Mad Kane’s Political Madness

How nice that John McCain is finally getting around to vetting his temper-tantrum-inspired, Lieberman/Ridge-rebound Veep pick.

However, despite all the disqualifying details he’s belatedly learning, McCain is unlikely to dump Sarah Palin from the ticket unless he’s forced to.  Admitting a mistake in judgment?  Not gonna happen. Unless, maybe, it turns out she shot an aging lawyer in the face … and probably not even then.

But hey, at least Palin’s an expert on Russia.  Which reminds me —  I can’t help wondering if Condi feels foolish about wasting  so much time studying up on Russia, when all she really had to do was  move to Alaska.

And now it’s time for two limericks:

It appears that McCain failed to vet
A woman he barely had met.
Then he named her for Veep
And now he’s hip deep
In  her muck.  Yet he feigns no regret.

John’s allies are  praisin’ and hailin’
The selection of unprepared Palin.
But will buyers’ remorse
Attack them in force
If McCain ever seems to be ailin’?

Technorati Tags: Sarah Palin Limerick, John McCain Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Election 2008, Lieberman Verse, Tom Ridge Poem. Russian Expert, Alaska Governor, Condi Rice Humor, Vetting Candidates

Sarah Palin For Veep? I knew John McCain and his Rovian puppet masters were cynical, but this takes the cake.

But hey, I’m a female.  So I guess I have to vote for whats-her-name, right?  After all, the only reason I was backing Hillary is cuz we’re both female. So naturally, now that Obama’s chosen Biden as his running mate, I must vote for a woman who STANDS FOR EVERYTHING I DESPISE:

Sarah Who???
By Madeleine  Begun Kane

Dear Johnny, I can not conceive
What could possibly make you believe
That your anti-choice pick
Could possibly click
With us Hillary-gals.  How naive!

You must think that we women are sheep,
Who would swoon at a female for Veep.
But a right-wingnut gal
Who’d control our canal?
Oh, that hole that you’re digging is deep.

Yes, your pick has a beautiful face
And she’ll help you to shore up your base.
But she’s wrong to the core
And (like you) she’s just more
Of Bush/Cheney … with feminine grace.

UPDATE: I’m very pleased that my Robert Benchley Society Humor Award has generated a fair amount of publicity. This article in Gannett’s Journal News is probably the best of the stories.  And it has a fun companion video of me reading one of my humor columns.

Technorati Tags: Sarah Palin, John McCain Humor, Palin Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Hillary Clinton Verse, Biden Nomination, Obama Poem, Feminist Humor, Gender Satire

So Bill Kristol’s a feminist.  Who knew? Yes, William Kristol, Republican con man, is oh so terribly concerned about the glass ceiling perpetuated by Barack Obama when he chose Joe Biden for his running mate, denying Hillary Clinton her shot at Veep.

I’m touched.  Aren’t you?

Kristol-izing Feminism (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bill Kristol is outraged that Hill
Ain’t the Democrats’ Veep pick. Dear Bill,
Your concern about gender
Would strike me as tender
If phonies did not make me ill.

Technorati Tags: Bill Kristol Limerick, William Kristol, Weekly Standard, Hypocrisy Verse, Obama’s VP Pick, Obama’s Veep Pick, Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden Poem, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Feminism Humor, Media Humor, Glass Ceiling

McCain Thought They Were Asking How Many Combs He Owns
By Madeleine Begun Kane

McCain is confused. Stop the presses!
And if stumped by a query, he guesses.
He’s not up to the task
When this question they ask:
Just how many homes he possesses.

Technorati Tags: McCain Limerick, John McCain’s Houses, McCain’s Homes, McCain’s Mansions, Elitist McCain, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Election

The longer this presidential campaign goes on, the more worried I become.  And oddly enough, it’s Barack Obama’s much touted communication skills that concern me the most.

Because as good as Obama is at speechifying, that’s how poor he is when he’s responding to questions.  It’s the difference between hearing the insightful results of his thought process … and being forced to watch him think.

And that leads me to my latest verse:

Some Friendly Advice For Obama
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, your speeches are great,
Like a confident, smart Head of State.
But when questioned you freeze
And appear ill at ease.
Loosen up or you’ll lose — no debate!

And when queried you need to be clear.
Don’t meander and stutter,  you hear?
Cuz you come off evasive
And  quite unpersuasive,
While John McCain’s lies sound sincere.

