Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BAND or BANNED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 10, 2020)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BAND or BANNED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write GAME-themed limericks, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GAME-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on October 11, 2020 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 10, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my BAND/BANNED-rhyme limerick:

A Girl band, post-bombing, was banned.
Soon thereafter, its leader was canned.
A replacement was hired,
But swiftly was fired.
It’s disbanded now; silent — unmanned.

And here’s my GAME-themed limerick:

I encountered some ads for an “adze.”
Then I Googled the word and … Egads!
Seems it’s much like an ax.
(No I don’t mean a sax.)
And just how many Scrabble points? Scads!

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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169 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BAND or BANNED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 10, 2020)”

  1. P Diane Schneider says:

    Division and hatred are fanned
    His promises just turn to sand
    It’s breaking my heart
    I want a fresh start
    Methinks his hide should be banned

  2. P Diane Schneider says:

    You want me to stand up? I’m game
    To demonstrate just the same
    I’ll march with the best
    At good folks’ behest
    I don’t play this game just for fame

  3. Michael P Moulton says:

    With Covid-19 in our land,
    Republicans took a brave stand,
    “It’s not up to us,
    To curtail the fuss,
    So protective measures are banned.”

  4. Michael P Moulton says:

    Better version:

    With Covid-19 in our land,
    Republicans took a brave stand,
    “Ending this fuss,
    Is not up to us,
    So protective measures are banned.”

  5. Tony Holmes says:

    The Mating Game (Carried Over From 453)

    So, B. A., you’re a belle from the South?
    “I declare!” (‘Ark at me!) “Hush ma mouth.”
    You’re a lady who’s kind,
    Elegant and refined,
    But have failed with three men of the South.

    What would Zsa Zsa and Lizzy now do?
    (Pay attention, Suzanne! Means you, too.)
    Would they moan and complain?
    No! They’d go round again.
    And if that didn’t work, then they’d sue.

    So, then, Ladies, get back in the game,
    And stop whining and whinging – for shame!
    Live together? Okay …
    You’d have more cash to play,
    But give up and go gay? That’s just lame!

  6. Michael P Moulton says:

    In countries where drinking’s been banned
    The people will often demand,
    A quaff of near beer,
    But it’s painfully clear
    It won’t get them high like they planned.

  7. Terry Marter says:

    Pedalling London, my good wife and I,
    see the Queen’s Guard musicians march by.
    They play “Strike Up The Band”
    as we bike up The Strand
    and we inwardly hear Spooner sigh.

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    Inter-Status Marriage Tale

    “My Darling, I love you a lot.
    The chapel, right there is the spot.
    This union’s forbidden
    So please keep it hidden.
    (Off they went. Pawn and Queen tied the knot).

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    Monopoly’s surely a bore
    And that’s something we just can’t ignore.
    Once again, we all tried
    to get rid of our pride.
    (We started in nineteen O four).

  10. Kirk Miller says:

    The school has a man on the staff
    Whose Irish name makes students laugh;
    Teaches algebra and
    Will direct marching band.
    His name is apt: Corey O’Graph.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    The bees that we see in this land
    Are workers, whose jobs are so grand.
    T.V. showed that they’re chummy,
    But I am no dummy.
    The finishing cigarette: banned!

  12. Steve Frakt says:

    She was the singer in a traveling band
    He played piano in their tour of the land
    Their mutual attraction
    Led to marital satisfaction
    And, perhaps no surprise, their baby was grand

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    The leader said, “Please understand
    That our lineup’s been carefully planned.
    We musicians all know
    That our wages are low
    It is now time to strike up the band”.

  14. Paul Haebig says:

    In Jamaica it’s much in demand.
    The flavor is eggy and bland.
    You might find it tacky
    to serve up canned ackee
    but here in the States fresh is banned.

  15. As people start taking a stand,
    Trump’s starting to tune up the band
    as his Supreme Court stands tall
    to take freedoms from all
    and force four more years of this man.

  16. Steve Frakt says:

    The horseshoe game erupted in scandal
    When they saw what the new guy did handle
    He chose to eschew
    The usual horseshoe
    And instead tossed a horse’s summer sandal

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    The “song’ isn’t truthfully planned,
    But the music sure sounds really grand.
    The rhythms don’t matter.
    The notes kind of scatter.
    And that’s what I call “Hot Jazz Band”.

  18. Lisi Nortman says:

    My wedding’s been carefully planned.
    It’s sure to be stately and grand.
    The gown is a fake,
    And so is the cake
    Plus, the ring is a forged golden band.

  19. Cyn says:

    Said Sally, “Whatever you’ve planned,
    I am ready, sir, at your command.
    Blindfolds, handcuffs, sex toys,
    Extra girls, extra boys —
    In this bedroom, nothing is banned!”

  20. Tim Gray says:

    Some people do make you sick,
    As they’re clever, witty and quick.
    Would it be underhand
    If those people were banned
    To let someone else be the pick?

  21. Tim Gray says:

    Now, don’t think I’ve been underhand
    Though I said KKK would be banned.
    There will be no revoking
    As I was just joking…
    For the election, you understand!

  22. Steve Frakt says:

    A bunny who was playing Monopoly
    Squandered its money quite sloppily
    It went bankrupt
    Most very abrupt
    And walked away not very hoppily

  23. Terry Marter says:

    ‘wrote a limerick, ‘bout a boat where you stand

    and push the long pole with your hand.

    I thought I wrote Punt

    But my typo’ said C•••.

    Always proof-read or You might get banned!

  24. Terry Marter says:

    Amid all the rhetoric and winking,

    you can sense that the country is sinking.

    While you know Murder’s banned,

    (in your head) it seems grand,-

    you can’t (Yet) get arrested for thinking!

  25. Terry Marter says:

    Hunting with hounds through the heather
    Prince Philip (first time that he’d met her):
    “My lust is insane
    my dear Liz, – are you Game?”
    She said “Yes”, – so he slipped the dog’s tether!

  26. Charles Simmons says:

    A ladies accordion band
    Played top less throughout the land
    They were ladies in pain
    Tho they played on in vain
    And their tips were really quite grand.

  27. Cyn says:

    McConnell’s been playing a game
    Of corruption, no guilt and no shame.
    His political hypocrisy
    Will lose us our democracy
    And voters should shoulder the blame.

  28. Cyn says:

    “Yesterday, love was such an easy game
    to play,” we sing, regretting that same
    “said something wrong”
    tho we’ve known all along
    calling love a game’s to blame for our shame.

  29. Lisi Nortman says:

    I thought we were having some fun,
    Till I saw a tall man with a gun.
    He said, “Don’t move, honey;
    You’ve made me lose money.
    The goal’s not to get 21”.

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick; line 4 should be: You’ve made me lose money, not
    You made me lose money. Could you please change that for me?
    Thanks, Lisi

    ****

    Done.

  31. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a farmer, “The countryside’s grand,
    All the noise that’s produced by the land.
    Those potatoes you saw
    Well, they’ve tubers galore;
    And them barrels – they’ve all got a band.”

    There was a young lady called Dawn
    Who said, “I am deeply lovelorn.
    It just wasn’t planned;
    He plays in a band;
    And he has an incredible horn.”

  32. Bob Turvey says:

    In Cyprus they make one thing clear;
    They like to observe a girl’s rear.
    So all panties are banned
    Throughout the whole land
    And their motto is “No Nicosia”.

    In the desert girls’ heads often stand –
    Bodies buried – adultery’s banned!
    Would-be saviours say, “Gee –
    What is in it for me?”
    And the ladies just smile and say, “Sand.”

  33. Bob Turvey says:

    Said a chap, “I’ve a big rubber band,
    Which I use when I have something planned.
    I find it enhances
    All sorts of romances:
    Such a help now Viagra is banned.”

  34. Bob Turvey says:

    There was a young lady called Mame –
    From sixteen she’d been on the game.
    She was one of those tarts
    Whose incredible parts
    Ensured that everyone came.

    The GAMES in Greece ended in muddle –
    A thrower slipped, thanks to a puddle.
    So he shot his discus
    Right through some hibiscus,
    And killed two chaps having a cuddle.

  35. Cyn says:

    My collection of sex contraband
    caught the eye of my school’s high command
    which earned me suspension
    but an honorable mention
    at my school science fair project’s stand.

  36. Cyn says:

    Limericks drafted for you by my hand
    are recallable if not as planned
    since before I hit “send”
    I hold tight to one end
    of my poem with a huge rubber band.

  37. Cyn says:

    The company had Sally banned
    from our scanner, for stuff she got scanned –
    Her tits and her ass
    went’n smudged up the glass
    tho said she “I just wanted ’em tanned.”

  38. Cyn says:

    So then Sally, to get herself tanned
    took her top off and lay on the sand,
    lying down on her front.
    “I can flip if you want,”
    said she, “but I’d prob’ly get banned.”

  39. Jean McEwen says:

    The tax laws are there to be gamed!
    (So says Autocrat Trump – unrestrained
    By the usual rules
    That he thinks are for fools.)
    This crook should be swiftly arraigned.

  40. Jean McEwen says:

    In those boroughs where brothels get banned,
    Prostitution is sure to expand.
    Because scarcity breeds
    Ever stronger felt needs.
    Prohibition just ups the demand.

  41. Tim James says:

    A moron blew seventy grand
    On his hair. Doesn’t that beat the band!
    As for taxes, evasion
    Suits ev’ry occasion.
    To primp and to skimp is his brand.

  42. Sharon Neeman says:

    Wow! A double half twist! Look at that!
    If I tried it myself, I’d go splat —
    But she climbs ever higher,
    Then slides down a wire…
    The world is her game. She’s my cat.

