Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RAIL or DERAIL at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using RAIL or DERAIL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to the WINTER OLYMPICS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WINTER OLYMPICS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 18, 2018 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 17, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

I frequently travel by rail
And would rather ride trains than set sail,
Cuz a train was the place
Where I first saw the face
Of my husband … plus torso and tail.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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104 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RAIL or DERAIL at the end of any one line”

  1. Sharon Neeman says:

    The Winter Olympics, for Dee,
    Aren’t the same as for you or for me.
    Though she loves the games so,
    To Pyeong-chang she won’t go,
    And she won’t watch the sports on TV.

    No, not daunted by snow, ice or hail
    Or how loudly her husband might rail,
    She will run, jump and crawl
    And come home with a haul
    From the best game: the Groundhog’s Day Sale!

  2. Jesse Levy says:

    The Right is trying to derail
    (But of course it will only fail)
    The whole investigation
    Of Russian infiltration.
    I hope they all go to jail.

  3. brian allgar says:

    Why on earth was the President sent
    To the Winter Olympics? This gent,
    The obese Donald Trump,
    Couldn’t run, ski or jump,
    But won gold in the ‘downhill’ event.

  4. brian allgar says:

    “This guy Mueller?” the Donald would rail,
    “Believe me, he’s going to fail!”
    But despite all his shills
    And Monopoly skills,
    He still got the card “GO TO JAIL”.

  5. brian allgar says:

    Tainted meat

    On a windy day, out for a sail,
    The Donald fell over the rail.
    Well, the sharks came to sniff,
    But they all took one whiff
    And then fled from this foul-smelling whale.

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Please don’t rant and rail
    For someday you will prevail
    Now just go home
    And write another poem
    Which again will indubitably fail”

  7. Judith H Block says:

    It’s sad how a flaw can derail
    One’s great plans- oh, what a sad tale!
    A pimple on your face;
    Feel you’ve fallen from grace.
    You look in the mirror and wail.

  8. Judith H Block says:

    When deciding I should travel by rail,
    AMTRAK’s Acela’s the best without fail.
    The bathroom has more space,
    The train has faster pace,
    Oh yes, the quiet- another detail.

  9. Craig says:

    Please forgive me a bit while I rail
    ‘Bout this nasty new veggie called kale
    But I cook mine in oil,
    So it takes much less toil
    To scrape from the pan to the pail.

  10. Kirk Miller says:

    Back and forth at each other they’d rail.
    Mediation was to no avail.
    They were so far apart,
    That I knew from the start
    That the mime talks were destined to fail.

  11. Bob Dvorak says:

    :

    They don’t do “it” while traveling by rail,
    Nor on airplanes, nor under a sail.
    Says the woman, with woe,
    “In and out?… To and fro.
    Proper motion gets lost in the male.”

  12. Dave Johnson says:

    The Winter Olympiad show;
    Here’s something you might need to know:
    Skiing for gold
    Can be bracing and bold,
    While curling is numbingly slow.

  13. Marty Gerendasy says:

    The ship had just started to sail
    When the wind started blowing a gale.
    Made the crew feel uneasy,
    They began to feel queasy,
    Soon they had to lean over the rail.

  14. Craig says:

    On a long, boring journey by rail
    I got offered a fine piece of tail:
    “Could you be the guy
    To help miles pass by?”
    So of course I replied “You’ve got male!”

  15. Craig says:

    On a cross-country journey by rail
    Had my world rocked by Sheila and Gail
    Now the Mile High Club
    Is for amateurs, bub.
    It’s the Mile Long Club for THIS male.

  16. Mike Moulton says:

    Trump likes to rant and to rail
    About UrAsia’s uranium sale,
    But it’s simply bad acting
    In the hope of distracting
    His base with another tall tale.

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “City of New Orleans” is a rail
    Which leaves from Chicago without fail
    The mattress is real lumpy
    And the ride is so bumpy
    That’s it’s worse than that night you spent in jail

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    (a voice from the Windy City)

    The Olympics are a silly trend
    To which no one should attend
    When the final vote was cast
    Chicago came in last
    Care for a sour grape, my friend?

