Archive for the ‘Foreign Policy’ Category

Obama Hasn’t Fixed Everything Yet? What’s Taking Him So Long?

Friday, February 13th, 2009

I can’t decide whether Bret Stephens is nuts or just a really bad satirist.

I’m referring to his Wall Street Journal column entitled Obama’s Charm Isn’t Working Wonders Abroad, in which he recites a litany of foreign policy problems and wonders why Obama hasn’t solved them all yet. After all, it’s been twenty-one whole days!

Both Steve Benen and Steve M. assume Stephens suffers from unrealistic expectations.

But I’m wondering whether Stephens is trying to pass sarcasm off as satire.

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Obama Hasn’t Fixed Everything Yet? What’s Taking Him So Long?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Poor Bret is beginning to fret
Cuz our enemies still are a threat.
And Barack (he critiques)
Has been prez three whole weeks.
If this isn’t a spoof, get a net!

What Would The Press Do Without Clinton Rumors?

Thursday, November 20th, 2008

Hillary wants to be Obama’s Secretary of State. Hillary doesn’t know if she wants to be Secretary of State. Bill’s standing in her way. Bill’s fully cooperating. Obama’s made an offer. Obama hasn’t made an offer. The blogs think it’s a terrible idea. The blogs think it’s a great idea.

Just one question: Does anyone else think all this rumor-mongering is a wee bit silly?

What Would The Press Do Without Clinton Rumors? (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The press is so desp’rate for drama
In a White House that’s run by Obama,
That they eagerly tell
Bill and Hill tales pell-mell.
No Clintons? They’d run home to mama.

Ode To Sarah “Geography-Challenged” Palin

Tuesday, October 21st, 2008

Sarah Palin has a very strange relationship with geography.  Who else do you know who:

1) Keeps an eye on Russia from her Alaska bedroom window;
2) Thinks Afghanistan is “our neighboring country;”
3) Describes New Hampshire as being part of our “great Northwest;” and
4) Tells crowds how much she enjoys visiting “pro-America areas” of America. 

Come to think of it, that last one does make some sense to me: Palin’s marriage to a (presumably reformed) secessionist, must surely make meeting pro-America Americans refreshing, indeed.

However,  I do remain concerned about Palin’s Afghanistan and New Hampshire problem:

Ode To Sarah “Geography-Challenged” Palin
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gov. Palin’s geography gap
Is appalling. Please give her a map.
This isn’t a test,
But New Hampshire? Northwest?
On our “neighbor” Afghanistan’s lap?

McCain’s Memory Purge

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008

While Congress is caught up in the Wall Street bail-out proposal, the presidential candidates are preparing for Friday’s foreign policy debate. What will McCain focus on … after boning up on Spain’s location? Working his surge-centric attack on Obama’s judgment into every answer, no matter what the question:

McCain’s Memory Purge
By Madeleine Begun kane

Please beware of McCain’s mem’ry purge.
He was wrong on Iraq, so this scourge
Proves his judgment was poor.
He cheer-led the war
Which did not get its start with the surge.[tags]Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Debates, Foreign Policy Humor, McCain Limerick, Iraq War, Judgment Humor, Surge Poem[/tags]

McCain’s Bellicose Tune (Song Parody)

Thursday, August 14th, 2008

I’m starting to lose track of how many wars John McCain wants us embroiled in.  He’s certainly singing a bellicose tune these days, and now you can join in with him to the melody of I’m Popeye The Sailor Man:

McCain’s Bellicose Tune (Sing to I’m Popeye The Sailor Man)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I’m tougher than nails, I am.
I stand up for Uncle Sam.
The other guy’s weak,
While I’m still at my peak,
Cuz I’m tougher than nails, I am!

I’m one tough contender
Which hates all pretenders
Wot never has grown a pair.
I stiffs ’em and bluffs ’em
And always out-roughs ’em.
Obama won’t get nowhere!

That foolhardy boy’s incurred my wrath.
It’s “Wham” and it’s “Bam,” un’erstan’?
It’s risky behavior
To challenge this Savior.
McCain is the White House Man!

I carry a giant stick.
I’m fast with a verbal kick.
Don’t vote for that lad
Or I’ll really get mad.
Beware of my giant stick!

Obama is just a wuss,
A sweet-talking fraidy-puss.
He looks kind of foreign,
Perhaps Ecuador’an.
Don’t vote for that callow wuss![tags]McCain Song Parody, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, White House Song, Obama Song Parody[/tags]

Ode To “Foreign Policy Maven” McCain

Wednesday, March 19th, 2008

The left blogosphere has been packed with stories about John “Foreign Policy Maven”  McCain’s serial gaffes, in which he confused Islam’s Sunni and Shiite sects while trying to prove Iran supports al-Qaeda in Iraq. His gaffes were so bad, even über-loyalist Joe Lieberman was forced to correct him.

