Archive for the ‘National Security Humor’ Category

Al-Qaeda Talking Points?

Tuesday, January 12th, 2010

Are prominent right-wingers acting as unpaid PR agents for al Qaeda, in their zeal to undermine Obama?

In a word — yes! After all, the purpose of terrorism is to scare people into overreaction. So when GOP attack dogs like Dick Cheney, Liz Cheney, Michael Steele, Bill Kristol, Pete King, Pete Hoekstra, Jim DeMint and countless others characterize a failed terrorist attack as a success and try to terrify the public, they are unwittingly helping al Qaeda.

That leads me to my latest limerick:

Al-Qaeda Talking Points?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Michael and Peter and Dick,
Your Obama vendetta is sick.
Cuz behavior like yours —
Turning flops into scores —
Creates fear, which makes terrorists tick.

Rudy “Noun and a Verb and a 9-11” Giuliani Loses His Mind

Saturday, January 9th, 2010

It was silly enough when Bush-defender Dana Perino, while appearing on Sean Hannity’s TV show, claimed there were no domestic terror attacks under George W. Bush. Then there was Mary Matalin’s more subtle lie: Bush “inherited the most tragic attack on our own soil in our nation’s history.”

But the third time clearly makes it a Republican talking point. On Good Morning America, Rudy Giuliani spouted this falsehood to George Stephanopoulos: “We had no domestic attacks under Bush. We’ve had one under Obama.”

And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Rudy “Noun and a Verb and a 9-11” Giuliani Loses His Mind
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Republicans looking to ream
Prez Obama have launched an odd meme.
The Bush-Cheney reign
Suffered no terror pain.
It seems Nine-One-One’s only a dream.

Shameless Republicans On Christmas Attack

Wednesday, December 30th, 2009

Republicans have been treating Nigerian Abdulmutallab’s failed Christmas Day bombing of Flight 253 like a Christmas gift from Al Qaeda — something really juicy to exploit.

In fact, the Republicans’ partisan response to this attempted terrorism has been so shameless, even Politico noticed.

Republicans like Pete Hoekstra, James DeMint, Dan Burton, and many others have earned themselves a triple limerick by playing politics with national security:

Shameless Republicans On Christmas Attack
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Exploiting a terror attempt
Is surely beneath all contempt.
But that never would stop
Such a GOP op:
“Bash Obama! He failed to preempt.”

There is plenty of blame they should share
For that terrorist scare in the air.
We’ve no TSA head:
DeMint “held” him instead
Of a vote. It’s Republican guerre.

As for funding our air travel screening,
They vote no. Seems they’re pro-terror leaning.
Though their record is poor,
They keep spouting full-bore.
Please Republicans, spare us your preening.

NOTE: Here’s some unrelated, but timely, New Years Resolutions humor: It Is Hereby Resolved.

Dick Cheney’s Steno Pool (Updated)

Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009

Somebody please explain why the garbage and lies spewed by Richard Cheney are routinely treated like they’re gospel. Dick makes George W. Bush look like a statesman, for heaven sakes. And yet media outlets love to present the former Veep’s vicious distortions and malicious rants virtually without challenge.

The latest example is Politico’s regurgitation of Cheney’s lengthy tirade against President Obama. A tirade, I might add, made on the eve of Obama’s Afghanistan troop buildup speech at West Point.

Politico deserves a double limerick, don’t you think?

Dick Cheney’s Steno Pool (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dear Politico, kindly explain
Why you act like Dick Cheney is sane.
You repeat all his lies
Like they’re truthful and wise.
Your stenography’s worse than inane.

Richard Cheney has harmed our great nation.
Yet you act like each Cheney quotation
Is golden and true,
Worth transcribing on cue.
You’re not journos — you just take dictation.

UPDATE: Unbelievable! Apparently the Pulitzer Board is fond of Cheney’s steno pool. It just elected Jim VandeHei, executive editor and co-founder of Politico, to the Pulitzer Board. Can a Pulitzer Prize for Drudge be far behind?

Related Posts: Ode To Fresh Faces; and Bush & Cheney’s Blunderland Song Parody

Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans

Friday, October 9th, 2009

Thirty Senate Republicans voted to keep rape victims who work for defense contractors from having their day in court. How? By voting against an Al Franken-proposed amendment to the 2010 Defense Appropriations Bill that would withhold defense contracts from companies (like Dick Cheney’s KBR) “if they restrict their employees from taking workplace sexual assault, battery and discrimination cases to court.”

Franken was inspired to sponsor this amendment by the ordeal of Jamie Leigh Jones, who was gang-raped by her co-workers while working for Halliburton/KBR in Baghdad. A clause in Jones’ KBR employment contract made employer-friendly private arbitration her only recourse, precluding Jones from seeking justice in court.

I hope all those pro-rape Republicans (listed below my limerick) are proud of themselves:

Ode To Pro-Rape Republicans (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Though Republicans yearn for support
From females, they’re bound to fall short:
Their position on rape
Is in criminal shape
Cuz they treat it like less than a tort.

Here’s the list of the thirty pro-rape Republican Senators:
Lamar Alexander (R-TN) John Barrasso (R-WY) Christopher Bond (R-MO) Sam Brownback (R-KS) Jim Bunning (R-KY) Richard Burr (R-NC) Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) Tom Coburn (R-OK) Thad Cochran (R-MS) Bob Corker (R-TN) John Cornyn (R-TX) Mike Crapo (R-ID) Jim DeMint (R-SC) John Ensign (R-NV) Michael Enzi (R-WY) Lindsey Graham (R-SC) Judd Gregg (R-NH) James Inhofe (R-OK) Johnny Isakson (R-GA) Mike Johanns (R-NE) Jon Kyl (R-AZ) John McCain (R-AZ) Mitch McConnell (R-KY) James Risch (R-ID) Pat Roberts (R-KS) Jeff Sessions (R-AL) Richard Shelby (R-AL) John Thune (R-SD) David Vitter (R-LA) Roger Wicker (R-MS)

Ode To The Deceitful Cheneys

Monday, May 25th, 2009

The omni-presence of Dick and Liz Cheney on (as Rachel Maddow loves to call it) “the TV machine” is nearly enough to get me to toss out my televisions. Of course, to have even a shot at avoiding their tortured lies, I’d have to cancel my Net connection, throw out my radios, and avert my eyes in the unlikely event that I encounter a newspaper.

Ode To The Deceitful Cheneys (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

There once was a daughter named Liz
Who joined in the family biz.
The business was lying,
With all members vying
For liar-in-chief — each a wiz.