Headline of the Day: “Trump: Acting more presidential would be ‘boring as hell.'”
It’s boring to act presidential,
Says Trump, a complaint consequential.
Does that mean Donald’s plan
If elected (Oh man!)
Is to dodge obligations essential?
Archive for the ‘Election Satire’ Category
Trump’s “Boring As Hell” Objections (Limerick)
Monday, April 4th, 2016Open Limerick to Any Bernie Fan Enraged By My Posts
Wednesday, March 30th, 2016If Bernie beats Hillary, fine;
I’ll support him and nary a whine
Will I utter or write.
But right now I shall fight.
As for efforts to silence me, “Nein!”
Open Limerick To Bernie Sanders
Tuesday, March 29th, 2016This limerick was inspired by Bernie Sanders surrogates (like Susan Sarandon) who essentially tell folks NOT to support Hillary if she gets the nomination:
Dear Bernie, the time has now come
To disown and renounce any chum
Who with surrogate clout
Says: If Hill beats Bern out,
Vote for somebody else. She’s a bum.
(Here’s Charles Blow’s excellent video response to Sarandon’s comments.)
VoteTrumpGetDumped (Limerick)
Saturday, March 26th, 2016There’s an anti-Trump movement that’s bold;
It urges us all to withhold
From each lover and mate
Who thinks Donald is great:
Sex, canoodling, and dates… till they fold.
With Pals Like Ben Carson… (Limerick)
Friday, March 25th, 2016I love this Ben Carson quote from his appearance on “The View:”
He also declined to refute charges from the hosts of the show that Trump is a liar, saying only, “tell me a politician who doesn’t tell lies?”
When he’s asked: Isn’t Donald a liar?
Ain’t it true that his pants are fire?
Carson’s tepid reply
Is: What pol doesn’t lie?
What inspiring praise from Trump’s choir!
Trump’s Not-So-Veiled Threats (Limericks)
Friday, March 25th, 2016Many hope for a brokered convention,
Yet fear it will stir up dissension
And rioting sprees
By Trump devotees…
A likelihood Trump likes to mention.
Politics Driving You To Drink? (Limerick)
Thursday, March 24th, 2016Seems I can’t avoid writing about Trump, even while I’m trying to celebrate National Cocktail Day.
I could use a stiff drink. Make it strong,
Cuz The Donald is doing us wrong.
The Trumpian brand
Has invaded our land.
And those hands! Kindly pass me the bong.
In the Soup? Flip Superdelegates (Limerick)
Thursday, March 17th, 2016Sanders’ Campaign Old Stance re Superdelegates: They’re establishment types who undo the will of the voters.
Sanders’ Campaign Post-5-State-Loss Stance: Flip Clinton’s Superdelegates.
Superdelegates ought to be banned;
They’re unfair and can wrongfully hand
The win to the chick
That the voters don’t pick.
This once was the stance of Bern’s brand.
But now that the voters made clear
That Bernie’s support gap’s severe,
He’s looking to woo
Clinton’s “Sups” to undo
Voter powers he claims to hold dear.
Who Knew Trump Could Write Limericks?
Sunday, March 13th, 2016My supporters are peaceful and sweet.
It’s those protesters causing the heat.
So my fans should feel free
To throw punches. Their fee
For a lawyer’s on me. It’s my treat!
Limerick Ode to Donald “The Martyr” Trump
Saturday, March 12th, 2016Was the speech that Trump canceled a ruse
Designed to manipulate news?
To martyrize Trump
On his campaign swing stump?
“Trump’s been blocked from expressing his views!!!”
Unlike most Trump events little vetting
Was done to ensure Trump was netting
A crowd of supporters
Plus penned-in reporters.
Seems on violence The Donald was betting.
Yet another Trump Beef (Limerick)
Thursday, March 10th, 2016No fake “Trump Steaks” at the debate! Whew!
To beef up his claim that Mitt lied
In alleging Trump’s meat bus’ness died,
Donald showed off a table
Of “Trump Steaks” whose label
Said “Bush Brothers.” Sounds cut and dried.
