Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SINK or SYNC at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: June 20, 2020 at 4 p.m. Eastern)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SINK or SYNC at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PUNCTUATION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PUNCTUATION-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on June 21, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, June 20, 2020 at 4 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my SINK/SYNC-rhyme limerick:
I’m teetering right on the brink,
And it feels like my life’s out of sync.
I’m off of my feed.
So what do I need?
A shrink? Or another stiff drink?
And here’s my PUNCTUATION-themed limerick:
“You’ve a problem: You drink too much, pop.”
That comma’s essential – full stop!
Cuz without it the drinker
Is any old stinker…
And the bev’rage? Non-alcohol slop.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Alcohol Humor, Alcohol Verse, Anxiety Humor, Beverage Humor, Beverages, Binge Drinking, Competition Limerick, Drink Humor, Drinking Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Psychiatry Humor, Shrinks, Therapy Humor, Writing Prompts
It’s “it’s” when you mean that “it is”.
It’s “its” when it’s hers or it’s his.
So remember your “its”,
and rely on your wits.
(Also, “it’s” means the same thing as “tis”).
My mom felt her life had been “stolen”.
Cuz her belly has always been “swollen”.
Then “Doc” gave the news.
It sure gave her the blues,
when he said, “You’ve a bruised semi-colon”.
Are you’s going to Janes Clothe’s today.
They have such and exciting array?
All the skirt’s are: half’s price-
“And the dresse’s are nice”
I wish I could stay -/ there all’s day?
Punctuations not something I care for
especially the why and the wherefore
its rules keep me vexed
it slows down my text
therefore Ill just ask whats it there for
I painted the powder room pink
So it’s smaller, a little, I think
Cuz the tub doesn’t fit
In the room where I sit
And I now have to bathe in the sink
How low can the President sink?
Is there nothing from which he will shrink?
All his statements are lies;
That includes (no surprise!)
Any sentence beginning “I think …”
Trump’s controllers will have to re-think;
Their computer has gone “on the blink”.
They can get him to walk,
But the button marked “talk”
Causes lip movements quite out of sync.
“If your fortunes have started to sink,
Then take heart, I’ve discovered the link.
Stick with women and song –
You’ll live happy and long –
But abandon all hope if you drink.”
As Joe’s poll numbers rise and Don’s sink,
party pundits are asked what they think:
“So, is tear gas the haze
’round the White House these days,
or is Trump inside making a stink?”
The apostrophes often abused;
Lot’s of people dont know how its used.
They cant grasp, though they try,
All the rule’s that apply.
There are time’s even I get confused.
Baby Apostrophes
“This happened to me in the past!
And “Doc”, I am simply aghast!
I won’t and I shouldn’t!
I can’t and I wouldn’t!
These contractions are coming too fast!!”
You can make a good point with a dash;
Gives your writing that something – panache!
But beware of abuse –
Be judicious in use –
Thus avoiding dismissal as, “Brash!”
For a woman to write with appeal,
Punctuation’s what’s needed, I feel.
When she talks, she will say,
“Miss a comma, okay.
Miss a period? That’s a big deal!”
The apostrophe, often misused,
Keep’s grammarian pedants’ amused.
Let them grumble and groan,
In that world all their own,
While we aberrate till its diffused.
My students were all on the brink
Till I drummed in their heads, “You must think!
Semicolon’s a breeze
You can spot it with ease
It’s a period with a cute wink”
second version, using sync and punctuation (double)
My students were just not in sync!
Till I drummed in their heads, “You must think!
Semicolon’s a breeze;
You can spot it with ease
It’s a period with a cute wink”
Punctuation
The Kane’s took a walk in the park.
Mad shrieked, “Wow! that dog sure can bark”!
“Hubby” said, “It’s a deer
You are wrong; can’t you hear?”
(Mad knows she should not question Mark.)
As Trump’s ratings started to sink,
all he could do was add on more stink.
With a country in tatters,
he screamed “All Lives Matter!”
and the door to his bunker went clink!
Punctuation has so many flaws
With all its restrictions and “laws”
Yet the one that I bless
Which relieves all my stress
Is the comma; it gives me some pause.
Exclamations are always emphatic
While commas are clearly erratic
But I would contend
”Put a dot at the end
Of each sentence” is undemocratic
Punctuation’s important, although
There are times one has got to “let go”
And write something with style
And know all the while
Punctuation won’t hinder your flow
makes more sense: “WILL” not won’t”
Punctuation’s important, although
There are times one has got to “let go”
And write something with style
Knowing all of the while
Punctuation will hinder their flow.
