Posts Tagged ‘Election Satire’

Poking a Hole In Romney’s Odds (Limerick)

Friday, May 18th, 2012

Here’s a bracing historical factoid: The last man to be elected U.S. president despite losing both his home and birth states was President James Knox Polk back in 1844. Why’s it bracing? Because Mitt Romney is very likely to lose his native state (Michigan) and home state (Massachusetts.)

Poking a Hole In Romney’s Odds (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney is likely to lose
His birth and his home states. Great news,
Because history says
That for Mitt to be prez
He needs one of those states … or Polk’s shoes.

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Afraid of the Fringe” Romney

Tuesday, May 8th, 2012

Mitt Romney’s cowardice surfaced yet again today: Romney failed correct a woman who said Obama “should be tried for treason.”

Limerick Ode To Mitt “Afraid of the Fringe” Romney
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Romney, a gal in your crowd
Called Obama a traitor out loud.
Though it’s clear that you heard,
You said nary a word
To dispute it: You’re shamefully cowed.

Is Ron Paul Out-Maneuvering Mitt? (Limerick)

Monday, May 7th, 2012

Rachel Maddow has long been covering Ron Paul’s stealth delegate strategy. Well finally, the rest of the mainstream media is starting to take notice. Here’s the Christian Science Monitor on Ron Paul’s big delegate wins in Maine and Nevada:

… Mr. Paul’s strategy of organizing the grass roots and working arcane delegate selection rules is paying off. And that could mean big trouble for Mitt Romney and his plans to smoothly pivot to a campaign aimed solely at incumbent President Obama.

Is Ron Paul Out-Maneuvering Mitt? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Should Mitt be concerned about Paul
And his stealth, oddball delegate haul?
A Ron Paul power play
Could create disarray —
Tampa might not be dull, after all.

Plain Advice For Obama (Limerick)

Saturday, May 5th, 2012

Uh-oh! The pressure must be getting to Obama:

Shortly after landing in Columbus, Ohio, for his first rally, Obama walked off Air Force One under gray skies, ready to descend the stairs and greet some grassroots supporters. But after a few short steps, the president quickly doubled back, apparently realizing he had forgotten someone: the first lady.

Plain Advice For Obama (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Obama, to best avoid strife
In your marriage and family life,
When you exit the plane
You’ve little to gain
By leaving behind your dear wife.

Mitt Romney’s Grenell Gaffe (Limerick)

Thursday, May 3rd, 2012

It can’t be easy to simultaneously piss off liberals, conservatives, gays, and homophobes. But Mitt Romney managed to do it.

How? By hiring and (under pressure from anti-gay conservatives) speedily muzzling and forcing out his openly gay, misogynistic, wingnutty foreign policy spokesman Ric Grenell.

Mitt Romney’s Grenell Gaffe (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney would love to dispel
His panicked farewell to Grenell:
Bigots bitched, so he jumped —
His gay spokesman, he dumped,
Selling out at alarm bells, pell-mell.

Limerick Ode To Mitt-Simplicity

Tuesday, May 1st, 2012

I’ve been meaning to comment on Mitt Romney’s cluelessly callous remarks to students at Otterbein University in Ohio:

…Mitt Romney told students that, his friend, Jimmy John, started a business by borrowing $20,000 from his parents at a low interest rate. Romney suggested anyone in the audience could do the same:

“…Take a shot, go for it, take a risk, get the education, borrow money if you have to from your parents, start a business.”

In other words, Romney wants students to be “job creators,” but he has no plans to help them. Now if you’re a rich “job creator,” that’s another story.

Limerick Ode To Mitt-Simplicity
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Mitt, I was grateful and glad
That you shared the quick fix to be had
For youths who can’t pay
For college today:
Start a biz with a loan from your dad.

The GOP Pitch (Limerick)

Monday, April 30th, 2012

The GOP Pitch (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans made a huge mess.
Dems’ fixes they’ve tried to suppress.
Yet Republicans crow:
“The recovery’s slow.
Dump Obama. We’ve earned that address.”

Limerick Ode To Yet Another Romney Phony

Wednesday, April 18th, 2012

Remember the overblown Hilary Rosen stay-at-home moms controversy? We now know that Ann Romney was just pretending to feel victimized by Rosen’s remarks:

Ann Romney, the wife of GOP front-runner Mitt Romney, told supporters at a private fundraising event on Sunday that last week’s Hilary Rosen controversy was an “early birthday present.”

