Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: at the end of any one line CORE or CORPS or DÉCOR

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using CORE or CORPS or DÉCOR at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SPICE, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best spice-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on December 16, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 15, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my limerick:

This drink was a very “light pour.”
If you’d like to be paid, pour me more!
Here’s my other complaint
Which is likely to taint
Your review: piss-poor taste in décor.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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127 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: at the end of any one line CORE or CORPS or DÉCOR”

  1. Jean McEwen says:

    My shrink said, “Let’s get to the core
    Of what ails you. Methinks there’s much more
    To your handwash compulsion
    Than merely revulsion
    To dirt; it’s your MOM you deplore.”

  2. Jean McEwen says:

    Refrain, Rosemary! No spraying Mace
    At the sous chef. Adjust to his pace!
    Fry Cook Ginger needs Thyme.
    Staff can’t snap on a dime
    To your dictates. Give workers some space!

  3. Mike Moulton says:

    Said Trump, to the national corps,
    “The Paris Accord’s out the door,
    Some say that’s unwise,
    Due to sea-level rise,
    But, I live on the fifty-eighth floor.”

  4. Tony Holmes says:

    SPICE

    “I dunno, Doc’.” I struggled to speak.
    “Lately life is depressing and bleak.”
    ‘There’s a cure for your ills
    And it isn’t in pills.
    Call this number and ‘take’ twice a week.’

  5. Lisi Nortman says:

    My husband is sweet and so nice
    We have sex in a year, once or twice
    Don’t care; I just shop
    Seems I never can stop
    (I’ve a passion for imported spice)

  6. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “Topless Grill” down at the shore
    Is a place where the food’s a real bore!
    “Hubby” said, “True, although
    It’s still worth it to go
    There’s just something about the decor”

  7. Lisi Nortman says:

    My wife said “A real nice decor
    Would be having a new basement floor”
    And now that it’s done
    All the kids have great fun
    (With the termites, they have good rapport)

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    The holiday’s comin’ real soon!
    I’m just singin’ that” Jingle Bell” tune!
    Please don’t give me Old Spice
    Even though it’s real nice
    I’ve enough for an Asian platoon

  9. Stephen Fleming says:

    For Melania

    What a strange, unbefitting decor
    So allied with the season before
    But when bound to a Grinch
    You bet it’s a cinch
    Good taste will be a stout chore

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s garlic again for tonight!
    On our food, it is quite a delight
    But why do friends say
    In an unpleasant way
    That our “bark is much worse than our bite?”

  11. Byron Miller says:

    Our team mascot is hard to ignore,
    For his shite coats our changing room floor.
    But we don’t plan on stopping
    His guano from dropping:
    It adds to the “osprey decor”.

  12. Byron Miller says:

    Mad, what say ye to a less awkward L1 in the previous offering?
    Our team mascot is hard to ignore,
    Thank you.

    *************
    From Mad: I’ve changed it.

  13. Tim James says:

    My date didn’t like the decor
    Of my place. From the ceiling to floor ―
    Carpets, furnishings, art ―
    She just picked it apart.
    So the last thing I showed her? The door.

  14. Valerie Fish says:

    ‘Twas a sight that shocked me to the core
    I just couldn’t believe what I saw
    Father Christmas had come
    Right there with my mum
    In flagrante on the kitchen floor

  15. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Poe, “I am sick to the core
    Of this raven that knocked on my door,
    Squawking one stupid word –
    I shall strangle the bird,
    And I’ll hear “nevermore” nevermore.

  16. Judith H. Block says:

    I’m really quite stressed to my core;
    Don’t know if I can take any more.
    Trump’s words keep getting worse
    His actions more perverse.
    Scared to see what we have in store.

  17. Judith H. Block says:

    I’m baffled by the White House decor,
    Do red Christmas trees mean blood and gore?
    Khashoggi/Yemenese blood?
    Melania’s taste is a dud.
    Long for the green or white trees of yore.

  18. Judith H. Block says:

    Don’t eat the apple and leave me the core;
    Enter front, make me use the back door.
    Don’t stop me from voting,
    I’m sick of your gloating.
    Regardless of my race, I’m worth more.

  19. Judith H. Block says:

    Much clutter, that is my decor,
    I’ve filled shelves, from ceiling to floor.
    Gorgeous things, I embrace.
    What I need is more space.
    But then, I’d just go and buy more.

