Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PRIME at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 5, 2022 )

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PRIME at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ACCUSATIONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ACCUSATIONS-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on February 6 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 5, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my PRIME-rhyme limerick:

A dishonest young fellow named Lance
Stole some wallets and handbags in France.
Though his theft skills were prime,
(This was not his first crime)
Lance was caught quite by chance at a dance.

And here’s my ACCUSATION-themed limerick:

A tense spouse warned her husband, “No joke!
You must give up cigars, or you’ll croak.”
He replied with a shriek:
“But I stopped just last week.”
“You’re lying,” she said. “Don’t blow smoke.”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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211 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PRIME at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 5, 2022 )”

  1. Terry Marter says:

    The defendant, all battered and bruised,
    Denies crimes of which he’s been accused.
    Now he’s caught and in court,
    Claiming street fights are sport
    Cos the crowd (placing bets) were amused.

  2. KIRK MILLER says:

    Accused men have been viewed with disdain
    By some women who loudly complain
    They were fondled a lot.
    On the men it’s a blot,
    And they’re groping for ways to explain.

  3. Rudy Landesman says:

    Alfred Dreyfus for years made the news
    After Zola revealed in “J’Accuse”
    The whole truth, the real reason
    For the false charge of treason.
    Some Frenchmen just didn’t like Jews.

  4. Rudy Landesman says:

    We emerged from primordial slime.
    I admit we were not in our prime,
    But we found a solution
    And used evolution.
    In due time even learned how to rhyme.

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    They keep offering Amazon Prime,
    But I firmly refuse every time.
    Greedy Jeff is so rich,
    But the son-of-a-bitch
    Wob’t pay taxes, not even a dime.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    Though I can’t stop the passage of time,
    To attempt to delay it’s no crime.
    Whenever I’m told
    That I’m now very old,
    I insist that I’m in my “late prime”.

  7. Brian Allgar says:


    The Prince is accused of the crime
    Of enjoying young girls in their prime –
    Under-age. What a sleaze!
    But a Royal big cheese
    Is unlikely to have to do time.

  8. Brian Allgar says:

    I pressed the “Dissatisfied” button
    And signed it as “Unhappy glutton.”
    “What you sold me’s a scam;
    Though it’s labelled “Spring Lamb”,
    From the taste, it is elderly mutton.”

  9. Bob Turvey says:

    Cleopatra was nude at the time –
    When a guard’s loin cloth started to climb.
    Said she, “In my presence
    You’re sporting tumescence?”
    Then she had him cut off in his prime.

  10. Sally Franz says:

    His young kisses were simply sublime
    She’d know, since they kissed all the time
    A Cougar with cash
    She got whisker rash
    She ribbed, your my optimus prime

  11. Sally Franz says:

    Accusations, they toss them at me
    I’m too loud, too honest, oh pul-ease
    They come all the time
    But, hey I’m in my prime
    Tah-tah to your too-toos, I’m free.

  12. Terry Marter says:

    “Accusations I’m dumb are not true”
    (Trump said) “Here’s what I’m going to do:
    To prove I’m no fool
    I’ll go back to school
    And learn to spell words, – like I.Q.”

  13. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Mad,
    Perhaps we should collaborate. What d’ya think?

    They accused her of looking askance
    At Lance, who was wearing tight pants.
    But it’s also been hinted
    That she merely squinted.
    Just by chance at a dance back in France.

  14. Tony Holmes says:

    “Your career path, a life spent in crime?
    Then a liking for porridge is prime.
    Add a penchant for cuffs,
    And close friendship of toughs,
    And don’t bitch when time comes to do time.”

  15. Wildman says:

    Bank exec, felt her ‘clock’ ticking time…
    Single still, no romance, such a crime
    Made a quest, found a mate
    At a high interest rate
    It was clear, he was well above prime

  16. Steve Frakt says:

    In the fridge sat my last half of lime
    It was clearly well past its prime
    But I still put it in
    To my tonic and gin
    And the drink simply turned into slime

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    My baby is such a delight.
    And though I am raising him right,
    Years from now, to his “shrink”
    He’ll say, “I’m on the brink.”
    Then accuse me for causing his plight.

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Mommy accused me of lying!
    Then wondered why I wasn’t crying.
    I’ve heard her big spiel
    That Santa is real.
    So she’s lying too. I’m not buying.

  19. Roger Haugen says:

    I call Gershwin’s music sublime,
    ‘Cause that’s the kind of guy I’m;
    Not played much of late,
    So what? I can wait–
    Until then, I’m Biden my time.

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Sound of Music” was simply sublime.
    Way back then, I was sure in my prime.
    That was so long ago,
    And now I walk slow.
    Ev’ry mountain I no longer climb.

  21. There once was a man of his time
    who overused Amazon Prime
    till he hit the floor
    when Covid dropped at his door
    (driver coughed up justice sublime).

  22. Dane Paulsen says:

    The word from the armory’s heady.
    Two cannon balls now going steady.
    Not to accuse,
    But received news,
    They’re expecting BBs already.

  23. Dane Paulsen says:

    Dogs head in car with a wink.
    Out the window in a blink.
    If you ask why,
    He would reply,
    “Boy how those people do stink”.

  24. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Since her wisecracks and punchlines were glib,
    Eve could poke with a joke (or ad-lib).
    And any old time,
    The target most prime
    Would be Adam — so easy to rib.

  25. Lisi Nortman says:

    False Accusation

    The perception that “hubby” imparts
    Is false, (I’m the one with the smarts.)
    He blames our Maltese
    For cutting the cheese.
    Yet he’s the one blowing the farts.

