Posts Tagged ‘Gary Henderson’

Limerick-Off Award (291)

Saturday, February 3rd, 2018

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

If I thought I might want to expend
Tons of cash on a porn star, I’d fend
Off that notion tout de suite.
By my wife I’d get beat,
And on Twitter I’d doubtlessly trend.

Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the Special Impatience-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

You buttonhole me in the queue
And boast of the wonders of you —
But frankly, my dear,
I’m in no mood to hear,
For I’m dying to go to the loo.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, Sharon Neeman, Gary Henderson, David Reddekopp, Michael Moulton, Kirk Miller, Perry Plouff, Brian Allgar, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“PENNED” RHYME DIVISION)

Dave Johnson:

He told her he had to expend
Some “quality time” with a friend.
Her answer was snide:
“Were you staying inside,
Then falling asleep in the end?”

Sharon Neeman:

“He’s a writer,” you say of your… “friend” —
But what has he actually penned?
You clothe him and feed him
And think that you need him.
He’s mooching! Wise up! Make it end!

Gary Henderson:

The Donald asked Stormy to bend,
And to lift up her ample rear end.
“I’ll be happy to try,”
She said with a sigh,
“Once you take off that yellow Depend.”

David Reddekopp:

So now that I’m older, I tend
To lose my shit, out my rear end.
And since there’s a chance
That I’ll poop in my pants,
That means on Depends I depend.

Mike Moulton:

Donald Trump, from the tweets that you’ve penned,
It is clear you think Putin’s our friend.
When he hacked our election,
He got an erection,
And we all get screwed in the end.

Kirk Miller:

Read a book Chubby Checker had penned,
Recommended to me by a friend.
It’s a mystery, so
I suppose you should know
That the book has a twist at the end.

Perry Plouff:

And so now I’m obliged to defend
All the poems I never have penned.
I can’t think of a rhyme
For the rhyme word this time,
So my rhyming is now at an end.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (IMPATIENCE LIMERICK DIVISION)

Dave Johnson:

This tailgater thought he could say:
“Hey buddy, get outta my way!”
My foot disagreed;
An appropriate speed
Is causing him further delay.

Brian Allgar:

The voters impatiently wait
For their country again to be great.
But despite what Trump said,
It’s a shithole instead –
If you vote for shit, shit is your fate.

David Reddekopp:

They’re taking their time, and I worry
Whose favor do I have to curry?
I would hate to be late
For my date – I can’t wait!
O God, grant me patience, but hurry!

Tim James:

For the mafia doc things are bleak,
And he’s now in a high state of pique.
It’s the local D.A.’s
That have caused this malaise:
They’ve been trying his patients all week.

Dave Johnson:

“Get going!” he yells at the cars;
“What’s taking so long?” in the bars.
If the future were here,
He’d probably sneer:
“Too slow!” on a shuttle to Mars.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Limerick of the Week (210)

Saturday, April 25th, 2015

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to GARY HENDERSON, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Since her kitty was always quite wet,
She consulted the neighborhood vet.
He prodded and poked.
“I’d do more,” he half joked,
“But really, we’ve only just met!”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Sue Dulley, Kirk Miller, Fred Bortz, Charley Simmons, Will T. Laughlin, Allen Wilcox, Dave Johnson, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Brian Allgar:

He was famed for superb “Crepes Suzette”;
All the food critics loved him, and yet
In his “Beef Cannelloni”
Were kitten and pony –
The chef bought supplies from a vet.

Sue Dulley:

A man tours the world on a jet
While thousands of dollars in debt.
“Thank goodness” he smiles
“For aeroplan miles,
Or I might have to sell the Corvette.”

Kirk Miller:

In southeastern Asia I met
A veterinarian, Brett.
He has moved to the States.
His competitor hates
That he says he’s a Vietnam vet.

Fred Bortz:

A vigorous volatile vet
Had a vibrating viperous pet.
Voracious for voles,
It victimized moles.
His rattler’s named “Rodents’ Regret.”

Charley Simmons:

A gal took her hound to the vet
With a story he hadn’t heard yet:
“I bent over this morning.
He jumped me — no warning.
Trim his nails. He’s my favorite pet.”

Will T. Laughlin:

When the kids go to bed, don’t forget:
We must always take care not to let
Grandpa put ’em to sleep.
Though his kindness runs deep,
He’s forgetful … and once was a vet.

Allen Wilcox:

Those running so far are all wet.
We know little about them, and yet,
They’re all dogs, one can see–
Almost all GOP.
It’s clear that they all need a vet.

Dave Johnson:

The sax player wanted to vet
A new drummer to join his quintet.
Her style was just right
And he hoped that he might
One day soon get to play with her set.

Tim James:

She’s a sight that I’ll never forget:
Lean and muscular, curvy and wet.
I caress her, and she
Opens up, welcomes me.
I so loves me that cherry-red ’Vette.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!