Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TOE or TOW or CHATEAU at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using TOE or TOW or CHATEAU at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to JOINTS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best JOINTS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 8, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 7, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Sally’s stay at a lovely chateau
Was marred when her pastry chef beau
Tried to skip on the bill.
Seems his favorite thrill
Is freedom from parting with dough.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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138 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: TOE or TOW or CHATEAU at the end of any one line”

  1. The Taxciter says:

    A nasty old bastard named Joe
    Once frigged a dead whore with his toe.
    He said, “When my jam
    Came loose in her clam
    It stanched the putrescent green flow.”

  2. Sharon Neeman says:

    Certain injuries carry some class
    (Like bursitis post-Hail Mary pass);
    Post-Red Hen, there’ll be those
    Who show off their sore toes
    After kicking Trump clowns in the ass.

  3. Sharon Neeman says:

    Donald yearns for the days long ago
    When “their place” was what “that kind” should know,
    Back before Left-run schools
    Said a “tiger” (the fools!)
    Was what Eeny should catch by the toe.

  4. Sharon Neeman says:

    There are sex joints for prosties and panders;
    There are card joints for slick sleight-of-handers;
    But the joint that I choose
    Is the one that made news
    Kicking out Sarah Huckabee Sanders.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    Said his surgeon: “It’s gangrene, those pains
    In your foot, caused by varicose veins.
    We must cut off your toe.”
    Donald screamed, “Oh, please, no!
    That’s the place where I keep all my brains!”

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    Her car’d broken down in Nantucket.
    A driver pulled up. She said, “Fuck it!
    The engine won’t go,
    Could you give me a tow?”
    So he pulled off a shoe and said “Suck it.”

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    A new doctor in town, they call “Flo”
    Is supposedly right “in the know”
    My ingrown hurt bad
    But she said, “Sorry, Chad
    My specialty’s just the third toe”

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    Marie-Antoinette lived in a chateau
    With a lake and a dear little bateau.
    When the peasants, ill-fed,
    Cried “We’ve run out of bread!”
    Her solution was “Let them eat gateau.”

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    When the lights all go out, you will know
    Where the furniture is, even though
    The house is real dark
    You’ll still hear this remark:
    “God dammit! I just stubbed my toe!”

  10. Brian Allgar says:

    “He’s so double-jointed!” they said.
    With my left hand, while lying in bed,
    I could touch my left ear –
    Let me make myself clear –
    Having passed round the back of my head.

    (Yes, when I was young, I really could do that. I could also touch my elbows together behind my back.)

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    He said that he had a “chateau”
    Where “good wine and cuisine overflow”
    But things went awry
    And I started to cry
    Cause Joe Schmo took me straight to skid row

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    My mother just sways to and fro
    Her brother lays carpeting, (Joe)
    My father is Pete
    And his specialty’s “feet”
    We all them “Tic Tac and Toe”

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS! (sorry)

    My mother just sways to and fro
    Her cousin lays carpeting, (Joe)
    My dad’s name is Pete
    And his specialty’s “feet”
    We all call them “Tic Tac and Toe”

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    At ‘The Family Butcher’, they say
    Half their family vanished away.
    When they looked in the shop
    They found joints of Grandpop,
    Leg of Dad, and poor Mother’s filet.

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    The bimbo was down on her knees
    And her elbows, attempting to please.
    But when he’d said “Well,
    A few joints would be swell”,
    He wasn’t referring to these.

  16. Wendy Watson says:

    A bald-headed baker from Stowe
    Had many admirers in tow.
    When asked for the key
    To this a-nom-a-ly
    He replied : ‘ They’re just after my dough!’

  17. Wendy Watson says:

    A gumptious young man from Bordeaux
    Inherited papa’s château.
    He opened its doors
    To historical tours
    And a ‘bats in the belfry sideshow.

  18. Wendy Watson says:

    My joints are engendering such pain,
    And I’ll never do handstands again.
    As for pliés – no chance
    And a hot salsa dance
    Would result in a gluteal strain.

  19. Brian Allgar says:

    Arriving in Hell, Trump laments
    “This joint isn’t worth twenty cents!
    Where’s my sweet golden showers,
    Just like in Trump Towers?”
    The Devil replies, “Here’s Mike Pence.”

