Posts Tagged ‘Stephen Gold’

Limerick of the Week (108)

Sunday, April 7th, 2013

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Craig Dykstra, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A baker I met buying bread
Must love how I treat him in bed:
Has “Fredrico Fellini”
Tattooed on his weenie,
But his wife thinks it only says Fred.

Congratulations to Johanna Richmond, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

Do lim’ricks attract the ill-bred?
I can only infer from Craig’s spread:
If your reader can’t chew it
Tattoo it or screw it,
Forget it, you ain’t got no cred.

Congratulations to Sue Dulley and Will T. Laughlin, who jointly win a special Limerick Repartee Award for this limerick exchange:

Sue Dulley:

A guy from the States, not ill-bred,
To a person from Canada said:
If you must pronounce Zee
Like it’s spelt Z-E-D,
Then why not say “A-Bed-Ced-Ded?”

Will T. Laughlin:

Dear Sue: In the U.S. we’re bred
To say ‘zee’ where all others say ‘zed’:
“A-Bed-Ced” is absurd,
Or our hymn would be heard
At the ball game: “Oh, say, can you said?”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) RJ Clarken, Fred Bortz, Jim Gallagher Stephen Gold, Will T. Laughlin, Bone, Steve Whitred, and Sue Dulley. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Rj Clarken:

A gal who was rather ill-bred
Sought lessons, since she was unread.
So with rain found in Spain
She became more urbane,
‘Though the song is still stuck in her head.

Fred Bortz:

A limerick contest on bread
Hurts this Pesach observer’s poor head.
Let’s revolt against Kane
For causing such pain
And write some on matzo instead.

Jim Gallagher:

He wryly de-floured her bread,
Then kneaded her sweet rolls instead.
He started to tickle
Her sweet pumpernickel,
Carawaying her right into bed.

Stephen Gold:

A man who was rather ill-bred
Told his girl he would love to be wed.
When she sighed,”I would too,”
He replied, “Not to you!”
And went off with her sister instead.

Will T. Laughlin:

They woke up their roommate ill-bred:
“Get up! Carpe diem!” they said.
He replied, “Carpe NOCTEM,”
Rolled over, and shocked ‘em:
Their girlfriends were with him in bed!


A fellow who liked to bake bread
Was suddenly filled with great dread.
His wife’s yeast infection
Cause great circumspection.
Now he uses self-rising instead.

Steve Whitred:

A woman who liked to bake bread
Met a pottery artist named Ted.
Now he butters her rolls
And she fondles his bowls,
While his kiln and her oven glow red.

Sue Dulley:

Some people lived mostly on bread
And much of the time went unfed.
They appealed to ‘la reine’
To help with their pain.
All she told them was, eat cake instead.

I went to the Safeway for bread.
It made sense what Marie A. had said!
The pound cake cost less
Than a loaf, so I guess…
No more toast, I’ll make trifle instead.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

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