So, can we expect major media columnists and talking heads to question McCain’s foreign policy prowess?  A small handful of fair-minded, insightful columnists like the Philadelphia Inquirer’s Dick Polman can be counted on at moments like this.   But in the main, I wouldn’t hold your breath.

And that brings me to my latest limerick: 

Ode To “Foreign Policy Maven” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

John McCain’s expertise ain’t legit:
Sunni? Shiite? He doesn’t know shit.
So the man should be toast.
But the press let’s him coast
Cuz he’s great in a barbecue pit.

(For more humor on this topic, check out Joe Lieberman Has To Remind McCain He’s Not In Vietnam, by Don Davis.)[tags]Senator John McCain, Foreign Policy Expertise, Sunni, Shiite, Islam, McCain Barbecue, McCain Gaffes, al-Qaeda, Iran, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Media Humor[/tags]

Heckofa Job, Karen!

Wednesday, October 31st, 2007

So Karen Hughes has resigned from her job to “promote America’s values and confront ideological support for terrorism around the world.” Hmmm.  Could she have been involuntarily slated for an assignment in Iraq? Probably not, but it’s an amusing fantasy. In any event, it’s haiku time:

Heckofa Job, Karen!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Karen Hughes resigned
From her boost-our-image job.
Mission accomplished?

(You can find more of my Karen Hughes humor here and here.)[tags]Karen Hughes Humor, U.S. Image Problems, American Values, U.S. Dept of State[/tags]

Pondering Condi

Saturday, October 27th, 2007

Condi Rice’s testimony this past week, in which she belligerently defended the State Department’s work in Iraq, was her first appearance before a Democratically-controlled House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. True to form, she blamed everything but the Bush’s many administration failures for the problems in Iraq:

Rice stated that the overthrow of Saddam Hussein and the liberation of Iraq were worth the money and sacrifice of life. She blamed the current chaos in Iraq on the previous regime, stating the stabilizing Iraq “has been harder than we thought because we didn’t realize how broken the country was under Saddam Hussein.” 

Regarding problems with contractor oversight, Rice also shirked blame, repeatedly using a fifty-dollar word that few people even know:

In response to charges that private security firms were not held accountable for their aggressive behavior, Rice dodged responsibility by repeatedly referring to a “lacuna” or a gap in the law that prevented the contractors from being prosecuted.

Condi has inspired me to write some more-serious-than-usual verse:

Pondering Condi
By Madeleine  Begun Kane

Rice shrugs off blame
For wartime’s toll.
Poor oversight?
Rice claims a hole—
A legal “lacuna”
Impedes control
Of contractor actions
On Iraq patrol.
Must fill that lacuna—
She touts that goal.
But who will fill
The lacuna in her soul?

On a lighter note, you might enjoy the Condi song parody I wrote way back when.[tags]Condi Rice, Rice Testimony, State Department Failures, Condoleezza Rice[/tags]

Shorter Michael Mukasey

Monday, October 22nd, 2007

Here’s how I’d sum up Attorney General nominee Mike Mukasey’s Senate Judiciary Committee testimony about torture, waterboarding, and the U.S. Constitution:

Torture: Bad

Tortured Language: Good[tags]Michael Mukasey, Attorney General Nominee, Torture & Waterboarding Satire[/tags]

Pondering Rudy

Wednesday, October 17th, 2007

I live in New York City, so I’m pretty familiar with the pros and cons of Rudy Giuliani. And yes, there are pros.  What pros?  Well, Rudy does love opera.

And as ornery, self-centered, and first amendment-hating as Rudy was during his New York City Mayor years, he never struck me as being insane. Yet his current outsized hawkishness does seem … well … crazy. So I can’t help wondering whether Rudy’s crazed warmongering is real or a ruse.  (Not that I want to find out, of course.)

Pondering Rudy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rudy acts like a war-loving crank.
Is his hawkishness feigned, else he’ll tank
As Republicans see
That he doesn’t agree
With most of the GOP plank?[tags]Rudy Giuliani Humor, GOP Hawks, New York City Mayors[/tags]

The GOP’s Evolving Policy On Lawyers

Wednesday, October 10th, 2007

Can you imagine the reaction if a Democratic candidate made a Mitt Romney type consult the lawyers before launching a war remark?  Republicans wouldn’t be guilty of a double standard, would they?

First Kill All The Lawyers (Republican Policy)

First Consult All The Lawyers (Mitt Romney Policy)

First Kill All The Democrat Lawyers (Revised Republican Policy)

(You can find more of my legal humor here.) [tags]Mitt Romney, Legal Humor, Republicans & Lawyers, GOP & Attorneys, Debate Humor, GOP Hypocrisy[/tags]

Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation

Monday, September 10th, 2007

I had to laugh when I heard about Brit Hume’s exclusive Fox interview with General David Petraeus and Ambassador Ryan Crocker “about the state of the Iraq war and their testimony to Congress.” What’s the matter — wasn’t Hannity available?