  20. Sharon Neeman says:

    Said the lass to the big-footed trucker,
    “Can you tow me?” — eyes wide, lips a-pucker.
    “I sure can, dear — let’s go!”
    Whereupon his big toe
    Was employed by the trucker to fuck her.

  21. Dave Johnson says:

    She fell for a handsome new beau
    Who claimed that he owned a chateau.
    But later, the lass
    Had to pay for some gas;
    To help make his minivan go.

  22. Dave Johnson says:

    The process had started real slow;
    Its slipping before letting go.
    Now freed from my hand
    Seeking somewhere to land;
    No doubt it’ll head to my toe.

  23. Fred Bortz says:

    NOT A TRUE STORY

    In Phantom, a musical show,
    There’s a moment of “Look out below!”
    The chandelier crashes.
    The panicked crowd dashes,
    And that’s how I broke my big toe.

  24. Fred Bortz says:

    In Denver, the latest advice
    Is that grass can be bought for half price
    At a store that gives points
    When you buy twenty joints
    Every month that you shop at least twice.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    JOINTS

    Doctor Quack was an infamous schemer
    Who was know for his work on the “femur”
    This man would just doze
    Just before he would “close”
    It seems “doc’ was also a dreamer

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here’s a clever and very wise rule
    Just listen and don’t be a fool:
    If you have a sixth toe
    Cut it off and then go
    Bequeath it to “Pedicure School”

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    HIP JOINT

    I do not recommend Doctor Cockit
    (To fame, he did recklessly rocket)
    He always gets drunk
    Then smells like a skunk
    And can’t tell a ball from a socket

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    syllable mistake in line one of above limerick (“HIP JOINT”)

    It’s not smart to use Doctor Cockit
    (To fame, he did recklessly rocket)
    He always gets drunk
    Then smells like a skunk
    And can’t tell a ball from a socket

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    sorry, Mad: I just noticed another syllable problem so I’ll will give this one another try: “JOINTS”

    The surgeon was quite a known schemer
    His specialty:”Fixing The Femur”
    This doc would just doze
    Right before he would “close”
    It seems he was also a dreamer

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was feeling such terrible grief
    And I needed some real quick relief
    The doc asked, “Which toe?”
    So I bent down to show
    Him the piggy who had the roast beef

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    In our newly-acquired chateau
    We’ll hang priceless pictures for show
    I’ve got screws, bolts and nails
    And if all else fails
    I can use my great big hammer toe

  32. Judith H. Block says:

    When a ball joint rubs against a bone,
    You limp around in pain and just groan,
    It’s time for a new hip,
    So hold tight, get a grip,
    Not something that you just can postpone.

    Smoked a joint at Joe’s Joint for the pain,
    My sore hip joint has been my life’s bane,
    I got a new hip,
    Now life’s a fun trip,
    But I’ll hang out at Joe’s just the same.

  33. Judith H. Block says:

    Smoked a joint at Joe’s Joint for the pain,
    My sore hip joint has been my life’s bane,
    I got a new hip,
    Now life’s a fun trip,
    But I’ll hang out at Joe’s just the same.

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    A critical joint is my knee
    It helps me bend down and then see:
    A creepy ‘ole bug
    Having fun on my rug
    I think I’ll stand up. You agree?

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    JOINTS: (my own experience 2 years ago)

    When the hip is replaced, you’re not done
    So to speak, you have only begun
    The exercise drill
    Which makes you feel ill
    Now doesn’t that sound like great fun?

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    When all us old bags feel a pain
    Our joints travel right to the brain
    We can’t “do” lunch today
    Cause the sky is real gray
    And our bones tell us it’s ‘gonna rain

  37. There once was a man on the go
    who ended up breaking his toe.
    Insurance insisted
    the pain pre-existed,
    and all he could do was cry, “No!”

  38. Dave Johnson says:

    A surgeon has patients who know
    They’d better have plenty of dough.
    He fixes their joints
    Where a valet appoints;
    It’s known as the Faux-Knee Chateau.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    Every morning, I hear a loud crack
    It sounds like a walnut attack
    I’m not disappointed
    Cause I know I’m disjointed
    But my body won’t cut me no slack

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    KNEE JOINT

    I have a new knee now instead
    Of the old one that really felt dead
    So now I work out
    Here’s what it’s about:
    I climb all the stairs to my bed

  41. Tony Holmes says:

    Modestie Monsieur

    Nouveau riche, Monsieur Henri Marceau,
    Brought some friends to admire his chateau;
    But his sangfroid dissolved
    When the Mistral resolved
    To make sport and removed his chapeau.