  43. Sharon Neeman says:

    Now that lockdown’s returned to the land,
    I’ve concealed my gray roots with a band,
    Trimmed my nails to the quick,
    Cooked and baked till I’m sick —
    NOT CORONA! You don’t understand!

  44. Cyn says:

    Sammy can’t seem to understand
    the big deal of her wanting hers tanned.
    He just whips off his shirt
    and tho his too are pert,
    unlike Sally his nipples aren’t banned.

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last Night’s Debate

    Americans, please understand
    That I’ve called CBS to demand:
    “Change one of your shows;
    It must come to a close.
    And all future debates must be banned”.

  46. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last Night’s Debate, Part 2

    Most Americans do understand
    That we live in a wonderful land.
    Yet some things should be changed,
    Cuz the Pres. is deranged
    And all future debates must be banned.

  47. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Said my doc, “Eggs and bacon are banned,
    and eat nothing prepackaged or canned.
    Avoid beer, wine, and malt,
    cut out sugar and salt.
    Longer life? See how much you can stand.”

  48. Charles Simmons says:

    There once was an unusual band
    Popular and in great demand
    Their leader played banjo
    A cute chicken played oboe
    Classic country was never so grand.

  49. Brian Allgar says:

    For word-nerds, a favorite game
    Is to anagram somebody’s name.
    In this way, DONALD TRUMP
    Can become ROT-LAND DUMP,
    Though the meaning, of course, is the same.

  50. Brian Allgar says:

    I was playing strip-poker one night
    With a girl who had bet to the height
    On four kings. Well, I knew
    My four aces would do.
    “I’ll see you”, I said. What a sight!

  51. Brian Allgar says:

    We were dancing a slow sarabande
    When she said: “Would you like one night-stand?”
    What I got, though, from Mabel
    Was one bedside table,
    Which wasn’t quite what I had planned.

  52. Brian Allgar says:

    If I lose the election, I’ve planned
    For my SCOTUS to give me a hand.
    That’s why I have packed
    It with scum, who will act
    To pronounce that Democracy’s banned.

  53. Cyn says:

    Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
    is like our poetry form, so I understand —
    “going in and out of style”
    but “guaranteed to raise a smile”…
    Love (and a limerick) is all you need at hand.

  54. Cyn says:

    If only I’d known beforehand
    of the naughtiness Sally had planned
       I’d’ve shot some hot vid
       of the hot stuff she did
    (although posting that here would be banned).

  55. Cyn says:

    For the day off that Sally has planned
    for us, cue up the Starland Vocal Band
          working up an appetite
          for some afternoon delight…
    Watch out where our skyrocketing lands!!

  56. Lisi Nortman says:

    Uncle Joe played his games until dawn!
    He just never got tired or drawn!
    Till one night he was killed.
    Then his dream was fulfilled.
    Uncle Joe bounced right back to respawn.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    another way of putting it

    Uncle Joe played his games until dawn!
    He just never got tired or drawn!
    And the night he was killed,
    Oh how he was thrilled!
    To get raised from the dead to respawn.

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    oops!
    Mad, above limerick: line 2 says He just never got tied or drawn.
    Of course it is supposed to be: He just never got tired or drawn.
    Could you please fix that for me?
    Thank You, Lisi

    ********

    Done.

  59. Lisi Nortman says:

    I love to play Scrabble games with
    My boyfriend from school, Peter Smith.
    “Is Aplith a word, Pete?
    I sure don’t want to cheat”
    “Of course, Susie dear, yes it ith”

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    A college professor, I know
    Just can’t win the game, “Tic Tac Toe”
    He loses each game.
    And it’s such a darn shame
    That he thinks that an “x” is an “o”.

  61. Sue Dulley says:

    He caught it! So strike up the band.
    It’s like the contagion was planned
    A lesson to teach.
    So break out the bleach
    and inject at the patient’s command.

  62. Sue Dulley says:

    A hunter whose name I won’t name
    Went hunting in search of some “game”
    But the moose wouldn’t play
    And the goose flew away
    So he failed to have fun – what a shame.

  63. Cyn says:

    “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
    is like me,” sassy Sally deadpanned.
       “We’d like to take you home with us,
       We’d love to take you home,” singing thus
    she set fire to the night I had planned.

  64. Lisi Nortman says:

    John forgot the gold ring that he planned.
    But truly, you must understand:
    I wasn’t upset.
    It was really no sweat,
    Cuz we hired a great wedding band.

  65. Cyn says:

    Sgt Pepper, it’s said, taught the band
    to play, but they’d be undermanned
         if Sally’d not given head
         in Billy Shears’ bed
    to the Lord Mayor of Pepperland.

  66. Cyn says:

    Sally thinks safe pandemic sex bland
    “These rules,” says she, “get out of hand.
         They say not to kiss
         this, this, this, this or this
    and doing it that way is banned.”

