Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: INSIST or PERSIST or ASSIST or CYST at the end of any one line

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using INSIST or PERSIST or ASSIST or CYST at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to HAIR, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best HAIR-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on March 4, 2018 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 3, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

Ev’ry day I succumb to distractions
And lose track of my plans and transactions.
I’ll jot notes, make a list,
But frustrations persist;
For instance, don’t make me do fractions.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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126 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: INSIST or PERSIST or ASSIST or CYST at the end of any one line”

  1. Ken Gosse says:

    De-Louse That House! ~
    Some vermin are cute, like a mouse,
    But most we resist, like a louse,
    So we must insist
    That our Congress de-cyst
    The malignancy in our White House.

  2. Linkmeister says:

    The lady stepped out of her limo
    The doorman quickly doffed his chapeau
    He said “Madam, may I assist?”
    “No, I’m here for my tryst,”
    She said boldly to the majordomo

    The man stepped aside
    And opened the entry door wide
    He said “I insist”
    She answered “You do persist!”
    And she turned away from her ride.

  3. Sharon Neeman says:

    “Little lady, you’re going to get kissed,”
    Leered the man. She laughed, “If you insist —
    But each spot your lips touch
    On my mouth, cheeks or such
    Will be met on your face by my fist.”

    “Oh, you think?” And he grabbed her long hair —
    And then suddenly flew through the air!
    As he crashed to the tiles,
    She informed him, all smiles,
    “I’m the state judo champion. So there!”

  4. The hair flap was truly a scare:
    Trump’s bald as a billiard back there!
    The whole nation laughed
    At the state of his graft;
    Now the man’s wigging out, so beware!

  5. Kirk Miller says:

    Charles Dickens could never resist
    A martini; the yearn would persist.
    So the bartender spoke
    Seven words as a joke:
    “Hey there Charlie, want Olive or Twist?”

  6. Judith H Block says:

    She rebuked him, but still he’d persist.
    He kept at it, though she would resist.
    She’d enough of this creep,
    So with one robust sweep,
    She smiled sweetly, and gave him her fist.

  7. Judith H Block says:

    The guy was as huge as a bear,
    So drunk, he slid off the bar chair;
    He took a large swig,
    Then he grabbed at her wig,
    She truly escaped by a hair.

  8. Byron Miller says:

    Though his trumped-up successes, he’ll flaunt,
    Saying, “Let’s make the deal that YOU want.”
    I just can’t trust a guy
    With his hair piled up high
    In a puffed-up big bulbous bouffant.

  9. Jean McEwen says:

    Though I wish I could cease and desist,
    I’m obsessed with my Things to Do List.
    I know it’s neurotic,
    But life’s less chaotic
    When this habit’s allowed to persist.

  10. Jean McEwen says:

    I thought that I’d reached for shampoo,
    But now the damn comb won’t go through.
    Although properly tagged,
    The wrong bottle I grabbed.
    And that’s why my hair is now goo.

  11. Val Fish says:

    If you fancy a man with hair
    Betwixt nose and lips, then beware
    A prickly tash
    Can give you a rash
    If he dares to venture down there.

  12. Lisi Nortman says:

    Said the lady who broke her wrist
    “Don’t give up, Dear. you must persist!!
    Just keep on trying
    No use in crying
    And someday, soon, you’ll make my list”

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m in a state of utter despair
    ‘Cause I tried to lighten my hair
    I tried some bleach
    Boy, did I screech
    My head is now completely bare

  14. brian allgar says:

    Wishful thinking

    The President screams “I insist!
    No collusion! No treason! I’m pissed!”
    But Mueller just smiles;
    He’s completing his files,
    And Donald is high on his list.
    .

  15. brian allgar says:

    “So waddya think of my hair?”
    Said the Donald. She gave him a stare.
    “Well, the colour – bright yellow –
    Is odd for a fellow,
    And most of it just isn’t there.”