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    above limerick should read: When the FINAL vote was cast

    Mad can you please change it? Thank you

    ^^^^^

    Done.

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Olympics are absolutely sterling!
    I was going to participate in hurling
    But as hairdressers know
    We must put on quite a show
    So I changed my event to curling

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    I scolded my daughter, Gail
    Because she looked pathetically pale
    While at the mall
    She took quite a fall
    Because she didn’t hold on to derail

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    My boss used to rant and rail
    His memory will forever prevail
    He said I was a slob
    At my bookkeeping job
    Because I always left a paper trail

  23. scott says:

    Though shaken and still very pale,
    Unconsciousness lifted it’s veil,
    And as he awoke,
    A little voice spoke,
    “You shouldn’t pee on the third rail.”

  24. scott says:

    The skaters will glide on the ice,
    Routines well-rehearsed and precise,
    And we shall embrace,
    All the beauty and grace,
    Yet, every four years will suffice.

  25. Mike Moulton says:

    A hungry young hobo named Gail,
    Found food when she traveled by rail
    “So what if it’s free?”
    She said without glee,
    “If it’s nothing but crates full of kale.”

  26. Mike Moulton says:

    The right wing had hoped to derail
    The effects of the Trump-Russia tale
    But the memo released,
    Only increased
    The chances Trump’s next term’s in jail.

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    EXPLANATION OF WINDY CITY LIMERICK

    When a vote was cast as to where the Winter Olympics should be held, we
    in Chicago were amazed that our city came in LAST !!!

  28. There’s no need to rant and rail—
    Trump’s steering; it’s time to bail!
    Whether satanic
    or merely titanic,
    he’s Ahab and we’re his White Whale!

  29. Tim James says:

    I’m skinny, a virtual rail,
    And I tip one-fifteen on the scale.
    People say, “You should eat!
    Try some wholesome white meat!”
    But from chicken and turkey I quail.

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    While riding on the rail
    I met a little snail
    His name was S. Cargo
    He was going to Fargo
    To search for his missing tail

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    I always took the rail
    To meet the perfect male
    But just like the rhymes
    I’ve entered a thousand times
    My trips were to no avail

  32. Sharon Neeman says:

    Allow me a moment to rail:
    Doritos is way off the trail.
    Launching quieter chips
    For the ladies’ sweet lips
    Is a sexist, predictable fail.

    Lady Doritos

  33. Tim James says:

    I expect my poetic license will be revoked over this one…

    He stood on the deck, at the rail,
    Screaming curses at some stupid whale.
    Pretty soon, an attack!
    And the whale killed the whack.
    Who am *I*? You may call me IshMAEL.

  34. Judith H Block says:

    Against Trump, I will holler and rail,
    Repub policies I will assail.
    We must protest, resist,
    We can never desist,
    There’s so much at stake, we cannot fail.

  35. David Reddekopp says:

    The treasonous Trump has a tale
    Which surely should put him in jail
    He’d collude, sure as shootin’
    With Vladimir Putin
    He should ride out of town on a rail.

  36. David Reddekopp says:

    The officials won’t cut any slack
    If you cheat, you’ll be catching some flack
    You’re a dope if you dope
    And you haven’t a hope
    And your medal? Well, nope, give it back!

  37. Titia Schuurman says:

    Should we travel by road or by rail?
    Take the plane, or the bus? Should we sail?
    For Elon, there’s no doubt:
    he sent his Roadster out,
    and Space Teslas are now on presale.

  38. P Diane Schneider says:

    To the “Chief” some of us didn’t hail
    We deem him an unworthy male
    So crass and so rude
    We’re not in the mood
    To contemplate paying his bail

  39. P Diane Schneider says:

    To the “Chief some of us didn’t hail
    That disagreeable male
    We’re seeking in vain
    To lessen our pain
    And hoping his train will derail

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    While riding on the luxury rail
    I noticed the infamous Dan Quayle
    He ordered a potato
    But was served a tomato
    Because he still hadn’t learned to spail

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    YEARS OF WATCHING THE OLYMPICS

    If you try out for the Olympics, you need to know
    Something nasty, but although
    Suffice it to say
    It’s a sure-fire way
    You must let part of your pretty crotch show

  42. Victoria Thomas says:

    Our country was united by rail,
    Brought people and delivered the mail,
    Built their greatness on immigrant sweat,
    Their papers no one bothered to vet,
    Remember now their American tale.

