Bold Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And since the calendar claims that spring has begun, I’m offering you an alternative: In addition to your regular challenge, you may write a limerick related to spring, using any first line. Next week I’ll present an extra award — one for the best spring-related limerick.

And now, getting back to your regular Limerick-Off challenge: I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:

A gal who was terribly bold…*

or

A man who was terribly bold…*

or

A woman who frequently bowled…*

or

A fellow who frequently bowled…*

*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)

Here’s my limerick:

Bold Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane

A gal who was terribly bold
Phoned her mate, who would soon be paroled:
“I discovered I’m gay
While you were away,
So our sex life’s remaining on hold.”

Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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101 Responses to “Bold Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)”

  1. Here is my bold offering complete with a picture (safe for work though suggestive) sure to make the straight ladies and gay gents happy!

  2. A girl who was terribly bold
    Did favours for pieces of gold.
    She had a list of the guys
    Tattooed on her thighs.
    Or so I’m reliably told.

  3. Sue Dulley says:

    A woman was terribly bold
    Catching looks on the street as she strolled.
    She made some eyes pop
    In a skimpy crop-top
    With her jeans hanging low and be-holed.

  4. yt cai says:

    Jim’s breakfast was carelessly bowled
    Since cereal bag didn’t unfold
    a shocking scenario
    as grain said cheerio
    His oats are now perfectly rolled

  5. Eugene Fedorov says:

    A man with a BlackBerry Bold
    Has left his device uncontrolled.
    A boy on his own
    Has found this smartphone
    And dropped down the market of gold.

  6. Pat Hatt says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Didn`t read below the fold
    Instead she ran
    Like a flash in the pan
    Ending up with fools gold

  7. John Sardo says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Went skating on a night very cold
    She worked up a sweat
    Removed clothes on a bet
    Skated naked – what a sight to behold.

  8. John Sardo says:

    A man who was terribly bold
    On a corner a weed he sold
    A cop came along
    Said you don’t belong
    But light up and we’ll both be consoled.

  9. Mark Kane says:

    He needed to show himself bold,
    To this vixen, a sight to behold.
    But she teased and held back,
    So he took a new tack,
    Leaving her as the one who controlled.

  10. rbasler says:

    A man who was terribly bold
    Grew some meds out of icky old mold
    Now sick folks are chillin’
    ‘Cuz they got penicillin,
    The clap is no worse than a cold!

  11. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    The analyst’s forecast, quite bold,
    A hundred-fold increase foretold
    In careless decisions,
    With head-on collisions
    Increasing accordion-fold.

  12. Sue Dulley says:

    A woman was secretly bold
    Afraid that her boyfriend would scold
    If he found she had read
    “Fifty Shades” while in bed,
    Plus other tales best left untold.

  13. Susan Settje says:

    A lamb who was terribly bold
    Refused to be lost in the fold,
    So he made his own way
    Where the coyotes do play.
    And now, he will never grow old.

  14. Edmund Conti says:

    A man who was terribly bold
    Bet his home and his wife twenty fold.
    I’m homeless he said,
    Lost my bride and my bed
    But somehow I don’t feel old.

  15. Edmund Conti says:

    Oh, Spring it has sprung or has sprang
    The birdies have sung or they sang
    It’s one silly season
    Which must be the reason
    I can’t finish off this darn thang.

  16. Sue Dulley says:

    Spring is sprung, can the snow now please vanish
    And sunshine our discontent banish?
    As of now it makes sense
    To get ourselves hence
    Somewhere warm where the people speak Spanish.

  17. colonialist says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Hooked a ‘pal’ quite incredibly old;
    She had to work fast,
    For he wouldn’t last,
    And soon all his stuff would be sold.

    A gal who was terribly bold
    In the hay with all comers had rolled;
    But those with the brass
    All wanted more class,
    And she was left out in the cold.

  18. Johanna Richmond says:

    A man who was terribly bold
    Started fights just to watch them unfold.
    But his daughter and wife,
    Serving 20 to life,
    Planned revenge when his mom got paroled.

  19. The maiden was terribly bold
    She was aching to have and to hold
    What her card-playing lover
    Should have kept under cover
    For it’s better to raise than to fold

  20. Edmund Conti says:

    A man who was terribly bold
    Decided to smoke an Old Gold.
    He did and he died.
    You think that I lied?
    Oh no, he was terribly old.

  21. Edmund Conti says:

    It seems that the equinox vernal ploy
    Was a puzzle and more to Miss Myrna Loy.
    When she asked the Thin Man, Sir,
    Pray tell me the answer.
    He answered, More gin, my Eternal Joy.

