Posts Tagged ‘Nelderini’

Limerick of the Week (106)

Sunday, March 24th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Jeff Davis was angered to read
Not so much that the slaves had been freed,
But that Unionists were
On the To-line—O slur!—
And secessionists only cc’d.

Congratulations to Sue Dulley and Marty McCullen, who tied to win this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for their respective limericks which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Sue Dulley:

A student, while trying to read
In the bathroom (the book was “Candide”)
Heard “Come play this game
Testing balance and aim!”
So he put down his novel and Wii’d.

Marty McCullen:

A fellow was trying to read
The Bio of great Sammy Snead,
But he would just stutter
When using the putter.
At best he was fit to be teed.

Congratulations to Ailsa McKillop, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.

A fellow was trying to read
And make sense of instructions decreed
In the cookbook: “With glove on
“Take joint from the oven.
“To now baste the meat you will need.”

At your peril true meaning ignore.
Do not do what he did, I implore!
At the critical point
He took out the joint
And a rolling pin out of the drawer.

With common sense no more than fleeting
And eager to improve on the eating,
In mistaken belief
This would tenderize beef,
He gave it an out-and-out beating!

So there is the beef, on its platter
Misshapen, askew (and much flatter.)
He should at this point
With its juices anoint
The roast dinner – to “baste”, not to “batter”!

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Edmund Conti, Will T. Laughlin, Sue Dulley, Colleen Murphy, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Johanna Richmond, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose, and Nelderini. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Edmund Conti:

A fellow was trying to read
Of a man who was trying to breed
On someone’s behalf
(and here you can laugh)
Intercede? Yes indeed. Enter seed.

Will T. Laughlin:

The Bishop was trying to read
The words of the Catholic Creed.
But the words “unum Deum”
Came out, “Iam Gayum” –
A stunning confession indeed.

Sue Dulley:

In a joke I once happened to read:
Descartes and a friend drank some mead.
Said the friend: “One more, eh?”
“I think not,” said René,
Then vanished with infinite speed.

Colleen Murphy:

My stepson was wanting to read,
An abnormal desire indeed,
Until I discovered
The girls were uncovered.
Seems his “book” met a less learned need.

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

A fellow was trying to read
The book “What to Do When You’re Treed.”
He looked down at the bear
And he thought, “Do I dare
Ask HIM for the glasses I need?”

Johanna Richmond, who sends a “get well” limerick to our friend and fellow Limerick-Offer, Steve Whitred:

Dear Steve, I’m so sorry to read
You’ve been ill — that’s a pity indeed.
Wishing speedy relief;
Hope your absence is brief
Or our lim’rick-off might go to seed!

Phyllis Sterling Smith:

A farmer was trying to read
Of hybrids, a skill he might need.
“Two plants get together
But will I know whether
Each seed will be glad to con-seed?”

David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:

A woman was trying to read
The stocks that may lag or may lead.
Said she: “I don’t care
For the bull or the bear,
As long as I’m in the stampede.”

Nelderini:

A woman was trying to read
The number of caplets she’d need
To clear her congestion.
“‘How bany?’s da question
To stob wit da cough an’ da sneed!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (105)

Sunday, March 17th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins both Limerick of the Week and the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this funny verse:

A farmer was trying to raise
The volume of what his hen lays.
He read via Twitter
To feed the gal glitter.
Now the poor thing just lays Fabergés!

Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who win the Special Anniversary-Themed Limerick Award for her lovely limerick celebrating 104 Limericks of the Week:

Well, it’s magical: one hundred four —
2 times fifty-two, four and five score!
As for me, I keep time
Working lim’rick-off rhyme
After rhyme till I can’t rhyme no more.

And that brings me to my presentation:
Though I happened here sans invitation,
‘Twas like finding a home
Where the funny folk roam
When the funny farm goes on vacation.

I spent years, Mad, before you, in truth,
Sitting ‘round, growing long in the tooth.
So I thank you, Ms. Kane,
For, through you, once again,
I’m the fun-loving me of my youth!

Congratulations to Sue Dulley and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:

Sue Dulley:

My veggie consumption to raise,
I sometimes eat out at buffets.
There’s red meat of course,
Which I hope isn’t horse,
But I’m there for the greens and the graze.

Will T. Laughlin:

Oh, Sue? when you go to buffets,
The meat that you see in the trays
Doesn’t come from a horse.
There’s a much cheaper source:
It’s employees who asked for a raise!

Sue Dulley:

Will T, are you trying to raise
My hopes when I go to buffets?
Not sure if I’d rather
Not-eat someone’s father
Or not-eat a beastie who neighs.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Kevin Ahern, Bob Dvorak, Nelderini, Jane Shelton Hoffman, and Carolyn Henly. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Tim James:

A gal who was catching some rays
Doffed her pants and lay prone on her chaise.
She displayed herself vainly.
We have to speak plainly:
She moons. (It may just be a phase.)

Kevin Ahern:

A woman was catching some rays
As part of a new diet craze.
Her face turned to pale
When she got on the scale
Cuz it worked in mysterious weighs.

Bob Dvorak:

A fellow who wanted a raise
Worked long nights and still longer long days.
‘Til his boss, late one night,
Said, “Your wish I’ll requite.”
Then she added, “Let’s find other ways.”

Nelderini:

A fellow who wanted a raise
Scanned the want ads in kind of a daze.
He moaned with a sob,
“I could find a new job–
Just not one that actually pays!”

Jane Shelton Hoffman:

Some goldfish were catching the rays
In a garden well-known as Monet’s.
“We’ve tried to be part
Of impressionist art,
But his sight isn’t that good these days.”

Carolyn Henly’s Ode to Spring Training

A fellow who wanted to raise
The crowd to its feet between plays
Hollered: “Come on, you guys,
Lift your hands toward the skies
And shout out those Y-M-C-A’s!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions and for helping to making this such a fun two Limerick-Off years!

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!