Mad Kane’s Political Madness

Barack Obama claims to be battling Hillary Clinton under a new set of political rules. But as Big Tent illustrates, his personal attacks on Clinton sound suspiciously like politics as usual.  And that brings me to my latest haiku:

The new politics,
Courtesy of Obama:
Old rules with feint-job.

Technorati Tags: Senator Obama, Senator Clinton, Campaign Satire, Presidential Election Humor, Obama Haiku, Obama Hypocrisy, Political Rules, Personal Attacks

Predictably, the A-list lefty blog-calls for Hillary to get out of the presidential race have continued, notwithstanding last night’s Hillary Clinton wins. Any minute now, I half-expect to read that Hillary’s refusal to bow out is racist.

Of course, these hand-the-nomination-to-its-rightful-owner rants come from the same bloggers who insist that Obama isn’t sexist and that the media hasn’t been biased against Clinton. (Americablog is but one example and no, I will not link to it.)

Apparently, these bloggers can’t wait for the media to turn its biased dirty tricks on Obama.  Because that’s exactly what will happen if/when Clinton is out of the picture:

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

The press guys can’t wait to declare
That Clinton’s kaput on the air.
Then they’ll turn on Barack:
They’ll malign and they’ll mock
Him, the way they hit Hill’ry. Beware!

Technorati Tags: Presidential Politics, Lefty Bloggers, Press Bias, Media Sexism, Racist Accusations, Senator Clinton, Senator Obama, Media Humor

U.S. middle class
Nickel-and-dimed by George Bush.
Change way overdue.

(Inspired by this change prompt.  And speaking of prompts, there’s still  time to participate in my limerick and haiku prompt. Its theme is walking.)

UPDATE: I just remembered another haiku I wrote about change several months ago:

“People want change,”
Claim presidential candidates.
I’d prefer twenties.

Technorati Tags: Middle Class Humor, Bush Presidency, Presidential Election, George Bush Haiku, Bush Economy

I used to think Ralph Nader keeps running for president because he’s an egomaniac and a blowhard.  But I’m starting to suspect that he suffers from Dubya-disease — he needs to feel relevant. 

And now it’s time for a limerick:

Dear Ralph: Go Away!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Ralph Nader has surfaced again
To proclaim he’s a prince among men
And our nation’s salvation.
Give up your fixation,
Ralph. Find a new hobby. Try zen.

For more Ralph Nader humor, check out Ralph Nader, ‘Unsafe At Any Age,’ by Don Davis and Nader Announces Plan To Wreck Election, But Prominent Crackpots Are Cool To Bid, by Andy Borowitz. And for a serious take on the topic, there’s Ralph Nader, Tragedy And Farce, by Dick Polman.

Technorati Tags: Ralph “Spoiler” Nader, Campaign Satire, Election Humor, Presidential Poetry

I can’t decide what’s more annoying — when pundits are wrong, or when they insist on finding meaning in the meaningless, deep significance in utter nonsense. Digby provides a fine example of the latter:

Matthews, Olbermann, Norah O’Donnell and David Gregory are sitting around interpreting the Michigan Democratic vote and examining the exit polls to determine meaningful trends about the upcoming primaries.

Michigan means nothing, good or bad, for Democrats. … [CLINTON] WAS THE ONLY ONE OF THE TOP THREE ON THE FRIGGING BALLOT! …

… The primary doesn’t count. …

But they’re out there spewing crap anyway, trying to impact the race, making predictions, being fortune tellers as usual …

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Hey Pundits, Stifle Yourselves!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The pundits opine and expound:
On sheer nonsense they chew and they pound,
Finding meaning in stuff
That means nothing. Enough!
Watch them frown as they wax so profound.

Technorati Tags: Pundit Humor, Election, Humor, Media Limerick,  Campaign Satire, Vacuous Punditry, Michigan Primary, Democratic Primary, Presidential Campaign Poem

The impression I’ve been getting lately is that every barb and criticism aimed at Obama is almost bound to be characterized as racist by Obama surrogates.

Isn’t there something wrong when a candidate (or commentator) has to fear the racism card each time he/she says something negative about a black candidate? Something that would be just fine to say about a white one?

And shouldn’t Obama be required to meet criticisms on the merits? Everyone else is … or certainly should be. Not only does this better serve the voters, but it also helps candidates prepare for the general election.

By cloaking himself in a coat of black Teflon, Obama belittles genuine racial grievances and stifles real debate. He even demeans himself.

And now, a limerick:

Is Black The New Teflon?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Obama’s campaign has an ace:
It’s a joker, that card they call race.  
Every Hill-team critique
Draws their racism-pique.
Can’t attack him: He’s black! That’s their case.

Technorati Tags: Obama Commentary, Race Card, Election Racism, Racist Accusations, Campaign Satire

Dear Editor: Enough With the Polls, Already!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My int’rest in polling is waning:
Who’s winning, who’s losing, who’s gaining.
Tell me where these guys stand—
Who’s a liar? What’s canned?
Give me substance — not horse race-campaigning.