  22. Edmund Conti says:

    A man who was terribly bold
    Hung up when he heard he should hold.
    Now how is he faring
    That man brave and daring?
    Evicted and out in the cold.

  23. Sue Dulley says:

    Our mother was frugally bold
    Serving yesterday’s roast again, cold.
    She told us “It’s meet
    That this meat we will eat
    ‘Til it’s gone, or until it grows mold.”

  24. Edmund Conti says:

    I hear that we may write a spring song.
    A serious one and not sing song.
    With flowers and trees
    And a gentle warm breeze.
    I tried but I got this damn thing wrong.

  25. Edmund Conti says:

    A man who was not thought as bold
    Wrote a spring song (he does what he’s told).
    All he got were some sighs.
    Oh, some eyebrows did rise.
    And the eyes? OK, all of them rolled.

  26. Sue Dulley says:

    A man who was clever and bold
    Posted stuff other men might withhold
    But he knew he could write
    His best verse on a night
    When his impulses weren’t so controlled.

  27. Claudia says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    put all his dreams on hold
    every once and a while
    spread them out on the tiles
    & marked them, sorted and sold

  28. colonialist says:

    I think this ocean-bridging masterpiece :) and the second of my first pair should stand:

    A cricketer frequently bowled,
    But was, by all umpires, told
    His style was disgraceful,
    So now he plays baseball –
    As pitcher, he’s seen centre-fold!

  29. Diane Groothuis says:

    A lass who was terribly bold
    Showed her assets for all to behold
    The people did stare
    Cos her backside was bare
    And all that she got was a cold.

  30. yt cai says:

    Rip Van Winkle who frequently bowled
    Fell asleep as the story is told
    20 years he would snore
    as he rolled up a score
    And let his striking grey beard unfold

  31. yt cai says:

    A man who was terribly bold
    With his friends he often cajoled
    at club caused an outrage
    when he got up on stage
    Until bouncer made him un-poled

  32. Manicddaily says:

    Hey Madeleine!

    A broker who’d once been quite bold
    put all calls from his clients on hold–
    his suitcases packed,
    he pulled out the jack–
    for when they told him buy, he had sold.

  33. Johanna Richmond says:

    So alright, maybe this one is bold,
    But I’m sure that my last one was gold.
    Tell me, what’s not to like
    ‘Bout Provocateur Mike
    And his kin (currently prison-rolled)?

  34. Johanna Richmond says:

    JG got me thinking…

    Macbeth, though ambitious, was bold;
    Prince Hamlet did little but scold;
    And what, by my oath,
    Does it matter? They both
    Ended up six feet under and cold.

  35. Johanna Richmond says:

    As metaphors go, this one’s bold,
    But it’s time, guys, our story is told.
    You want your gal peaking?
    Hold off headline seeking –
    The best news is under the fold.

  36. Diane Groothuis says:

    A skydiver ever so bold
    Jumped out of a plane o’er the wold
    And he let out a cry
    As he fell from the sky
    “My parachute has not unrolled”

  37. Diane Groothuis says:

    The birds in the trees start to sing
    With a gay and a musical ring
    The flowers are blooming
    Bright sunshine is looming
    I guess you can say it is Spring.

  38. Nessa says:

    One of each:

    Hot and Cold

    A woman who frequently bowled
    made sure that everyone was told
    she would give her all
    to a man brave and tall
    but only after her ball was rolled

    He Lied: A Limerick on Spring

    Took a gaze out my window’s pane
    expecting to see Spring rain
    instead there was snow
    enough to cover my big toe
    if this keeps up, I’m opening a vein

    A Limerick Two-fer

  39. brian miller says:

    a man who was terribly bold
    ended up catching the mold
    as hard as he scrubbed
    while in the tub
    it continued to keep a firm hold.

  40. A gal who was terribly bold
    Fought her battles in armor, we’re told.
    Joan of Arc was her name
    And she ended in flame
    But at least she’d not suffered from cold.

  41. Since the crocus, in colors so bold,
    And narcissus, bright yellow and gold,
    Deck the garden this spring
    In its usual bling,
    Tell me: WHY IS IT SO F***ING COLD?!

  42. Sue Dulley says:

    Spring started a few days ago
    For those who don’t live Down Below.
    So remember, you all,
    In New Zealand it’s Fall
    Now it’s their turn for six months of snow.

  43. Sue Dulley says:

    A couple well known to be bold,
    Decided a party to hold.
    The theme: “Rock Of Ages”
    (That movie’s outrageous!) -
    That evening some rocked, some just rolled.