  67. Lisi Nortman says:

    Daddy tracks down them critters with aim.
    He shoots them; I think it’s a shame.
    We must eat what he kills.
    It sure gives me the chills.
    Because hunting is no sav’ry game.

  68. Cyn says:

    Sammy aimed to set Sally aflame.
    “Whatever,” said Sally, “I’m game.”
         They went all the way
         in combustible play
    and wherever they went, they both came.

  69. Cyn says:

    The New GOP knows no shame
    over how insincere they became
         when what they’ve now stood for
         are cheap cheats no good for
    America. “It’s only a game.”

  70. Cyn says:

    “An explicit line I won’t demand,”
    wondered Cyn, “just the lay of the land.
         Does anyone know
         how far must I go
    to get one of my limericks banned?”

  71. Cyn says:

    For a poker night carefully planned,
    Sally played the sole feminine hand.
         She lost all her clothes
         (which is how the plan goes
    when the theme is “game” in lieu of “banned.”)

  72. Cyn says:

    A private Wheel of Fortune game show
    had Sally in its gamers’ tableau.
         Her pulse starting to throb,
         she to go on B□□□ □□B
    bought a vowel. “Give me an O!!”

  73. Tony Holmes says:

    “Gen’ral Custer, Sir!” “Shush, Sir! The band—”
    “Will be slaughtered, Sir, scalped and unmanned.
    It’s the Sioux, Sir, they came;
    They’re not playing the game;
    There’re one or two more than you planned.”

  74. Cyn says:

    Northbound crossing the wide Rio Grande
    is henceforth and forevermore banned
         so gangs, thugs, all riffraff
         and poor down-trodden chaff
    can be kept from our God-given land.

  75. Tony Holmes says:

    Careful Will!

    “I am not one who wants a thing banned
    Just because it’s risqué and been panned.
    No, where I get my thrill
    Is employing my quill
    To write, ‘Censored! By Royal command.’”

  76. Cyn says:

    Come halftime the school marching band
    entertains those who stay in the stands,
         while Sally’s sweet ass
         lies in the green grass
    behind the stadium with Van the Man.

  77. Paul Haebig says:

    It’s outrageous! The things that this band
    requires backstage! They demand:
    – No green m & m’s
    – Ninety roses (long stems)
    – And an altar to worship Ayn Rand

  78. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t hurt anyone, (a disgrace!)
    Cuz your past you just cannot erase.
    Like a thick rubber band,
    Karma has it all planned
    Pull it hard, then get smacked it the face.

  79. Daisy Ward says:

    From the restaurant he was band
    For having his mask in his hand
    Wouldn’t put it on
    Because he was stone
    He was tossed out on his can

  80. Cyn says:

    “The open-air picnic,” Stan panned,
    “was a bore. The home cooking was bland.
         But they insured our pleasure
         taking proactive measure
    to keep Sjaan’s cautious cats banned.”

  81. Brian Allgar says:

    “No mask, like the folk that elected me;
    My strong constitution protected me.
    But I’m sick, like they planned,
    And my rallies are banned –
    It musta been Biden infected me!”

  82. Cyn says:

    After sewing things up for the band
    Sally pouted, “They don’t understand.
         I’m laid down in clean linen
         tho I wanted my sinnin’
    to get bedded in sheeting less bland.”

  83. Cyn says:

    Attention, men. Now *lie* at ease.
    Tho your Commander in Chief is a sleaze,
         the Army Command
         declared napping ain’t banned!
    Be a loser and still catch some zzzzzzz.
         
         
    ______________________________
    [thanks in part to U.S. Army FM 7-22]

  84. Paul Haebig says:

    Now I’m doing it! I think my limerick above would start better with the first two lines changed:

    The green room provisions this band
    requires are way out of hand!
    – No green m&m’s
    – Ninety roses (long stems)
    – And an altar to worship Ayn Rand

  85. Stanley Taylor says:

    My wife is already well tanned
    But she insisted we walk in the sand.
    The bikini she prized
    Left little surprise.
    And I said “You’ll likely be banned!”

  86. Cyn says:

    Bob Dylan’s electric backing, the Band,
    transmogrifying the old Dylan brand
         faced a hostile crowd
         (“play it fucking loud”)
    lending folk music’s “Judas” a hand.

  87. Steve Benko says:

    Says Donald, “The Chinese I banned,
    And all of my scientists canned.
    A Scott Atlas polemic
    Beat back the pandemic….
    Ivanka? I’m sick, help me stand.

  88. Steve Benko says:

    Sorry, just correcting punctuation:

    Says Donald, “The Chinese I banned,
    And all of my scientists canned.
    A Scott Atlas polemic
    Beat back the pandemic…
    Ivanka? I’m sick, help me stand.”

  89. Steve Benko says:

    “For the throne I am playing this game,
    And upholding the Lannister claim,”
    Said Cersei, “and Sparrow,
    You’re no Clarence Darrow.”
    Next day came her nude walk of shame.