  43. Sharon Neeman says:

    With skates or with skis or with sled,
    Winter sports make a hole in my head.
    The most excellent form
    Is to stay where it’s warm
    With hot chocolate and early to bed.

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    I spent forty dollars for the rail
    And ten for the coffee, (it was stale)
    But it was worth the trip
    I did my “happy flip”
    ‘Cause the socks were fifty cents on sale !!!

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    Each week she took the rail
    To meet her secret male
    But it wasn’t meant to be
    So eventually she
    Came home in this classic film noir tale

    (can you guess it?)

  46. Kirk Miller says:

    Hockey team is quite fit and fettle.
    At Olympics, they just won’t settle
    For the silver or bronze.
    They won’t rest ’til each dons
    Highest hockey award: the goaled medal.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    YOU EITHER GET THIS OR SAY, “WHAT??”

    John Gotti was riding the rail
    Till he got caught and sent to jail
    He put so many hits
    On guys (just the pits)
    But Armani posted his bail

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was riding the local rail
    When I noticed a handsome male
    We went on a spree
    Though married was he
    (just a minor detail)

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    (Boy, I’m spending a lot of time on that rail !)

    I was riding the Amtrak rail
    When I saw this big-nosed male
    “It has an advantage” said he
    “To a large degree”
    “Cause only once a day I inhale”

  50. Tim James says:

    The Olympic to-do won’t abate;
    To the hype, though, I just can’t relate.
    They can luge, sled and ski,
    But it means naught to me.
    When it comes on the telly, I skate.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    OR ANOTHER VERSION

    I was riding the Amtrak rail
    When I noticed a big-nosed male
    “It has an advantage”, said he
    “For a GUY LIKE ME,
    ‘Cause only once a day I inhale”

  52. Nancy Stanley says:

    Yes, we’re all getting used to the tale
    the Prez thinks he’s so ‘Alpha Male’
    But from his tweeting fingers
    There’s no doubt that lingers
    His crazy train’s gonna derail

  53. Jim says:

    .
    Run out of town on a rail
    Tarred and feathered, by the tail
    Shackled hand and foot
    Force fed ginger root
    Enemy one, there’s no bail
    ..

  54. Sharon Neeman says:

    Winter Olympics

    Allow me a serious doubt
    As to what these events are about,
    And why players and fans
    Take their lives in their hands
    Where *I* wouldn’t let a dog out.

  55. Perry Plouff says:

    An Englishman drinks at the rail.
    In Yorkshire it’s beer in a pail.
    But now the truth’s out:
    An Irishman’s stout
    Makes him round, unlike drinking blonde ale.

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    back on that rail again

    I was on the Metra rail
    When I met the perfect male
    You’ll never hear him whine
    His mood is constantly fine
    He just keeps on wagging his tail

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    I must rant and rail
    Take me along to another damn sale? !!!
    (Don’t tell her I’ll express
    When she tries on a dress
    I’ll say “You look just like a fat beached whale!”)

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    REVISION

    I HAVE to rant and rail
    You’re DRAGGING me to another damn sale?!!!!
    (Don’t tell her I’ll express
    When she tries on a dress
    I’ll say, “You look like a fat beached whale!”)

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    I took a Long and Winding rail
    To a Magical Mystery trail
    At Penny Lane
    We saw another train
    And that, Michelle, is the end of my tale

  60. Sharon Neeman says:

    Here’s a Winter O. sports list for me:
    Drinking contests — hot chocolate and tea;
    Carpool driving in hail;
    Dash through snow for the mail;
    Pairs of socks worn at once (I’ve scored three!).

  61. Fred Bortz says:

    In pursuit of the holiest grail,
    Don’t ever let Trumpkin derail
    Your quest to have had
    Been anointed by Mad
    As a lim’rick-off champion–all hail!