  44. Sue Dulley says:

    It’s Spring! Time for clothing more bold
    While each 13-to-15-year-old
    Will do up all their snaps
    And put on woolly caps -
    It’s not cool to dress warm when it’s cold.

  45. Charley Simmons says:

    A man who was terribly bold
    Rolled nine strikes in a row I’ve been told.
    He leaped in the air,
    With arrogant flair,
    Racked his balls, now his game is on hold.

  46. kkkkaty says:

    A girl who was terribly bold
    told her fiance he was too old.
    For when performing,
    it was not according
    to Viagra’s prescription as sold!

  47. kkkkaty says:

    A woman who frequently bowled
    swung her big hips widely as she strolled,
    which gave her the curve
    needed to make the ball swerve;
    No wonder all ten pins flipped and rolled

  48. kkkkaty says:

    A man who was terribly bold
    sent his wife to an asylum cold
    Able to break the lock,
    she sold all his stock
    From the on she had all the control

  49. Tim James says:

    On March 25th I awoke
    To the sixth day of “spring.” (That’s a joke.)
    ‘Stead of winter retreating,
    Buds blooming, birds tweeting,
    Three inches of snow! Spring is broke!

  50. yt cai says:

    A wife who was vindictive and bold
    Fed hubby chicken that was weeks old
    by making it cajun
    the flavor was ragin’
    Ten minutes later it was toilet bowled

  51. Edmund Conti says:

    When the sun up there is at zenith
    O’er the equator then what does it meaneth?
    Well, the tilt of the axis
    Means it’s time for your taxes
    And the earth, like a woman, in-leaneth.

  52. Sue Dulley says:

    A woman, not timid or bold,
    In a class for Hot Yoga enrolled.
    You could see at a glance
    Through her new Lulu pants
    So she switched to the normal kind (cold).

  53. Sue Dulley says:

    There are mysteries. One of the oldest:
    Why does “Spring” start when winter is coldest?
    Also – “Limerick-off Monday”
    Begins first thing Sunday???
    No one else asked? I must be the boldest.

  54. Sue Dulley says:

    Full moon out there! shiny and bold
    Like the sun but not hot; icy cold.
    I’m Moonstruck tonight
    By this heavenly sight
    That got Nick Cage and Cher uncontrolled.

  55. Edmund Conti says:

    A man who was terribly bold
    Decided his shoes should be soled
    But he wasn’t well-heeled
    (does the reader now yield?)
    Yes, they had to be sold, so it’s told.

  56. Diane Groothuis says:

    Young evangelist trying to be bold
    When he’d just stepped out of the fold
    Said “Maa’m I’m on a mission
    This is my position”
    “I’m married” he curtly was told.

  57. PRINTER’S DEVIL
    (A typographical soap opera)

    There once was a Courier Bold
    Who was, at Times, Roamin’, I’m told;
    For he had that Type Face
    That led gals to disgrace,
    And his Serifs? A joy to behold.

    At the end of the line, smooth as talcum,
    He’d find Widows and Orphans, and stalcum.
    Then he’d woo them a while
    In a Goudy Old Style,
    ‘Til at home he was no longer walcum.

    His wife Arial, sick with frustration,
    Was burning with humiliation.
    “I’ll Gill him!” she cried,
    And went flush on each side
    (For she knew she had Justification).

    Her husband soon learned to beware her,
    And went all italic in terror.
    Claimed he, “What you’ve heard
    Is completely absurd:
    It’s a mere typographical error!”

    But his wife cried, “Too late! I don’t care if
    You deny it, or call for the sheriff!”
    Her fury still burning,
    She tightened his kerning…
    (Her husband is now a Sans-Serif).

  58. Edmund Conti says:

    Well, Will, I can’t Like these here, but they are not unappreciated.

  59. Edmund Conti says:

    A man who was terribly bold
    Decided there’s money in mold
    He made a big killin’
    (Black marker penicillin)
    Now wither that zither of old?

  60. Sue Dulley says:

    Will’s poem isn’t written in Bold
    Or italics or script that looks old,
    But I must underline
    That his work is so fine
    That “We Like it” he needs to be told.

  61. perfect for today… give us rights as humans thank you

  62. Mephistopheles, ever so bold,
    A Droid in his service enrolled.
    It amazes me — not
    That a soul has been bought,
    But the thought that a ‘Bot has been souled.

  63. A pervert believed he was bold,
    As the Internet chat-rooms he trolled…
    All the while unaware
    Every “little girl” there
    Was a man over fifty years old.

  64. A bell-ringer, lusty and bold,
    Wished a lass in his arms to enfold…
    But a bell made of brass
    Fell and flattened his ass:
    Said the girl, “Now his tail has been tolled!”