His boat is now deep in the drink.
How’d it happen? He started to link
The computer on board
With his cell phone. “Good lord!”
He cried out as he watched the boat sync.
Beware the insidious dash —
it’s worse than that tag known as “hash” —
so be careful, don’t revel
in this mark of the devil —
it might lead to — that’s right! — and/or slash!
Semi colons, I think, are intended
for a thought, if it’s split, to be mended;
but I must say “Amen!”
to the semi paren
(which keeps discourse like this open-ended
“Punctuation? I can’t see the point!
Oh, beg pardon – your nose out of joint?
Marks for pauses and stops –
They’re the lazy man’s props;
In the uncial days … take my point?”
The lovers were on disaster’s brink
Couldn’t get their climaxes to synch
One fast, one slow
No quid pro quo
Next stop the sex therapist shrink
I’m in love with the ampersand
It’s much more good looking than “and”
It curves with such grace
And also saves space
When typing with only one hand
Donald Trump said, “Let’s all stop and think:
No longer does this country stink.
With my unyielding drive
I have proven that I’ve
Transformed cities to ships that all sink”
second version:
Donald Trump said, “Let’s all stop and think:
No longer are we on the brink
Of a crisis, cuz I’ve
With my unyielding drive
Transformed cities to ships that all sink”
I have Haviland dishes in pink
And twelve matching bowls, (come to think)
Someday, I will use’em
Don’t wanna abuse’em
Cuz I’m still eating over the sink
Parentheses give me a scare!
They are harmful; you must be aware!
(Their harm is within!)
They will force you to sin
They’re the hats that the devils all wear!
His brain was so far out of sync,
He could barely reason or thync;
But gave it a try
With a bottle of Rye,
And poured out another stiff drync.
As the happy face sun starts to sink,
and the silly sky looks tickled pink,
and I rip off my bra,
as I sing “Kumbaya” —
are these signs I should lay off the drink?
2 limericks up RHYMING ERROR!! try again
Parentheses give me a scare!
And a reason to feel great despair!
Their (harm is within)
They will force you to sin
They’re the hats that the devils all wear!
My machines grow increasingly clever,
well equipped for most any endeavor.
Some will talk, some just think —
either way, they’re in sync,
and have no use for me whatsoever.
Parentheses make it real clear
That they promise to not interfere
With the principle part
Of your literate art
(So enter the punchline right here)
My teacher said, “I have no use
For the limericks that you produce”
Then he forced me to stoop!!!!
To a weird support group!!!:
“Exclamation Point’s Dreadful Abuse!!!!”
Another Way Of Putting It:
Parentheses make it real clear
That they promise to not interfere
With the principle part
Of your literate art
(Thus,the punchline’s supposed to go here)
I truly love using the ampersand
It’s so much more useful than writing “and”
It curves with such grace
& also saves space
When texting or writing In Twitter land
It is hard to know just where to place
Those ellipses, so here is the case:
Remember this well
And you sure will excel
They are for dot dot dot saving space
News item: NYC Health Dept. urges New Yorkers to consider wearing face masks during sex…
Social distancing leads me to drink;
Into boredom and torpor I sink.
“Take advantage,” they say,
“Of the new games to play!”
A masked ball, though, just isn’t my kink.
Fabulous limericks!!! Thoroughly enjoyed reading them and had a good laugh!! Super creativity 👍👍👍👍👍👍
Poetic License allows me to drive
right through stop signs I hope I survive
though pile-ups be myriad
there’s no stopping period
if you’re reading this I’m still alive
Inexperienced Lady
One two three; first we have a strong drink
One two three; then we get into “kink”
Girl, stop being uptight
You’re not doing it right
One two four; we are sure not in sync
If the toilet should go on the blink
And back up, please just call Plumbers, Inc.
If the guy on the phone
Says they’ll have to postpone,
Please be patient; don’t poop in the sink!
Tell me: Why must there be so much drama
Regarding the use of a comma
Instead of a period?
Yee gads! The myriad
Rules give me scholarly trauma.
Trump slings so much sewage, I think
His tweets are beginning to stink
The more that he loses
The deeper the ooze is
One wonders how low he will sink
Alas, poor adventurous skink!
