Archive for the ‘National Security Humor’ Category
Saturday, December 18th, 2010
I didn’t think Republicans could surprise me anymore. But I must confess to being stunned by Rep. Michele “Blabbermouth” Bachmann’s appointment by Boehner to the secretive House Intelligence Committee.
And it seems even Republican insiders share my astonishment:
Bachmann once suggested that Congress should investigate whether Democratic lawmakers were pro- or anti-America, and she’s been a cable TV favorite because she’s known for colorful sound bites.
On her Facebook page, Tea Party icon Bachmann said:
As a mother of five biological children and twenty-three foster children I pledge to do whatever I need to do to keep your family, my family, and the United States safe from harm.
I feel safer already. But I still had to write this limerick:
Intelligence Redesigned
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I don’t normally make much ado
‘Bout committee appointments. Do you?
But Intelligence? Bachmann?
That’s really a shock men.
I fear for its plunging IQ.
Tags: House Republicans, Intelligence Committee, John Boehner, Michele Bachmann
Posted in GOP Humor, House Satire, John Boehner, Michele Bachmann, National Security Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Tea Parties, Wingnuts | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, November 23rd, 2010
My open limerick to the traveling public was inspired by this article about gynecological pat-downs and this letter from physicist Rep. Rush Holt, which questions the safety of full body scan technology:
An Open Limerick To Airline Passengers
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Airline riders, it’s time to speak out.
The TSA rules we must flout.
Radiation or mauling —
They both are appalling.
To submit gives the terrorists clout.
(You can find my Pat-Down Put-Down limerick here.)
Tags: Air Travel Satire, Body Scans, Flight Screening Procedures, Full Body Pat Downs, Invasion of Privacy, Transportation Security Administration, Travel Humor, TSA
Posted in National Security Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Privacy Humor, Public Safety, Terrorism, Transportation Safety | 2 Comments »
Tuesday, November 16th, 2010
Sorry I’ve been so quiet lately. But I have a great excuse: Mark and I went on the first annual Lewis Black Comedy Cruise. You can read all about our fun comedy cruise adventures here.
But now it’s time to get back to the work of political mockery. Fortunately, I’ve returned from my travels just in time to make fun of the TSA’s delightful new privacy-invading screening procedures. And I’m still trying to figure out which I prefer as my ticket to plane boarding: a “nude body scan or genital groping.”
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Pat-Down Put-Down
By Madeleine Begun Kane
You’re a teen and can’t get to first base?
You’re a fondler, but fearful of Mace?
Well a pat-down career
Can be yours. (Front and rear.)
Be a TSA Feel-Her-Up Ace.
Tags: Air Travel Satire, Body Scans, Flight Screening Procedures, Full Body Pat Downs, Invasion of Privacy, Transportation Security Administration, Travel Humor, TSA
Posted in National Security Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Privacy Humor, Public Safety, Terrorism, Transportation Safety | 7 Comments »
Monday, June 7th, 2010
It turns out that Mark Kirk’s problems with the truth go well beyond exaggerating his military resume. As the Chicago Sun-Times reports, the Illinois Republican nominee for U.S. Senate has a habit of telling international tall tales about Iranian oil imports, France’s handling of pirates, and the China-drilling-for-oil-off-the-Cuban-coast fable.
Are these deliberate lies? Or is Mark Kirk woefully ill-informed? I’m not sure, but neither explanation would speak well of a would-be senator who’s ostensibly an expert in foreign affairs.
That brings me to my latest limerick:
Kirk’s “Factual” Quirks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Mark Kirk is astoundingly lax
When he spouts international “facts.”
Be it China or France
Or Iranian rants,
He’s deceptive and wrong to the max.
Tags: Campaign Satire, China, Cuba, Election Humor, France, Illinois, Iran, Mark Kirk, Pirates, Tall Tales
Posted in Campaign Humor, China Humor, Election Satire, Foreign Policy, Mark Kirk, National Security Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor | 8 Comments »
Wednesday, May 5th, 2010
My husband Mark and I live in New York City and frequently dine and see plays in the Times Square area. In fact, had the two of us not been so exhausted from our Las Vegas vacation, that’s where we probably would have been Saturday night. Perhaps that’s why I’m especially offended by John McCain’s apparent desire to undermine the prosecution of alleged terrorists.
What am I talking about? McCain said it would be a “serious mistake” if car bombing suspect Faisal Shahzad, a naturalized American citizen, was Mirandized.
I’m sorry, but the only way Mirandizing Shahzad would be a mistake is if your goal is to taint the evidence, get it thrown out of court, and lose the damn case.