  42. Tony Holmes says:

    Carefree Joints

    For a lifetime of trouble-free use
    Avoid stresses and outright abuse.
    Excess running, hard work –
    There’s no shame if you shirk;
    And make friends with a comely masseuse.

  43. Tony Holmes says:

    Better, I think.

    Carefree Joints

    For a lifetime of trouble-free use
    Avoid stresses and outright abuse.
    Excess running, hard work –
    There’s no shame if you shirk;
    You’ll have time to refine your excuse.

  44. Tony Holmes says:

    It’s Time For Your Renewal

    “Hips and knees do not last, don’t you know,”
    Said the surgeon, his visage aglow.
    “But fear not! We’ll make new
    What is worn and askew.
    Once recovered, you’ll get up and GO!!”

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    HIP JOINT

    There are some things that you must resist
    If your hip’s replaced, “docs” do insist:
    You must not bend down
    Or you’ll fall on your crown
    You may shout, but just don’t do the twist

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    KNEE JOINT

    I tried this new stuff in a jar
    Which claims it will help you “run far”
    It oils up your knees
    So that running’s a breeze
    (And it also works great on your car)

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    HIP JOINT

    I came home and just started to shout
    I got a new hip, but had doubt:
    Something fell on the floor
    Right near my front door
    It seems one of the Lego’s fell out

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    I went to a famous chateau
    For a taste of some “Charlotte Gateau”
    The cake was divine
    And so was the wine
    But the castle was (eh) just so so

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    JOINTS

    She told me, “Hey Jim, go to hell
    The places you take me just smell”
    I said, “Ill do better”
    (I can not forget ‘er)
    This weekend we’ll “do” Taco Bell

  50. Dave Johnson says:

    The challenge was touching your toe;
    Bent over, how low could you go?
    Years later, we’re told
    That instruction was sold
    By pill makers needing to grow.

  51. Patrice Stewart says:

    She coaxed him inside her chateau,
    Whining and dragging one toe.
    Broken out of the Joint,
    A fully grown point-
    Er: sweet dog, full reprieve from Death Row.

  52. Patrice Stewart says:

    Sex games took place in the chateau
    Year ’round whether sunshine or snow.
    Locals got their first inkling,
    Madame’s voice was heard tinkling:
    How charming, naught on but that bow!

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    When in love, you will kiss a girl’s feet
    Every part of her just tastes so sweet
    But as both of you grow
    You’ll kiss only one toe
    And find that’s enough of a treat

  54. Lisi Nortman says:

    JOINTS

    I hail from the great “Garden State”
    Where the diners are really just great
    Yet they’re not all “five star”
    So get back in your car
    If the bugs do a dance on your plate

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    better meter, “joints”

    I have a new knee now instead
    Of the old one that really felt dead
    So now I work out
    Here is what it’s about:
    I climb all the stairs to my bed

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    Whenever I’d slow dance with Joe
    He’d carelessly step on my toe
    Now we dance far apart
    Still I don’t have the heart
    To say, “You’re a real klutzy schmo”

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Maria would suck on my toe
    I guess she was not “in the know”
    It kinda’ felt good
    But she misunderstood
    That it really was quite a low blow

  58. Dave Johnson says:

    Boomer’s medical supply:

    We’ve new body parts, if you please;
    We’ll sell you a hip or some knees.
    Our premium stuff
    Can be seen in the buff;
    (There’s no volume discount for these).

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    KNEE JOINT CHANGE “IN” TO “FROM” (line one)

    I tried this new stuff FROM a jar
    Which claims it will help you “run far”
    It oils up your knees
    So that running’s a breeze
    (And it also works great on your car)

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    another correction of above limerick

    I tried this new stuff FROM a jar
    Which claims it will help you”GO far”
    It oils up your knees
    So that running’s a breeze
    (And it also works great on your car)

  61. Dave Johnson says:

    They bought a new trailer to tow.
    Within twenty minutes or so,
    It started to sway
    As they hauled it away;
    Vacation plans suffered a blow…

    (This happened yesterday in WA state)

  62. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I wondered, when handed the ointment,
    Exactly what “rub on your joint” meant,
    ‘Cause needless to say,
    I was wasted that day.
    And that reefer? A big disappointment.