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    Is variety really the “spice”?
    So why do I have the same wife?
    Today I shall start!
    To be careful, yet smart!
    And find some nice vice for a price!

  21. Kirk Miller says:

    In medieval times there was a rule
    That men followed to not be a fool.
    To learn chivalry or
    To slay dragons, the core
    Was all learned when they went to knight school.

  22. Judith H. Block says:

    A guy had both a mistress and a wife.
    Felt variety’s the great spice of life.
    Neither woman knew.
    To himself, he was true.
    He had the best of all worlds without strife.

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    They have a real tasteless decor!
    Concerning a note on a door:
    It says, “Folks, please flush
    So there won’t be a gush
    And if it don’t work, flush once more”

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Inappropriate Decor”

    Is their bathroom sign some kind of joke?
    Here’s just what is says, (wanna’ croak!)
    “If you can’t get it out
    There is no need to shout
    We’ve provided some cold Diet Coke”

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    All hookers are “sugar and spice”
    I’ve indulged myself much more than twice!
    It’s really a pleasure
    To have this great treasure
    So get some nice vice for a price

  26. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS! “Inappropriate Decor” does not contain the word “decor”
    Another try

    This loo has real stupid decor!
    Did you read this dumb sign on the door:
    “If you can’t get it out
    There is no need to shout
    Here’s some Ex-Lax (your tush won’t be sore”)

  27. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Christmas tree’s “high-tech decor”
    It speaks and it walks round’ the floor
    Just looks really fine
    And mixed in with the pine
    Hangs an iphone (One needs to be sure)

  28. Lisi Nortman says:

    Please enjoy our real meager decor!
    See, lately, we’ve been very poor!
    When using our loo
    You may pee or may poo
    That’s the rule (Don’t throw up anymore)

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: one limerick up: 10:46 AM line 5 reads
    Is an iphone (One needs to be sure)
    Could you please change that to “Hangs an iphone (One needs to be sure)

    Thank You,
    Lisi

    ********

    Done.

  30. To speak ill of George Bush anymore
    could hurt our espirit de corps.
    Get to flag wrapping
    to cover ass slapping
    (and bury him before we hear more)!

  31. Mark G. Kane says:

    The mirrors provide the decor
    For strippers who crawl on the floor
    And swing from a pole
    With one simple goal:
    To make you believe they’re your whore.

  32. Carolyn P Henly says:

    There’s a nurse name of Kissy DuMor,
    And the medics all think she’s a whore.
    Says she “I’m no tart;
    If you look in my heart
    You will see that I’m good to the corps!”

  33. Tim Gray says:

    I’m loving my new home decor
    With carpet now on the floor.
    No matter it’s tatty
    And shat on by ratty,
    What can you expect if you’re poor?

  34. Tim Gray says:

    Your indolence I shall ignore
    And your lack of Esprit de Corps,
    What I will not forgive
    As long as I live
    Is the blandness of your soup de jour.

    Alternate end: Is you’re an intellectual bore.
    Another alternate end: Is how you started this war
    Yet another alternate end: …..

  35. Tim Gray says:

    Tenuously Spicy

    Musical chairs at food court
    Is a new type of sport.
    A quick bite of curry
    Then onwards you scurry,
    Just ensure that you are not caught.

  36. Tim Gray says:

    Mel, Mel B and Ginger
    It seems on stage will linger.
    But for all the dosh
    There is one who’s too Posh,
    Is she a lip-synching singer?

  37. Alan W. Webb says:

    You know that I simply adore
    The dress uniform of the Corps.
    I’d salute the Marines,
    Let them into my jeans
    Except that they’d call me a name I do not want to hear even if it does rhyme, dammit.

  38. Alan W. Webb says:

    Her nasty words cut to the core
    I fell to my knees on the floor
    ‘Cause when I get cussed out
    It drives all the lust out
    And, I ain’t coming here anymore.

  39. Alan W. Webb says:

    When Marines take you into their Corps
    They train you right down to your core.
    They make you so tough
    You’ll be totally buff,
    But their barracks have lousy decor.

  40. Alan W. Webb says:

    ’m wild about Saffron, you see,
    And Saffron’s just wild about me.
    Rosemary and Basil
    Make a threesome with Hazel,
    But, Saffron suits me to a T.

  41. Alan W. Webb says:

    I’ll say it again and again
    For pepper you just need cayenne.
    Sysygium Aromatic
    Is a lot more dramatic,
    But cayenne takes hot sauce to a ten.