  26. Wildman says:

    Accusations today aren’t few
    We lament all the ones that aren’t true
    Yeah, you feel for the guy
    Who got poked in the eye
    When an eye-for-eye’s surely his due!

  27. Tim James says:

    The dish she was planning was prime:
    Grade-A beef, marinated in lime,
    Parsley, rosemary, sage.
    Then it needed to age.
    But it failed, ’cause she ran out of thyme.

  28. Wildman says:

    Accusations can leave you quite blue
    When perceptions, as seen, aren’t true…
    But the color most dread
    In the mirror is red
    When the wrongful accuser is YOU!

  29. Dane Paulsen says:

    Charles dickens spending his dimes,
    Bought spices but then he whines.
    Some very eatable,
    Others were regrettable.
    The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    The juror was somewhat confused
    Though nevertheless quite amused
    When the Judge on the bench,
    (Who sure was no mensch)
    Said, “Now call the falsely accused.”

  31. Tony Holmes says:

    Buttoned flies were foremost for a time,
    Till the zipper emerged to stand prime.
    But this Penis Fly Trap
    Can imperil one’s chap,
    Whereas Velcro commits no such crime.

  32. Dane Paulsen says:

    A cow won’t curie favor,
    Be excused for their behavior.
    One of his ilk,
    Who can’t give milk,
    Is deemed an udder failure.

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    In the last 2 sad years we have seen
    People wearing their masks, as routine.
    So if pointing the finger,
    Keep your distance, don’t linger.
    And make sure your hands are real clean.

  34. Jackie Chou says:

    There was a man in his prime
    Who loved to have a good climb
    Screwed every woman in America
    Accruing lots of bad karma
    Till a stroke paralyzed his limb

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Sis” accused me of stealing her clothes,
    Right down to her personal hose.
    I confessed to the Abbot
    Concerning my Habit.
    And now I’m “Absolved Sister Rose.”

  36. Lisi Nortman says:


    “Well, now I know just who you are!
    Saw your Chevy at “Two-Timer Bar”
    “Sue, he must be super,
    Cuz you’re now in a stupor.
    This morning, you borrowed my car.”

  37. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Rhyme Schyme

    As a poetess, back in my prime,
    I believed that free verse was sublime.
    After “free,” I tried “blank,”
    A diversion I thank.
    I’m still drawing on that at this time.

  38. It’s a breaking and entering crime.
    And Goldilocks suspect this time.
    Three bears are all bent,
    On malicious intent.
    The trial is on Amazon Prime.

  39. Jackie Chou says:

    You put down my poetry
    Accuse me of mediocrity
    Saying I am dumb
    When I know I’m da bomb
    You’re the one who needs therapy

  40. She hovered above the still bird.
    That laid on a book, hadn’t stirred.
    The title is prime,
    “In Cold Blood” fits the crime.
    Angelic look kitty just purred.

    Who, me?

  41. Terry Marter says:

    The house paint was well past its prime
    But they Had not much more than a Dime.
    Robbed a bank. Bought the stuff.
    Did the job. Think that’s rough?
    The new Colour was Really the crime!

  42. Lisi Nortman says:

    Michael Lee Aday: known as “Meat Loaf ” died on January 20th, this year.
    He was primarily a Rock singer with a powerful and wide-ranging voice.
    (Extremely talented)

    Michael Lee was just simply sublime.
    And I must admit, truthfully I’m
    Just so full of woe
    And assuredly know
    That “Meat Loaf” was well-seasoned Prime.

  43. My previous spouse a big cheat.
    Had a dream I restrained both his feet.
    Next morning bazaar,
    Found in trunk of my car,
    Were bags that were drained of concrete.

  44. Tim Gray says:

    She annoys me time after time
    From the ridiculous to the sublime.
    But that made me discover
    That I really do love her
    No matter she’s way past her prime.

  45. Tim Gray says:

    Having reached a peak, and made lots,
    Careered downhill at a great rate of knots.
    He’d past his prime
    And just in time
    As he is now competing with bots.

  46. Tim Gray says:

    I get paid for spending my time
    Dating men way past their prime.
    They think they’re ten rated,
    They’re more like sedated
    But the money makes life real sublime.

  47. Tim Gray says:

    The news is rather upsetting.
    I seem to have turned into a cretin.
    I’m way past my prime
    Now I’ve turned sixty-nine,
    And it seems no job I’ll be getting

  48. Wildman says:

    Even numbers, when odd, can do tricks
    Add a little four-play to the mix…
    Birthing ‘3’ to be prime
    Can take quite a long time
    When two numbers consent to ‘halve six’…

  49. Wildman says:

    We’ll, it goes without saying, ’twas prime…
    Question popped, she was speachless – sublime…
    Lost for words she was craving
    All he got was hand waving
    So well said – his new wife was a mime…

  50. Mary Jennings says:

    Miss Brodie was sure in her prime
    Bragged of it all the time
    She fussed and she primped
    For the girls that she pimped
    While proclaiming fascism sublime.

  51. Dane Paulsen says:

    Not known for organizing acumen.
    Mislabeled some jars, only human.
    Wife’s yet to give flak,
    Hasn’t seen her spice rack,
    But now the thyme is cumin.

  52. Dane Paulsen says:

    Adultery is a sin it’s true’
    It’s something forbidden to do.
    While you’re in your prime’
    Don’t commit this crime.
    You can’t have your Kate and Edith too.

  53. Dane Paulsen says:

    Oops! I’ll try it again.