  63. Tony Holmes says:

    Lady ‘G’

    “All of ninety and still on the go –
    And she’s always a fella in tow.
    I’m all envy, of course,
    And would fain know the source
    Of what gives her her get up and glow.”

  64. Tony Holmes says:

    Lady ‘G’

    “All of ninety and raring to go –
    And she’s always a fella in tow.
    I’m all envy, of course,
    And would fain know the source
    Of what gives her her get up and glow.”

    “Ninety plus and she’s still on the go:
    Someone told me she never says, “No!”
    She has chaps standing by
    With a glint in each eye;
    And shows no signs of taking it slow.”

    “Ninety-nine: seems she’s losing some drive.
    Death came knocking, so will she revive?
    Poor ol’ Death! No decease;
    He’s extended her lease –
    And agreed to renew every five.”

  65. Tony Holmes says:

    A better Title

    Lady ‘G’: A Grip Firmer Than Most

    “All of ninety and raring to go –
    And she’s always a fella in tow.
    I’m all envy, of course,
    And would fain know the source
    Of what gives her her get up and glow.”

    “Ninety plus and she’s still on the go:
    Someone told me she never says, “No!”
    She has chaps standing by
    With a glint in each eye;
    And shows no signs of taking it slow.”

    “Ninety-nine: seems she’s losing some drive.
    Death came knocking, so will she revive?
    Poor ol’ Death! No decease;
    He’s extended her lease –
    And agreed to renew every five.”

  66. Tony Holmes says:

    Sufferers will understand.

    Gout: Guerrilla Warfare – A Joint Operation

    It attacks, unannounced, in one spot,
    Then retrenches and takes its next shot.
    Ankles, knees and big toes –
    Sometimes heels; then it goes
    And resurfaces where it was not.

  67. Tony Holmes says:

    Revised.

    Lady ‘G’: A Grip Firmer Than Most

    “All of ninety and raring to go –
    And she’s always a suitor in tow.
    I’m all envy, of course,
    And would fain know the source
    Of what gives her her get up and glow.”

    “Ninety plus and she’s still on the go:
    And I’m told that she never says, “No!”
    She has chaps standing by
    With a glint in each eye;
    And no sign that she’s ready to slow.”

    “Ninety-nine: seems she’s losing her drive.
    Death came knocking; so, will she revive?
    Poor old Death! No decease;
    He’s extended her lease –
    And agreed to renew every five.”

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    At the annual “Petrified Show”
    Was a fossil from real long ago:
    A fifty foot nail
    That smelled putrid and stale
    Which was severed from Big Foot’s third toe

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    The problem with any chateau
    Is its size and you just will not know
    How to locate the loo
    You might pee on your shoe
    And sometimes you just ‘gotta go

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    A pedicure’s ($) fifty, although
    You might pay them much less than you owe
    And if you ask, “Why?”
    They will surely reply:
    “It took time to adorn your sixth toe”

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    JOINTS

    The hip “replace” really is dandy
    As easy as eating some candy
    They put you to sleep
    So there’s no need to weep
    (And staples come in mighty handy)

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s a sandal that’s called, “Just The Best”
    And the “gals” will be mighty impressed
    Each foot bares one toe
    So your friends will not know
    That you haven’t washed all of the rest

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    I had to approach my boss, Joe
    And tell him that I’d like to know:
    Why he’s acting so mean
    And he said, “My dear Jean,
    I just started out on the wrong toe”

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    “There’s no need for therapy, Flo
    Just go get a pedicure, so
    As she’s painting the nails
    Tell her all your sad tales
    It’s “one private heart ache per toe”

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick should read “Tell her all YOUR sad tales”
    not all “YOU sad tales”(line four)
    Could you please add the “r” for me?

    Thank You
    Lisi

    ***
    Done.

  76. Jean McEwen says:

    I’ve got yuck on the nail of my toe.
    And the fungus is starting to glow.
    What’s more, now my pinky
    Has turned yellow and stinky.
    It’s my fault; I’ve let foot hygiene go.