Petraeus and Crocker Face Hume Humiliation (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Gen. Petraeus and Crocker on Fox
(Not exactly the school of hard knocks)
Where they weave and they spin
And avow “We must win,”
While Brit Hume bows and kisses their socks.

And now a quick haiku about the purported Iraq violence reduction:

Reducing violence
In Iraq is quite easy:
Redefine violence.

(You can find more of my Petraeus humor here and my previous Brit Hume humor here.)

=========

And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* ‘Old Navy” Stores Looted, After Hiring Rumsfeld as CEO
* About.com’s Political Humor on Bush’s Gaffes
* Hit it: morrrrrre…than the greatest polls the worrrrrld has known…
* Digby’s Overplaying Their Hand
* Exclusive! — The Patraeus testimony In advance! (Dick Polman)
* Larry Johnson on Dave Petraeus and Iraq Kabuki
* The Very Polite Matt Bai On Giuliani
* Blog Carnival of Observations On Life
* Sunday Funnies
* Carnival of Principled Government

Why I No Longer Get Excited When Bush Cronies Quit

Thursday, August 23rd, 2007

Can we ever get rid of Bush’s spinmeister cronies?  Apparently not.  Sure, they eventually quit.  But they stubbornly refuse to stay quit. 

Remember when Karen Hughes resigned amidst all sorts of hoopla? Well, she stayed away for roughly a nanosecond and she’s currently with the State Department, “leading efforts to promote America’s values.”

And now the dishonorable Ari Fleischer has resurfaced and, once again, he’s flacking George Bush’s needless war, via the White House front group Freedom’s Watch.

I thought I’d celebrate Ari’s comeback with a limerick: 

Why I No Longer Get Excited When Bush Cronies Quit
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush spinmeisters keep coming back:
First Karen returned. What a hack!
Now Ari is here,
Spreading war lies and fear.
Guess they don’t really leave; they just pack.

=========

And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* The Buzzflash Media Putz of the Week
* Don Davis’s Bush Explains His ‘Domino’ Theory of Vietnam
* skippy has lots of fun at Mitt Romney’s expense
* Norm at OneGoodMove has the Daily Show’s Samantha Bee commenting on Bush’s vacation record
* Digby on Michael McConnell and retroactive immunity for private companies
* All Hat No Cattle presents Bush’s History
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Decline of Democracy [tags]Freedom’s Watch, White House Front Group Bush Spinmeisters, Ari Fleischer, Karen Hughes, Bush Spokesman Humor, Bush Flacks, Bush Cronies[/tags]

Vladimir Putin — Gym Rat? (Updated)

Wednesday, August 22nd, 2007

Have you seen this photo of Russian President Vladimir Putin? Boy, that Pootie-Poot is majorly buff! And something tells me that George Dubya Bush is seriously jealous. After all, he sure as hell isn’t built like this. 

That brings me to my latest poll:

{democracy:10}

Update: How come so many presidential physiques are in the news? Apparently French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s  naked “poignees d’amour (love handles)” were retouched by the French magazine Paris Match — tightened to make him look more svelte. [tags]Vladimir Putin, Pootie-Poot, Buff Russian President, Putin Humor, Putin Satire, Dubya Humor, Gym Rats, Bush Putin Poll[/tags]

Why Is General Petraeus Letting The White House Write His Iraq Progress Report? (Poll)

Friday, August 17th, 2007

Do you think the long-awaited General David H. Petraeus’s Iraq surge report will “see” as much “tangible progress” as Petraeus claimed to see in the election-influencing op ed he wrote for the Washington Post back on September 26, 2004?

Will it be a “clear-eyed report from a top general” accurately assessing military progress?  A report that even approaches the honest document Bush promised in order to buy himself a lot more time? 

Hahahahaha!

Anyone who nurtured even the slightest fantasy that the Petraeus assessment would be the real deal, now must surely know otherwise:

Despite Bush’s repeated statements that the report will reflect evaluations by Petraeus and Ryan Crocker, the U.S. ambassador to Iraq, administration officials said it would actually be written by the White House, with inputs from officials throughout the government.

And though Petraeus and Crocker will present their recommendations on Capitol Hill, legislation passed by Congress leaves it to the president to decide how to interpret the report’s data.