  65. THE BALLAD OF BAD BILLY BULDER

    Bill Bulder the Bad was a bold
    Brutish brigand in Holland of old.
    He’d rob and he’d pillage
    From village to village…
    Of Billy, this story is told:

    In Leyden, the Boat-Builders Guild
    Was extremely accomplished and skilled.
    To bank all their guilders,
    Those busy Boat-Builders
    Decided a storehouse to build.

    When told of their gold — and no wonder! –
    Bill Bulder the Builders did plunder.
    He broke out of hidin’
    And lit out for Leyden…
    But then made a terrible blunder.

    For when he broke in, and he filled
    His pockets with gold from the Guild,
    His pants were too small
    To have room for it all,
    And out of his trousers it spilled.

    The Guildsmen ran off at full tilt,
    And followed the guilders Bill’d spilt
    To where he was holed up
    A-piling his gold up –
    The gilt told the Guildsmen his guilt.

    This galled the good Guild. Willy-nilly,
    They boldly de-balled bully Billy.
    When he saw he’d been gelded,
    Bill faltered and fèll dead.
    The moral is… (Oh, don’t be silly!

    The words whirl around and around,
    But no meaning will ever be found.
    It’s a verse for Mad Kane, meant
    As pure entertainment:
    I did this one just for the sound.)

  66. Sue Dulley says:

    Pure gold, Will T.

  67. Sue Dulley says:

    There once was a poet named Will T.
    Whose limericks never were Fill T.
    His rhymes and his tales
    Flew right off the scales –
    If I dared to compete, Id feel gill T.

  68. Misky says:

    I had so much fun reading these!

  69. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    tours de force, will t … bravo!

  70. Thanks, Jamie; though…

    Compared to Mad Kane or Craig Dykstra
    I’m a toddler riding his trykstra.
    Of course, you and Sue
    are fine lim’ricists, too,
    And if I were on Facebook, I’d lykstra.

  71. > “Whose limericks never were Fill T.”

    Well, Sue… when I pull out the stops,
    My standard of decency drops.
    But if I were to post ‘em,
    The web sites that host ‘em
    Would soon be shut down by the cops.

  72. Sue Dulley says:

    Perhaps, Will, it’s ex-aggeration
    And certainly extrapolation
    To say yours are ‘never’
    Offensive – whatever -
    Let’s say there’s no queasy sensation.

  73. Laurie Macdonald Baker says:

    I’m glad my Mother was bold
    Even tho at times she would scold
    For I grew up to be cheeky
    And a little bit freaky,
    That’s a legacy I need to uphold!

  74. Tom Hale says:

    A woman who frequently bowled,
    Got frostbitten fingers—that’s cold.
    Said, “I ain’t defeated:
    My toes were well heated!”
    And boldly with her tootsies rolled.

  75. John Larkin says:

    A man who was terribly bold
    put all of his money in gold.
    But when all strife did cease
    and the world was at peace,
    the plunge left our man in the cold.

  76. Tom Harris says:

    The woman who frequently bowled
    In the magazine ads of old,
    In her Maidenform Bra,
    Made the guys ooh and aah.
    I bet she was brazen and bold.

  77. JulesPaige says:

    A fellow who frequently bowled
    Used bocce balls, I was told
    For duck pins at the alley
    Most ended up in the valley -
    Side lanes, so his scores, they weren’t that bold!

  78. Spring flutters in, fabulous flirt,
    Flicks winter’s last snows from her skirt.
    Released from storm’s prison,
    Our garden hopes risen,
    We neighbors are sharing the dirt.

  79. WAITING FOR SCOTUS

    Sure, DOMA’s defenders are bold:
    Straight marriage’s doom they’ve foretold!
    And yet it’s been posited
    That many are closeted –
    Their conscience for power they’ve sold.

    Nonetheless, it must make them feel bitter
    When they’re lectured by “Diaper Dave” Vitter,
    Or when naughty Newt Gingrich
    Makes statements that ring rich
    With claims that HIS marriage is fitter.

    When a Congressman mourns for the sanctity
    Of marriage, on this you can bànk: that he
    Has a mistress or lover
    he keeps under cover
    With whom he’s had hanctity-panctity.

    (For this last verse, I’m gonna get spanctity.)

  80. A man was terribly bold,
    found his waist coat had frayed at the fold.
    He discovered a draft,
    in his fore and his aft.
    So, he sheepishly tucked in his rolls.

    …Okay, so it’s weak…

  81. Sue Dulley says:

    You could call Iginla’s move bold
    From hot Flame to a bird that loves cold
    But it’s not like the day
    Gretzky moved to L.A.
    When it seemed like a soul had been sold.