    Adultery is a sin it’s true.
    It’s something forbidden to do.
    While you’re in your prime.
    Don’t commit this crime.
    You can’t have your Kate and Edith too.

  54. When Mo and I entered our prime
    We agreed to be partners in crime.
    At first, all our stick-ups
    Transpired without hiccups,
    But now, we’re both serving hard time.

  55. When he asks where I’ve been, I reply,
    “Why, at church!” He then counters, “You lie!”
    Could it be that my cover
    For trysts with my lover
    Is failing ‘cause hubby’s a spy?

  56. Wildman says:

    Gave her land – had to spend his last dime…
    With high hopes to hear wedding bells chime
    With a diamond so fine
    She did opt to decline
    Since the real estate just wasn’t prime

  57. Dane Paulsen says:

    He asked the old chief, feather-plucking.
    Why some of his kid’s names were sucking.
    “I gave it little thought, is true”.
    “I’d look around for a clue”.
    “But why do you ask, Two Dogs F**king”?

  58. Andy Sewina says:

    Nice one, Mad! The people who steal wallets are known as ‘dippers’ in some circles and the handbag thieves are called ‘snatchers’.

  59. Andy Sewina says:

    Here’s my Limerick attempt:
    Even though some thought his rump was prime
    It was squashy like lemon and lime
    He makes a bitey face
    As bitter as old lace
    The butcher was having a good time
    25012022/1/Mad Kane Prompt

  60. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Cried Chef Andre, “You’ve ruined my prime
    rib roast for the very last time!”
    Then with aid from a new chef,
    He laid out the sous-chef.
    Who could blame him? Burnt prime is a crime.

  61. Bob Turvey says:

    McCarthy destroyed reputations
    With his Anti-Red investigations.
    If he smelled “Communist”
    You were on a Black List;
    No proof needed – just accusations.

    [For example: limerick writer Louis Untermeyer; see Wikipedia]

  62. Lisi Nortman says:


    My “girl” clearly stated her case!
    She said I am “just a disgrace”
    Cuz I “talk like a child”
    That made me go wild
    So I spit in her stinky poo face.

  63. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Caught a thief with my watch in his fist.
    “The thing’s broken,” he sulked, acting pissed.
    As a suspect, he’s prime,
    But it’s not the right time,
    So he’ll just get a slap on the wrist.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    As a senior, I’m still in my prime.
    When I walk, I can stop on a dime.
    Of course, I then fall.
    But I still have a ball.
    And crawl back to that room just one time.

  65. Lisi Nortman says:


    As a senior, I’m still in my prime.
    From 1 to 10, I am “The Dime”
    And when I forget,
    Not to brag, I “reset”
    And go back to that room just one time.

  66. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Wu cried, “How dare you accuse
    Me of bigotry, hate, biased views?
    Just because Christmas Day
    The “Wu Tang Buffet”
    Is open, but only for Jews.”

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    I should have used “My” instead of “The” in line 4. (and another change)

    Mr. Tang cried, “How dare you accuse
    Me of bigotry, hate, biased views?
    Just because Christmas Day
    My “Wu Tang Buffet”
    Is open, but only for Jews.”

  68. Dane Paulsen says:

    Only odd numbers are prime.
    Except one not odd anytime.
    Not odd one is 2.
    Seems odd but who knew.
    An even one’s prime this one time.

  69. Dave Johnson says:

    “I know what you’re up to” she said
    The moment he crawled into bed.
    “Those things on your phone
    When you think you’re alone
    Wind up in my archive instead.”

  70. Dane Paulsen says:

    Small tweak to earlier Lim.

    He asked the old chief, feather-plucking.
    Why some of his kid’s names were sucking.
    “I gave little thought this is true”.
    “I’d look around for a clue”.
    “But why do you ask, Two Dogs F**king”?

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Closing Argument”

    “The defendant’s accused of “Misdeed”
    “She’s guilty. It’s true. Yes indeed!
    I believe her beautician
    (A prestigious position)
    Now, jurors, what more do you need?”

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    Limerick Errors! One More Try:
    “Closing Argument”

    “The defendant’s accused of “Misdeed”
    “To convince you of guilt, I’ll proceed:
    “She told her beautician.
    (A prestigious position)
    Now jurors, what more do you need?”

  73. David Friedman says:

    Many folks thought it a crime
    When Lady Gaga that time
    In a move indiscreet
    Wore a free made of meat
    (Back when she was in her prime).

  74. Clay Wild says:

    Painter Pete didn’t waste any time
    Slapped a coat on a house in Old Lyme
    Owner showed up and said
    Changed my mind – paint it red!
    The good news – Pete was still in his prime…

  75. Rudy Landesman says:

    What are you accusing me of?
    Bad grammar in line one above?
    My “of” preposition
    Is out of position
    At the end of a sentence, my love?

  76. David Friedman says:

    Madeleine asked for a rhyme
    That in it employed the word “rhyme.”
    I thought of one, Mad
    That isn’t half bad
    But it seems that I’ve run out of time.

  77. David Friedman says:

    Correction to de-autocorrect above limerick:

    Many folks thought it a crime
    When Lady Gaga that time
    In a move indiscreet
    Wore a dress made of meat
    (Back when she was in her prime).

  78. Terry Marter says:

    Their sex life is well past its prime:
    Thoughts of “why do we bother” each time.
    Their lust to ‘perform’
    Is no longer the norm
    But the sleep-in ‘til lunch is sublime.