And that brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:
John McCain — Ignoramus, Liar, Or Terrorist Sympathizer?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Shahzad was Mirandized. Oh my!
Cue McCain and his pandering lie.
To warn him was wrong—
That’s McCain’s specious song.
He malpractices law on the fly.
For Miranda’s a citizen’s right.
Fail to warn him? You’re in for a fight.
Cuz evidence gotten
That way is deemed rotten.
Acquittal is what you invite.
Tags: Car Bombing, Constitution Verse, Criminal Justice, Criminal Law, Faisal Shahzad, John McCain, Legal Verse, Miranda Rights, Terrorism, Terrorist Trials, Times Square
Posted in Constitution Humor, FBI Humor, John McCain, Law Satire, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Public Safety, Publicity Hounds, Terrorism | 7 Comments »
Sunday, April 11th, 2010
It’s bad enough to write an anti-Obama column packed with falsehoods about President Obama’s national security policy. But Rep. John Fleming of Louisiana has managed to go way beyond that. He essentially and casually accuses Obama of being a traitor:
Simply put, President Obama is disadvantaging the United States one step at a time and undermining this country’s national defense on purpose.
Rep. Fleming, you’ve earned yourself a limerick:
Inflammatory Fleming
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Rep. Fleming, your piece packed with lies
About nukes and Obama — unwise!
For political reason
You charge him with treason.
The traitor is you, I surmise.
Tags: Defense Poem, GOP Lies, House Republican, John Fleming, Louisiana, National Security, Nuclear Limerick, Obama Verse, Traitors, Treason
Posted in Congress Humor, Foreign Policy, Military Humor, National Security Humor, Nuclear Weapons, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Republicans Humor | 6 Comments »
Saturday, February 27th, 2010
Right-wing activist Frank Gaffney is at it again. His latest tin-foil hat paranoia involves the Missile Defense Agency’s website logo which, according to Gaffney, is part of a “nefarious” pro-Islam, submission to Shariah plot. As Gaffney sees it, the logo evokes all sorts of evil stuff:
… the new MDA shield appears ominously to reflect a morphing of the Islamic crescent and star with the Obama campaign logo.
The alleged plot is ever-so-slightly undermined, however, by the timing of the logo’s design — a full year before Obama’s presidential election.
So it’s back to the conspiracy drawing board for Frank Gaffney. I guess I’ll celebrate with a limerick:
Frankly My Dear Gaffney, You’re Nuts
By Madeleine Begun Kane
At Obama Frank Gaffney takes aim.
A “nefarious” plot is his claim.
What’s his latest complaint?
Logo’s “Islam”-like taint.
What a shame that Bush-Cheney’s to blame.
Tags: Conspiracy Theories, Frank Gaffney, Islam, MDA Logo, Missile Defense Agency, Nefarious Plots, Right-Wing Paranoia, Shariah
Posted in Barack Obama, Foreign Policy, Frank Gaffney, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, White House, Wingnuts | 1 Comment »
Tuesday, January 12th, 2010
Are prominent right-wingers acting as unpaid PR agents for al Qaeda, in their zeal to undermine Obama?
In a word — yes! After all, the purpose of terrorism is to scare people into overreaction. So when GOP attack dogs like Dick Cheney, Liz Cheney, Michael Steele, Bill Kristol, Pete King, Pete Hoekstra, Jim DeMint and countless others characterize a failed terrorist attack as a success and try to terrify the public, they are unwittingly helping al Qaeda.
That leads me to my latest limerick:
Al-Qaeda Talking Points?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Michael and Peter and Dick,
Your Obama vendetta is sick.
Cuz behavior like yours —
Turning flops into scores —
Creates fear, which makes terrorists tick.
Tags: Abdulmutallab, Al Qaeda, Bill Kristol, Dick Cheney Satire, GOP Attack Dogs, Jim DeMint, Liz Cheney, Michael Steele, Obama, Pete Hoekstra, Peter King, Terrorism
Posted in Barack Obama, Bill Kristol, Dick Cheney Satire, Election Satire, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, James DeMint, Liz Cheney, Michael Steele, National Security Humor, Pete Hoekstra, Peter King, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Terrorism, White House | 2 Comments »
Saturday, January 9th, 2010
It was silly enough when Bush-defender Dana Perino, while appearing on Sean Hannity’s TV show, claimed there were no domestic terror attacks under George W. Bush. Then there was Mary Matalin’s more subtle lie: Bush “inherited the most tragic attack on our own soil in our nation’s history.”