So why is Petraeus sacrificing what little remains of his integrity by letting the White House author his report?  Yes, you guessed it — it’s time for another poll:

{democracy:9}

(You can catch up with my previous polls here. And check out Petraeus’ Report To Be Cribbed From … ‘Monarch Notes’.)[tags]General David Petraeus, Petraeus Iraq Surge Report, George Bush, Tangible Progress, Petraeus Poll[/tags]

Yet Another Filibuster Song Parody (The Full-a-Bluster Song)

Tuesday, July 17th, 2007

Remember when the Republican majority flipped out at the mere whisper of the word filibuster? Remember when GOPers led by Bill Frist, Mitch McConnell, and Trent Lott threatened the “nuclear option” if Democrats had the audacity to filibuster any of George Bush’s extremist judicial nominees?

Those were heady days back then, when Republicans would scream “Up or down vote!” and decry Democrats as “obstructionists,” and the media would obediently parrot their condemnations. Oh yes … and the Democrats caved and failed to filibuster, giving us a whole slew of rightwingnut federal judges who will haunt us for many decades to come.

Well now that the Republicans are the minority party they just love the filibuster and have conveniently forgotten that they ever condemned it.

Back when filibusters were “bad,” I wrote a filibuster song parody to the French-Canadian children’s song Alouette.  Somehow it seems like a good time for a new set of lyrics to the same tune:

The Full-a-Bluster Song
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Filibuster.
Ban the filibuster!”
Ancient bluster
from the GOP.

With a Dem majority
Republicans think differently:
“Great device!
Ain’t it nice.
Blocks Dem bills!
They’re all on ice.”

Oh…

Filibuster
Suddenly has luster.
Grand Old Party’s
Hack Hypocrisy. 

(You can find more of my political song parodies here.)[tags]Filibuster, GOP Hypocrisy, Trent Lott, Mitch McConnell, Bill Frist, Song Parody, Republicans, Iraq War, Nuclear Option, Up Or Down Vote, Obstructionism, Judicial Nominees[/tags]

Message: I Share … Your Goals. (Bush to the Revolting Republicans)

Wednesday, July 11th, 2007

Dan Froomkin isn’t surprised that “confronted with a tide of anti-war sentiment and a growing number of defecting Republican lawmakers, the White House is changing not its policy on Iraq, but its message.”  Froomkin pithily sums it all up:

Enter the new White House talking point: You want out? We want out, too!

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Message: I Share … Your Goals. (Bush to the Revolting Republicans)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Bush’s party has grown rather sick
Of the war in Iraq spawned by Dick,
Cause Election ’08
Looms and threatens their fate,
And Rove platitudes won’t end it quick.

(You can find more of my antiwar humor here.) [tags]Bush War, Iraq War, Antiwar Sentiment, Revolting Republicans, Election 08, Defecting GOP Lawmakers[/tags]

The GOP’s In For A Rudy Awakening

Thursday, June 21st, 2007

As a long-time New York City resident, I’m amused by Rudy Giuliani’s candidacy.  And I find it ironic that Rudy doesn’t dare brag about the one thing that might appeal to people  put off by his pro-choice, pro-gay rights positions — Giuliani’s aggressive stance against free speech.

But understanding irony has never been Rudy’s strong suit.  For instance, he’s unlikely to appreciate the irony underlying his running as the security-candidate, after Newsday outed him as a greedy windbag who was forced to drop-out of the bipartisan Iraq Study Group because he was too busy giving lucrative speeches to attend ISG meetings:

The GOP’s In For A Rudy Awakening
By Madeleine Begun Kane

He’ll protect us–that’s Rudy’s motif.
But his claim must defy all belief:
Cause when push comes to shove,
Major wealth’s his first love.
He’s the ISG Drop-Out-In-Chief. [tags]Rudy Giuliani, Security President, ISG, Iraq Study Group, Newsday, New York City, Pro-Choice, Pro-Gay Rights, Free Speech, Security Candidate, Greedy Windbag, Lucrative Speeches[/tags]

The White House No Long Loves September

Saturday, June 16th, 2007

September,
September,
Bush promised September.
But Tony now says, no way.

=========

And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Carnival of Satire
* Carnival of the Insanities
* Carnival of the Decline Of Democracy
* Carnival of Principled Government [tags]Iraq War, September Status Report, Tony Snow, President Bush, Surge, Iraq Improvement, General David Petraeus, Surge Assessment [/tags]

Bloody Hell, It’ll Be Bloody!

Friday, May 25th, 2007

That great seer, soothsayer, and visionary George Bush  predicted Thursday that August may be a bloody month in Iraq:

Bloody Hell, It’ll Be Bloody! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
 
“In August the war may get bloody,”
Says George Bush. What a really quick study!
As the death toll keeps soaring,
On truth, Bush keeps warring.
Is he evil, or simply quite nutty? [tags]Iraq War Satire, George Bush Humor, Blood August, Bush predictions, Iraq Death Toll, Bush The Visionary[/tags]