  79. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Placing hands on, I gave it a jerk —
    Recalling its ev’ry last quirk.
    I oiled it up nightly,
    Massaging it lightly.
    Even so, the old pump wouldn’t work.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    “He’ll Think You Went Shopping”

    First gather up all of your shoes.
    Then throw them in bags to reuse.
    Now go on your way.
    Have fun with Jose.
    Come home later, and “hub” won’t accuse.

  81. Tony Holmes says:

    “If only I’d known – such a crime! –
    But before I’d made use of my prime
    It was gone! I had frittered,
    And now I’m embittered.
    I was gorgeous for such a short time.”

  82. Dane Paulsen says:

    I slept with a girl, not a crime.
    She makes movies for Amazon Prime.
    When it came time to poke her,
    It was mediocre,
    And she asked me to pay for her time.

  83. on 1/24 Bizarre how I used Bazaar, whoops

    My previous spouse , a big cheat.
    Had dream I restrained both his feet.
    Next morning, bizarre,
    Found in trunk of my car,
    Bags that were drained of concrete.

  84. To rid Mob of their bodies of crime.
    Concrete that’s from alkali lime.
    Best price they advise,
    To order supplies.
    Home Depot or Amazon Prime.

  85. Dave Johnson says:

    A helper from Amazon Prime,
    Alexa will give you the time.
    Plus music and news;
    But beware if you choose
    Her limericks – doggerel crime.

  86. Lisi Nortman says:

    We robbed “Diamonds R Us” ; brought a rag.
    And shaped it to make a tight gag.
    Cracked my knee. Couldn’t flee.
    The cop accused ME !
    I admitted to holding the bag.

  87. Lisi Nortman says:

    In “Domestic Class” I was bestowed
    The trophy called “Go Hit The Road”
    I botched up a dress.
    Was accused of “a mess”
    It seams that I reaped what I sewed.

  88. Wildman says:

    The bored cook sought something expedient
    His response was truly obedient
    Though it wasn’t the prime…
    He threw in wild thyme
    As the perfect missing ingredient!

  89. Dave Johnson says:

    Sade – her career in its prime,
    Released the song “Is It a Crime?”.
    But then, to dismay us,
    We heard “Amadeus”;
    That question was right at the time.

  90. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I was meaning to look up “J’accuse,”
    When instead I succumbed to a snooze.
    But from all I can glean
    As to what it might mean,
    It’s a French word for “Trump’s in the news.”

  91. Dane Paulsen says:

    Young girls stomping grapes, no reason to smirk.
    Some tired sat down – the job they shirk.
    But don’t take it lightly
    Cuz they would likely
    Get a little behind, in their work.

  92. Dane Paulsen says:

    With my cell phone at my ear.
    My wife replied, strange but so clear.
    “This I will share,
    Trim your ear hair”.
    “For it’s a video call my dear”.

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    I have just a bit more than a dime.
    But I do have to shop time to time.
    I buy “chuck” then proceed
    To season with weed.
    (When I’m floating, it tastes just like prime.)

  94. Dave Johnson says:

    The passenger wouldn’t refrain;
    His anti-mask rants were profane.
    So back to the gate
    Where the F.B.I. wait;
    For actions he’ll have to ex-plane.

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Motown Sound: Marvin Gaye, we miss you.
    Still grooving to all your fabulous songs, especially this one:
    (my version)

    Don’t think I’m accusing you, dear.
    Won’t believe all the things that I hear.
    Found out yesterday
    That you might go away,
    Now and then, that old Grapevine is clear.

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    Makes more sense: Marvin Gaye

    Don’t think I’m accusing you, dear.
    Won’t believe all the things that I hear.
    But I heard yesterday,
    That you’re goin’ away.
    Now and then, that old Grapevine is clear.

    (Honey, Honey Yeah)

  97. Dave Johnson says:

    An electric car thief they’ll arraign
    Had fled the emergency lane.
    He’d still be at large
    With a battery charge;
    Instead, all went down with the drain.

  98. Dave Johnson says:

    Correction to lines 3 and 4 in posting above:

    The passenger wouldn’t refrain:
    His anti-mask rants were profane;
    So back to the gates
    Where the F.B.I. waits;
    For actions he’ll have to ex-plane.

  99. Roger Haugen says:

    Every stupid and wild accusation
    Has a simple, consistent causation;
    Just search and you’ll find
    A tightly closed mind,
    With a pattern of pure obfuscation.

  100. Roger Haugen says:

    Covid Nineteen, a real game-changer,
    While deniers are playing Lone Ranger;
    This mob of accusers,
    Sure-enough losers–
    Who force all to cope with the danger.

  101. Roger Haugen says:

    “It’s a hoax, this damn vaccination!”
    So runs the shrill accusation;
    For “freedom” and pride
    So many have died–
    Not a source for informed emulation.

  102. Bob Turvey says:

    Online dating sites show all the time
    Great folk – who are all in their prime.
    When I meet them tho’
    Good God – what a blow!
    Surely lying online is a crime?

  103. David Friedman says:

    Accused was the king of the weeners
    Of high crimes and base misdemeanors,
    But Washington’s rashest —
    Each asshole and fascist —
    Acted as his intervenors.