  42. Alan W. Webb says:

    Anise and basil and curry and sage,
    And ginger and nutmeg are now all the rage.
    True herbs I insist
    Can all make my list,
    But, for Allspice you must turn the page.

  43. Alan W. Webb says:

    Anise and basil and curry and sage,
    And ginger and nutmeg are now all the rage.
    True herbs I insist
    Can all make my list,
    But, for Allspice you must get your own page.

  44. Tony Holmes says:

    Uncle Reg’ was a chap to the core
    And determined to prove it, what’s more.
    Every day, around noon,
    He would make the girls swoon
    With displays of his muscles galore.

  45. Tony Holmes says:

    “What is wrong with you, man? Get a grip!
    Put some starch in that loose upper lip.
    You’re disgracing the corps.
    And I’ve told you before –
    We don’t march with a swish of the hip.”

  46. Tony Holmes says:

    Limp is better.

    “What is wrong with you, man? Get a grip!
    Put some starch in that limp upper lip.
    You’re disgracing the corps.
    And I’ve told you before –
    We don’t march with a swish of the hip.”

  47. Tony Holmes says:

    Someone said, girls are sugar and spice;
    Maybe once that was all very nice.
    Not today, sugar’s bad,
    And it may make you sad,
    But you’re best off avoiding that vice.

  48. Tony Holmes says:

    I know, I should wait before posting – but I’m just so impetuous.

    Someone said, ‘Girls are sugar and spice.’
    And back then, that was all very nice.
    Not today; sugar’s bad,
    And it may make you sad,
    But you’re best off avoiding that vice.

  49. David Friedman says:

    A johnless gay hooker, Gerard,
    Complained that his work was too hard:
    “I entered the corps
    Thinking I would get more
    But shouldn’t have joined the rear guard.”

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    My dinner was really a wreck
    I think that I just didn’t check
    The pepper just right
    Thus the steak had no “bite”
    I probably picked the wrong peck.

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    For Christmas this house had decor
    Like something one needs to ignore:
    The tree: full of fleas
    The canes: made with cheese
    And Santa as “Queen At The Door”

  52. Kirk Miller says:

    When the owner of spice shops expands
    Way too fast, he then soon understands
    That he must have a sale
    Or his business will fail,
    ‘Cause he has too much thyme on his hands.

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    My facade, you should really ignore
    Some people say, “That gal’s a bore”
    Not True! I’m real bitchy!
    And totally snitchy
    Deep inside, there’s a real rotten core.

  54. Dave Johnson says:

    She strolled through the fancy new store;
    Impressed by its lavish decor.
    But then, shocking news!
    She was purchasing shoes
    From Payless for hundreds and more.

    They’d pulled off a humorous prank;
    Intended to bolster their rank.
    The shoppers were plied
    With champagne on the side;
    While sneakers were breaking the bank.

    (True story – Payless Shoes rented a space in a high-end
    LA mall and opened a fake store named “Palessi” after a
    fictional Italian designer. They built up a large social media buzz
    and had people lined up at the door when they opened. Shoppers
    were paying $600 and up for their “upscale” shoes, but then were
    eventually let in on the stunt. They were given full refunds and
    allowed to keep their “purchases” for free. Well Done!)

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    He made a reliable wage
    Yet this chef had no “wisdom of age”
    When he cooked you a meal
    It had no appeal
    All the food was just lacking in sage.

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    Adjustment of a limerick, line two

    My facade, you should really ignore
    Some people say I’m a real “bore”
    Not True! (I’m real bitchy)
    And totally snitchy
    Deep inside there’s a real rotten core

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Christmas cider is made with six cloves
    One can cook it on top of all stoves
    I like to add gin
    (Some say it’s a sin)
    Yet, the clergymen come here in droves

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    SPICE !!!

    At “Thai World” they let people bring
    Their own cures for a real nasty sting
    You’ll need something right
    To get rid of your fright
    Tasting OW! OW! OW! OW! Khua Kling.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick: line 5: 9:13 am
    Can you change line 5 from Of that OW OW OW OW Khua Kling
    To “Tasting” OW! OW! OW! OW! Khua Kling.
    Thank you, Lisi

    *********
    Done

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    This house has one real weird decor!
    The owner’s obsessed with the shore!
    The boardwalk’s the hall
    From the cracks people fall
    And there’s sand sprinkled over each floor.

  61. John Shardlow says:

    When they need cannon fodder for war
    And have to train troops that are raw
    For them, no escape
    Sergeants whip into shape
    Does it help to be rotten to the corps?

  62. Tim Gray says:

    trouble and strife = wife (cockney rhyming slang)

    I’m badgered by trouble and strife
    And I need to spice up my life,
    So I had a quick gander
    At a Tinder philander
    But resisted through fear of her knife.

  63. Tim Gray says:

    I found crocuses grown in a ditch
    And thought, “Great, I’m going to be rich.”
    But picking stamens is work,
    This ain’t no perk
    Damn, life is a bitch.

  64. Tim Gray says:

    Hi Mad,

    Crocuses: I think the 2nd to last line would be better as:
    This ain’t no perk,

    Cheers
    Tim
    *******
    Done.

  65. Ken Gosse says:

    Knock-Knock – It’s No Joke ~
    Donald Trump wants to use the whole corps
    Like a defensive conquistador.
    To impede the horde’s entry,
    A seasonal sentry:
    Some barbed-wire décoratthedoor.

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m nothing like sugar and spice
    And surely, not everything nice
    I’m “Princess Hot Stuff”
    I’ll will give you enough
    However, I come with a price

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m real down-to-earth, have no fear!
    My motto is simple and clear:
    I am sugar and spice
    And just everything VICE
    Care to sample my artistry dear?

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well, teaching was really a bore!
    I’m so glad I retired, for sure!
    1+1=3
    And them words ain’t for me!
    Never did understand “Common Core”

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oops I pressed submit! (sorry) Can you delete 2 previous limericks (Line 2 wasn’t good)

    GEE! WOW! Want to spice up your life?
    Well, “bro”here is real cool advice:
    If you sleep on your back
    Every night in the sack
    TURN AROUND!! It will feel really nice!

    *****
    Done.

  70. John Shardlow says:

    Feel the need to take off your clothes?
    After flushing right down to the toes
    You better bet on it,
    Excess of Scotch Bonnet
    Caused the sweat at the end of the nose!

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    correcting rhyming error!

    If your life doesn’t have enough “spice”
    Listen, friend, here is real great advice:
    If you sleep on your back
    Every night in the sack
    TURN AROUND!! (It will feel really nice)

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    correcting another rhyming error

    The holiday’s comin’ real soon
    I’m just singin’ that Jingle Bell tune!
    Please don’t give me Old Spice
    Even though it’s real nice
    They can smell me as far as the moon.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    correcting another rhyming error

    My Christmas tree’s “high tech decor”
    It speaks and it walks ’round the floor
    Oh, My it’s so fine!
    And mixed in with the pine
    Hangs an iphone I just can’t ignore

  74. John Shardlow says:

    If you’re bunged up and living in Cheadle
    There’s a restaurant where specials are lethal
    Their hot curry sauce
    Makes you strain with such force
    You could shit through the eye of a needle

  75. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sister Mary is pious indeed
    She follows a reverent creed
    But some spice Mary seeks
    So each night time she sneaks
    To the back of the church to smoke weed

  76. Lisi Nortman says:

    The soldiers fought hard in the war
    Some men never seen anymore
    But behind the front lines
    Far away from the mines
    Was the “Sovereign Trump Bullshit Corps”

  77. Lisi Nortman says:

    The group in this uncharted “war”
    (The kind few have witnessed before)
    Where people just sweat
    Till they’re all soaking wet
    Is known as “Mad Kane’s Lim’rik Corps”

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    rhyming correction

    Well, teaching was really a bore!
    So last year, I just walked out the door!
    1+1=3
    And them words ain’t for me
    Never did understand “Common Core”

  79. Dave Johnson says:

    A shopping mall Santa named Tommy
    Says “Hell with the rugrats – where’s mommy?
    Come sit on my knee,
    The candy is free;
    Along with a Christmas salami.”

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    My “Granny”: I really did warn’er
    Even told her some people would scorn’er
    Yet she said more than twice
    That she needed some “spice”
    So now she just grooves on her corn’er

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now let’s get right down to the core!
    From the moment you walked in the door
    You smelled like perfume
    Just like “Roses In Bloom”
    I cheat TOO! Now we’ve evened the score!

  82. Dave Johnson says:

    He wanted to spice up their trip;
    Viagra, but not let it slip.
    Mistakenly taken
    Before he’d awaken;
    Aroused by her stiff upper lip.

  83. Tim James says:

    “Our love life is lacking in spice,”
    Said the husband. “It sure would be nice
    To have three in this bed.”
    “Get the cat!” his wife said ―
    Not the pussy he’d hoped to entice.

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I love you much more than before!
    So let’s get right down to the core!
    What is that I hear?
    Is your husband home, dear?
    “Kiss Kiss Kiss. Where the hell’s the back door?”

  85. Rallentanda says:

    he swallowed the large apple core
    the seeds lodged firm in his jaw
    he sprouted gardenias
    and bright yellow freesias
    his teeth are existent no more

  86. Michael says:

    Web design, that’s what we do
    Working with graphics and logos too
    We don’t mean to boast
    But, we do the utmost
    To provide great service to you

    **********
    Ordinarily, I’d block your comment as spam. But since you made the effort to write a limerick, I’m approving it. Good luck with your business.

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you just come and “Knock On My Door”
    I will show you my lovely decor
    It’s in soft “Misty Blue”
    With an “Evergreen” hue
    I call it my “Musical Score”

    (“Knock On My Door”,The Supremes and 4 Tops)
    (“Misty Blue” Dorothy Moore)
    (“Evergreen, Barbra Streisand)

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick line 3: reads”It’s a soft “Misty Blue”
    Could you change that to “It’s in soft “Misty Blue”

    (makes more sense)

    ****
    Done.

  89. John Shardlow says:

    Before you date her, think twice
    She claims to be sugar and spice
    But in bed when men wake up
    She’s there with no make up
    A revelation – it’s not very nice!

  90. Tim Gray says:

    The fruit you hope you will savour
    From your clients as you curry favour
    With just a quick jaunt
    To a top restaurant
    Will be your business life saver.

  91. Sharon Neeman says:

    Twofer: What to do with quinces

    With a sturdy, sharp knife, lightly score
    (But don’t peel), and remove the hard core.
    Stuff with raisins and spice;
    Bake till tender and nice;
    Pass the dish around twice… maybe more!

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ma and Pa got a brand-new decor
    (Never did have real carpet before)
    Ran home. Got real tired
    Then Ma Ma inquired:
    “Hey, Bubba, who’s mindin’ the store?”

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    We ate apples right down to the core
    Played “jacks” on an old wooden floor
    Then came that first kiss
    My life was just bliss
    (Fell in love with the boy right next door)

  94. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now “let’s” get right down to the core!
    Proper grammar is not such a chore!
    It’s “let’s” when it’s “let us”
    Don’t screw up, and so thus
    It’s “your” when possessive not you’re!

  95. Debby Simon (Daisy Mae on facebook) says:

    With the orange one tweeting more grossly
    And Pence fearing Mueller more closely
    Will impeachments galore
    Kill the GOP core
    Or will they choke, saying “President Pelosi!”

  96. Debby Simon (Daisy Mae on facebook) says:

    NO RELATION, DANG IT!
    Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme
    Take me back to my high school time
    I LOVED Garfunkel, Simon
    (Names reversed here for rhymin’)
    My last name?…It feels quite sublime!

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    Better?

    We ate apples right down to the core
    Played “jacks” on an old wooden floor
    Then came that first kiss
    My life was sheer bliss
    (Fell in love with the boy just next door)

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction!

    Now let’s get right down to the core!
    Proper grammar is not such a chore
    It’s “it’s” when “it is”
    But it’s “its” when it’s his
    And it’s “your” when possessive, not you’re

  99. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now apples all come with a core
    Don’t eat them; your throat will get sore
    You might even choke
    Or God forbid croak
    They’re as useless as “tits on a boar”

  100. Lisi Nortman says:

    Planting spices? You must wear loose clothes!
    Be ” comfy” right down to your toes!
    So wear an old shirt
    Just don’t worry ’bout dirt
    And do not forget garden hose!

  101. John Shardlow says:

    I’m just off the ward feeling fine
    But that matron’s a bit of a swine
    That green herb colonic
    She gives as a tonic
    Means that I’m still just passing the thyme.

  102. Gina Buselli says:

    I’m a Don Trumper, played out of tune
    I blow loads of brass crap just to swoon
    The tax bill and much more
    Should be trash can décor
    But my beak just flaps like a mad loon

  103. Sharon Neeman says:

    I’m sick of this tame old decor;
    I’ve a topical painting in store —
    Four buff guys on horses;
    The title, of course, is
    “Death, Famine, Conquest and War.”

  104. Sharon Neeman says:

    Wednesday Addams thought “Who can scream louder?”
    She put pepper in Grandmama’s chowder;
    In Uncle’s fish stew;
    Dad’s shaving cream, too;
    Pugsley’s mouthwash; and Mom’s talcum powder.

  105. Sharon Neeman says:

    Sorry, Mad, can you take the “In” away, before “Dad’s shaving cream, too”?
    *****
    Done.

  106. Lisi Nortman says:

    Here’s food that they call “Spiced Heart Stoppers”
    Now warn your sweet pearly white choppers
    There’s no use in fighting
    Once you start biting
    Them “bacon wrapped stuffed pepper poppers”

    (an actual food)

  107. Lisi Nortman says:

    Christmas Drinks

    There’s a latte called ‘Ole Pumpkin Spice”
    To drink it, first put in some ice
    Take a sip. Throw away
    Have some fun Christmas Day
    Grab a beer and enjoy naughty vice.

  108. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’m done with my Christmas decor
    All the guests ring the bell at my door
    But Em won’t sit near Pam
    Charlie loathes Uncle Sam
    It’s my yearly “Yuletide Merry War”

  109. Fred Bortz says:

    Persuade them with facts? They ignore.
    Analysis? “That’s such a bore.”
    With Trumpsters in charge
    Disaster looms large.
    They’re simply corrupt to the core.

  110. Fred Bortz says:

    If alien worlds start a war,
    We’re prepared with our rockets and more.
    Our nation’s no chump.
    All hail, Donald Trump!
    He created the U.S. Space Corps.

  111. Fred Bortz says:

    Hot and Spicy (a twofer)

    Their love life was dull to its core
    So they took a quick trip to the store.
    K-Y plus capsaicin
    Soon had their hearts racin’,
    But they won’t try that anymore.

  112. Dave Johnson says:

    James Bond reminiscing at the old spy’s home:

    “She thrilled me right down to my core;
    With visions of what was in store.
    Her name said it all,
    Always there to enthrall;
    I can’t forget… Lucy Galore.”

  113. Fred Bortz says:

    Dace Johnson,

    You mean “Pussy Galore.”

  114. Dave Johnson says:

    Thanks Fred, but the joke was in the last line…

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t get married, my friend: It is strife
    You really do not need a wife
    She will nag you to death
    Till your very last breath
    They are known for unspicing your life

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    (needs more spice)

    The “Connoisseur’s” final critique
    Said “The vichyssoise wasn’t unique!”
    “It didn’t have taste”
    It was such a damn waste!”
    “Cause the chef just did not take a leek”

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    Have you ever seen Aunt Em’s decor?
    (Looks like something from “Ole Days Of Yore”)
    The place needs repainting
    There’s a sofa for “fainting”
    And Uncle Lou’s stuffed on the floor

  118. Tim Gray says:

    Now, I’ll tell you the score.
    I’m winning, and what is more,
    You’ll not indict or impeach
    For I’m way out of reach,
    Try, and I’ll win the war.

  119. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  120. Margie Nairn says:

    Twas a gent from due east of Timor,
    found his taste in home fashion was poor.
    since his condo was bare,
    with much room to spare,
    he enrolled in a course in decor.

  121. Margie Nairn says:

    A woman from west Baltimore,
    had horrible taste in decor.
    Walls the color of dung
    and her pictures were hung,
    3 inches from off of the floor.

  122. Margie Nairn says:

    A student from Harvard’s elite
    had a sublet just right down my street.
    and although he was nice,
    he wore so much Old Spice
    that I fainted each time we would meet.

  123. Margie Nairn says:

    I know I could always do more,
    than just hang a wreath on my door.
    Why try to compete,
    with the folks on my street?
    I’m lousy at Christmas decor.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    As soon as the waiter arrives
    I tell him, “Please don’t bring me chives”
    “From cloves, I get dizzy”
    “My hair then gets frizzy”
    “And cinnamon gives me the hives”

  125. Lisi Nortman says:

    On New Years we always say, “Cheers!”
    And fondly look back at the years
    But last year at “La Spice”
    It just wasn’t that nice
    Because all of us burst into tears.

  126. Dave Johnson says:

    A weird little fellow named Walt
    Has a penchant for pepper and salt.
    They chuckle and point
    In the hamburger joint
    When they notice he seasons his malt.

  127. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 312. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Peer.

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