  77. Jean McEwen says:

    Homemade brownies, when laced with strong grass
    Taste like shit—so, no thanks–I will pass.
    As for smoking a joint,
    Really, what is the point?
    A dispensary has much more class!

  78. Dave Johnson says:

    She went to a gardening show;
    Along with her husband in tow.
    Though lifeless in bed,
    He’ll plant flowers instead;
    At least he can make something grow…

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    I went to the “Israeli Show”
    So that I could be well in the know
    Then I saw a girl’s coochie
    She looked like a hoochie
    I think that’s what’s called “camel toe”

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: sorry to bother you again:
    Line two should read: So THAT I could be well in the know
    Could you squeeze in “that” between “So” and “I” ?
    Thank you
    Lisi

    ****
    Done, though I assume you didn’t want it emphasized in all caps.

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    We went to a famous chateau
    My “hubby” drank lots of Bordeaux
    He got so damn ripped
    That he fell and then slipped
    Smack into the edge of a couteau

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    (actually found in the U.S. “antennaria alpina” )

    In the mail, was a gift from “My Joe”
    Now I’m certain that he is my beau
    The card said, “Dear Sue
    This reminds me of you
    It’s an “Alpine Cat’s Foot Pussy Toe”

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    REVISION FOR METER

    We went to a famous chateau
    My hubby drank too much Bordeaux
    He got so damn ripped
    That he fell and then slipped
    And got knifed by an antique couteau

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    genus: “antennaria flagellaris”(flower in the daisy family)
    really does exist. better meter:

    In the mail was a gift from “My Joe”
    Now I’m certain that he is my beau
    The card said, “Dear Sue
    This reminds me of you
    It’s a genuine “whip pussy toe”

  85. Tony Holmes says:

    Less Is More

    With the innocent look of a doe
    She will massage and suck his big toe;
    But the purity’s shed
    Once her prey rears its head,
    And… No! Sorry! That’s censored; can’t show.

  86. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Bill Clinton, “That joint was a fail;
    Didn’t count ’cause I didn’t inhale.
    Just like Monica’s mouth –
    Since I never went south,
    Wasn’t sex, ’cause I didn’t impale.

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Them Achin’ Joints”

    “Dear Sue, I must make you aware
    That in fact, in this house lives a bear
    You first hear a growl
    And then a loud howl”
    (“It’s just “gramps” getting out of his chair”)

  88. Brian Allgar says:

    Judge Kennedy says “Gotta go.
    You’re concerned about Wade versus Roe?
    Do I look, as I quit,
    Like I give one damned shit?
    I don’t care, from my head to my toe.”

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    More Achin’ Joints

    We’re taking “Ole Gramps” to the fair
    We want him to get some fresh air
    It starts there at noon
    But we better leave soon
    He needs time to get out of that chair

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    Christmas Joint Pain

    Dear Santa now has a bad hip
    He’s afraid on the ice he will slip
    So he sends all his elves
    To bring gifts by themselves
    (They insist that you give them a tip)

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    Knee Joint Pain

    On my knees I applied some Ben Gay
    Then I cried, “Oh please pain go away!”
    But my wife said it stunk
    Made me smell like a skunk
    She leaving me (thank God) today

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    I put in an ad that just said:
    “I really feel like I am dead
    I need new hips and knees
    Or if you so please
    I’ll take a new body instead”

  93. Brian Allgar says:

    (I gather that the Mayor of London has refused permission, but the organizers are still looking for a way … )

    They’re preparing a wonderful show
    To greet Baby Trump. To and fro
    Over London, they’ll fly
    A balloon in the sky
    From a string on his fat little toe.

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    She tickled me with her big toe
    My ding-a-ling started to grow
    I raised a red flag
    So that things wouldn’t drag
    Then shouted, “Hey look out below!”

  95. Brian Allgar says:

    She was poised on the tip of her toe
    In “Swan Lake”. Said the Donald, “Ya know,
    Ballet’s not up my street,
    But her pussy looks sweet;
    I’ll be grabbing it after the show.”

  96. Dave Johnson says:

    So here’s how his morning would go:
    He started off stubbing a toe.
    The car wouldn’t start;
    Then a seatmate did fart
    On a crowded bus going too slow.

    Arriving at work rather late,
    His boss – a real jerk – hollered “Nate!
    We’re giving your job
    To a newbie named Rob;
    And you’re taking mine – which you’ll hate.”