    When the news of the week is absurd,
    And you want to flip POTUS the bird,
    Use razor sharp wit
    To expose that dumb sh*t.
    And you’ll win Mad Kane’s prize (so I’ve heard).

  62. Fred Bortz says:

    The judge from each country inspects
    Every move that the couple selects
    For their dance on the ice.
    So they heed this advice:
    You can win if you simulate sex.

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    As a “senior” my mind’s getting “stale”
    I know someone’s name, but then I fail
    To remember the place
    Where I’ve seen that face
    I didn’t think my train of thought would derail

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    MAD:
    Please change “I didn’t KNOW my train” to I didn’t THINK my train

    thank you

    ^^^^
    Done.

  65. Sharon Neeman says:

    He was shabby and thin as a rail;
    He was scruffy and windblown and pale —
    But alas (what a pain)
    The Wiz gave him a brain…
    Scarecrow’s now in the White House! All hail!

  66. Kirk Miller says:

    They do not want mass transit to fail.
    In an effort to make it prevail,
    Its proponents have tried
    Working from the inside.
    They are trying to fast track high speed rail.

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    SYLLABLE CHANGE

    As a senior, my mind’s getting stale
    I know someone’s name, but then I fail
    To remember the place
    Where I’ve seen that face
    MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT IS ABOUT TO DERAIL

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    REVISION

    As a senior, my mind’s getting stale
    I will know some one’s name but then fail
    To remember the place
    Where I’ve spotted that face
    As my train of thought starts to derail

  69. brian allgar says:

    She was climbing the exercise rail
    When she felt something hard in her tail.
    It was Vlad, her instructor
    Who’d climbed up and fucked her,
    His favorite way to impale.

  70. brian allgar says:

    Donald’s clutching the solid gold rail
    In the bathroom. The pain makes him wail;
    He’s straining his ass,
    But the motion won’t pass –
    Another Republican fail.

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    Every day she took the rail
    To visit her father, (very frail)
    But she didn’t mind the train
    And never would complain
    In this “Rizzoli’s” Christmas tale

    (hint: Robert De Niro)

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    My wife would rant and rail
    ‘Cause I said her meals tasted stale
    So I tried to cook
    And it tasted like gook
    Never again will I attempt to assail

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    Jack and Jill took the rail
    To fetch some water at the famous Mt. Vail
    Jack suddenly fell
    (Landed right in the well)
    Then Jill plowed head first into the pail

  74. Dave Johnson says:

    The mockingbird sat on a rail;
    Then later, it started to hail.
    It’s corny and trite
    When I’d much rather write
    How Donald Trump wound up in jail.

  75. Dave Johnson says:

    When hiking, we know of a trail
    So steep, they provided a rail.
    It’s handy and nice,
    Such a thoughtful device
    If you hate sliding down on your tail.

  76. brian allgar says:

    Said the Donald, “Them Winter Olympics?
    I wonder who Rocket Man Kim picks
    To compete at PyongYang?
    Believe me, his gang
    Will all be sad losers and limp dicks.”

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    ‘OLD GEEZER RIVER

    We don’t need to rant and rail
    If Donald don’t lift that bail
    Or tote that barge
    Then by and large
    He just might land himself in jail

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS !!

    There’s no need to rant and rail
    If Donald don’t lift that BALE !!
    Or tote that barge
    ‘Cause by and large
    He might just land himself in jail

  79. Dave Johnson says:

    When Eddie “The Eagle” did soar,
    From the crowd came a thunderous roar.
    His flight would abort
    Many meters too short;
    The Olympics then showed him the door.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    When your date takes you to the famous Brass Rail
    Order the garlic chicken; it’s never stale
    They make it “just right”
    You’ll savor every bite
    And for the rest of the evening, don’t exhale

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    If you dine at the Brass Rail
    Order the garlic steak (never stale)
    They cook it “just right”
    You’ll enjoy every bite
    Just remember not to exhale

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    The hooker did rant and rail
    Because her “client” did purposely fail
    To pay her that night
    Then told her, despite:
    “Darling, the check’s in the mail”

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    The hooker did rant and rail
    At a “client” who would purposely fail
    To pay her that night
    Then told her despite:
    “My Dear, the check’s in the mail”

  84. Dave Johnson says:

    Mad- Please change line 4 in my posting above to read:
    “Many meters too short;” for slightly better uh, meter.

