Mad Kane’s Political Madness

Another Bush war speech is on the horizon. Oh, goody! Actually, I’m not sure I’ll be able to force myself to watch next week’s speech, in which Bush is expected to announce a politically motivated “surge and accelerate plan.” But I’ve heard enough Bush speeches to sum this one up in a limerick, without even seeing it:

Bush’s Surge Speech: A Mad Preview
By Madeleine Begun Kane

It appears that we’re right on the verge
Of  what Bush and McCain call a surge.
Once again, George the Madman
Behaves like an adman
Whose product leads only to dirge.

=========

And now some links, for your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Mail Fraud (Skippy)
* Ten ‘Bombshells’ From Rudy’s Secret Dossier (Don Davis)
* Keith Olbermann’s Special Comment on Sacrifice (OneGoodMove) 

Technorati Tags: Iraq War, Bush Speech, Surge, Iraq Surge, Surge & Accelerate Plan, Sacrifice, McCain

Justin A. Frank, M.D., author of  “Bush on the Couch,” makes a convincing case that George W. Bush is a sociopath in this fascinating Buzzflash interview.

I fear  that Dr. Frank may well be right.  But even if my much milder haiku diagnosis is the correct one, we’re in deep trouble with Bush in the White House:

Dub on the Divan
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Dubya’s surging fear
Of emasculation drives
War escalation.

Technorati Tags: Sociopath Bush, Emasculation, Buzzflash, Justin A. Frank, Bush On The Couch, Bush Haiku

President Bush had some words of wisdom for us at Wednesday’s press conference: “I encourage you all to go shopping more.”

Hey, at least he finally has his priorities straight.  And that brings me to my latest political limerick:

Shopping For A New President Would Be Nice
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

‘Tis the season to buy stuff, for sure.
Have you shopped? Yes? Then go shop some more.
That’s what Dubya once said,
While ignoring the dead—
Needless victims of Dub’s wanton war.  

Technorati Tags: Bush Humor, War Humor, Economy Humor, Press Conference

“A Way Forward?” To Where, Exactly?
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Iraq’s current state is abysmal,
With its prospects of peace rather dismal.
Dubya started this war,
Yielding blood, sweat and gore,
And success odds quite infinitesimal.

=========

And now some links, for your reading, listening, and viewing pleasure:
* The Talking Dog Interviews Michael Berube
* Year In Review: GOP ‘Takes A Perp Walk On The Wild Side’
* War Is Relative
* Top Ten Funniest Political Moments of 2006
* Melissa Block talks with voice-over artists Dennis Steele and Scott Sanders about how to make a threatening voice for a political ad. (All Things Considered Audio Clip.)  

Technorati Tags: Iraq War, Iraq Study Group, A Way Forward, War Satire

Ode To Diminished Expectations
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Unanimous yeses for Gates,
Cause it’s clear that he has what it takes
To be better than Rummy.
He isn’t a dummy!!!
That’s life in our Bush-induced straits.

Technorati Tags: Bob Gates Satire, Robert Gates, Confirmation Humor,  Defense Secretary, Senate Armed Services Committee

Uncivil Drivel
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The pundits incessantly muse,
“Is it civil or not?” I’m confused,
Cause by all definitions
Dub’s ill-advised “mission”
Ignited a civil war fuse.

Technorati Tags: Civil War, Iraq War, Pundits, Mission, Satire

Limerick For Bush’s Brain
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The man who’s called George Bush’s Brain
Has been weakened. Yes, that much is plain.
I doubt he got kicks.
From Election Oh-Six,
Which was won by the Dems, Dubya’s  bane.

Technorati Tags: Election 2006, Bush’s Brain, The Architect, Karl Rove Humor

Needless to say, I’m very happy about Tuesday’s election results.  And yet, I can’t resist the impulse to get just a little bit greedy:

Mad Kane Gets Greedy (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

I am blissful, contented, and happy.
The election results weren’t crappy.
But for pleasure inflated,
To make me elated,
Impeach Cheney/Bush. Make it snappy!

=========

And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* Dems Sing ‘Our House Is A Very, Very, Very Blue House’
* Carnival of Satire
* Kicking Elephants and Taking Names
* Carnival of the Vanities
* Personal Growth Carnival

Technorati Tags: Election Humor, Impeachment Humor, Cheney/Bush Humor

As SNL’s Churchlady used to say, “How con-veeeeeeee-ni-ent!”  I’m referring, of course, to the Saddam Hussein death by hanging sentence, which just happened to be announced two days before Election Day. Uh-huh … right.

A Convenient Noose (Haiku)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Saddam’s death sentence.
Serendipitous? Hardly!
Leave no scheme behind.