Update: Don Davis has a fun take on the same topic. And the witty and oh so modest Jon Swift has posted the best blog posts of 2007 as chosen by the bloggers themselves.

Technorati Tags: Presidential Campaigns, Election Humor, Polls Humor, Horse Race Politics, Media Humor

Calling audience questioners ”jerks,” is far from John McCain’s worse flaw.  But now that he’s done it at least twice, I thought I’d write the testy, warmongering Senator a limerick:

Ode To John “You Little Jerk” McCain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Among John McCain’s irksome quirks
Is his habit of calling guys jerks
For presenting a query
Of which John is leery—
Still less galling than George Dubya’s smirks.

Technorati Tags: Senator John McCain, Presidential Race Humor, Little Jerk, Campaign Satire, Election Humor

I shovel the snow
As Bush blares through my head phones,
Shov’ling something else.

No video today, but you can still watch this one.

(You can find more of my news haiku here.)

Technorati Tags: Bush Haiku, Weather, Political Humor

I’m always amused when politicians and other public figures get into legal hot water and develop a sudden urge to spend more time with their family. 

They generally issue some sort of lame press release that nobody believes and then, if we’re lucky, they spend a whole lot of time in prison.  If we’re not so lucky, we get to watch them spout off on Fox News.

But getting back to their woefully inadequate press releases,  I thought as a public service I’d write a generic resignation limerick:

My Family Needs Me
By Madeleine Begun Kane

My family needs me — can’t stay.
I’m dismayed that I must go away.
But I want to spend time
With my wife, who’s sublime.
It’s not my indictment, okay?

 

 My Family Needs Me: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (3502)

Technorati Tags: Politicians Humor, Public Figures,  Family Time, Resignation Humor, Political Humor Video

I’ve noticed that many reporters and talking heads are almost giddy over Hillary Clinton’s recent stumbles and the rumored return of Barack Obama’s mojo. The obvious reason is that the longer it takes Hillary (or someone else) to lock up the Democratic Presidential nomination, the less boring it is for those who are covering the race.  But I think there’s something else at play here.  And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Why Are These Journalists Smiling?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Clinton’s stumbled,” they breathlessly say.
Yes, she’s made many journalists’ day.
It’s a horse race again,
So these women and men
Can avoid talking issues — hurray!

Technorati Tags: Journalists Humor, Reporters Satire, Media Humor, Hillary Clinton Stumbles, Senator Barack Obama, Presidential Race, Campaigns, Elections

While Bush and Cheney are busily threatening World War 3 over of Iran’s potential future nuclear threat, their great nuke-possessing Pakistan pal President Gen. Pervez Musharraf has declared “emergency rule.”  Are you feeling safer yet?

A pair of haiku to commemorate the occasion.

Musharraf  declares
Martial law in Pakistan.
Bush lets freedom ring.

Emergency rule.
Constitution suspension.
Dick Cheney’s wet dream.

Update: Are Bush/Cheney speechwriters working for Musharraf?

Just after midnight, General Musharraf appeared on state-run television. In a 45-minute speech, he said he had declared the emergency to limit terrorist attacks and “preserve the democratic transition that I initiated eight years back.”
…

He accused the country’s Supreme Court of releasing 61 men who he said were under investigation for terrorist activities. “Judicial activism,” he said, had demoralized the security forces, hurt the fight against terrorism and slowed the spread of democracy. “Obstacles are being created in the way of democratic process,” he said, “I think for vested, personal interests, against the interest of the country.”

Update 2: For more satire on the same topic, visit Don Davis’s Musharraf Suspends Constitution: Bush Gets ‘Pervez Envy.’

Technorati Tags: Pakistan, President Gen. Pervez Musharraf, Emergency Rule, Nukes, BlogFriday, Martial Law, Nuclear Threat

George Bush has been sounding extra whiney lately.  The poor guy!  Those abusive Dems have been torturing him, giving him a mere 98% of what he asks for.

Here’s Bush letting off steam about the possibly-in-trouble Michael Mukasey nomination for Attorney General:

“Judge Mukasey is not being treated fairly,” the president said, after taking the extraordinary step of inviting a group of reporters into the Oval Office to vent his feelings. Sitting behind his desk and leaning back in his chair, Mr. Bush said he was concerned that some people may have “lost sight of the fact that we’re at war.”

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Ode To Our Petulant Prez
By Madeleine Begun Kane

“Dems are mean to Mukasey, who’s great,”
Bitches Dub, sounding rather irate.
“Don’t they know we’re at war?
Dems are making me sore!
They must do what I want.  No debate!”

Technorati Tags: President Bush, Michael Mukasey Humor, Attorney General Hearings, Torture Satire, Mukasey Limerick

So Karen Hughes has resigned from her job to “promote America’s values and confront ideological support for terrorism around the world.” Hmmm.  Could she have been involuntarily slated for an assignment in Iraq? Probably not, but it’s an amusing fantasy. In any event, it’s haiku time:

Heckofa Job, Karen!
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Karen Hughes resigned
From her boost-our-image job.
Mission accomplished?