  104. Wildman says:

    My new HVAC repair man refused
    To admit guilt to what I accused
    Lots of shouts and a swear
    And a stern, red-faced glare
    But once vented, the hot air diffused…

  105. Wildman says:

    It appeared on my arm in a flash
    And my bold accusation was brash
    “Poison oak from your yard
    Has me scratching and scarred!”
    Neighbor Ned claimed my judgment was rash…

  106. Wildman says:

    On the stand was one-eyed plumber Jack
    Was accused of a vicious attack
    Was grilled hard for his sin
    Till he finally gave in
    And the old adage stuck, ‘”plumbers crack'”…

  107. Wildman says:

    Still in shock from the rogue allegation
    The G.I. doc bore consternation
    When my hired P.I.
    Heard his ‘tight’ alibi
    We learned he was still on ‘probe-ation’…

  108. David Friedman says:

    Said 19 to 69, “I’m
    Ready to go every time,
    For I, while you’re humping,
    Am ready for pumping;
    That’s what it means to be prime.”

  109. Whenever I’m blamed or accused,
    It truthfully leaves me confused.
    My conscience is clean
    In fact, it’s pristine-
    The damn thing has never been used.

  110. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    “Our lives,” spoke the sevens, “are fun
    For nobody under the sun
    Has committed the crime
    Of dividing a prime,
    Unless, of course, you are The One!”

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    Ancient Establishment, Condos For Seniors

    I’m the only man here, (just sublime)
    And at 90, I’m still in my prime.
    The “Ladies of Gray”
    Just can’t stay away.
    I keep begging them, “One At A Time!”

  112. Tony Holmes says:

    Buttoned flies reigned supreme for a time,
    Till the zipper emerged to stand prime.
    But this Penis Fly Trap
    Can imperil one’s chap,
    Whereas Velcro commits no such crime.


  113. Dave Johnson says:

    He told her “It’s not what you think;
    And yes, we were having a drink.
    She noticed my ring;
    We’re not having a fling.”
    (His eyelids beginning to blink…)

  114. Dane Paulsen says:

    Hate between left and right guided,
    By billionaire media decided.
    But the blue and the red,
    More in common they dread.
    So, the rich keep them divided.

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    Sally: Age 10

    The day that the cold wind was blowing
    My mommy accused me of throwing
    Big snowballs at Spot.
    I said, “I did not”
    Then oops! my cute nose started growing.

  116. Clay Wild says:

    The defendant was bold, “What, me worry?!”
    Then she made some key calls in a hurry
    Got twelve Chippendale studs
    To replace juror duds
    The result was (as planned) – a hung jury….

  117. Lisi Nortman says:

    False Accusation “Billy’s Teacher”

    “Billy Johnson, you think you are slick!
    By now I am used to your schtick!
    You were cheating today!”
    I told her, “No Way”
    My regular cheat pal is sick.”

  118. Roger Haugen says:

    Life on earth, in a long-ago time,
    Got its start in primordial slime;
    But some remain stuck
    In scriptural muck,
    Out of which they’re unlikely to climb.

  119. Roger Haugen says:

    replace earlier version with this—

    Life on Earth, in a long-ago time,
    Got its start in primordial slime;
    But some remain stuck
    In scriptural muck,
    Out of which they’re unlikely to climb.

  120. Konohanasakuya-hime
    The goddess of volcanoes once in her prime
    Nature deity
    Her name is quite hard to say but easy to rhyme

  121. Tim James says:

    I confronted him, flushed and irate,
    And accused him of bedding my mate.
    He said, “That’s a damned lie;
    I’m an ethical guy!
    Besides…she just isn’t that great.”

  122. Clay Wild says:

    She had just passed the bar, flying high
    Her career’s only limit, the sky…
    But accused of high crime
    Taken down in her prime?
    The judge liked her “at vault” alibi

  123. Wildman says:

    His loud blame-game attack did assault me
    Left a taste that was acrid and salty
    Finger-point, on a whim
    Left 3 pointing at him
    And his weak, baseless case even ‘faulty’…

  124. Dave Johnson says:

    Those time slots referred as “prime”
    Belong to show hosts who did climb
    Up the ladder at Fox.
    That’s the channel that mocks
    The concept one jerk at a time.

  125. The school had reunion in days.
    Salons were a frenzy, ablaze.
    The gals in their prime.
    All the guys said, “Guess I’m,
    Just fifty old shades of the grays.”

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Good Marriage, According To Hubby

    Jan accuses me, claims I “have 2
    Bad habits” that make her real blue:
    Ev’ry thing that I say,
    Each and ev-er-y day.
    And all of the things that I do.

    (pretty good, right?)

  127. Dane Paulsen says:

    A restaurant not to harass.
    Needed temperature checks to pass.
    Those that said nay
    Were turned away.
    It identified pains in the ass.

  128. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    An accusative Judge known as Ken,
    Who believed in the guilt of all men,
    Always welcomed the views
    That he ought to recuse,
    ‘Cause to him it meant, “Blame them again!”

  129. Terry Marter says:

    I’m retired but I’m still in my prime
    And write Lim’ricks with jokes about crime.
    My wife says “Oy vay, –
    But you ain’t got all day
    Fix the house, – or it’s me doin’ time”

  130. Charles Simmons says:

    Our dear Mad said use the word prime
    For our limerick contest this time
    Wow, it really is tough
    To come up with this stuff
    Hey, at least I got it to rhyme.

  131. Rudy Landesman says:

    He goosed her when nobody looked.
    She complained, and he duly was booked.
    He now stews in jail
    And tells his sad tale:
    “Had some fun, but my goose now is cooked.”

  132. New pet had a lump in it’s throat.
    It clearly had telltale like bloat.
    He had snacked on kids’ gerbil.
    They’re shock and nonverbal.
    The python had satisfied gloat.

    Ball pythons most popular pet snake.