  82. Very funny limericks!

  83. Diane Groothuis says:

    A froggy exceedingly bold
    On a lily – pad out in the cold
    Said “Knee – deep and croak
    I think I will choke
    Being green is quite hard to uphold”

  84. Diane Groothuis says:

    A limerick temptress so bold
    Her poetic banner unrolled
    And proceeded to chime
    “I speak better in rhyme”
    And I’m glad on my genre you’re sold”.

  85. Rachel says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Was seen riding out in the cold
    With pants like a cape
    Tied around her nape
    And underwear painted bright gold.

    She scooted around the city
    Proudly drying her pants for free
    Jaws dropped and eyes popped
    But she was not stopped -
    ‘Wonder Woman’ too must do laundry.

  86. Carolyn Henly says:

    King Midas was ever so bold
    As to ask for the pow’r to make gold.
    Though he should’na oughter
    He transformed his daughter
    And now finds his wife very cold.

  87. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Said: “The whole world is there to behold!
    So I’m off, if you please,
    To travel the seas
    Before I return to the fold.”

  88. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Rejected the virtues extolled
    On tablets of stone
    And parables shown
    In the Testaments, both New and Old.

  89. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Declared she could not be controlled,
    And what’s more, her Mum
    Could not keep her from
    Her beau,who had just been paroled.

  90. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Promoted investments in gold,
    And disparaged the views
    Of stockpickers whose
    Opinions she gleefully trolled.

  91. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Came down with a terrible cold,
    And remarked to the nurse:
    “If it gets any worse,
    Use the remedy made out of mold.”

  92. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Had tax shelters she wanted rolled.
    Her accountant advised:
    “I should not be surprised
    If the IRS tries to withhold.”

  93. Tim James says:

    This week Ms. Kane has set the rhyme word: bold.
    I must admit this left me high and dry.
    My lim’rick muse forsook me, truth be told,
    A sonnet, then, is what I’m going to try.

    “But wait!” I hear you say. “You can’t do that!
    This contest isn’t called a Sonnet-Off!”
    Although I have no wish to cause a spat,
    At such a cavil I politely scoff.

    If Shakespeare knew the lim’rick form back then
    He’d write up naughty verses night and day.
    No rules of style or form would stop his pen,
    So wherefore with the sonnet can’t I play?

    Alas, I’m not as gifted as the Bard.
    I fear I’m hoist upon my own petard.

    *****

    My attitude wasn’t too bold
    When my limerick mojo went cold.
    But my muse is a joker
    (I really could choke her).
    How firmly she has me controlled!

  94. Tim James
    Is more inspired than he claims.
    Say, Tim, that’s a wonderful sonnet; but can you write a clerihew?
    I derihew.

  95. To write a verse at all, you must be bold.
    Forget about the rules, and just begin –
    Write out your heart, and tell the world: behold!

    Although the limerick’s the verse extolled
    By Mad, and the competitors herein,
    To write a verse at all, you must be bold;

    So who am I (or anyone) to scold?
    To write your inspiration is no sin.
    Write out your heart, and tell the world: behold!

    And likewise, always doing what you’re told
    The versifier’s way has never been.
    To write a verse at all, you must be bold.

    Thus, even if your inspiration’s cold,
    Your gait flatfooted, or your ear of tin,
    Write out your heart, and tell the world: behold!

    True poetry will not be pigeonholed,
    So go ahead…
    … … … Just don’t expect to win.
    To write a verse at all, you must be bold:
    Write out your heart, and tell the world: behold!

  96. Ooh. It just occurred to me that stanza 5 of my last one might seem rude if anybody thought it was addressed to them — ‘specially Tim, of whom I am in awe. It isn’t. Sorry.

  97. Dr. Goose says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Thought the market was too oversold:
    “According to Graham,
    Whose disciple I am,
    It’s the right time to buy and to hold.”

  98. Nelderini says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Wore a mini e’en when it was cold
    If her father could know
    She was sportin’ some toe
    She’d be grounded, but that’s how she rolled.

  99. Nelderini says:

    A gal who was terribly bold
    Held a grudge that was 20 years old
    A rude photo her ex took
    She posted on Facebook
    Revenge is a dish best served cold.

  100. Vaccinius says:

    THE BOLD BOY

    A boy who was terribly bold,
    although he was not at all old,
    complained on the price
    on offered fruit ice.
    He said: Please do not make me cold!

  101. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Congratulations to our Limerick of the Week winner, the Spring-Themed Limerick Award Winner, the Limerick Saga Award Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners!
    Limerick of the Week 107

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Ill-Bred Limerick