  97. Tim James says:

    A woman had leased a chateau
    On a beach in pursuit of a beau.
    But the men there weren’t cute;
    They were all too hirsute
    On that island of Dr. Moreau.

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Toe surgery, 2005 (DON’T HAVE IT!)

    For surgery on by big toe
    Doctor Quack put the needle in slow
    When it hit my large vein
    I didn’t complian
    I just screamed like a tormented crow

  99. Tony Holmes says:

    The Handmaid’s Tale?

    “Well, the President stubbed his big toe;
    I was there to give ‘aide’, as you know.
    I thought, ‘Hail to the Chief!
    How to give him relief?’
    He said could I rub it, then blow.”

  100. Tony Holmes says:

    The Handmaid’s Tale?

    “Well, the President stubbed his big toe;
    I was there to give ‘aide’, as you know.
    I thought, ‘Hail to the Chief!
    How to give him relief?’
    He said I should rub it, then blow.”

  101. Tony Holmes says:

    Please disregard previous.

    The Handmaid’s Tale?

    “Well, the President stubbed his big toe;
    I was there to give ‘aide’, as you know.
    I thought, ‘Hail to the Chief!
    How to give him relief?’
    He suggested I rub it, then blow.”

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    She had such a sweet-smelling toe
    I’m shy, but I just had to know:
    “What’s that marvelous spice
    That makes you smell nice?”
    “It’s pickle juice mixed with Merlot”

  103. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve got twenty five lovers in tow
    And, Baby, I just won’t let go
    But they’re all ninety five
    (Are they really alive?)
    Not one of them knows it should grow

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    another version

    I’ve got twenty five lovers in tow
    I’m ready to give it a go
    But they’re all ninety five
    (Are they really alive?)
    And what’s worse, they FORGOT how to grow

  105. Tony Holmes says:

    Monica: The Handmaid’s Tale?

    “Well, the President stubbed his big toe;
    I was there as an ‘aide’, as you know.
    I thought, ‘Hail to the Chief!
    How to give him relief?’
    He suggested I rub it, then blow.”

    Innocence: A Broad

    “Mister President! That’s not your toe.
    If it were, rest assured, I would know.
    That looks cross. Does it hurt?
    Oh, I see! It’s alert:
    And it’s so glad to see me. ‘Hello!’”

  106. Lisi Nortman says:

    The nurse spoke on “Doc” Smith’s behalf:
    (He jests), but your hip made him “laugh”
    “It must be replaced
    And please do it with haste;
    It’s agreed by the “Joint Chiefs Of Staff”

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I really have heart-felt concern
    Yet there’s something that you need to learn
    Your replacement did fail
    And “Doc” Smith went to jail
    But our policy’s “No Joint Return”

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    My darling, I want you to know
    That I’ll be your most reverent beau
    Tonight we shall dine
    On frittatas and wine
    At my marvelous “Slum Bag Chateau”

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    better

    The nurse spoke on” Doc” Smith’s behalf
    (He jests), but your hip made him “laugh”
    “It must be replaced
    And please do it with haste
    It’s approved by our “Joints Chiefs Of Staff”

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: line five of above limerick: could you please change
    “It’s agreed by our” to “It’s approved by our”

    Thank You
    Lisi

    *********

    Done.

  111. Tony Holmes says:

    Eur -EEK – a!

    Mister President! That’s not a toe.
    If it were, I believe I would know.
    Am I shocked? Not a bit.
    Do I swallow or spit?
    Oh, my word! Mister president, Whoa!!”

  112. Tony Holmes says:

    Less Is More

    With the innocent look of a doe
    She will massage and suck his big toe;
    But the purity’s shed
    Once her prey rears its head,
    And… No, sorry! The censor says, “Whoa!!”

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    The REAL Story:

    There was a young girl, “Cinderella”
    Who loved a real charming-like fella
    But she started to cough
    Her glass slipper fell off
    (This chick went and broke her patella)

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    Another Version

    There was a young girl, “Cinderella”
    Who loved a real charming-like fella
    When her slipper came off
    She fell into a trough
    Which caused her to break her patella

  115. Val Fish says:

    ‘Twas the girls’ night out to Rhyl
    Everyone dressed to kill
    Seats in the front row
    Spare knickers in tow
    Tom Jones was topping the bill !