  133. Lisi Nortman says:

    Accusations of crime aren’t fun.
    But I’m fast, so all cops I outrun.
    They never know shit.
    Cuz I sprint with my kit:
    “The Complete Bullet-Proof Smoking Gun”

  134. Steve Benko says:

    In the case of a number that’s prime,
    Division’s a big waste of time.
    Go ahead, try to fleece
    The mathematics police;
    They’ll arrest you for being such slime.

  135. Wildman says:

    Captain Jack, begging, down on his knees…
    Charged with hiring bias, said, “Please!”
    Seems his all female crew
    All sopranos, mind you…
    We’re the absolute best at high C’s!

  136. Wildman says:

    Captain Jack, begging, down on his knees…
    Charged with hiring bias, said, “Please!”
    Seems his all female crew
    All sopranos, mind you…
    Were the absolute best at high C’s!

    (Version with mutanous ‘apostrophe’ deleted…)

  137. Wildman says:

    Lemonade, in the shade, cares forgetting…
    Idle time, wagers placed, profits netting…
    Jealous bro turned him in
    With a Cheshire Cat grin
    Trumped up charge was both “ade-ing/a-betting”…

  138. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    After tackling “longitude/latitude,”
    I have gained a more down-to-earth attitude:
    When in search of a rhyme,
    Skip meridian (prime).
    Never too late to learn? It’s a platitude.

  139. Dave Johnson says:

    Oops – a re-write of my 1/28 5:09 pm post:

    The time slots referred to as “prime”
    Belong to those show hosts who climb
    The ladder at Fox;
    A channel that mocks
    That virtue – three jerks at a time.

  140. Tim James says:

    A cat burglar, well past his prime,
    Bought a cheap lock-pick set, to save time.
    He got busted. The cop
    Asked him, “Where do you shop?”
    He responded: “On Amazon Crime.”

  141. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Goodbye Paradise”

    “I know that you both ate the fruit.
    Come clean and don’t try to look cute.
    I’ve been on the beat.
    I’m hip to deceit.
    You’re the first ones I’ve had to impute.”

  142. Dane Paulsen says:

    A naked lady in her prime.
    Rode horseback through a pool of slime.
    When she was asked why.
    This was her reply.
    “It makes no sense, but sure does rhyme”.

  143. Dane Paulsen says:

    A person can toil a lifetime
    At their job, till way past their prime.
    At the end it’s not funny,
    Cuz there is no money.
    That work doesn’t pay is a crime.

  144. Dave Johnson says:

    Two quarterbacks – both in their prime
    Have conquered the passage of time.
    One passes the test
    For humanity’s best;
    The other has mountains to climb.

    (Breaking news – one of them just retired)

  145. Wildman says:

    Took the blame for forgetting again…
    “Next time please write it down with a pen!”
    Object of my appeal
    A slick banana peel
    Took the fall, can’t recall, now and then…

  146. Sondra Landin says:

    I admit that I’m way past my prime;
    For that I blame nothing but time.
    My wits are still keen
    And I do vent my spleen –
    Why the hell can’t I write a great rhyme?

  147. Sondra Landin says:

    My piano! A grand, man! It’s prime!
    Dear Steinway, your voice is sublime!
    I finger you often
    And then we do morph in
    To making lush music each time!

  148. Rall says:

    making reeds takes lots of time
    the silken ladder is hard to climb
    you’d be better off smashing plates
    in a greek taverna serving steaks
    whilst still young and in your prime

  149. Sondra Landin says:

    This property used to be prime;
    It’s now covered with water and slime.
    No longer my house,
    I’ve no need to grouse;
    I’d sold it for profit big time!

  150. Sondra Landin says:

    “You’re playing too loud,” Maitre blared.
    But they tooted along – no one cared.
    “You’ve ruined my piece,
    This chaos must cease,”
    And he hurled his own score crying “Merdre!”

  151. Wildman says:

    “Decadent” as a suspect is prime
    It has opposite meanings each time
    Lush dessert ‘en flambe’
    Or dead things in decay
    Derelict and confusing it’s crime

  152. Sondra Landin says:

    Oops, typo correction Line 5

    “You’re playing too loud,” Maitre blared.
    But they tooted along – no one cared.
    “You’ve ruined my piece,
    This chaos must cease,”
    And he hurled his own score, crying “Merde!”

  153. Lisi Nortman says:

    When my hubby was fresh in his prime,
    On the field, he could stop on a dime.
    But now he’s a bore.
    I can’t take any more.
    It’s the hour of nut-cutting time.

  154. Wildman says:

    Pharmacutical king EPIC PRIME
    Touted ‘fountain-of-youth’ new enzyme
    Not unlike Soylent Green
    If you know what I mean…
    Since it took lots of people and time…

  155. They take her away in some cuffs.
    And throw her in cell with the toughs.
    A whole lot of drama,
    For lack of a comma.
    “Let’s marinade grandma,” she huffs.

  156. Kirk Miller says:

    I was fit when I was in my prime,
    But the way I’ve gained weight is a crime.
    Upon an inspection,
    I guess my midsection
    Can be called just a big waist of time.

  157. David Friedman says:

    A pastor, a bit of a slime,
    Would give women steak for their time.
    When he’d come their way,
    The girls would all say,
    “Oh my God! You’re Pastor Prime!”

  158. Wildman says:

    We accuse, finger point, and we blame
    Then we black list, call out, and defame
    We know well sticks and stones
    Blessed he who atones
    Lest we’re wrong, either way, causes shame

  159. Wildman says:

    The balloonist, deflated from flak
    And accusers who stab-in-the-back
    Over time, grew to love it
    He just smiled, rose above it…
    “THEY’RE all filled with ‘hot air’, let ’em yack!”