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    Every night I said a prayer
    Hoping to never see any gray hair
    Then I heard a voice
    Saying, You have no choice

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    MY COMPUTER DIED ON ME !!! SORRY

    Every night I said a prayer
    Asking to never see any gray hair
    Then I heard a voice
    Saying, “You have no choice,
    I have one ready, it’s already there”

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    ANOTHER VERSION OF HAIR LIMERICK

    Every night I said a prayer
    Asking to never see any gray hair
    Then I heard a voice
    Saying, “You have no choice:
    LOOK IN THE MIRROR; it’s already there”

  19. One year later I must insist
    that Trump’s pompadour hides a cyst.
    In the White House it’s spread.
    Where next will it head
    if Mueller can’t surgically assist?

  20. John Bergstrom says:

    There was a young man who’d insist
    he could shop without making a list
    “for the last seven weeks
    I’ve bought nothing but leeks
    I don’t care if my girlfriend gets pissed!”

  21. Lisi Nortman says:

    On one thing I insist
    For us to coexist
    TWO toilets in the house
    For me and my spouse
    So we won’t be accidentally pissed

  22. Lisi Nortman says:

    When men lose the hair on their crown
    There’s still some left all around
    Thus they shave their whole head
    So now instead,
    They won’t look like Bozo The Clown

  23. Jeff Knight says:

    We’re all in jeopardy, and should know to expect
    the reaper’s breath on the backs of our necks
    Am I on the list?
    It can’t be dismissed:
    I’ll take death for a thousand, Trebeck!

  24. John Bergstrom says:

    There once was a dude from Bellaire
    Who rubbed Elmer’s glue in his hair,
    When he asked “Am I chic?”
    They said “No, you’re a freak!”
    Disappointing that dude from Bellaire.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    THE PERFECT HOUSEWIFE

    “Always make a grocery list”
    (That’s what Mama used to insist)
    Apples, juice, coffee, bread
    Cookies, arsenic, cream cheese spread
    I’ll be serving vodka with a twist

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    DR QUACKBERG SAYS:

    Oh my God, look at your cyst !!
    I didn’t think one like this could exist
    It’s vey rare
    There’s none to compare
    Darling, by a frog, you’ve been kissed

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Oh, Mike, this restaurant can’t be missed
    Filet Mignon and martinis with a twist
    Two couples enjoying a meal
    What could be more ideal
    And, John, you pay the bill; I insist”

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    HOOKED ON OLD MOVIES

    There’s a Hitchcock movie that shouldn’t be missed
    You must see it; I insist
    The “plan” goes awry
    And here is why
    The KEY is the KEY in this romantic tryst

  29. Kirk Miller says:

    The woman’s distraught and is crying.
    Her hair has turned gray, so she’s trying
    To use Loving Care
    To color her hair.
    She’ll succeed or at least dye trying.

  30. Dave Johnson says:

    The Broadway production of “Hair”
    Had actors with plenty to share.
    No pious injunctions
    For wardrobe malfunctions;
    Their asses were already bare.

  31. Sharon Neeman says:

    I seem to be losing my hair,
    And I just don’t have any to spare:
    Though **I** don’t get thinner
    On no lunch or dinner,
    My hair does — it’s all so unfair!

  32. Val Fish says:

    Some men have a full head of hair
    Alas I’ve not got much up there
    Though I may lack in locks
    All the girls say my cock’s
    Compensation beyond compare.

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    When I noticed Mom’s gray hair
    I asked her if she felt despair
    She looked at me
    And said with glee:
    “They’re my silvery strands, with a sexy flair”

  34. Lisi Nortman says:

    My girlfriend felt she was in a rut
    So she went and got a bee-hive cut
    But when she went down
    And went to town
    I got a sting right in my nut

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    HAIR !!!!

    He told me that my heart he stole
    Then into the bedroom he did stroll
    “Is that Trump I see?
    You’ve jilted me!!”
    “No sweetheart, that’s my childhood troll”

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    BALDING LAMENT

    Did you see the play called “Hair?”
    It was here, there, and everywhere
    I’m not asking for much
    But such as such
    Don’t you think they would have had a spare?