Yes the meats Trump displayed were all fakes–
Not his “Classic Collection” of steaks.
And trademark files show
That his trademark’s no mo’…
But Trump’s STILL selling oil of snakes.
Cruz Campaign Up To Its Old, Dirty Tricks (Limerick)
Tuesday, March 8th, 2016Here we go again: “Rubio camp accuses Cruz of ‘dirty tricks’ over Hawaii ‘dropout’ email.”
Dirty tricks before votes — Oy gevalt!
Yet another election assault!
And it’s always Ted’s team
That’s behind the false meme.
Yet somehow it’s never Ted’s fault.
GOP Debates, Then And Now (2-Verse Limerick)
Monday, March 7th, 2016Campaign debates used to be boring,
And could lead to some serious snoring;
As the pols prattled on
Going hither and … yawn…
I was known to nod off on the flooring.
But debates are quite diff’rent this year;
On the GOP side you will hear
Words that won’t let you sleep
And just might make you weep,
As the bullies hurl slurs, leer, and sneer.
GOP Debates — Too Off-Color For Jerry Springer? (Limerick)
Saturday, March 5th, 2016I love this Jerry Springer quote about the Republican presidential candidates:
Clearly they could be on our show, but now they’ve gone off the deep end, and we would start bleeping out some of what they’d say.
Tabloid talk show host Springer has peeped
At debates (GOP) and has heaped
A critique rather wise;
If he hosted those guys,
They surely would have to be bleeped.
Open Limerick To Chris Christie
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2016I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I almost feel sorry for Chris Christie. Why? Cuz countless headlines like this really have to hurt: “‘Go home’: Did Trump diss Christie at campaign event?”
Dear Christie, you look like a prop
In a cheap Trump publicity op.
Did he pay you in gold
For that soul that you sold?
How’s it feel to be treated like slop?
The GOP’s Thorny Path Backward (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 2nd, 2016Ben Carson is apparently dropping out of the Republican presidential contest. But Marco Rubio and John Kasich are desperately hanging on. And the GOP needs a two (evil) man race between Trump and Ted in order to have any shot at a non-Trump nominee.
I feel the Republicans’ pain.
They keep failing to halt Donald’s gain.
So unless they persuade
All but Ted to downgrade
Their ambitions, their clout’s down the drain.
Christie’s Trump Endorsement: A Limerick Explanation
Friday, February 26th, 2016Cads who covet the top Justice job,
Will endorse any vile, nasty slob,
Whose Oval campaign’s
Making gains, which explains
Why Trump’s been endorsed by “The Blob.”
Open Limerick To The GOP
Sunday, February 21st, 2016You’re the “Party of Trump,” GOP.
You created this monster, with glee.
All that bile you can’t sate
Is your fault — the mad state
Of your base — spoon-fed hate at your knee.
Trump Boos The RNC (Limerick)
Monday, February 15th, 2016Methinks Trump is worried that his recent boo-riddled debate performance bodes badly for his chances in Saturday’s South Carolina primary.
Why? Because he’s now claiming that the RNC broke its pledge to stay neutral in the race, and that this voids his promise not to run as a third-party candidate:
‘The (Republican National Committee) is in default,’ Trump said during a news conference at the Hanahan Town Hall on Monday. ‘When somebody is in default, that means the other side can [do] what they have to do.’
The RNC’s broken its pledge,
Complained Trump, who is clearly on edge
About Saturday’s vote.
Though he’s hoping to gloat,
He’s preemptively starting to hedge:
My no-independent-run vow
Is null and is void as of now
Cuz the RNC failed
To stay neutral, he railed.
To the party, I just might say “Ciao!”
Pot, Meet Kettle (Limerick)
Sunday, February 14th, 2016Says Rubio: “Cruz is a liar.”
I concur: Cruz’s pants are on fire.
But Ted’s hardly alone;
GOPers are prone
To eschew any truth in their choir.