As you stopped by a puddle to drink,
My cat suddenly found you
And killed you and downed you…
And puked up your bones in my sink.
So I tried yet another stiff drink
It brought me right back from the brink
Synchronism was then such a chore
That I fell in a heap on the floor
And started to sink in the sink.
This tumbling caused a full stop
So I tried to climb back to the top
As I shinned up a wire
I put colon on the fire
Then extinguished the flames with a sop.
The Lady Get Worse!
One two three; first we have a strong drink
One two three; then we get into “kink”
Girl, stop being uptight
You’re not doing it right
Four five six; we are sure not in sync
I’m looking for trumpunctuation
On the platforms of Washington Station
In the White House’s shop
I had a full stop
Where some brackets had dropped the whole nation.
At first I said, “Trump is in sync
With our issues.”, but now I sure think:
After four tragic years
It clearly appears
That his mind just continues to shrink
“Stop waving, you fool — I’m the enemy,”
said the sea turtle to the anemone.
“And let’s see what you think
when you feel my teeth sink!”
“Go ahead,” it said, “then there’ll be ten o’ me.”
Four years will pass by in a wink,
Then Don will have more time to think.
My guess, five to ten,
In a six by eight pen,
With just a commode and a sink.
Said Donald, when pushed to the brink,
While watching his poll numbers sink,
“Of course I’m for blacks
And I’ve got their backs.”
(That, with a veiled nod and a wink).
My computer and I just don’t sync
It’s sending me right to the brink
It whispers to me
In a very low key:
“Please be patient; I’m trying to think”
Whenever I’m not “in the pink”
And feel like I’m going to sink
I think of a verse
(five lines; kinda’ terse)
Cause lim’riks are truly my shrink
Punctuation Acrostic
Q uite flattering, some people feel
U nique are your words, so they “steal”
O ne sentence or phrase
T hey give you much praise
E ndless wisdom has worthy appeal
Four years of my life have been stolen,
By a man with an ego that’s swollen.
And I’m never quite sure
If it’s thoughts or manure,
Or comes from his mouth or his colon.
“Punctuation’s a minefield these days;
Strident gurus espouse divers ways.
As a man without clout,
No one heeds when I spout;
But hey ho, I may yet start a craze.”
There’s a “walk” sign that looks out of sync,
Flashing “walk” when it shouldn’t. I think
They ignored my report
That the sign’s out of sort
‘Cause the crosswalk sign’s still on the blink.
John painted a beautiful mural
Depicting a scene that is rural
It is called, “Country View’s”
But why’d this fool use
An apostrophe stuck in a plural?
My fridge is beginning to stink
And potatoes grow under the sink
The grass is as high
As a field full of rye
But I’ll watch one more ‘Ozark’ I think
“Like an owl caught in headlights, I blink.
‘Is this really my ending?’ I sink.
I awake to bright lights,
And to wonderful sights …
‘But do angels wear sidearms?’ I think.”
Prohibition was one cruel suppression
And America’s harshest oppression
People started to sink
When they gave up “the drink”
No wonder next came Great Depression
as the cruise ship begins to sink
the man’s face starts to turn bright pink
he laid eyes on his mark
jumped on the back of a shark
who bucked, throwing him into a plank
the teacher called for a c word
the nerd thought she meant turd
he spelled it out long
and still it was spelled wrong
he stood with his face looking blurred
(Parenthetical pairings [I think]
keeps my message and method in sync
[using brackets, some curly,
{like these} that look squirrelly]
and helps chain of thought add a link).
sorry, correction–number agreement? Well, I agree I shouldn’t have to send it 2X
(Parenthetical pairings [I think]
keep my message and method in sync
[using brackets, some curly,
{like these} that look squirrelly]
and help chain of thought add a link).
A Finely-Tuned Tool ~
A persnickety writer once wrote
punctuation should help to connote
and to clarify meaning,
requiring preening
that’s used to enlighten, not smote.
Dissect punctuation — it’s fun!
One slash — make it quick — you’ve begun.
Soon your frog won’t be able
to hop off the table,
but the sentence will finally be done.
I’m writing a note to Obama
Asking how to resist all the drama
That comes from Trump’s tweeting,
Protesting, and bleating.
I’ve begun “Dear Barack” and a comma.