  160. Byron Miller says:

    Europeans once found it hysterical
    When science said Earth may be spherical.
    Ancient Greeks in their prime
    Had known this for some time,
    Though Columbus would call it Americal.

  161. Rudy Landesman says:

    The hick was grammatically crude.
    He was also possessive, that dude.
    She, a true New York native,
    Didn’t want to be dative.
    She was in accusative mood.

  162. Wildman says:

    This week’s word, as accused, has gone stale
    As its pace is like that of a snail…
    We’ ll mush on, as a team
    Thankful for, this week’s theme
    May our creative juices prevail

  163. Wildman says:

    We’re all hooked on the ‘limerick lure’
    Some are great, but some stink like manure
    Though we all think ours prime
    We get paid by the rhyme
    An addictive disease, there’s no cure…

  164. Rudy Landesman says:

    Alfred Doolittle heard church bells chime.
    His courage he now had to prime.
    He had a stiff drink.
    So, what do you think?
    Did he still get to church right on time?

  165. Rudy Landesman says:

    Said the sirloin in his marbled voice:
    “Hey chuck, so you think you’re so choice.
    But who’d give you a dime
    When they see that I’m prime?
    You’re an Edsel and I’m a Rolls Royce!”

  166. Wildman says:

    Losing sleep from my trial, how it maims
    My emotions; can’t eat; hopes in flames
    Gladly trade anorexia
    For some smooth ataraxia
    Hope the judge, too, won’t ‘swallow’ their claims

  167. Lisi Nortman says:

    He said, “Baby, I’m in my prime”
    That “Match Love” is just so sublime.
    Well, that’s what I thought.
    The next day I was fraught.
    He wasn’t so prime in real time.

  168. Lisi Nortman says:

    A blade to my leg “wifey” hurled.
    (a tool that is groovy and knurled.)
    Accused of deceit,
    I said, “Yes, we do meet;
    But not in the physical world”

  169. Dave Johnson says:

    They claimed he had taken their truck
    For joyriding out in the muck.
    “No listen – you see,
    It was Jason and Brie;
    I went there to get them unstuck.”

  170. Wildman says:

    Adam’s rib, quintessentially prime
    On the eve of Eve’s new paradigm
    God said, “Gosh, you’re persistent
    Though I’m somewhat resistant
    You’ll get just what you asked for this time!”

  171. Vaughn Fritts says:

    I once ordered steak at the Prime
    Expecting it to be sublime.
    That bistro was horrid,
    And def’nitely not worth my time.

  172. Wildman says:

    Adam’s rib, quintessentially prime
    On the eve of Eve’s new paradigm
    God said, “Gosh, you’re persistent
    Though I’m somewhat resistant
    You’ll get MORE than you asked for this time

    (More or less accurate version…)

  173. Lisi Nortman says:

    Always trying to put me to shame,
    Ev’ry night it’s exactly the same.
    It concerns accusations
    With false allegations:
    A face-off well-known as “blame game.”

  174. Terry Marter says:

    A moment in time: 2nd Feb. 22.

    Today’s Date says it’s 2-2-22
    About which some folk make much ado.
    While this date in its prime
    Is the cause for this rhyme,
    Good reasons to write it are few.

  175. Wildman says:

    Punxy Phil, with his hair kinda squirrelly
    Was accused by a man who said, “Surely!
    Got yourself quite a gig
    For a damn Whistle-Pig
    Who just claimed that our Spring won’t come early!”

  176. Steve Benko says:

    Said Donald, “I can’t stand rejection,
    So I claim that they stole the election.
    But I’m still loved by Putin,
    And soon, sure as shootin’,
    In Moscow I’ll have an erection.”

  177. Wildman says:

    A bad hair day – he’d like to forget it…
    His long-legged bird friends said, “Don’t sweat it”
    He accused them, face red
    (while he’d slept, shaved his head…)
    Without any heron, they’d egret it!

  178. Dave Johnson says:

    Regarding this notion of “prime”,
    The concept is saying that I’m
    Either in it or past;
    It’s not going to last.
    ‘Til then, I’m just hiding my time.

  179. Lisi Nortman says:

    Oh Is This The Truth! “My True-To Life Daily Interactions”

    “Senior Hill’ has an ongoing theme.
    I’m accused to a mad’ning extreme.
    I yell, “Can you hear?”
    They sneer, “Of course, dear”
    (Yeah, right) All day long I must SCREAM!

  180. Mark G. Kane says:

    A fellow who’s well past his prime,
    Once was known for his kisses sublime.
    Women came by the score;
    Every night at least four.
    But now they come one at a time.

  181. Wildman says:

    In a round-a-bout way they were right
    They accused him of throwing the fight
    His left hooks just found air
    Like he just didn’t care
    And his punch-lines weren’t funny all night…

  182. Dane Paulsen says:

    We’re polluting our planet – Not ok!
    A legacy our kids must pay.
    Eight million pieces
    Of plastic releases,
    Into our oceans each day.

  183. Rudy Landesman says:

    You know that King Kong, that great primate,
    Did once up a skyscraper climb, mate.
    He’d been much abused
    And of false crimes accused,
    Though bananas were all that this prime ate.

  184. Lisi Nortman says:

    John Tyler Bonner: American Scientist, Study of Evolution

    The unfolding of man was his prime
    Great passion and thus, over time
    (Although this sounds yucky)
    Mr. Bonner got lucky.
    Spent his life fully covered in slime.

  185. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    So dried-up and tough was the prime,
    That I choked on each bite ev’ry time.
    When I quipped to my host,
    That I’d rather have toast,
    His response was “Okay, then — L’chaim!”