(You can find more of my Karen Hughes humor here and here.)

Technorati Tags: Karen Hughes Humor, U.S. Image Problems, American Values, U.S. Dept of State

Did you know that Rudy Giuliani is a poet?  Me neither.  So I was really surprised to unearth the poetry of Rudy Giuliani. Here are six poems I found in the Rudy Reader:

Police the skies.
Cede to lawful authority.
The era of fear.

America needs to be defended.
This is not the product of accident.
This is a business.
This is the product of design.

Freedom is about authority.
I hate to toot my own horn,
But that’s what I’m good at.

Chinese people always skinny, never fat.
Who knows why those things happen?

You have less of a chance of being murdered,
Mugged, beaten or robbed here,
Than just about any place in any large city in Texas.
Thank God George Bush is our President.
Let’s now make this kind of a permanent condition.

Yes, I’m running.
Relax and deal with it.

(Editor’s Note Regarding Rudy’s “Found Poetry”:  All the above words came out of Rudy Giuliani’s mouth, although not necessarily in the order presented. For more info about “found poetry” check out this post.)

Technorati Tags: Rudy Giuliani Verse, Found Poetry, Political Humor

Condi Rice’s testimony this past week, in which she belligerently defended the State Department’s work in Iraq, was her first appearance before a Democratically-controlled House Oversight and Government Reform Committee. True to form, she blamed everything but the Bush’s many administration failures for the problems in Iraq:

Rice stated that the overthrow of Saddam Hussein and the liberation of Iraq were worth the money and sacrifice of life. She blamed the current chaos in Iraq on the previous regime, stating the stabilizing Iraq “has been harder than we thought because we didn’t realize how broken the country was under Saddam Hussein.” 

Regarding problems with contractor oversight, Rice also shirked blame, repeatedly using a fifty-dollar word that few people even know:

In response to charges that private security firms were not held accountable for their aggressive behavior, Rice dodged responsibility by repeatedly referring to a “lacuna” or a gap in the law that prevented the contractors from being prosecuted.

Condi has inspired me to write some more-serious-than-usual verse:

Pondering Condi
By Madeleine  Begun Kane

Rice shrugs off blame
For wartime’s toll.
Poor oversight?
Rice claims a hole—
A legal “lacuna”
Impedes control
Of contractor actions
On Iraq patrol.
Must fill that lacuna—
She touts that goal.
But who will fill
The lacuna in her soul?

On a lighter note, you might enjoy the Condi song parody I wrote way back when.

Technorati Tags: Condi Rice, Rice Testimony, State Department Failures, Condoleezza Rice

For some reason, blithe Dana Perino’s blasé response to a question about Bush’s $2 trillion Iraq war reminded me of two things:

1. Bush’s false claims to have inherited a recession from Bill Clinton; and

2. Bush’s vow to “solve problems, not pass them on to future presidents and future generations.”

And that brings me to my latest haiku:

The White House isn’t
Concerned about the war’s cost.
Isn’t that special?

The defendants in Valerie Plame Wilson’s lawsuit against the CIA for censoring her book, Fair Game, had better hope she never gets to trial.  I say that because I’ve heard her interviewed several times, and that woman will make one hell of a witness.

Moreover, asserting national security, in order to censor material that’s already in the public domain, sure sounds like revenge censorship to me.

And that brings me to my latest haiku:

Plame’s book censored by
Bush blackguards, who black out truths
Already revealed.

(You can find my Traitorgate song parody about Valerie Plame’s outing here.)

Technorati Tags: Valerie Plame Wilson, Outing CIA Agent, Fair Game, Plame Censorship, Plame Lawsuit

I watch George Bush in disbelief.
His lies have caused such strife and grief.
Please tell me why that man is still chief.

(You can find more disbelief here.)

Technorati Tags: President Bush, Disbelief

I’ve recently discovered the huge community of blogger-poets, many of whom make creative use of poetry prompts. Basically, inspirational poetry prompts are posted at a regular time and place, giving whoever chooses to use them a jumping off point for … whatever.

The prompt can be just about anything — a word or three or five, a photo, or even another poem.  And it’s often fascinating to see where any given prompt takes twenty, thirty or even several dozen individual poets.

I tend to post the fruit of those prompts on my non-political humor blog. But my latest haiku, inspired by the prompt “closeness” is way too political to land anywhere but here.  (Needless to say, my fellow poets took their verse in a rather less cynical direction.) 

“It’s too close to call,”
When said of elections, means
“Close enough to steal.”

(If you’re interested in poetry prompts, here are some blogs that regularly post them: Blog Friday; Haiku: One Deep Breath; Inspire Me Thursday; Little Nibbler; Miss Rumphius Effect; Poefusion; Poetic Asides; Sunday Scribblings; Totally Optional Prompts; and Weekend Wordsmith.)

UPDATE: I’m now posting limerick and haiku prompts on a weekly basis on my other blog.

Technorati Tags: Closeness, Close Elections, Poem Prompts, Poetry Prompts