Now I’m wondering, as I get rollin’,
Does “Barack” make it sound like I’m trollin’?
It’s clearly not normal
To be so informal.
I’ll start with “Dear Sir” and a colon.
A pandemic’s enough, don’t you think,
To throw all our iives out of sync.
Now add in the factor
Of a certain bad actor:
Thanks to Trump, we are now at the brink.
My vet has a very long sink
To soothe all the pets with a kink
Used mostly for necks
That just cannot flex
And kangaroos right on the brink
Computer Keyboards Lament
Im languishing here in this jail
Im wishing that I could make bail
But therell be no release
By the Grammar Police
My apostrophe button has failed
Synchronized Swimming
I felt so dejected and blue
After reading “The Swimming Review”
Seems a swimmer “in sync”
Sadly drowned from a drink
So the other ones had to drown too
If when quoting “The Donald” you sink
into gibberish (his) and you think
that you’ve happened to pick
words of libel — use [sic].
(Too transparent? Okay, try a wink;).
Punctuation in Spanish is cool.
“Put the marks at the start” is the rule.
“Turn them upside-down” too.
¿Es verdad? Is that true?
¡Por supuesto! Of course! I’m no fool!
My lab partner, Frankie, has stolen
the frog brain I need to keep rollin’.
Also, where is the rib? it
was in my exhibit!
“Comma down,” he says. “Here: take this colon.”
punctuations not such a big deal
i write things down mostly by feel
if i leave out a comma
or a hyphen yo mama
you can put that in quotes its for real
Our home was sure filled with much drama
The saddest of all was my Mama
Her Daddy was ailing
His weak heart was failing
And then he lapsed into a comma
second verse:
Our home was sure filled with much drama
The saddest of all was my Mama
Grandpa’s sickness was worse
then we heard from the nurse,
“I’m sorry; he fell in a comma”
His speech punctuated by um’s and er’s
As if afflicted by some oral curse.
He couldn’t explain
The shoes in his drain
And denied the handbag was hers.
He tried to remember and think
But was too affected by drink.
“What was it they’d said”
Had gone out of his head
To keep their stories in synch.
His resolve was beginning to sink
As he eyed his days in the clink.
A hanging sentence;
Or work for repentance?
His future was now on the brink.
If Trump, with solemn face
Sings the hymn Amazing Grace,
The meaning might sink
In his brain, and then link
To his loss in the next Pressie race.
On those nights when I’ve started to sink
into sleep, then wake up in a blink,
I say to my head,
“All day long you’re half dead,
now you gotta pick this time to THINK?!”
In a contraction of “it is”, the apostrophe
Comes before the s and after the t
But if “its” is the possessive
An apostrophe would be excessive
And its it is, it’s plain to see
I truly love using the ampersand
It satisfies me more than writing “and”
It curves with such grace
& also saves space
When texting or writing In Twitter land
As the sun in the west starts to sink
And the stars are beginning to wink,
I see aliens land,
Anal probes firm in hand.
(I should really ease up when I drink.)
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
It’s time that I find a good shrink
Cause truthfully, I’m on the brink
I’m profoundly neurotic
And also psychotic
(Hope the ship of my life will not sink)
Remember Trump’s Miracle Drink —
Hydroxy-whatever plus zinc?
Well, it failed all its trials.
Now there’s millions of vials
Donald Trump has to pour down the sink.
If Trump fell in quicksand, I think
I’d be there on the scene in a blink…
Not to do him a favor,
But simply to savor
The pleasure of watching him sink.
(OOC: uses the plural. Also, just plain stupid.)
Lou’s DVD mastering stinks:
The soundtrack’s developed some kinks,
And the audio rifts
Lead to loose lip-sync shifts…
We’ll lose if we ship Lou’s slipped syncs.
The name of the band was N’Sync.
I tried them, to see what I’d think,
But I soon had enough
Of such juvenile stuff…
They should call them N’Toilet. They stink.
Here’s a straggler I should have struggled to strangle.
Did you know there’s an ALL NEW Caine Mutiny?
Plainly plotted, it takes little scrutiny:
with Queeg Trump on the brink
Daniel Craig has to sink
U.S. Caine! And why Dan? He looks Putin-y.
The world is not really in sync
Some folks blink cuz they simply can’t wink
We evolved from the apes
Thus, we’re all kindred shapes
Barring Trump, who’s the true missing link
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 446. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off SOLE.