“It was my early birthday present for someone to be critical of me as a mother,” she said. “That was a really defining moment, and I loved it.”

Yes, to quote Maureen Dowd, Ann Romney “was feigning aggrievement to milk the moment.”

It’s important when you act the martyr not to overplay your hand. If you admit out loud to a bunch of people — including Haake, who was on the sidewalk enterprisingly eavesdropping — that you’re just pretending to be offended, you risk looking phony, like your husband.

Limerick Ode To Yet Another Romney Phony
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Ann, when pretending you’re hurt
By an “insult” it’s best not to blurt
That the “diss” was a gift—
That you’re not really miffed,
Lest you swiftly your image subvert.

Romney’s Nutcase Surrogate (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

Apparently, an Obama death threat from Mitt Romney surrogate Ted Nugent isn’t as condemnation-worthy as Ann Romney being dissed by Hilary Rosen. Good to know.

I suppose we should be grateful that after some nudging, Nugent’s presidential death threat was pronounced divisive by a Romney spokesperson.

Romney’s Nutcase Surrogate (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney’s Nugent has threatened Obama.
So where is the sturm and the drama?
When Ann Romney is dissed,
It’s harangue-worthy grist,
Far more grave than prez death threats? Oh mama!

Mommy Madness (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 17th, 2012

I’ve been trying to ignore the whole Hilary Rosen controversy. The one where Republicans use a stupid remark made by a CNN contributor to get everyone to stop talking about the Republican war on women.

Somehow, one person’s foolish remark is supposed to mean that President Obama and his fellow Dems diss stay-at-home moms:

The presidential campaign was consumed this week by controversy over Ann Romney and stay-at-home moms. Republicans seized on a stray comment by CNN contributor Hilary Rosen, who said Ann Romney had “never worked a day in her life.” Romney responded to the Rosen comments in a speech to the National Rifle Association on Friday, saying, “I happen to believe that all moms are working moms.”

But earlier this year, Romney said this on the topic of welfare:

“I wanted to increase the work requirement,” Romney said. “I said, for instance, that even if you have a child two years of age, you need to go to work. And people said, ‘Well that’s heartless,’ and I said ‘No, no, I’m willing to spend more giving daycare to allow those parents to go back to work. It’ll cost the state more providing that daycare, but I want the individuals to have the dignity of work.’” (emphasis added)

So apparently, raising children is dignified work only when done by wealthy gals like Ann Romney.

Mommy Madness (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney and Ann like to bitch
That the Dems have thrown moms down the ditch.
Yet Romney’s the jerk
Who said child care ain’t work,
Unless done by a mommy who’s rich.

Santorum Saves Himself For 2016 (Limerick)

Tuesday, April 10th, 2012

Rick Santorum, having apparently read Pennsylvania’s tea leaves, exited the 2012 presidential race. Did Mitt Romney promise him something? Or is Santorum simply avoiding another home state debacle, so as to preserve his shot at Election 2016? I vote for the latter.

Santorum Saves Himself For 2016 (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rick Santorum’s bowed out of the race.
It appears that the man could not face
The risk that he’d lose
His home state. Best refuse
To continue, avoiding disgrace.

Mitt’s “Telling” Message (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 28th, 2012

Mitt Romney has big plans to “eliminate government programs and shutter cabinet agencies.” Which ones are on his dump-list? He refuses to say, responding, with a warped sort of honesty, that providing specifics could cost him the election.

Or as Jonathan Chait amusingly puts it: “One of the things I have found in previous elections is that announcing my plans makes people want to vote against me!”

Mitt’s “Telling” Message (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There are agencies Mitt doesn’t like
And programs he’s planning to spike.
But he won’t tell us which
He’s intending to ditch.
You want pre-voting facts? Take a hike.

Limerick Ode To The “Etch-a-Sketch” Candidate

Wednesday, March 21st, 2012

When you represent a candidate who’s famed for his pandering opinion changes, it might be best to eliminate “Etch-a-Sketch” from your vocabulary:

Instead of rejoicing in what looks to be the beginning of the end of the Republican presidential race, however, Romney and his team are on the defensive over an Etch-a-Sketch. Yes, an Etch-a-Sketch.

