Limerick of the Week (98)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to Jamie Hutchinson, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:

A woman would always come clean
With the truth to the men she had seen:
“I’ll say Yes but—don’t hate me—
The best way to date me
Is to measure my carbon 14.”

Congratulations to Bob Dvorak, who wins this week’s Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”

A woman who hated to clean
Checked the room of her typical teen,
Where she found seven plates,
Peanuts, walnuts, and dates,
And some ham, biologically green.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order): Johanna Richmond, Scott Crowder, Chris Doyle, Kathy El-Assal, Edmund Conti, Kirk Miller, Steve Whitred, Phyllis Sterling Smith a/k/a Granny Smith, Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

Johanna Richmond:

A president chose to come clean
In a red, white and very blue scene,
And the subtext was this:
Here’s my rear for a kiss,
GOP, if you think I’m still green.

Scott Crowder:

A woman who hated to clean,
Was a sex-hungry, lovin’ machine.
And the men she’d been dating,
Are anxiously waiting
For someone to find a vaccine.

Chris Doyle:

A leatherneck never comes clean
When he romps around town as a queen
In a dress and high heels
Getting liquored-up SEALs
To unwittingly do a marine.

Kathy El-Assal:

A librarian liked her books clean,
Preferring her pages pristine.
As for S&M porn,
She only had scorn
Fifty shades of bad writing? Obscene!

Edmund Conti:

Said a fellow who hated to clean
The gunk off his new guillotine,
“It’s a pain in the neck
Cleaning all of this dreck
Just to peel a small ripe tangerine.

Kirk Miller:

A comedian planned to come clean
In his stand-up. “My future routine
Won’t have cussing from me
‘Cause my humor,” said he,
“Unlike kids, should be heard, not obscene.”

Steve Whitred:

A fellow who hated to clean
Has created a washing routine.
Now he schedules each bath
Using log’rithmic math
So they’re fewer and farther between.

Phyllis Sterling Smith:

A young actress who wished to be “clean”
Was embarrassed to read on the screen
That it rated an X
Just because she had sex
In a scene that was seen as obscene!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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11 Responses to “Limerick of the Week (98)”

  1. Congratulations, everyone! Enjoyed reading your pieces! Lotsa laughs!

  2. Congratulations Jamie and Bob! Great limericks everyone.

  3. Johanna Richmond says:

    Congratulations to Jamie and Bob! Terrific limericks! So many that made me laugh this week!

  4. Jane Hoffman says:

    Winners and losers alike did a great job, but these did stand out as some of the best, and the wins are well-deserved. CONGRATS!!!!

  5. Jamie Hutchinson says:

    wow, thanks mad! and thanks, limerickers, for all the smiles this week!

  6. Bob Dvorak says:

    I’m flattered. Thanks for the votes, friends. I may be sore pressed to repeat given the level of competition on this site. :) Bob

  7. madkane says:

    Congratulations once again to all the winners!

  8. Sara McNulty says:

    Congrats all you limmer winners. Well deserved.

  9. madkane says:

    Thanks for your comment Sara!

  10. sue dulley says:

    Better late than never? They just keep popping into my head this week.

    A doctor could never go clean
    In a TV show you may have seen.
    He misused his buddy
    Named Wilson, and Cuddy,
    And Foreman, Chase, Taub and Thirteen.

  11. madkane says:

    LOL! Sue, you just can’t stop! :)