  116. Val Fish says:

    The duchess had herself a new beau
    Who delighted in sucking her toe
    Ensuing pics X rated
    Left her humiliated
    And the queen crying ‘She’s got to go!’

  117. Tim James says:

    I once knew a woman named Lee;
    What a great source of fun she could be!
    Always good for a buzz,
    Double-jointed she was.
    That’s to say: one for her, one for me.

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    I saw my devoted friend, Faye
    She asked, “How ‘ya doin’ today?”
    “I’ve got bad hips and knees
    I feel constant unease,
    But other than that, I’m okay”

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    As a senior, my knees just won’t flex
    Life is certainly now more complex
    They’re rigid and tight
    And try as I might
    It’s so goddamn hard to have sex

  120. Tony Holmes says:

    Eur – EEK – a!

    Mister President! That’s not a toe.
    If it were, I believe I would know.
    Am I shocked? Well, a bit.
    Do I swallow or spit?
    Oh, my word! Mister President, Whoa!!”

  121. Tony Holmes says:

    I have never been one to complain
    And have treated decline with disdain:
    But of late, when I sip,
    I keep losing my grip,
    And the spillage hurts more than the pain.

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    I needed a cure for my toe
    For the pain, I went to and then fro
    Saw five hundred “docs”
    Tried all kinds of socks
    At last, got new shoes, whad’ya know !

  123. Tony Holmes says:

    Better in context.

    Hoots, Mon!

    Ah was nary a one tae complain
    And Ah’ve treated decline wi’ disdain:
    But of late, when Ah sip,
    Ah keep losin’ ma grip,
    An’ the spillage hurts more than the pain.

  124. Mark Kane says:

    Are you thinking you’ll go toe to toe
    With this hooker? (You know she’s a pro.)
    Why not just settle back
    And enjoy her attack,
    Then savor her moves blow by blow.

  125. Tony Holmes says:

    Best We Forget

    In my youth I knew nothing of dread,
    Leapt, gazelle like, each morning from bed.
    But today, should I leap,
    I’d collapse in a heap;
    Seems the springbok within me has fled.

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    BRAVERY

    The Tin Man felt sorrow and stress
    His joints needed oil, nonetheless
    He walked the brick road
    Just carried his load
    (And the movie was quite a success)

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Labrador loves tic tac toe
    She considers herself quite a pro
    Yet I win every game
    And it’s really a shame
    That she can’t tell an “x” from an “o”

  128. Lisi Nortman says:

    I had such a bad pain in my toe
    That I tended to walk really slow
    Then I met my friend, Pete
    Who said, “See Doctor Feet”
    He’s known ’round the world for his “toe know”

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    There are joints that you’ll find in Dubai
    And others you’ll see in Brunei
    But the one we love best
    Will surpass all the rest
    Endures just As all Time Goes By

  130. Lisi Nortman says:

    I have slightly changed above limerick to make it a bit easier to figure out

    There are GIN joints you’ll find in Dubai
    You may also see some in Brunai
    But the one we love best
    Will surpass all the rest
    AND endure just ” As all Time Goes By”

  131. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  132. Lisi Nortman says:

    Remembering Mama: (Who can relate?)

    My story’s not really a fable
    It tells you about my mom, (Mabel)
    (It was so long ago)
    That she had a sore toe
    From kicking Pop under the table

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    Exercise Class 101

    Our lesson is “Touching the Toe”
    Let’s start out with dear old friend, Joe
    “I know it is there
    I will try and say where:
    I think it’s down somewhere below”

  134. Lisi Nortman says:

    Exercise class is a breeze
    I can do all the work-outs with ease
    As for touching my toe
    I’m considered a “pro”
    But first I must bend both my knees

  135. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was taking a shower, although
    I started to feel something grow
    Found out it’s a fungus
    (That’s really humongous)
    The “doc” said I’ve got “Athlete’s Toe”

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    better (line one) “My”

    MY exercise class is a breeze
    I can do all the work-outs with ease
    As for touching my toe
    I’m considered a “pro”
    But first, I must bend both my knees

  137. John Armstrong says:

    Geometrical reasoning bid
    Rick’s triangle and intersections be hid
    Laszlo must go
    With Ilsa in tow
    So: “Here’s looking at Euclid!”

  138. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 301. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Bell.

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