Limerick-Off Award (300)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

A gal with an awesome physique
And a smile that’s sublime and unique
Fills my every need
With both ardor and speed.
(It’s my third trip to Hooters this week.)

Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins the Special Vision/Eye-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

The surgeon believed it was wise
To operate on his own eyes.
His team expressed doubt
When the scalpel came out.
“Suture self!” were his colleagues’ replies.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Lisi Nortman, Edmund Conti, Brian Allgar, Armchair Poet, Wendy Watson, Kirk Miller, Sharon Neeman, Jean McEwen, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“WEAK/WEEK” RHYME DIVISION)

Lisi Nortman:

I caught that louse, Robert last week
At “La Cheat On Your Spouse” near the creek:
First a passionate kiss
With such obvious bliss,
Then a slow dance for two, “Sneak To Sneak.”

Brian Allgar:

My joints are beginning to creak,
And my legs are increasingly weak.
But although I am slowing,
My value is growing;
I’ll soon be a priceless antique.

Edmund Conti:

A common cartoonist technique
Is drawing a mouse. You scream “eek!”
And jump on a chair
Conveniently there.
The last panel is typically weak.

Armchair Poet:

It’s SAD when deplorables seek
A strongman with morals so weak.
They claim to be winning.
It looks more like sinning,
With a future increasingly bleak.

Wendy Watson:

A sporting young lady called Clare
Tried a parachute jump for a dare.
Though her nerves were quite weak
She survived the technique,
Though she landed with legs in the air!

HONORABLE MENTIONS (VISION/EYE LIMERICK DIVISION)

Kirk Miller:

An optometrist’s office implies
It’s a place where this saying applies:
“If your vision is wrecked,
You should go get it checked
At a place that’s a site for sore eyes.”

Sharon Neeman:

There’s not a thing wrong with my eyes!
But the newspaper font’s gone half-size,
And my glasses and keys
Disappear with great ease
Till I find them again by surprise.

Brian Allgar:

My vision is still pretty hot,
And I don’t use my glasses a lot,
Though I put on my specs
When indulging in sex
To ensure that I find the right spot.

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

He held up some letters to view
Then said, “Try to read just a few.”
I looked up and down
And replied with a frown:
“Sorry, Doc, I can’t even see YOU.”

Jean McEwen:

Visine never works, ’cause I blink,
And the drops just land right in the sink.
Down my cheeks the tears roll.
I’ve got zero control,
So my eyes remain itchy and pink.

Tim James:

There’s a myth that my mom used to tell:
“Self-abuse shoots your eyesight to hell
Quite inexorably.”
But that’s bunk. I can see
Ev’ry hair on my palms very well.

Dave Johnson:

He sat on a boat in the bay
And stared at his phone come what may.
Whale watchers nearby
Claim he never did spy
That dorsal fin ten feet away.

Lisi Nortman:

I’m annoyed at my dense husband Fred,
Who at times will act just like he’s dead.
He won’t help clean the house,
He a shiftless ’ole spouse,
And I think that his “lazy eye’s” spread.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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One Response to “Limerick-Off Award (300)”

  1. Tony Holmes says:

    Modestie Monsieur

    Nouveau riche, Monsieur Henri Marceau,
    Brought some friends to admire his chateau;
    But his sangfroid dissolved
    When the Mistral resolved
    To make sport and removed his chapeau.

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