Erik Fehrnstrom, one of Romney’s top aides, made the unfortunate comparison between his candidate and the child’s toy during a television interview on CNN on Wednesday morning.

“Well, I think you hit a reset button for the fall campaign,” said Fehrnstrom. “Everything changes. It’s almost like an Etch-a-Sketch – you can kind of shake it up, and we start all over again.”

Limerick Ode To The “Etch-a-Sketch” Candidate
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney’s policy viewpoints are fleeting.
They’re not helping him? Watch his retreating.
First he’s for, then agin,
As his mouthpieces spin.
Mitt needs Etch-a-Sketch-YouTube deleting.

Mitt’s Campaign Heats Up (Limerick)

Monday, March 12th, 2012

If I must see bare-chested Republican politicians, I definitely prefer Mitt Romney over Newt.

Mitt’s Campaign Heats Up (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Is Romney a hottie? Darn tootin’!
His bare-chested pics have folks rootin’.
Are his people at peace
With this photo release?
I’m betting his team copied Putin.

A Limerick Letter To Southern Republicans

Saturday, March 10th, 2012

I can’t imagine that you Southern Republicans are falling for Mitt Romney’s grits-liking pander. But here’s a limerick, just in case any of you think “unofficial Southerner” Romney is being sincere with “y’all.”

A Limerick Letter To Southern Republicans
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Romney’s playing an “out of town game,”
By pretending that he’s just the same
As you Southern state folks.
He likes grits? What a hoax,
With duping “y’all” voters his aim.

Limerick Ode To An Endless Republican Primary

Thursday, March 8th, 2012

Rick Santorum’s campaign is stunningly inept in its failure to qualify for sundry ballots.

Yes, I know that Santorum’s campaign is woefully under-funded. And that he never expected to get this far. But at some point, I can’t help wondering whether Santorum is using the faith-based method of ballot qualification.

Of course all this begs the question: Why the heck can’t Mitt Romney finish him off?

Limerick Ode To An Endless Republican Primary
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rick Santorum’s campaign is inept,
Under-funded, abysmally prepped.
Yet the contest is split:
Hairline wins made by Mitt
Where the Gov should have easily swept.

What Romney Wants, What He Really, Really Wants (Limerick)

Wednesday, March 7th, 2012

What Romney Wants, What He Really, Really Wants (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Mitt Romney would love all this over:
Nomination sewn up, in like clover,
All primed for a fight
To be Prez with the right
To ride Limo One topped with Rover.

Limerick Ode To Super Tuesday

Tuesday, March 6th, 2012

Limerick Ode To Super Tuesday
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Super Tuesday’s arrived at long last.
Will Mitt’s wins be decisively vast?
Will his delegate count
Impressively mount,
Thereby ending the press fun too fast?

Poor Mitt (Limerick)

Monday, March 5th, 2012

I’m starting to think Ann Romney doesn’t want to be First Lady. Why else would someone with a family net worth of $250 million make stupidly transparent remarks like this?

“We can be poor in spirit, and I don’t even consider myself wealthy, which is an interesting thing, it can be here today and gone tomorrow.”

Poor Mitt (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Mitt, you should tell your wife, Ann,
To stop trying to help out her man.
For your cause, it ain’t healthy
To claim you ain’t wealthy:
Ann’s not feeling rich doesn’t scan.

Education — Schmeducation (Limerick)

Tuesday, February 28th, 2012

Did you know that higher education is snobbish and elitist? And that it causes liberal indoctrination? That’s the message we’ve been getting lately from Republicans like Rick Santorum and Mitt Romney. They each have a trio of college degrees … but hey, who’s counting? In fact, why even bother learning to count?

Yes, indeed, there’s a Republican war on college education:

First came Mitt Romney’s dismissive remarks about President Obama’s “faculty lounge” pals. Now Rick Santorum is calling Obama snobby for urging people to go to college – and defending that view in a series of TV appearances.

Education — Schmeducation (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Don’t bother your miniscule head
With college — don’t need higher ed.”
That’s the Rick and Mitt screed,
Though they’re multi-degreed.
Informed-voters — yes, that’s what they dread.