  90. Cyn says:

    All semblance of pattern was banned
    from the one million digits they canned
         to model uncertainty
         except that R-A-N-D
    in random wasn’t put there by Rand.
         
         
    ________
    [–per Wall Street Journal 9/24/20]

  91. Tim James says:

    A fellow who liked to play chess
    Put his hand up a pretty girl’s dress.
    His ambitions were wrecked
    When he found himself checked.
    As for mate, he’d no chance of success.

  92. Kirk Miller says:

    When I asked a French woman if she
    Enjoyed video games, I could see
    Her beginning to smile.
    She replied to me, “I’ll
    Have to say that the answer is Wii.”

  93. Steve Benko says:

    After breathing our air has been banned,
    Our missions to Mars will be manned.
    Average folks they will gyp
    For the price of a trip,
    For the space fleet will have the Trump brand.

  94. Steve Benko says:

    Oops, please correct Mats to Mars. I thought of it while out for a walk, and my close-up vision is shot.

    ***********

    Done.

  95. Steve Benko says:

    Here’s one for both prompts:

    Thought the card sharp, “A game of strip poker
    Will quickly and surely uncloak her.”
    But though cheating was banned,
    She’d snuck into her hand
    Enough aces to beat any joker.

  96. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    No matter the strike plan I utter,
    the pointless spare words I might mutter,
    when pinned in an alley,
    I can’t seem to rally,
    and always end up in the gutter.

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    We hired a great one-man band.
    Supposedly best in the land.
    He became overwrought
    When his drumstick got caught
    In his tush, so he had to be canned.

  98. Cyn says:

    Tim James’ fellow should play chess with Sally
    who plays blindfold down a blind alley.
         Her blindfold chess dare
         is that that’s all she’d wear
    to distract him, but boost his “mate” tally.

  99. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Though the Great Game of Golf I shan’t mock,
    and its cute dimpled ball I can’t knock,
    all that junk in the bag
    is too heavy to drag,
    and does nothing but spoil a good walk.

  100. Cyn says:

    Official hate’s all Twitter stands for
    when it bars protest voice from its floor.
         Should my tweeting get banned
         if my tweet has in hand
    quotes from Bob Dylan’s “Masters of War”?

  101. Cyn says:

    Did Mark not know when things don’t go as planned
    that the party line’s still served as canned?
          If the Chief of Staff can’t
          hawk the authorized slant,
    then the truth he leaks should get him banned.

  102. Cyn says:

    “Come lie with me. Set me aflame,”
    said Sally. “I’ll do you the same.
          Take your time once you’re in.
          It’s not whether you win
    but in how well you play me our game.”

  103. Tim James says:

    He’s infected (now, THAT was unplanned)
    By the “hoax” that’s been sweeping the land.
    Of my thoughts in this case
    I’ll reveal not a trace
    Lest by Madeleine Kane I get banned.

  104. Cyn says:

    Far from the only statute discarded in their dump,
    the Hatch Act’s pathologically ignored in the Neo-GOP Swamp.
          AG Barr sticks his head in the sand
          as the White House commits what the law banned
    with no shred of integrity, thanks to Mr Donald J Trump.

  105. Cyn says:

    Here’s todays COVID-19 pop quiz:
    The condition’s not exclusively his,
          yet in this Trump-rigged game,
          Heads he wins, tails the same.
    Why so? “It is what it is.”

  106. Charles Simmons says:

    The dashing and debonair banjo man
    Stepped up on the bandstand, banjo in hand
    All the ladies went wild
    Screaming “give me a child”
    He just smiled and said “strike up the band”.

    Mad, guess what instrument l play.

  107. Tim Gray says:

    If Trump’s medication alters his mind
    And is not a true state he may find,
    Is he playing with fire
    With his moods swinging higher?
    Should his doctors be willingly blind?

  108. Cyn says:

    I once played a lass from Durango,
    each breast of whom was gamely mango,
          as round and as sweet
          and delicious to eat,
    but alas, she played him who played banjo.

  109. Cyn says:

    Led Zepp won its claim that their band
    hadn’t ripped off a prior band’s hand:
          The jury ruled Stairway
          can be listened to their way
    without crediting Wolfe’s Taurus brand.

  110. Cyn says:

    Penrose proved that black holes aren’t banned
    by Einstein relativity. Give him a hand.
          So the Nobel Committee
          has awarded him. Pity
    it’s an achievement we can’t understand.

  111. B A Dragon says:

    Reply to Tony: Mating Game, Sept 27, 2020

    I live in the South that is true
    In a state that is red, but I’m blue
    If Trump wins they’re inflamed
    And if not I’ll be blamed
    ‘Cause they hate Yankees here through and through.