Technorati Tags: Saddam Hussein, Death Penalty, Death By Hanging, Election Day Humor, SNL’s Churchlady 

Chalk it up to pre-election delirium, but I just wrote a Bush-Cheney song parody to Winter Wonderland, without realizing that I used the same tune back in 2004 for a pre-election song parody.  Fortunately, a bad memory does have some benefits, so the lyrics are quite different. Here’s my new one:

Bush and Cheney’s Blunderland (Sing to Winter Wonderland)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

Rummy’s great, and he’s staying.
No debate. Stop your braying.
“Fantastic” at war!
Bush Rummy adores.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney’s Blunderland.

War is hard, but we’re winning.
GOP, lies and spinning.
Our war in Iraq
Is really on track.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney’s Blunderland.

Bush and Rove are great at building straw men.
Then they proudly knock their straw men down.
Dub implies we’re traitors.
We’ll say, “No Man!”
It’s time to stop pretending you’ve been crowned.

Ev’ry day, they conspire.
Reckless knaves, thieves, and liars.
The Bush/Cheney reign,
Democracy’s bane.
Welcome to Bush/Cheney’s Blunderland.

           =========

And now some links, for your reading pleasure:
* The Worst Political Websites.
* I like Avedon when she’s in a snit.
* Don Davis’s Kerry: How Do You Ask Me To ‘Die’ For My Last Mistake?
* OneGoodMove has the New York Times’ latest editorial, and it’s a great one.
* Gary Trudeau Profile. (Via Alternative Hippopotamus)
* No Bush profiteering op left behind.
* Carnival Time: Carnival of Satire and Carnival of the Vanities.
* I sure hope journalists everywhere read this column and heed its counsel.
* Eric Schwartz sings his Clinton Got A Blowjob. 

Technorati Tags: Election Humor, Bush Humor, Bush Blunders, Richard Cheney, Dubya, Karl Rove, Donald Rumsfeld

A pair of poems today — more serious than usual –  inspired by the latest attempt to swift-boat John Kerry, and Kerry’s finally finding his voice in response to the Rove orchestrated attacks on him:

When I hear Gore speak, I sigh for what could have been.
When I watch Kerry speak, I eye what should have been.
When I see Bush speak, I cry for our citizens.

Kerry’s mad as hell
And won’t take it anymore.
Late, but still welcome.

Technorati Tags: John Kerry, Tony Snow, Swift-Boating, Strawmen, Election, Bush Lies, Al Gore, Karl Rove

Nixing the Chicks
By Madeleine Begun Kane

NBC nixes
Ad for Dixie Chicks movie.
Flips bird at fairness.

(The song parody I wrote back in 2003 about the Dixie Chicks being treated like traitors is here.)

Technorati Tags: Country Music, Dixie Chicks,  Documentary,  Patriotism Humor, NBC Ads, Censorship

Dear Dub,

You seem to be having a tough time telling the difference between “tactics” and “strategy.” Perhaps this haiku will help:

Tactic: Language games.
Strategy: Deceive voters.
Goal: Win at all cost. 

Technorati Tags: Bush Haiku, Election Humor, Voters, Bush Lies, Language Games, Iraq Strategy, War Tactics, War Goals

The “He Misled” Theme Song (Sing to the Mr. Ed Theme Song.)
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

Bush never said “stay the course,” of course.
And no one can challenge this ass of horse.
He lies, perforce, to change the course of election day ahead.

Go right to the source. He’ll lie of course.
Won’t give you an answer that you’ll endorse.
He’s never on a truthful course.
Lies you will be fed.

Pundits yakkity yak a streak and waste your time of day.
And talking heads will rarely challenge the lies that the Bushies say.

George Dubya has no remorse, of course,
And Georgie will lie till his voice is hoarse.
He’d love to rule all the world by force.

But listen to this:

Happy days ahead!

(My previous “stay the course” humor is here and my song parodies are collected here.)

Technorati Tags: Stay The Course, Election Day, Bush Misled,  Bush Lies, Talking Heads, Pundits

Watching Dubya lie isn’t exactly a novelty.  But claiming he never said “stay the course” is pretty damn brazen, even for Bush. And that brings me to my latest limerick:

Bush Stays His Lying Course
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

Of Iraq Dubya said, “stay the course.”
He repeated it till he was hoarse.
Yet he lies and avers:
I never used those words.
From the facts and the truth Dub’s divorced.

For more on this topic, check out Last Days Of President Bush, Just One Minute, Balloon Juice, Donklephant, Media Matters, The Washington Post and, on a lighter note, Don Davis.

Technorati Tags: Stay The Course, Bush Lies, Iraq Humor

What Atrios said, but in a pair of haiku:

Bin Laden is back,
Touted in GOP ads.
They’re proud of failure?

Frightening people
Is the goal of terrorists,
Like the GOP.