I’ll admit I was never a fan,
And I’m sick of the phrase “Yes we can.”
But I’m begging you, hide
Your pontificate-side,
Else you’ll lose to a confidence man.

Technorati Tags: Presidential Election, Obama Limerick, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Head Of State, Campaign Speeches, Press Conference, McCain Limerick

My “Dear John” Edwards Letter (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear John, to your run I said, “Yay!”
And I thought you’d go far, come what may.
Then you cheat on your spouse
And deny it, you louse!
But will Coulter stop calling you gay?

Technorati Tags: John Edwards, Ann Coulter, Horny Politicians, Cheating Husbands, Presidential Campaigns

By now, everyone’s surely seen Barry Blitt’s New Yorker cover, depicting Barack Obama as a flag-burning, bin Laden-loving, fist-bumping Muslim.  Intended to satirize “The Politics of Fear,” the image is being widely criticized as reinforcing the very stereotypes it seeks to mock.

Cartoonist Tom Tomorrow has a very interesting take on the topic here and here, as does cartoonist Ruben Bolling here, and Don Davis here, here, here, and here.  The New York Times queries some late night talk show hosts here and Mark Karlin of Buzzflash speaks out here.

Here’s my view in verse:

A Humorist’s Lament
Madeleine Begun Kane

A humorist like me sure knows
How tough it is to write, compose,
And sketch satiric toons and prose
And poems.  It’s not without its woes.

For instance, Barry Blitt’s lampoon,
New Yorker’s well-intentioned toon,
Is meant to show as crass buffoon
The lie and bias-spreading goon.

The humor quand’ry, if you please:
This toon could fit with equal ease
In any right-wing, racist sleaze
And readily its readers please.

That’s why it draws this fit of pique
For spreading what it would critique,
Confirming to the knowledge-weak:
Barack Obama — Terr’ist Sheik!

Update: Some more funny people have chimed in on this topic: skippy; David Horsey; Jon Swift; and Talk About Comics.

Technorati Tags: Barack Obama, New Yorker Cover, Barry Blitt, Tom Tomorrow, Ruben Bolling, Racial Stereotypes, Media Humor, Election Coverage Satire

So Obama denies that he’s moving rightward towards the middle. Sorry, but I just don’t buy it. 

Unlike Obama’s ardent primary campaign supporters, I never thought he was especially liberal.  But Obama’s  positions on FISA, abortion rights, gun control, faith-based initiatives, and the death penalty are even worse than I suspected. (So far, he’s pretty much where I thought he’d be re ending the war in Iraq — way too slow.)

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Dear Obama
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, your flight to the right
Is making me feel quite uptight.
It’s alarming how fast
You’re forsaking the past
And converting to GOP-lite.

(Don Davis weighs in on being “stuck in the middle with Obama.”)

Technorati Tags: Obama the Centrist,  FISA, Abortion Rights, Gun Control, Faith-Based Initiatives,  Death Penalty

I was shocked to learn that John McCain is computer illiterate. Well, I have just the ticket:

Some Friendly Advice For McCain’s Veep Vetting Team
By Madeleine Begun Kane

McCain doesn’t use a PC
Or a Mac, so he needs a VP
Who can act as his tutor
In using a ‘puter
And help with the phone and TV.

Technorati Tags: McCain’s Campaign, Computer Illiteracy, Campaign Satire, Computer Literacy, Election Humor, Mac Or PC, VP Vetting

I hope I’m wrong.  But I’m concerned that cowed (and confused) Dems may be backing off valid John McCain criticism out of fear of being called ageist.

As some Republicans see it, Democrats are deliberately talking in code about the presumptive 71-year-old GOP nominee as part of an attempt to highlight his age.

…

Obama aides deny any strategy to highlight age, and Obama, 46, himself told reporters last month that age should not be a factor. Indeed, he used to compliment McCain’s “half-century of service” to the country as a Vietnam War veteran and a member of Congress, but after McCain campaign manager Rick Davis argued that it was a sly way to inject age into the debate, Obama dropped the reference in February.  

…

But when Obama foreign policy adviser Susan Rice and Sen. John F. Kerry (D-Mass.) each described McCain as “confused” last week, Republicans became convinced that Democrats intend to run a crypto-ageist strategy, using words that create a subtle impression in voters’ minds.  

…

But the dynamic of Obama’s running against a candidate who’s a quarter of a century older is nonetheless creating an environment where some Democrats see the need to self-censor, proving that the McCain offensive is already working.