But the third time clearly makes it a Republican talking point. On Good Morning America, Rudy Giuliani spouted this falsehood to George Stephanopoulos: “We had no domestic attacks under Bush. We’ve had one under Obama.”
And that brings me to my latest limerick:
Rudy “Noun and a Verb and a 9-11” Giuliani Loses His Mind
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Republicans looking to ream
Prez Obama have launched an odd meme.
The Bush-Cheney reign
Suffered no terror pain.
It seems Nine-One-One’s only a dream.
Tags: Dana Perino, George Stephanopoulos, Good Morning America, Mary Matalin, Republican Talking Points, Rudy Giuliani, Sean Hannity, Terrorism
Posted in Dana Perino, Fox News Humor, George Bush Satire, George Stephanopoulos, GOP Humor, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Publicity Hounds, Republicans Humor, Rudy Giuliani, Sean Hannity Limerick, Terrorism | Comments Off on Rudy “Noun and a Verb and a 9-11” Giuliani Loses His Mind
Wednesday, December 30th, 2009
Republicans have been treating Nigerian Abdulmutallab’s failed Christmas Day bombing of Flight 253 like a Christmas gift from Al Qaeda — something really juicy to exploit.
In fact, the Republicans’ partisan response to this attempted terrorism has been so shameless, even Politico noticed.
Republicans like Pete Hoekstra, James DeMint, Dan Burton, and many others have earned themselves a triple limerick by playing politics with national security:
Shameless Republicans On Christmas Attack
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Exploiting a terror attempt
Is surely beneath all contempt.
But that never would stop
Such a GOP op:
“Bash Obama! He failed to preempt.”
There is plenty of blame they should share
For that terrorist scare in the air.
We’ve no TSA head:
DeMint “held” him instead
Of a vote. It’s Republican guerre.
As for funding our air travel screening,
They vote no. Seems they’re pro-terror leaning.
Though their record is poor,
They keep spouting full-bore.
Please Republicans, spare us your preening.
NOTE: Here’s some unrelated, but timely, New Years Resolutions humor: It Is Hereby Resolved.
Tags: Abdulmutallab, Al Qaeda, Dan Burton, Detroit, James DeMint, National Security, Pete Hoekstra, Politico
Posted in Barack Obama, Blame Game, Dan Burton, Foreign Policy, GOP Humor, James DeMint, National Security Humor, Pete Hoekstra, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Public Safety, Republicans Humor, Terrorism, Transportation Safety, White House | 5 Comments »
Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009
Somebody please explain why the garbage and lies spewed by Richard Cheney are routinely treated like they’re gospel. Dick makes George W. Bush look like a statesman, for heaven sakes. And yet media outlets love to present the former Veep’s vicious distortions and malicious rants virtually without challenge.
The latest example is Politico’s regurgitation of Cheney’s lengthy tirade against President Obama. A tirade, I might add, made on the eve of Obama’s Afghanistan troop buildup speech at West Point.
Politico deserves a double limerick, don’t you think?
Dick Cheney’s Steno Pool (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Dear Politico, kindly explain
Why you act like Dick Cheney is sane.
You repeat all his lies
Like they’re truthful and wise.
Your stenography’s worse than inane.
Richard Cheney has harmed our great nation.
Yet you act like each Cheney quotation
Is golden and true,
Worth transcribing on cue.
You’re not journos — you just take dictation.
UPDATE: Unbelievable! Apparently the Pulitzer Board is fond of Cheney’s steno pool. It just elected Jim VandeHei, executive editor and co-founder of Politico, to the Pulitzer Board. Can a Pulitzer Prize for Drudge be far behind?
Related Posts: Ode To Fresh Faces; and Bush & Cheney’s Blunderland Song Parody
Tags: Afghanistan Strategy, Dick Cheney Humor, Drudge Humor, Media Humor, Politico, Pulitzer Prize
Posted in Barack Obama, Dick Cheney Satire, Election Satire, George Bush Satire, GOP Humor, Media Satire, National Security Humor, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, War & Antiwar Poems, White House | 7 Comments »
Friday, October 9th, 2009
Thirty Senate Republicans voted to keep rape victims who work for defense contractors from having their day in court. How? By voting against an Al Franken-proposed amendment to the 2010 Defense Appropriations Bill that would withhold defense contracts from companies (like Dick Cheney’s KBR) “if they restrict their employees from taking workplace sexual assault, battery and discrimination cases to court.”