Technorati Tags: Terrorism, GOP Ads, Bin Laden, Scare Tactics, Bush Failure

I have two funny books to recommend today. Let’s start with The Republican Playbook, by the always entertaining Andy Borowitz. Somehow or another Borowitz got hold of Dubya’s personally annotated copy of the GOP Bible. (I’m betting pretzels were involved.) And, as Bush himself scribbles on the back cover:

Note to self: this book contains all our dirtiest tricks… If it ever gets out, we’re toast. Make sure it doesn’t fall out of pocket while on bike!

It’s a very amusing read!

And speaking of amusing reads, Anonymous Lawyer, by Jeremy Blachman, made me laugh out loud. You may already be familiar with Blachman’s blog of the same name.  Well the book is even better, a satirical look at law firm life from the viewpoint of a fictional hiring partner at a large law firm in a major city.  It reminded me why I don’t practice law anymore, and I thoroughly enjoyed it.

Technorati Tags: Funny Books, Andy Borowitz, The Republican Playbook, Jeremy Blachman, Anonymous Lawyer, Books Reviews

Every time I start thinking the press may finally be doing its job, I run across another example of media laziness and gullibility.  

For instance, the record shattering August U.S. trade deficit received minimal coverage, almost as if it were a non-event.

Yet many “journalists” seemed all too eager to report, unchallenged, Bush’s “halving the budget deficit” claim, though this assertion is patently false.

But perhaps I’m not being fair. Cause let’s face it,  Bush style accounting could improve just about anybody’s budget. Think how rosy yours would look if, with the flick of a black pen, you moved major expenses (housing? energy?) off budget.

And now it’s time for a limerick duo:

Trading On Fiction
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The trade gap is higher than ever.
Will Republicans fix it? No, never!
Yet the GOP yells:
“The economy’s swell.”
Don’t forget to click “Dem” with that lever.

Budget Reality Gap
By Madeleine Begun Kane

The deficit’s halved, claims George Dub.
But it’s gone way, way up. There’s the rub.
Yet the press prints and buys
Georgie Dubya’s big lies.
Once again, hard reality’s scrubbed.

For your reading (and viewing) pleasure:
* Norm at OneGood Move brings us the always hilarious Lewis Black.
* Skippy brings us a Kerry cahones video. (Now he grows a pair?)
* From Kevin Hayden, GOP’s Top Bloggers Abandon Ship, While Remaining in Denial.
* From Don Davis, Top Ten Things The Bushies Are Saying Behind The Evangelicals’ Backs.
* From The Talking Dog, an interview with Dr. Steven Miles, medical professor at the U. of Minnesota, and author of “Oath Betrayed” discussing medical complicity in torture, prisoner abuse, et al, in the war on terror.

Technorati Tags: Deficit Spending, Budget Deficit, Trade Deficit, Trade Gap, Press Humor, Gullible Journalists, Budget Lies, Off Budget Items

Ode To The Garish Katherine Harris (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane 

The gal who stole Bush his “election,”
Now is spurned like a lethal infection.
Her makeup is strange,
And she acts quite deranged.
She’s the fruit of unnat’ral selection.

My previous Katherine Harris limerick is here. And for more Katherine Harris humor, don’t miss the Instant Message from Rep. Mark Foley to Sen. Katherine Harris, as channeled by Alan Bisbort and About.com’s Katherine Harris humor section.

And speaking of Katherine Harris, I was just invited to appear on a radio show right smack in the middle of Harris’s turf: The Surreal News Show on Sarasota, Florida’s WSLR 96.5 LP FM Radio.   My appearance is tentatively scheduled for Friday morning, October 27th, and I’ll post more info once details are finalized.

Oh, I almost forgot — the latest  Carnival of the Liberals has been posted at World Wide Webers and it’s another good one.  And be sure to read Don Davis’s very amusing The Great ‘Illiterary’ Contest: ‘Name’ The Bush Memoir and the latest (and always excellent) Carnival of Satire and to check out The Crisis In Our Nation’s Pants.

Update: I think the interview went fairly well and, if you’d like to, you can listen to it here.

Technorati Tags: Congresswoman Katherine Harris, Stealing Elections, Progressive Radio, Liberal Radio

Bush is still rejecting the idea of bilateral talks with North Korea, claiming that they failed to work during Bill Clinton’s administration. Meanwhile, Bush’s flame throwing surrogate, John McCain, says North Korea’s nuclear test, conducted nearly six years into Dubya’s presidency, is Bill Clinton’s fault.  So, does that mean Monica was Bush Sr.’s fault?

And that brings me to my latest haiku:

The Buck Stops … On Clinton? (Haiku)
By Madeleine Begun Kane

North Korea’s nukes
Are Clinton’s fault, claims McCain.
Bill’s still Prez?  Who knew?

Update: Right after John “Straight Talk” McCain’s finger pointing, McCain blasted people for North Korea related finger pointing.

Technorati Tags: Bilateral Talks, Nuclear Tests, Nuclear Technology, Senator McCain, President Clinton, North Korea Sanctions