Limerick-Off Award (453)

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

To the open-air church on my street,
Cautious cats come to prey and to eat.
From clean tables they’ll scrounge,
But on chairs they won’t lounge —
Not until they have sprayed every seat.

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special ADVICE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

“Turn left – I have now told you twice!”
But he simply ignored her advice.
Moses knew he was right,
Led them on day and night …
Forty years in the desert, the price.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Jean McEwen, Tim James, Paul Haebig, Brian Allgar, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Cyn, Terry Marter, Michael Moulton, Tony Holmes, and Lisi Nortman Ardissone. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “SEAT or DECEIT or RECEIPT OR CONCEIT” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO ADVICE LIMERICKS)

Jean McEwen:

If you are determined to cheat
On your spouse, for god’s sake, be discreet.
When your conduct’s impure,
Make sure you secure
Your cell phone to shield your deceit.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SEAT or DECEIT or RECEIPT OR CONCEIT” RHYME DIVISION)

Tim James:

A gal thought her life incomplete
’Cause her butt wasn’t pert or petite.
When her doc showed her pics
Of a possible fix,
She said, “Nice! Please reserve me this seat!”

Paul Haebig:

I’m glad that I kept the receipt.
That butcher’s a terrible cheat!
The label said “Beef,”
But I just found a leaf.
This meat was peeled off of the street!

Brian Allgar:

The lookalike actor was hired
To be ridiculed. Here’s what transpired:
Donald smirked. “Take a seat …”
Then he waited a beat
Before screaming “Obama, you’re fired!”

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

I have warts; I have hair on my feet;
Yellow teeth, and a laugh like a bleat.
I have gaping gaposis
And niggling neurosis.
But something I DON’T have? Conceit.

Cyn:

A husband conceded defeat:
“I admit it,” said he, “I’ve been beat —
My wife’s many affairs
Are like musical chairs
With some other man taking my seat.”

Terry Marter:

There’s a church at the end of our street,
Where the Sunday “good” folk take their seat.
But OUR prayers are said,
As we lie in our bed,
Screaming “Oh-My-God” under the sheet.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (ADVICE LIMERICK DIVISION)

Mike Moulton:

In the Twittersphere some just excuse
Trump’s corruption as seen on the news.
And ignoring his lies,
They seek to advise
Sen. Harris on her choosing her shoes.

Tony Holmes:

“My advice? Take the money and run.
Find some sunshine, relax and have fun.
Life is short, make it sweet;
Snatch a win from defeat,
And from now on make you number one!”

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

I’ll dispense free advice to relieve
Any grumbler with gripes to aggrieve.
I’m quite gen’rous that way;
There’s no need to repay.
I say better to give than receive.

Lisi Nortman says:

A word to the wise may be nice.
But the truth (to be very precise)
Is they don’t need your views,
Cause to them it’s not news.
It’s the dumb ones who need your advice.

Tony Holmes, for his “Advice To A Young Bride.”

“He’ll get fresh – they all do. Make a din.
It’s a contest of wills – don’t give in!
He will claim it’s his right,
That you must – every night;
But hold out till he begs, and you win!”

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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