    I can run to Canadian land
    But Americans staying is banned
    I’ll have to get married
    So I won’t be harried
    And I’ve come to prefer life unmanned

    Our Suzanne is a lovely Canuck
    And we have much in common – what luck
    She thinks music is grand
    Plays guitar with her band
    I would rather wed her than some schumck.

  112. Cyn says:

    All this hand, stand, brand, fanned and demand,
    tanned, expand, ampersand, land and banned —
          It’s sent me psychotic,
          chaotically erotic …
    Y’all’ve made me an analysand!

  113. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Oh poor Tony, say, did I annoy?
    Aren’t YOU just a picture of joy!
    From what I understand,
    Methinks YOU should be banned
    From your homophobe stand, silly boy!

    It’s a game that we play, called expedience
    Where the marriage is one of convenience.
    Theres no romance, ideally
    Just livin’ here freely
    Immigration laws really show lenience.

  114. Lisi Nortman says:

    Trump’s one of those tight billionaires.
    (A bully we know never shares).
    His neurosis all started
    When so broken-hearted
    From losing at “Musical Chairs”

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    sorry Mad:
    The last line of above limerick was supposed to be From losing at “Musical
    Chairs” not For losing at “Musical Chairs”
    Can you please change that word for me?
    Thank you, Lisi

    **********

    Done.

  116. Cyn says:

    Never fear! Tho already in reach
    of the delta and neighboring beach,
          before Delta hits land
          every tropical band
    of storm will get injected with bleach!

  117. Tony Holmes says:

    “Ah, Dear Ladies! At last you’ve returned!
    In your absence, I’ve simply adjourned.
    You, of course, must campaign,
    Try and oust the insane,
    Then you’ll come back again? I’m not spurned?

    “Homophobic? Not I, I assure!
    I just think giving up is a bore.
    ‘Matrimony is banned
    ‘Cause six husbands we’ve canned.’
    Come on girls – make a stand! Don’t be sore.”

    “I’m by nature romantic and yearn;
    I would guess just the thought makes you gurn.
    But I hope, all the same,
    That you’ll stay in the game,
    And, one day, you can give me a turn.”

  118. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    An assembly of sharks is called “Shiver”;
    And a cluster of cobras a “Quiver”;
    Flocked flamingos a “Stand”;
    Grouped gorillas a “Band.”
    Chickens crossing the highway? “Chopped Liver.”

  119. Tim James says:

    He considered it all fun and games
    As he cheated with multiple dames.
    But the ladies found out
    And they turned on the lout.
    Now “Mud” is just one of his names.

  120. Suzanne Heymann says:

    To poor Tony…

    We already are making a stand
    But it takes place in some northern land.
    Giving up? No, we won!
    It’s the best thing we’ve done!
    Were not sore; it’s just fun men are banned!

  121. John Shardlow says:

    There was a doctor from Bristol
    Looked into a ball (it was crystal)
    The future was grand
    All illness was banned
    No patients, his life would be blissful

    Note to Bob, I know not all doctors are medical.

  122. B A Dragon says:

    Dear Tony

    Your logic I will acquiesce
    Although linear still can impress
    But three husbands aside
    (Two lived and one died)
    I’m just too much woman, I guess

    Immigration might think it quite shady
    To marry myself to a lady
    If from my land I’m banned
    Because I took a stand
    I’m delighted that Suzanne will aid me.

  123. Cyn says:

    Unzipping his jeans, Sammy led
    saucy Sally to bed, where he said,
          “Although Mom says it’s banned
          if I use my own hand,
    I figured we’d use yours instead.”

  124. Cyn says:

    Miss Tib of St John’s Newfoundland
    partied hard with the boys of the band.
          “Tibb’s Eve never occurred,”
          she explains, “so the word
    for my little one will be ‘Unplanned.'”

  125. Tony Holmes says:

    A Response To Two Gayme Ladies: (It’s the Middle English spelling – I believe.)

    ‘Too much woman’? Well now I’m on fire!
    You’ve rekindled my ardent desire.
    You have challenged – I’m game,
    And I don’t aim to tame;
    Though I go down in flame, I’m a tryer.

    A cruel fate that you’re there and I’m here,
    Or what larks we might have; but I fear,
    Too much woman, or not,
    I must stay in one spot
    Till the medicos give the, “All clear!”

    As for you, Mistress Sue, I think Eight
    Was a Freudian slip – don’t berate!
    You’re more Zsa Zsa, perhaps,
    When it comes to the chaps;
    There is always more room on your plate.

    Though we banter and tease – and deride!
    You delight me, all joking aside.
    That you stood and then won,
    Is just great! So, well done!
    I hope plenty of bubbly was plied?

    I have questions, though, mainly for Sue.
    In the North, what exact’ did you do?
    And you play in a band –
    Do you sing? Do expand
    And include style and genre, please, too.

    Have you heard anything from the ‘Bard’?
    Is he well, do you know? He’s a card.
    When we last fenced – engaged –
    I was somewhat enraged; (Joking, obviously)
    I do hope he’s not taking it hard.