  37. David Reddekopp says:

    i was nearing the end of my rope
    Would the government give me some hope?
    Their reply left me pissed:
    “If these problems persist
    They’re built into the system, so cope.”

  38. David Reddekopp says:

    He looks like a doofus, I swear it
    Why on earth would the president wear it?
    I am tempted to say
    “That is not a toupee
    For it looks a lot more like a ferret!”

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    Crabs are really fun to eat
    You wear a bib for this delicious treat
    But the kind in your hair
    Just love it there
    (Thus, very difficult to defeat)

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    MY LIMERICK VERSION OF THE PLOT OF “THE OTHERS”

    In this AMAZING film plot twist
    The ghosts of yore try and persist
    In revealing to Grace
    She must accept her place
    As she slowly fades into the mist

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    I went to the surgeon and showed him my list
    Enumerating the bumps I had on my wrist
    When I saw the bill
    I gave out a loud shrill
    “My Dear” said he, “It’s fifty dollars persist”

  42. Dave Johnson says:

    The Donald had wanted a tryst;
    With model-types, he would insist.
    Arrangements were made
    And attendees were paid;
    By then, he was totally pissed.

  43. Lisi Nortman says:

    Tonight just can’t be missed
    I’m going to a class that will assist
    Limerick-Challenged folks
    How to create some five line jokes
    I hope I won’t be dismissed

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    (NOT THAT IT MATTERS (HA HA)
    BUTCAN YOU ADD ONE WORD TO PREVIOUS LIMERICK:

    to I SURE hope I won’t be dismissed

    (Your hubby gave me a limerick lesson)

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    THIS IS WHAT MARK SAID TO DO: LET’S SEE !!

    Tonight cannot surely be missed
    (My “class” that will try to assist)
    Limerick-Challenged folks
    To write five-line jokes
    I hope that I won’t be dismissed

    (Ignore last request about SURE)

    *******
    From MBK:

    While Mark’s rules help HIM, they can be misleading. Without considering unstressed, versus stressed syllables, which he did not mention to you, they are misleading. (You did the stressed versus unstressed syllables correctly in lines 1, 2 and 5. But not in lines 2 and 3.) Counting the number of syllables in a line isn’t sufficient.

    See my longer comment attached to your limerick right above this one.

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    MARK’S RULES !!!

    Each night I say a special prayer
    I don’t want to see one gray hair
    Then I heard a voice
    “Sue, you have no choice !!”
    “Look again, it’s already there”

    *****
    From MBK:

    Lisi, please ignore Mark’s meter rules. They help HIM. But without considering unstressed, versus stressed syllables, which he did not mention to you because he wanted to make things simple, they are MISLEADING!

    I explain the concept of stressed and unstressed syllables in my article on limerick writing, which is linked in all my contest posts.

    Try following this pattern instead, which illustrates stressed and unstressed syllables. (Stressed syllables are in all caps.)

    The LIM-er-ick’s ME-ter in SUM:
    Is da DUM, da da DUM, da da DUM.
    Its MID-dle is TIGH-ter.
    The LIM-er-ick WRI-ter
    Keeps BEAT like a DI-sci-plined DRUM.

    Note that lines 1, 2 and 5 have three stressed syllables, while lines 3 and 4 have just 2 stressed syllables.

    Also note that in between the stressed syllables, you always have two unstressed syllables.

  47. Lisi Nortman says:

    There’s one thing that I do insist
    VITAL for us to co-exist
    TWO toilets for us
    No need to discuss
    For accidents, we won’t get pissed

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS!!!

    There’s one thing that I do insist
    (VITAL for us to co-exist)
    Two toilets at home
    There’s no need to roam
    For accidents, we won’t get pissed

  49. Dave Johnson says:

    While Elvis was known for his hair,
    His fans were more likely to stare
    At the gyrating show
    Going on down below;
    A pelvis with follicle flair.