“I was going to say, ‘He lost his grip,’” said Democratic consultant Jonathan Prince, recalling a recent appearance on CNN’s “Situation Room.” “Those are normal words you use when you are involved in campaigns. You say, ‘They are nuts, they are off their rocker, they lost it.’ They have become very adept at grabbing every opportunity they can to turn it into a personal slur.”

The problem with John McCain isn’t his age per se.   McCain’s problem is he lacks the wisdom and maturity that ought to come with age.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

So, Is This Ageist Too?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
 
Wah, wah, wah! Don’t critique John McCain.
If you do so you’re ageist — Insane!
I think that just maybe
McCain’s a big baby,
Too puerile to win this campaign.

Technorati Tags: McCain Criticism, Democrats Humor, Campaign Satire, Election Humor

Is it just me?  Or is Keith Olbermann turning into Bill O’Reilly?

The bombastic commentary.  The narcissism.  And, of course, the misogyny.

I’d thought that once Obama clinched the Democratic nomination, it would be safe to start watching Countdown again.  Without Keith’s daily anti-Hillary target practice, I might even be able to watch it without cringing.

Wrong!

Keith’s bloviating “Worst Person in the World” anti-Katie Couric tirade was almost enough to make me turn to Bill O’Reilly. Talk about desperate!

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Is Olbermann Turning Into O’Reilly? 
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In the past I cheered Olbermann’s rants—
Loved his anti-war, anti-Bush stance.
But misogynous bluster
Is all he can muster
In Olbermann’s mirror-romance.

Technorati Tags: Olbermann Humor, O’Reilly Verse, Couric Limerick, Countdown, MSNBC, Misogyny Satire, Media Humor

I can barely type (Damn you, broken wrist!) but  feel compelled to mock McCainiac recession-deniers, like Kevin Hassett of the American Enterprise Institute. Apparently, reports of the soaring cost of daily necessities and other bad economic news are “politically motivated pessimism” meant to boost Obama’s candidacy.

Ode To McCainiac Recession-Deniers (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Behold the recession-denier!
As inflation and job loss surge higher,
He will stubbornly claim
Lib’ral press is to blame
For making us think things are dire.

Technorati Tags: Economy Satire, Election Humor, Campaign Poem, McCainiac, Recession Deniers, Inflation Limerick, Job Loss, Liberal Press, Kevin Hassett, American Enterprise Institute

I can’t decide what’s more absurd – Bush’s delusional boast that giving up golf is some sort of Iraq War sacrifice … or the fact that he lied about it.

In any event, George “Golf-Deprived” Bush deserves another limerick don’t you think? 

Dear Supreme Sacrificer
By Madeleine Begun Kane

So you gave up your golf — I don’t care.
It is hardly the cure for despair.
You’ve inflicted much pain
For no positive gain,
And your reign is an unanswered prayer.

Technorati Tags: Iraq War Sacrifice, Dubya Limerick, Bush & Golf

After losing three back-to-back Congressional races in solid Republican districts, the GOP has a spanking new game plan:

George Who??? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush enablers are trying to blame
All their woes on George Bush — that’s their game:
Each Congressional loss
Is the fault of their boss.
Their new creed? “Never liked what’s-his-name.”

Update: Next Monday evening, I’ll be attending a New York screening of War, Inc., John Cusack’s new movie satirizing the Iraq war.  If you’re planning to be there too, please email me, and maybe we can meet.  I’ll be going via a ticket I won in RawStory’s war limerick writing contest.

Technorati Tags: Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Republican Limerick, GOP Verse, Bush Blame, Congressional Races, Distance From Bush, Childers Mississippi

Sometimes I can’t help being amused by the Blame-Hillary crowd. What are they blaming her for this time?  Obama’s Reverend Wright problem, of course. 

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Next, They’ll Claim Obama Inherited Clinton’s Reverend
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Whenever his poll numbers lurch,
Obama-fans start up a search.
Their aim’s to fix blame
On that Hillary dame.
Guess it’s her fault he joined Rev. Wright’s church.

Technorati Tags: Senator Obama, Senator Clinton Reverend Jeremiah Wright, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Religion Limerick

The Philly Inq’s Dick Polman really nails it in his must-read post about John McCain’s  “artful dance with North Carolina Republican leaders, who have fashioned a low-road, anti-Obama advertisement that is slated to air on statewide TV next Monday.”

