Limerick-Off Award (312)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Said Poe, “I am sick to the core
Of this raven that knocked on my door,
Squawking one stupid word –
I shall strangle the bird,
And I’ll hear “nevermore” nevermore.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special SPICE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

“Our love life is lacking in spice,”
Said the husband. “It sure would be nice
To have three in this bed.”
“Get the cat!” his wife said ―
Not the pussy he’d hoped to entice.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Michael Moulton, Carolyn Henly, Tim James, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman, Alan W. Webb, Byron Miller, David Friedman, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Tony Holmes, Sharon Neeman, and John Shardlow. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:


Mike Moulton:

Said Trump, to the national corps,
“The Paris Accord’s out the door.
Some say that’s unwise,
Due to sea-level rise,
But I live on the fifty-eighth floor.”

Carolyn P Henly:

There’s a nurse whose named Kissy DuMor,
And the medics all think she’s a whore.
Says she, “I’m no tart;
If you look in my heart
You will see that I’m good to the corps!”

Tim James:

My date didn’t like the decor
Of my place. From the ceiling to floor ―
Carpets, furnishings, art ―
She just picked it apart.
So the last thing I showed her? The door.

Jean McEwen:

My shrink said, “Let’s get to the core
Of what ails you. Methinks there’s much more
To your handwash compulsion
Than merely revulsion
To dirt; it’s your MOM you deplore.”

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

Have you ever seen Aunt Em’s decor?
It’s like something from “Ole Days Of Yore.”
There’s a couch there for “fainting,”
The place need repainting,
And Uncle Lou’s stuffed on the floor.

Alan Webb:

Her nasty words cut to the core.
I fell to my knees on the floor,
Cause when I get cussed out
It drives all the lust out…
And I ain’t coming here anymore.

Byron Miller:

Our team mascot is hard to ignore,
For his shite coats our changing room floor.
But we don’t plan on stopping
His guano from dropping:
It adds to the “osprey decor.”

David Friedman:

A johnless gay hooker, Gerard,
Complained that his work was too hard:
“I entered the corps
Thinking I would get more,
But shouldn’t have joined the rear guard.”

Dave Johnson’s “James Bond reminiscing at the old spy’s home:”

“She thrilled me right down to my core,
With visions of what was in store.
Her name said it all,
Always there to enthrall;
I can’t forget… Lucy Galore.”


Kirk Miller:

When the owner of spice shops expands
Way too fast, he then soon understands
That he must have a sale
Or his business will fail,
’Cause he’s got too much thyme on his hands.

Tony Holmes:

Someone said, ‘Girls are sugar and spice.’
And back then, that was all very nice.
Not today; sugar’s bad.
And it may make you sad,
But you’re best off avoiding that vice.

Sharon Neeman:

Wednesday Addams thought “Who can scream louder?”
She put pepper in Grandmama’s chowder;
In Uncle’s fish stew;
Dad’s shaving cream, too;
Pugsley’s mouthwash; and Mom’s talcum powder.

Lisi Nortman:

Don’t get married, my friend, cuz of strife.
You really do not need a wife;
She will nag you to death
Till your very last breath.
They are known for unspicing your life.

John Shardlow:

I am just off the ward feeling fine,
But that matron’s a bit of a swine;
The green herb colonic
She gives as a tonic
Means I’m busy just passing the thyme.

Dave Johnson:

A weird little fellow named Walt
Has a penchant for pepper and salt.
They chuckle and point
In the hamburger joint
When they notice he seasons his malt.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

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