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    My gal said that she’s in a rut
    So she got a “bee-hive” hair cut
    But when she went down
    And moved all around
    I noticed a sting on my nut

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    I went to the “doc” with a list
    Showing several bumps on my left wrist
    But when I saw the bill
    I gave out a loud shrill
    It was FIFTY DOLLARS! for each cyst !!!

    ***

    From MBK, Close meter-wise, but note my line 2 and 5 meter changes:

    I went to the “doc” with a list
    Showing several bumps on my wrist
    But when I saw the bill
    I gave out a loud shrill
    It was FIFTY damn bucks for each cyst !!!

    (I eliminated “left” because you had an extra unstressed syllable in line 2. And FIFTY DOLLARS has only one unstressed between FIF and DOL, so I changed it.)

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS

    PLEASE CHANGE TO:
    It was fifty BUCKS TO TREAT EACH CYST

    THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR HELP

    ***
    from MBK.
    I’m not making that change because it violates the rules requiring 2 unstressed syllables between your stressed syllables. If you read your line aloud, you should see what I mean.

    See my comment on the limerick right above this one.

  53. Mark Kane says:

    Years ago, when you longed for that tryst,
    The woman would often insist
    On THREE dates or more
    Before you could score,
    But today? There’s the ‘Tinder Assist’.

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    Rapunzel, please let down your hair;
    A fellow from Guinness is there.
    He’ll measure your tresses
    And my simple guess is
    The record, with inches to spare.

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    When men lose their hair on the crown
    There’s still some left that is all around
    So they shave their whole head
    Before they go to bed
    Then they won’t look like Bozo The Clown

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    Maryland crabs are fun to eat
    You wear a “bib” for this yummy treat
    But the ones in your hair
    Just really like it there
    Those critters are just hard to defeat !!!

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    He told me that my heart he stole
    Then into my bedroom he did stroll
    “Is that Trump there I see?
    You’ve surely jilted me !!”
    “No, Sweetheart: that’s my childhood TROLL

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    Always make a grocery list
    That’s something that Mama did insist !
    Apples, juice, coffee. bread
    Arsenic and a cheese spread
    Tonight it’s vodka, with a “twist”

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    ALFRED HITCHCOCK SAYS:”DIAL MAD FOR MURDER” (BE CAREFUL)

    A great film that should not be missed
    Please go and rent it; I do insist
    The weird plan goes awry
    And here’s the reason why:
    The KEY is the KEY in this tryst

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    When I noticed Mom’s graying hair
    I asked her if she felt great despair
    Then she finally said:
    “That’s not gray on my head !!
    They’re my “silvery strands with a flair”

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    Said the lady who broke her wrist:
    “Don’t give up, my Dear; you must persist
    Please continue to try
    I don’t want you to cry
    And someday you will make my list.”

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS !!!

    Maryland crabs are fun to eat
    You wear a bib for this yummy treat
    But the ones in your hair
    Really like it down there
    And, boy, they are hard to defeat !!

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Kane’s are trying to assist
    In teaching limerick “form”; they insist !
    The key is the meter
    (They couldn’t be sweeter)
    But this one sucks, so there’s something I’ve missed

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    You’re marrying Mike!! I’ll assist.
    I’ll find you a dress — can’t be missed
    Which will hide that new “bump”
    Implanted by Trump
    And we’ll tell people it’s just a cyst.

    ****
    I made your change and a couple of others to deal with the unstressed syllable issue we’ve been discussing.

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    MAD: I MEANT TO SAY “IMPLANTED” BY TRUMP

    Can you change it?

    ****

    I made your change and a couple of others to deal with the unstressed syllable issue we’ve been discussing.

  66. Sharon Neeman says:

    “My brother’s disgusting!” she hissed.
    “Did you hear what he said? I’m so pissed!
    ‘If adding E-R
    Takes a word twice as far,
    Then a sister’s just worse than a cyst’!”

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sue. please allow me to assist
    I will show you how to do the twist
    Wiggle and dry your back
    From a towel on the rack
    Now, My Dear, have you gotten the gist?

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    Being a senior, I must insist
    I do NOT NOT NOT want to be kissed !!
    I’ve been married five times
    I just don’t hear those “chimes”
    It’s surely not something that I have missed !!

  69. Mike Moulton says:

    As the grounds for collusion persist,
    Mueller’s efforts cannot be dismissed.
    And probing with zeal
    Made Flynn and Gates squeal
    Like a trip to the proctologist.

  70. Val Fish says:

    The missus rumbled our affair
    When she came across a blonde hair
    In the marital bed
    (The wife’s a red head)
    Now it’s curtains for the au pair

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    I always tried hard to persist
    To get a life I felt I have missed
    Prince Charming did appear
    I’ll tell you this, I swear
    At the pond last night, a frog I kissed

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    NO KISSES FOR ME, THANK YOU

    As a senior, I must insist
    I do not AT ALL want to be kissed !!
    Being married five times
    I just don’t hear those “chimes”
    If it should happen I won’t be blissed

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS!

    I always tried hard to persist
    To get a life I felt I have missed
    Then Prince Charming appeared
    I know it sounds weird
    But last April, a frog I kissed

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS!

    I always tried hard to persist
    To get a life I felt I have missed
    Then Prince Charming appeared
    I know it sounds weird
    But last April, a frog I kissed

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    I have always tried hard to persist
    To have a life I felt I have missed
    Then Prince Charming appeared
    And I know it sounds weird
    But last April, a frog I kissed

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    IT WAS NOT MY INTENTION FOR 2 LIMERICKS TO APPEAR, BUT I THINK I
    HAVE A QUIRKY COMPUTER SORRY

  76. Bob Dvorak says:

    Some readers will find themselves pissed
    When on viewpoints I loudly insist.
    ‘Twould be better, I say,
    To debate, than say “Nay”;
    Present FACTS that one cannot resist.

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    KEY PROBLEM

    I gave him a lock of my hair
    In hopes that he someday he would care
    But I saw him last night
    It was quite a sad sight
    He gave it to Bob as a SPARE

  78. cathie solomonson says:

    Trump dismissed with a flick of his wrist
    The rumor of yet one more tryst.
    His mood turned more sunny
    On the subject ” hush money”
    When his lawyer said, ” Please, I insist!”

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    WHAT????

    I gave him a lock of my hair
    In the hope someday he would care
    But I saw him last night
    It was quite a sad sight
    He was using it to do a repair

  80. Dave Johnson says:

    Bermuda – the triangle’s name;
    Well known for some ships it would claim.
    It’s also a phrase
    Not in fashion these days;
    Brazilian waxing’s to blame.

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m seventy and won’t be kissed
    Don’t come near me; I strongly insist !!
    I’ve been married five times
    And I don’t hear those “chimes”
    If it happens, I will not be BLISSED

    NOT A DUPLICATE

  82. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    I have always strived to persist
    To live the life I feel I have missed
    Now this may sound quite weird
    My Prince Charming appeared
    Cause I found a frog who I kissed

  83. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    I gave him a lock of my hair
    In the hopes that some day he would care
    But I saw him last night
    It was quite a sad sight
    He used it to do a repair

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    Maryland crabs are fun to eat
    You wear a bib for this yummy treat
    But the ones in your hair
    Have a party “down there”
    These critters are hard to defeat

  85. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    The Kane’s are trying to assist
    To teach limerick form which they insist
    The key is the meter
    (They couldn’t be sweeter)
    This one sucks, so there’s something I’ve missed

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    My girlfriend said she’s in a rut
    So she went for a bee-hive hair cut
    But when she went “down there”
    She had quite an affair
    Till I found a sting on my nut

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    When I noticed mom’s graying hair
    I asked her if she felt great despair
    Then she finally said
    “That’s not gray on my head;
    They’re silvery strands, with a flair”

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    NOT A DUPLICATE

    Karen, I would like to assist
    In teaching you how to do the twist
    Just wiggle to and fro
    And at last you will know
    You’re a great dancer; get the gist?