Commenting on McCain’s political skills and pseudo-piety, he says:

When it comes time to dish the dirt, he keeps his hands clean as he tut-tuts about the incivility of our politics. He looks good doing it – the Washington press generally loves it when he’s in pious mode on the high road – and, meanwhile, he gets to reap the rewards of the dirt being dished. Why pilot your own Swift Boat when it’s so much more attractive to condemn those who do it for you?

And that’s my cue for my Pious John McCain limerick:

Ode To Pious John McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Watch the press fall for pious McCain,
As he calls for a lofty campaign.
They’re so easily spun,
As his dirty work’s done
With an ad he pretends to disdain.

Technorati Tags: John McCain Humor, Presidential Campaign Ads, Election Limerick, Media Humor

Remember when the entire left blogosphere could be counted on to criticize politicians who said one thing and did the opposite? And when hypocrisy was routinely deconstructed and attacked by the left?

I’m talking about the pre-Obama-cult days, of course.  A time when the sort of behavior described here, here, here and here wouldn’t have been countenanced (let alone encouraged) by half the left blogosphere. Those were the days, my friend. (McCain Trademark Pending)

And that brings me to the first of my latest pair of limericks:

Dear Obama, please tell us all why
You keep doing the stuff you decry.
Cuz the “high road” you claim
Sure is littered with shame,
As you peddle your DC change lie.

My second new limerick was inspired by Obama’s slick habit of conflating the GWB and Bill Clinton presidencies by referring to decades in discussing this nation’s problems.  Instead of pinpointing the horrendous Bush years, Obama blithely tarnishes the Democratic brand with that plural decades reference.  

Why does he do this? Apparently it’s Obama who will do whatever it takes to win.  And that includes making sure Hillary doesn’t get credit by association for the relatively prosperous and peaceful Nineties.

That brings me to today’s second limerick:

Obama cites “decades” of ills,
Conflating the Bush years with Bill’s.
He’ll hurt the Dem brand
By playing that hand,
Leading voters to run for the hills.

Technorati Tags: Barack Obama Hypocrisy, Democratic Brand, Left Blogosphere, Presidential Election Humor, Campaign Satire

What did we learn from last night’s debate?  That (unlike Hillary Clinton) Barack Obama falls apart when he finally encounters a hostile press. 

As the Philadelphia Inquirer’s Dick Polman observes, Obama was “shaken, rattled and rolled” at the ABC debate.  So, is this the kind of candidate you want opposing John “Media Pal” McCain in the general election? 

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Dear Barack Obama: Last Night Is What Happens When You Drink Your Own Kool-Aid
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The man with the tongue made of gold
Under pressure last night seemed to fold.
His supporters excuse him—
Claim press guys abuse him.
Words matter. Barack’s? Oversold!

Technorati Tags: ABC Pennsylvania Presidential Debate, Senator Obama, Election Humor, Campaign Satire, Senator Clinton, Hostile Press, Senator McCain

They were warned, but they refused to listen. And now they’re paying the price.

I’m referring, of course, to the Pro-Obama bloggers who delight in anti-Dem media bias, so long as it’s directed at Hillary Clinton.

But a funny thing happened on the way to the election: Now that the press is giving Obama a hard time over his condescending bitter-small-town-America faux pas, these press bias-enablers are suddenly horrified by media bias. Why? Because it’s their candidate whose ox is being Gored. 

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Hey Obama Sycophants, Don’t Say We Didn’t Warn You!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“The press is unfair to Barack,”
Whines the Cult of Obama with shock.
Loaded questions, contortions
Of words, and distortions
Now wrong, cuz it’s their guy they mock.

Technorati Tags: Media Bias, Press Bias, Media Humor, Senator Obama, Senator Clinton, Presidential Election Campaign Satire

Hey, cable honchos. Before lambasting Hillary for “failing to fact check,” you might consider dabbling in some fact checking yourselves.

I’m referring, of course, to the media’s dead hospital patient mock-fest and, more broadly, to the “Gore-ing” of Hillary Clinton.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Biased Journalists And Bloggers, Heal Thyselves
By Madeleine Begun Kane

In cov’rage quite sloppy at best,
The press attacked Hill’ry with zest,
Disputing her facts.
But ’twas they who were lax.
Cuz if Clinton says east they say west.

Technorati Tags: Biased Bloggers, Sloppy Journalists, Senator Clinton, Press Fact Checking, Presidential Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Health Humor, Media Limerick