  186. Wildman says:

    DC football has gone through some paces
    Since accused of offending some races
    Now ‘Commanders’ the pick
    Nickname ‘Commies’ might stick…
    Apropos for the namers’ red faces

  187. Found unlimited version, hooray!
    I’m calling in sick, for today.
    Excuse their not buying
    Accused that I’m lying,
    Addiction to Wordle, yes way.

    Yes! There is Wordle Unlimited game on line.
    Yes! It’s addictive.

  188. Rudy Landesman says:

    For Sjaan,

    Mon Dieu, said my tormented ma.
    Be tolerant of your old pa.
    His faux pas might be serious,
    When he’s drunk and delirious.
    I agreed, and Je ne l’accuse pas.

  189. Wildman says:

    The Beijing winter games paradox…
    What to do with two bad, unmatched socks
    Claims of NO humans rights
    Should let NO one sleep nights
    On thin ice, first step out of the blocks…

  190. Tim Gray says:

    There’s “Free speech” and “Incitement to riot”,
    On the latter should we stay quiet?
    Trump’s continual crime
    Is trying to prime
    Those unthinking folk who will buy it.

  191. Wildman says:

    Left or right, riots stink, causing strains
    Don’t blame only one side, have some brains…
    Some half blind, just won’t see
    Judge it objectively
    Till we do, verdict’s still “free dumb rains”…

  192. Wildman says:

    ‘Breaking news’ between wives and their spouses
    A perpetual lit’ny of grouses…
    Don’t you cuss, it’s a sin
    Left the seat up agin…
    We don’t git we all live in glass houses…

  193. Terry Marter says:

    Our Prime Minister’s not in his prime
    ‘Too little – too late’ is his crime.
    Promotes half-baked notions;
    Just goes through the motions
    That show us he can’t even mime.

  194. Wildman says:

    Let’s blame English for being absurd!
    We split hairs over one little word…
    The word ‘righteous’, to some
    Comes out ‘riotous’ (and dumb…)
    The ball dropped with this ‘faulty catch-word’

  195. Wildman says:

    I’m now blaming myself, and I’m queasy…
    36 limericks wasn’t easy
    Yes, I added them twice
    And against all advice
    But I think I’ve got 2 more than Lisi…

  196. Wildman says:

    I’ll write just one more lim’rick – abort!
    Blamed for exceeding quota, for sport…
    APB for this charge
    But I’m still free, at large
    Relax, even the bad ones are short…

  197. Wildman says:

    In a world filled with hatred and spite
    Lesson 1: A ‘”bark’s”worse with no ‘”bite”…
    What can hurt’s a false claim
    And the ‘push-buttons’ game
    Lesson 2: All opinions aren’t “right”…

  198. Wildman says:

    Babysitting got rough – chipped my tooth…
    Killed the pain with six shots of vermouth
    Shaw’s apt quote, ‘with a twist’…
    (I’m to blame, won’t resist…)
    Yes, “adulthood gets wasted on youth!”

  199. Wildman says:

    While nine tenths of the law is possession
    I’ll assert with a sincere confession
    Though I’m guilty as charged
    (lim’rick gland is enlarged…)
    What I’m guilty of’s more like obsession

  200. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    For Rudy,

    As a kid, I learned French in the cah.
    Blame those road trips from Boston — too fah!
    I’d moan, “Aren’t we there yet?”
    And my mother, Yvette,
    Would begin each response with “Tais toi!”

  201. Dane Paulsen says:

    Tweak to earlier Lim.

    Only odd numbers are prime,
    Except one not odd anytime.
    Not odd one is 2,
    Seems odd but it’s true.
    An even one’s prime this one time.

  202. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  203. Lisi Nortman says:

    So now we’re doing them in FRENCH? “Accusations”

    Accused of “Pathetic Francaise”,
    Put me right in “The Pokey Marseille”
    Now I’m back in The States.
    No more lock-up awaits.
    That trip was a mess, Oy La Vey”

  204. Mark Totterdell says:

    A mathematician cried ‘Blast!
    The age that I’ve reached now is vast.
    I’ve lived through such time
    That I’m well past my prime.
    Eighty-nine is the prime that I’m past!’

  205. Mark Totterdell says:

    Now Santa Claus finds life sublime,
    And he has such a merry old time,
    As he’s nothing to do,
    And his work days are through,
    Since he sold out to Amazon Prime.

  206. Dane Paulsen says:

    A strapping young man in his prime.
    Dated Liz, for a good time.
    She slapped with her hankie,
    Said no hanky-panky.
    Not unless wedding bells chime.

  207. Lisi Nortman says:

    For Rudy and Sjaan: More French; This one is better than previous.

    Accused of “Pathetic Francaise”,
    I landed in “Slammer Marseille”
    Now I’m back in The States.
    Goodbye dire straits.
    That trip was a mess; Oy La Vey!

  208. Mark Totterdell says:

    When exposed as a sleazeball of slime,
    And accused of all manner of crime,
    Our slippery, sinister
    So-called Prime Minister
    Seemed to be somewhat sub-Prime.

  209. Sondra Landin says:

    The little boy sniffled – accused;
    His leniency pleas fast refused.
    Choc’late evidence there
    In his hair, ev’rywhere!
    His mother was mad, not amused.

  210. Wildman says:

    Finish up, pencils down, it’s now time…
    To conclude this contest with a rhyme
    Clever LIMs did exude
    And we now must conclude
    Some of us haven’t yet reached our prime…

  211. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 488. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Wear.