  89. Sima Carri says:

    I think I have ruptured my cyst,
    It happened right after I kissed,
    A lovely young girl,
    Her first name was Pearl –
    She banged on my cyst with her fist.

    The world has varieties of hair,
    Some black and some blue and some fair,
    Some hairdos are puffy,
    While others are scruffy,
    But mine is geometric and square.

  90. Fred Bortz says:

    The doctor removed a large cyst
    That extended from elbow to wrist
    Of the star pitcher’s arm,
    Who then groused, “Do no harm?
    I’ve been put on the disabled list.”

  91. Fred Bortz says:

    A TWO-FER

    The lump was too big to be missed.
    ‘Neath his scalp was a sebaceous cyst.
    He didn’t know where
    He’d be parting his hair.
    That phrenologist truly was pissed.

  92. Fred Bortz says:

    When the doc said, “Ovarian cyst,”
    She added his name to the list
    Of clueless physicians
    Who fail in their missions.
    She was trans, which he somehow had missed.

  93. Sharon Neeman says:

    Hubby checked out his phone while he pissed,
    And — pre-dick-tably — some of it missed.
    Now the loo stinks like hell,
    But he claims there’s no smell!
    Oh, I wish he would cease and desist!

  94. Sharon Neeman says:

    My kitties have something to share,
    And they fling it about everywhere.
    It’s not poop or pee —
    That’s small comfort to me
    When my clothes, bed and chair bear their hair.

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s my last hurrah, I want a tryst !
    Something very kinky, I insist
    But with osteoporosis
    I really couldn’t focus
    After two minutes, I broke my wrist

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    ANOTHER VERSION

    For my “last hurrah” I had a tryst
    Something I felt I’ve always missed
    We really got it on
    But then, I yelled, “Oh John
    Please, Dear God, WAKE UP, I insist !

  97. Dave Johnson says:

    Her glances he couldn’t resist;
    Advances began to persist.
    A magical night;
    Then by dawn’s early light,
    That 5 o’clock shadow he missed.

  98. Kathleen Bartolettti says:

    In his youth Hal had plenty of hair,
    And girls too, though his head now is bare;
    For hair once on his head
    Cloaks his back now instead,
    But girls aren’t fond of seeing it there.

    So he waxes his back to escape
    Being labeled a big hairy ape
    By young things on the beach
    Once his, now out of reach;
    Summer’s lonely now, out on the Cape.

  99. Randy Wagner says:

    Before her Brazilian, Miss Claire
    Grew a raggedy thicket down there.
    Although follicly taxing,
    Its waning by waxing
    Left Claire’s hairy lair fairly bare.

  100. Fred Bortz says:

    Corrected L5

    When the doc said, “Ovarian cyst,”
    She added his name to the list
    Of clueless physicians
    Who fail in their missions.
    She’s trans, which he somehow had missed.

  101. Fred Bortz says:

    A TWO-FER (corrected L1)

    The lump was too big to be missed.
    ‘Neath his scalp was a sebaceous cyst.
    He didn’t know where
    He’d be parting his hair.
    That phrenologist truly was pissed.

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    I will continue to persist
    In thoughts that cause me to be pissed
    At his outrageous sins
    And incoherent spins
    These frightening words should not be dismissed

  103. Kirk Miller says:

    With gun violence streets are quite full. It
    Would be nice to reduce or to null it.
    Since the shootings persist,
    It is hard to resist
    To assert that there’s no magic bullet.

