Limerick of the Week (137)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Chris Doyle, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

Said a butcher in France slicing ham
For a woman: “I’ll throw in some lamb
And pastrami for free
If with me you agree
To play hide the salami, madame.”

And congratulations to Chris Doyle yet again, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for a second limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

I’ll be frank: where’s the sugar-cured ham?
I’ll be blunt: where’s the glaze on this yam?
I’ll be forthright: this beet
Needs a coating that’s sweet.
(It’s no secret how candied I am.)

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Craig Dykstra, Phyllis LaVietes, Kathy El-Assal, Tom Harris, Will T. Laughlin, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Craig Dykstra:

My gramps is forever a ham.
He drops trou and rocks out to a jam.
So last night he’s on Skype
(And I don’t mean to gripe)
But he maybe should turn off his cam.

Phyllis LaVietes:

A woman was roasting a ham
Made of soy. She said, “Yes, it’s a sham,
But I’d feel like a dork
If I were to eat pork.
I am vegan – I yam what I yam!”

Kathy El-Assal:

“You are cured,” said the chef to the ham.
“Now it’s time for that patient young lamb.”
While he nursed his red wine,
Chef looked forward to dine
On paella he’d doctored with clam.

Tom Harris:

The man was a terrible ham,
Whose movie career was a sham.
But he did get one part.
His role: Cut a fart.
He stunk, but went out with a blam!

Will T. Laughlin:

Mr. Cruz: Both your Green Eggs and Ham
Down your mis’rable throat I should cram
For making a game
Of my credit and name.
Respectfully yours… Uncle Sam.

Tim James:

A woman was roasting a ham
When her gas stove went off with a blam!
With a flash and a roar
She got blown through a door.
Now she’s caught in a bit of a jamb.

Will T. Laughlin:

Said the Chef, “I’ve a very large ham
Which I’m anxious to show you, Madame.
Though I’m most at my best
With a plump bit of breast,
And I do like to chowder a clam!”

Now, the Chef was a very nice guy.
‘Twas a meal that he meant, and no lie.
He was truly bereft
When she slapped him and left,
And he still doesn’t understand why.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Filed under Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest

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3 Responses to “Limerick of the Week (137)”

  1. Chris Doyle says:

    Thanks, Mad (and you voters)!

  2. Johanna Richmond says:

    Congratulations to Chris and HM’s! Will, I should have checked Mad’s blog before writing my Ted Cruz limerick. Was wondering why noone on the FB thread had gone there. Yours puts mine to shame!

  3. madkane says:

    Congratulations once again to all the winners!