    Should you ‘see’ him, please give him my best.
    It may be he’s just taking a rest.
    As for me, Love to you,
    I now wish you, “Adieu!”
    Until next time – not too long – be blessed!

  126. Cyn says:

    Sally went to great lengths to expand
    her exposure on air, sea and land.
          “There’s a market,” she claimed,
          “for strange sex unashamed
    (tho in some parts of Texas I’m banned).”

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Lesson I’ve Learned

    All yesterdays ought to be banned.
    Cause life never goes as it’s planned.
    If today isn’t great,
    Up to you to create
    A tomorrow that’s wondrous and grand.

  128. Cyn says:

    Says the court (again!!): New York’s not banned
    from his tax returns having in hand
          so the whole world’ll know
          him as we know him so:
    Greatest Loser in the Entire Land.

  129. Cyn says:

    Although he created the band,
    Al fell out of touch with its brand,
          for tho he, it appears,
          shed no blood sweat or tears,
    it was they who instead had him canned.

  130. Cyn says:

    The White House took steps to get banned
    rules to check if vaccines work as planned
          since political trumpery
          clearly trumps credibility.
    Let’s pretend we’re the best, truth be damned.

  131. Cyn says:

    Although neo-GOP enablers have planned
    reasonable access to voting be banned,
          people’s voices will rise
          over trumpery’s lies
    and full Bill of Rights freedom demand.

  132. Cyn says:

    I suppose that I do understand
    why my words don’t appear as I’d planned —
          what’s in bold in my mind,
          italics and underlined,
    comes out plain, since HTML’s banned.

    ****************

    HTML isn’t banned here, as you can see.

  133. Cyn says:

    Hmmm, or not?

  134. Dave Johnson says:

    Here’s a game that you might like to play:
    Imagine you’re far, far away
    One decade ago;
    There’s an orderly flow.
    And Trump hasn’t ruined your day.

  135. Cyn says:

    Sally said, “Oh, you’ve just made my day!
    I feel I could go all the way.
          If tagging ain’t banned,
          you’re it! Whacha got planned?
    I’m game. What would you like to play?

  136. Cyn says:

    The United States First Army Band
    plays Hail to the Chief, whereupon all stand.
          What we can’t stand’s one more 4-year term
          of exposure to the lethal Trump Germ
    Two million more* of our own would die under his command!
          
          
          
    __________
    * – U.S. death toll 2.2 million thru Nov 2024, as projected by my favorite actuary

  137. John Shardlow says:

    Those Superheroes from Gotham
    Wore tights that were snug round the bottom
    “They’re colourful hose,
    Could you please strike a pose?”
    They both said “I’m game” so I shot ‘em

  138. Cyn says:

    We played Musical Chairs, whereupon
    Sally found all the open seats gone.
          Muttered Sally, “Oh crap,
          then I’ll sit in your lap.
    Do you mind I’ve got no panties on?”

  139. Cyn says:

    So, our Whiner in Chief don’t wanna play
    the game unless we play it his way
          where a second grade bully
          drags us all through his gully?
    “Then don’t waste our next four years,” we pray.

  140. Tim James says:

    I would like football tix, but I’m stuck:
    Online vendors have none. Rotten luck!
    Hockey tickets are there,
    But I really don’t care.
    About hockey I don’t give a puck.

  141. Cyn says:

    Check out the latest Kevin Bacon-based game
    of “six degrees of separation” fame.
          The way this version is
          is that ours’ll’ve been what’s now his,
    since the task force has herd immunity as its secret aim.

  142. Cyn says:

                (Footnoting’s traditionally banned
                from a limerick that’s properly planned
                      Even so, I’m compelled
                      to add “his” ought be spelled
                Trump – not Bacon – in mine herebeforehand.)

  143. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I have tried playing tournament Scrabble,
    But I suck, so I now merely dabble
    In building with piles
    Of small lettered tiles—
    Voilà!—it’s the Tower of Babel.

  144. Kirk Miller says:

    This limerick uses the word Banned and its subject is Games

    Football ticket sales don’t go as planned,
    So the Washington owners demand
    That to raise resale price
    Of their tickets ain’t nice.
    From the Redskins’ games scalpers are banned.

  145. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    There’s one in every bunch.

    “In your group, there are good authors, AND…
    There is Bob who has widely been panned.”
    “But he’s really not bad.”
    “C’mon, Joe, that’s just sad—
    I know HIM like the hack of my band.”

  146. Cyn says:

    Sally near tore the bed off its frame
    when she let Sammy’s pals join the game.
          Once their playtime was done
          she chirped, “Oh, that was fun.
    I’m so happy each one of you came.”

  147. Cyn says:

    Our “Made in the USA” brand
    no longer means “Best in the Land.”
          And now the word “Great”
          stands for fear, greed and hate.
    Alas, saying so will soon be banned.