  104. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the fifties, if your hair was frizzy
    It made you go bonkers and dizzy
    But now it’s the style
    So you can finally smile
    And not have to be in a tizzy

  105. Lisi Nortman says:

    REVISION

    In the fifties, if your hair was frizzy
    You went bonkers and GOT VERY dizzy
    But now it’s the style
    And at last you can smile
    NO MORE GOING into a tizzy

  106. Nate Levin says:

    The watchword today is “persist”…
    Or maybe the word is “resist”–
    As the number one troll
    Does his thing, takes his toll,
    “Let’s just fight him,” is what I insist.

  107. H.H. Henderson says:

    My hirsute barber , named Drew
    Explained, “Your strand count’s so few .
    As you master the art
    of the extra wide part
    You’ll draw arduous women to you!”

  108. Mike Shulman says:

    A ribald gent liked to insist
    He could come with a flick of the wrist.
    He flicked when a cop
    Made a brief traffic stop
    And was slapped with a “cease and desist.”

  109. Lisi Nortman says:

    Things to do; I always persist
    In figuring out what I have missed
    I must re-do my files
    And I’ll walk fifteen miles
    Then write on my list, “Check the list”

  110. Lisi Nortman says:

    MY PREVIOUS LIMERICK IS TITLED:
    OCD ??? NOT ME !!

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    BETTER METER

    I will continue to persist
    In my thoughts that cause me to be pissed
    At his outrageous sins
    And incoherent spins
    Rhetoric, not to be dismissed

  112. Tim James says:

    I try to take aging with grace
    Despite wrinkles and sags in my face.
    Things have slowed down a lot.
    But there’s one thing that’s not:
    That’s my hairline, retreating apace.

  113. Lisi Nortman says:

    My boyfriend’s hair just grows and grows
    From his back all the way to his toes
    Then he promised to shave
    So for him I would crave
    But he forgot the hair in his nose

  114. Dave Johnson says:

    Waxing Eloquent

    You long for a thong – it’s a hoot!
    Don’t dare if what’s bare is hirsute.
    Be steady, no yelp;
    As we’re ready to help
    Make your heinie so shiny and cute.

  115. Tim James says:

    Those Florida students are pissed:
    By the gun-totin’ fringe they’ve been dissed.
    With our gun laws a mess
    They’re now calling B.S.
    Stay the course, kids: resist and persist!

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    My friend asked, “Can you tweeze my hair?
    It seems to be growing everywhere !
    It’s all over my skin
    And including my chin
    She is now known as “Smokey The Bear”

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    When my baldness was starting to show
    I knew that more hair would not grow
    But when my kids were small
    They just had a ball
    On my head, they would play tic-tac-toe

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    As I get older, I’ve noticed less hair
    On a place where it used to be there
    You can probably guess
    But I must confess
    I just cancelled my tawdry affair

  119. Marie Knowles says:

    Folks of the world can but stare
    At the US President’s hair
    “Oh my what a coiff”
    Many do scoff
    What they think, well he just doesn’t care

  120. Dave Johnson says:

    Some fellas are joining the dance;
    And grabbing a chance to enhance.
    An area clean
    Offers more to be seen;
    Au revoir to the hair in their pants.

  121. Lisi Nortman says:

    I went to the “doc” with a list
    Showing several bumps on my wrist
    But when I saw the bill
    I gave out a loud shrill
    It was fifty damn bucks for each cyst

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    Not a Duplicate

    Tonight simply cannot be missed
    (My class that will try to assist)
    Limerick-Challenged folks
    To write five line jokes
    I hope that I won’t be dismissed !

  123. Dave Johnson says:

    His problem: maintaining a calm;
    It stems from not heeding the psalm;
    The point of despair
    Is a small patch of hair
    That’s growing right out of his palm.

  124. Ailsa McKillop says:

    The doctor’s report on a cyst
    Your novel with many a twist
    I’m a typist; for work
    There’s no content I shirk
    After all, to the mill it’s all grist.

  125. Ailsa McKillop says:

    The round table game did persist,
    Every man held some cards in his fist
    With expressionless mien.
    I’d have savoured the scene
    If how poker was played I had wist.

  126. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 293.

    Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Port.