something juicy
Or play some Debussy,
My problems are quick to egress.
Oscar Wilde famously (and amusingly) said, “Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.” So I thought I’d have some limerick fun with the “be yourself” advice:
Be Yourself?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
“Be yourself” is outstanding advice.
You’ve heard it, I’m sure, once or twice.
I’d advise you to take it.
It’s best not to fake it,
Assuming you’re someone who’s nice.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman with sev’ral degrees…
Here’s mine:
Educational Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman with sev’ral degrees
Fell in love with an ill-informed sleaze.
Her friends disapproved
And warned it behooved
Her to drop him and find a new squeeze.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity in my Limerick-Offs.
My versifying friend Gerald Bosacker has been writing a series of Poetic Headstones — safety hints in limerick form, which he refers to as “limerbituaries.” When he challenged me to write one, I just had to give it a try:
If your doc says, “Go under the knife.
Only surgery’s saving your life.”
Kindly check out his rep.
Mel did not, the poor schlepp.
So Mel is now missed by his wife.
From there, I moved on to something a bit more warped — not exactly a safety hint, but a “limerbituary,” nonetheless:
Just why is this poor fellow dead?
Well mainly he’s missing his head.
He dined with a bad man,
A head-chopping madman,
And that’s the last time he was fed.
Thanks for the inspiration, Gerald.
My humorist pal Rose Valenta recently created a Kindle version of her blog and inspired me to do the same. Why? Because many employers are getting strict about web access, blocking employees from reading their favorite blogs and sites — even while they’re on a break or at lunch.
But your boss can’t control what you read on your Kindle. And Amazon makes it easy for bloggers to create Kindle blog editions, allowing fans to bypass their bosses and keep up with their reading.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Fight Firewalls With Kindle
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re at work, but on break — want to read.
But your boss did a dastardly deed:
Your fav’rites are blocked.
Your net access is locked.
But he can’t stop a Kindle blog feed.
My News: I’ve created Kindle versions of both my blogs. So if you’d like to read this general humor blog on your Kindle reader you can subscribe right here. And if you’d like to read my other political satire blog on your Kindle device, you can subscribe right here.
Attention Fellow Bloggers: If you’d like to publish your own blog on Amazon Kindle, Amazon makes it pretty easy and has a helpful Kindle Blog FAQ here. You can also find some useful info over at Mashable and some Kindle badges and icons here.
Warning: Reading blogs on Kindle isn’t free, except for the 14-day free trial for each blog. Monthly Kindle blog subscription fees are controlled by Amazon and priced at either $0.99 per month or $1.99 per month. Moreover, only 30% of the revenue goes to the blogger.
And Now For The Sales Pitch: Each of my two blogs is priced at $0.99 per month.
So if you’re a Kindle owner, I hope you’ll give the Kindle version of this humor blog and/or the Kindle version of my political satire blog a try.
I’m on Team CoCo, as you can tell from my Conan-Leno talk show wars limerick.
But unlike many Team CoCo members, I put most of the blame on NBC … and not on Jay Leno. NBC, after all, has been treating both O’Brien and Leno like two very pricey pawns. And doing it incompetently, to boot.
Jay’s been taking quite the beating in the press. So I watched Jay’s Monday night attempt to repair his image and set the record straight with interest. Unfortunately, I found his humble, nice guy shtick overdone and just a wee bit nauseating. Methinks Leno has gotten some really bad public relations advice.
And speaking of advice, here’s some advice for Jay Leno in limerick form:
Dear Jay
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Jay, you sure poured it on thick.
You’re a poor, lowly country-boy hick?
You just do what your told?
Merely one of the fold?
Give your PR adviser a kick.
My Advice To Spammers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear spammers, I wish you’d take heed.
A spell-check is something you need.
Though I’m surely no Freud,
You should really avoid
Sending “greeting” cards spelled more like “greed.”
Feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, please join my friends in that same activity in my limerick-offs.
My niece, who holds yoga classes in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, New York, recently launched a yoga blog. And in her latest post she includes a video that demonstrates face-yoga.
So what the heck is face-yoga? According to the instructor featured on the video, certain face poses (including something called “the lion face”) can tone your face and reduce facial lines and wrinkles.
Hey … at least you don’t have to move your whole body.
I thought I’d celebrate with a limerick:
A Fountain Of Face-Yoga Youth?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Can yoga de-wrinkle your face?
Your forehead and frown lines erase?
With its face-moves like “lion” —
Not certain I’m buyin’.
But maybe I should … just in case.
Valentine’s Day is coming up — an ideal topic for my very overdue limerick and a haiku (senryu) prompt. First, my limerick:
St. Valentine’s Day’s coming soon.
It’s a choc’late and rose-sellers’ boon.
Will your loved one come through
And make festive ado?
Or just buy you a five-buck balloon?
And now my haiku (senryu):
St. Valentine’s Day—
One day each February?
No. Daily each year.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about Valentine’s Day. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. And please post a comment as well.
(For more Valentine’s Day cheer, my Valiant Guy’s Guide to Valentine’s Day humor column is here.)
“Dear Son” Letters
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Whenever my husband gets mail
From his mom, this is true without fail:
It concerns medications
And health aberrations.
Just reading her notes makes me pale.
Today’s limerick, haiku, and senryu theme is blogging. First, my limerick, which was inspired by The Ominous Comma’s request for humorous advice for new bloggers:
Dear Newbie
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Newbie, I feel for your plight —
You are anxious for links to your site.
But please do not send
Link requests, when you’ve penned
A mere pittance of blog posts, all right?
And now my haiku (senryu):
My blog bullies me,
Demanding ideas, words, wit.
This will have to do.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write some verse about blogging. When you’ve posted your poem(s), please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have until July 18th to post it.
Limerick and Haiku Prompts Participants
| 1. Noah the Great 2. Noah the Great |
3. Deviant Cynic 4. Connie |
5. Bev 6. Bev |
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your blogging-related verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Today’s limerick and haiku theme is warnings and/or caution. First, my limerick:
Please be careful when closing that door.
If it hits you, you’re bound to be sore.
My hand is still numb
From its catching my thumb,
And I’m thinking of suing this store.
And now my warning-related haiku:
Storm clouds fill the sky
as walkers heed their warning
while birds cheer them on.
Now, of course, it’s your turn. Your assignment, should you choose to accept it, is to write a limerick or haiku (or both) about warnings and/or caution. When you’ve posted your verse, please return here and add a direct link to your themed poetry, using Mr. Linky. There’s no rush, by the way, because you have a whole week to post it.
(Note: My limerick was inspired in part by Sunday Scribblings’ “sore” prompt and Inspire Me Thursday’s “door” prompt.)
| 1. Crafty Green Poet 2. Connie 3. Felix Morgenstern 4. gautami tripathy |
5. Noah the Great 6. Lilibeth 7. Moe Lauher 8. Noah the Great |
9. Granny Smith 10. Alan Summers |
UPDATE: Mr. Linky is now closed, but you can still add links to your warnings and/or caution verse in the Comments. And if you’d like to participate in a new poetry prompt, you can always find my latest one here.
Cautionary Verse
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Identity theft is quite scary,
Causing problems horrific. Be wary!
Your rep can be doomed,
And your assets consumed
By any old Tom, Dick, or Harry.
(Note: This was inspired by Writers Island’s “identity” prompt and Totally Optional Prompts’ “transformation” prompt. And speaking of prompts, there’s still plenty of time to participate in my “dog-related verse” prompt.
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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