  148. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Take a break,” groaned Cyn-sational Sally.
    “From these quickies I’m too bushed to rally.”
    Though from band after band,
    She’d requested ‘Slow Hand,’
    She could not find a dilly who’d dally.

  149. Cyn says:

    “Quickies,” grinned Sally, “are Cyn’s
    way to guarantee me lotsa wins.
          For rhymes? not necessarily
          but for good times? Yes, verily!”
    as she tallied all her ins, outs and ins.

  150. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Said Cyn’s alter-ego, “Let’s sally
    forth! (make the most of me, pally).
    For with Sally on hand
    you won’t even get banned
    from the likes of a wild MAGA rally.”

  151. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    At last Trivia Night I got bold,
    and confessed to a friend, “Truth be told,
    all this stuff makes no sense,
    I feel old, slow, and dense.”
    Her reply? “No one’s calling you old.”

  152. Cyn says:

    Cyn’s alter-ego’s instinctive id
    what her superego refused to do did.
          Things got so out of hand
          MAGA had her ass banned,
    but she managed some rather hot vid.

  153. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  154. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    In the poker game Brian portrays
    There are also a couple of gays.
    Soon he’ll lose to a flush,
    And he’ll certainly blush,
    When he has to reveal his, um, raise.

  155. Cyn says:

    “Alas! There are too many games
    to play,” Sally says, “Most all my aims
          go unmet, which includes
          all the rest of them dudes
    and I have yet to play all you dames!”

  156. Sue Dulley says:

    Mr Haebig has mentioned Ayn Rand
    (Whose novels were panned but not banned).
    I’m no fan of Ms R
    But when viewed from afar
    This year Atlas let go with one hand.

  157. Cyn says:

    Yeah maybe, but Scott Atlas remains
    beside Trump, one hand yanking the reins.
          His quack views ought be canned
          from the nation’s broadband
    so he reaches just those with no brains.

  158. Cyn says:

    Sally said, “You were too hasty, sir”
    to a dude who’d played chess against her.
          “Your knight’s infiltration,
          like your ejaculation,
    was misguided and quite premature.”

  159. Mike Sullivan says:

    Late January the Chinese were banned
    From entering or visiting our land
    But in over eight months since
    Trump’s response has made me wince
    In November, the guy’s gonna get canned.

  160. Cyn says:

    Yes, non-essential foreigners were belatedly banned
    but U.S. citizens hurried home without having been scanned,
          thus Americans who’d there been infected
          spread it widely back here undetected.
    So then, who’s truly to blame for our firestorm getting fanned?

  161. Cyn says:

    On fire, Sammy surged with aband-
    on concerning the plan he had planned
    on, except Sally can’t pard-
    on how he set his heart
    on another lass who’d first had her hand

  162. Cyn says:

    “It’s the 10th day of October and
    I’ve heard all of this crap I can stand,”
          said Cyn’s prof. “For your crimes
          on the blackboard 5,000 times
    write ‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’

    So Cyn went to the class blackboard and
    with a piece of white chalk in her hand
          she wrote per his command
          to fulfil his demand,
    writing, ‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’
    ‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’
          ”Band’ limericks are banned.’
          ”Band’ limericks are banned.’
    ‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’

    ‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’
    ‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’
          ”Band’ limericks are banned.’
          ”Band’ limericks are banned.’
    ‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’

    ‘All limericks on ‘band’ …
          
          
          

  163. Cyn says:

    Well aware of the games Sammy planned,
    Sally warned, “Although not much is banned,
          should our playtime go kinky
          let our safe word be ‘pinky
    in case play gets too out of hand.”

  164. Cyn says:

    Have we taken this culture of banning a bit too far?
    We’re banned from doing at home, at the stores, in our car.
          Whether ad-hoc or carefully planned,
          if you want it, it’s most likely banned.
    The only thing not banned is doing those things that are.

  165. Dave Johnson says:

    Officials back then would demand
    That X-rated content be banned.
    Their logic, I guess,
    Was they wanted to stress
    Some things should be kept out of hand.

  166. Suzanne Heymann says:

    (true story)

    In Sudbury, north of your land,
    There’s a law that has all sirens banned
    If attached to your bike.
    There’s a fine you won’t like
    And a chance to hitchhike, though unplanned.

    I meant ‘bicycle’ when I said ‘bike’
    And that’s true too, for tricycle (trike)
    It’s no game you should play
    You’ll just ruin your day
    And the fine to 5K they can spike!

  167. Dave Johnson says:

    Oops!

    Mad – would you please change the first word in line 4 above to “Was”.

    Thanks, Dave

    ********

    Done.

  168. Suzanne Heymann says:

    Oh poor Tony, your manhood’s been banned
    By two gals who have secretly planned
    Immigration by this –
    Our fake wedded bliss
    And you men we won’t miss, understand?

  169. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 454. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Suit.

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