Franken was inspired to sponsor this amendment by the ordeal of Jamie Leigh Jones, who was gang-raped by her co-workers while working for Halliburton/KBR in Baghdad. A clause in Jones’ KBR employment contract made employer-friendly private arbitration her only recourse, precluding Jones from seeking justice in court.
I hope all those pro-rape Republicans (listed below my limerick) are proud of themselves:
Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though Republicans yearn for support
From females, they’re bound to fall short:
Their position on rape
Is in criminal shape
Cuz they treat it like less than a tort.
Here’s the list of the thirty pro-rape Republican Senators:
Lamar Alexander (R-TN) John Barrasso (R-WY) Christopher Bond (R-MO) Sam Brownback (R-KS) Jim Bunning (R-KY) Richard Burr (R-NC) Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) Tom Coburn (R-OK) Thad Cochran (R-MS) Bob Corker (R-TN) John Cornyn (R-TX) Mike Crapo (R-ID) Jim DeMint (R-SC) John Ensign (R-NV) Michael Enzi (R-WY) Lindsey Graham (R-SC) Judd Gregg (R-NH) James Inhofe (R-OK) Johnny Isakson (R-GA) Mike Johanns (R-NE) Jon Kyl (R-AZ) John McCain (R-AZ) Mitch McConnell (R-KY) James Risch (R-ID) Pat Roberts (R-KS) Jeff Sessions (R-AL) Richard Shelby (R-AL) John Thune (R-SD) David Vitter (R-LA) Roger Wicker (R-MS)
Tags: Al Franken, Appropriations Bill, Defense Contractors, Employee Lawsuits, Employment Contracts, Feminist, Halliburton, Jamie Leigh Jones, KBR, Rape Victims, Republican Senators, Sexual Assault
Posted in Al Franken, Crime, David Vitter, Dick Cheney Satire, Feminism Humor, Gender Politics, GOP Humor, Inhofe Humor, James DeMint, Jeff Sessions, John Ensign, John McCain, Judd Gregg, Law Satire, Legal Limericks, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Republicans Humor, Senate Satire | 10 Comments »
Monday, May 25th, 2009
The omni-presence of Dick and Liz Cheney on (as Rachel Maddow loves to call it) “the TV machine” is nearly enough to get me to toss out my televisions. Of course, to have even a shot at avoiding their tortured lies, I’d have to cancel my Net connection, throw out my radios, and avert my eyes in the unlikely event that I encounter a newspaper.
Ode To The Deceitful Cheneys (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
There once was a daughter named Liz
Who joined in the family biz.
The business was lying,
With all members vying
For liar-in-chief — each a wiz.
Tags: Dick Cheney Satire, Gitmo, Liars, Lies, Liz Cheney, Media, National Security, Newspapers, Rachel Maddow, Television, Torture
Posted in Dick Cheney Satire, Family Values Humor, Foreign Policy, Gitmo Humor, GOP Humor, Liz Cheney, Media Satire, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Rachel Maddow, Republicans Humor, Torture Humor | 8 Comments »
John McCain — Ignoramus, Liar, Or Terrorist Sympathizer?
Wednesday, May 5th, 2010My husband Mark and I live in New York City and frequently dine and see plays in the Times Square area. In fact, had the two of us not been so exhausted from our Las Vegas vacation, that’s where we probably would have been Saturday night. Perhaps that’s why I’m especially offended by John McCain’s apparent desire to undermine the prosecution of alleged terrorists.
What am I talking about? McCain said it would be a “serious mistake” if car bombing suspect Faisal Shahzad, a naturalized American citizen, was Mirandized.
I’m sorry, but the only way Mirandizing Shahzad would be a mistake is if your goal is to taint the evidence, get it thrown out of court, and lose the damn case.
And that brings me to my latest two-verse limerick:
John McCain — Ignoramus, Liar, Or Terrorist Sympathizer?
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Shahzad was Mirandized. Oh my!
Cue McCain and his pandering lie.
To warn him was wrong—
That’s McCain’s specious song.
He malpractices law on the fly.
For Miranda’s a citizen’s right.
Fail to warn him? You’re in for a fight.
Cuz evidence gotten
That way is deemed rotten.
Acquittal is what you invite.
Tags: Car Bombing, Constitution Verse, Criminal Justice, Criminal Law, Faisal Shahzad, John McCain, Legal Verse, Miranda Rights, Terrorism, Terrorist Trials, Times Square
Posted in Constitution Humor, FBI Humor, John McCain, Law Satire, National Security Humor, Political Commentary, Political Limericks, Political Verse, Politics Satire, Public Safety, Publicity Hounds, Terrorism | 7 Comments »