    Thanks, Dave
    *****

    Done. :)

  85. Dave Johnson says:

    That skater could glide on the ice;
    Then spin in the air – even thrice!
    However, we saw
    She had one tiny flaw:
    Kneecapping your rival’s not nice.

  86. Perry Plouff says:

    Once again, I’m on poesy’s trail,
    But my tracking, so far, is a fail.
    I just can’t get a rhyme
    More than half of the time,
    And my meter’s run right off the rail.

  87. Ken Gosse says:

    Time Off for No Behaviour ~
    I think I derailed in December,
    Or perhaps it was even November.
    Thought all seemed to fail,
    I won’t rant or rail.
    That’s last year–not sure I remember.

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    We all attempt to “nail”
    The prize which tells a tale:
    A cute or funny verse
    That must be rather terse
    This week the word is “rail”

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    MURDER ON THE LIMERICK EXPRESS

    In this haunting epic tale
    Which takes place on a rail
    Every one’s a killer
    It’s really quite a thriller
    ‘Cause no one goes to jail

  90. Lisi Nortman says:

    THE OLYMPICS TRY OUTS

    Trying out for the Olympics? (you must know)
    Something nasty, but although,
    Suffice it to say
    It’s a sure-fire way
    Just let part of your pretty crotch show

  91. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    MURDER ON THE LIMERICK EXPRESS

    In this haunting epic tale
    Which takes place on a LUXURY rail
    Every one’s a killer
    It’s QUITE a thriller
    Cause no one goes to jail

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE: THE LIMERICK PRIZE

    We all attempt to “nail”
    The prize which tells a tale:
    A cute little verse
    That should be terse
    And the word of the week is “rail”

  93. Nate Levin says:

    The Repubs…how I hope doomed to fail
    As they eye the familiar third rail
    With their benefits axe–
    May their inhuman whacks
    And their nonsense become a “no sale”.

  94. Dave Johnson says:

    Last winter and how it was spent:
    The snow always came – never went.
    Our shovels we’d fill,
    But the driveway was still
    A downhill Olympic event.

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    We took the “maiden” high speed rail
    From New York, destined to Vail
    But it went too fast
    We were all aghast
    When we arrived at the Ho Chi Minh Trail

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    The 2016 campaign did sorrowfully fail
    To be vigorous enough to derail
    An incompetent choice
    With a smarter voice
    In hopes that our country will still prevail

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS! I MADE A SERIOUS MISTAKE

    The 2016 campaign did sorrowfully fail
    To be vigorous enough to derail
    An incompetent choice
    With a CLUELESS voice
    We hope that our country will still prevail

  98. Craig says:

    Forgive me a bit while I rail
    About airport security’s fail.
    If I fondled you
    Like the TSA do
    My behavior would land me in jail!

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    HOOKER’S LAMENT

    The hooker had every right to rail
    Because her “client” did purposely fail
    To pay her that night
    And told her, despite,
    “DON’T WORRY, MY DEAR, THE CHECK’S IN THE MAIL”

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now it’s time for me to rail
    About an anthem that shouldn’t prevail
    I’ve changed the words
    To what he deserves
    It’s called, “To The Chief We Will Not Hail”

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Winter Olympics are quite a ride
    (If you like to slip and slide)
    A better choice
    For which you’ll rejoice
    Are “Mad’s Olympics” (You can stay inside)

  102. Chad Parenteau says:

    Do school shootings already pale
    compared to Trump’s constant derail?
    already we text:
    “Who will Mueller grab next?”
    And “When will Melania bail?”

  103. Carolyn Henly says:

    If you think curling’s strange, just you wait.
    It’s got brooms, rocks, and ice, but no skate.
    To get the rocks twirling,
    Best get your brain whirling:
    Do the physics of spin, speed, and weight.

  104. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 292.

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Insist.

    Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Winter Olympics-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.

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