Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SOLE or SOUL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 4, 2020 at 4 p.m. Eastern)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SOLE or SOUL at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WEAPONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WEAPON-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on July 5, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, July 4, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SOLE/SOUL-rhyme limerick:

When I ordered a French Dover sole,
My fish-dish arrived in a bowl.
“What’s THIS? Why no PLATE?”
I shouted, irate.
(My new rating is “Dinnerware Troll.”)

And here’s my WEAPONS-themed limerick:

What’s my weapon of choice? It is words.
Guns and rifles and knives? For the birds!
Kill or maim? Not my aim.
(Please don’t make me shoot game!)
I’m just one of those bookwormy nerds.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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88 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SOLE or SOUL at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: July 4, 2020 at 4 p.m. Eastern)”

  1. Steve Benko says:

    “Though Army recruiters may beckon,
    Through jungles I’ll carry no weapon,”
    Said Donald. “My dad
    Says my bone spurs are bad,
    And to let someone else do the schleppin’.”

  2. I just met a cool man named Cole
    who played his guitar with great soul.
    He asked, “Do you play?”
    I asked, “In what way?”
    for I had a non-music goal.

  3. Steve Benko says:

    “North Korea may have a few nukes,”
    Said Donald, “But why the rebukes?
    Though mad as a hatter,
    Kim knows how to flatter;
    They’re really fine people, for gooks.”

  4. Steve Benko says:

    “While Yemen they’re turning to ash,”
    Said Donald, “the Saudis pay cash.
    We loosen the wings
    On our fighters and things,
    For they buy even more when they crash.”

  5. Brian Allgar says:

    The Devil said “Sell me your soul
    And I’ll give you the world.” “Hey, let’s roll!”
    Donald said. But he knew
    That when payment fell due,
    There’d be only a large, empty hole.

  6. