Limerick of the Week (127)
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
When asked why he dated a pair,
The bowler said “Don’t be a square:
My sex drive’s too much
For one girl so, as such,
I will frequently pick up a spare.”
Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
When my eagle-eyed kid spied a pair
Of “bunny” ears high in the air,
I commended her keenness
But doubted the genus:
“It’s Chicago —- that must be a hare.”
Congratulations to Mark Kane, Sue Dulley, and Steve Whitred, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:
A Bartlett and Bosc, what a pair
Of pears for your pie, if you dare?
Or instead, bake a tart.
Enter both if you’re smart,
As your fare for this year’s country fair.
If you’re baking a pie using pear
To compete in your county Fall Fair,
Bake another to eat
Just to check that it’s sweet,
And a third one – you may wish to share.
To be fair to Mark, pies made with pear
Are a waste if they’re just made to share:
Mad’s averse to pies based
On their texture and taste,
As she’ll swear to all yet unaware.
If our Mark baked a spare filled with pear
Or apple or peach, just to share,
And Mad wouldn’t bite,
It might still be all right—
Friends would flock to their flat for such fare.
Did they come for the laughs or the pear?
As they eat, it is clear what we share.
When I run out of pie,
And they leave, I’ll know why:
It’s not me but the fare. That’s not fair!
But one stays, and look at her pair!
I’m grinning, but try not to stare.
She puts down her plate,
And she soon seals my fate,
By getting us both very bare.
(Note from Mad Kane: For anyone suspecting marital bias in Mark’s getting this award, I gave him one, not because we’re married, but in spite of it.)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sue Dulley, Cyn, Kevin Ahern, Ira Bloom, Kirk Miller, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Steve Whitred, and David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
A woman was trying to pare
Her collection of dresses to wear,
For since she’s retired
They won’t be required
(Unless she begins an affair.)
A fellow who tried to repair
A couch that had seen too much wear
Got the job done so wrong
That he claimed, “All along
I was planning to make it a chair.”
On my trip to Helsinki — despair!
This story I’ve told everywhere:
Our luggage was lost
At a terrible cost.
It vanished right into Finn Air.
A fellow who needed a pair,
(His had shrunk, in his wife’s angry glare!)
Was resolved to save face,
And put her in her place,
In his mind. But out loud? Au contraire.
“The national budget I’ll pare,”
Said Dubya, who used lots of flair.
“It makes lots of sense
To cut our defense.
Change the Pentagon into a square!”
Jane Shelton Hoffmann:
A fellow had ordered a pair
Of women to come to his lair:
One blonde, one brunette,
But he seemed to forget
‘Twas a weekend his kids would be there.
Forlornly she fondled his pair.
Then she said with her eyes all a-glare,
“In light of the linkage
Of old age to shrinkage,
I’ll bet that you color your hair.”
David Lefkovits a/k/a Dr. Goose:
A fastidious English au pair
With a family who lived in Bel Air
Told the handyman, Paul,
That his tool was too small:
“In love,” she said, “awl is not fair.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Craig Dykstra, Cyn, David Lefkovits, Ira Bloom, Jamie Hutchinson, Jane Shelton Hoffman, Kevin Ahern, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Mark Kane, Steve Whitred, Sue Dulley, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest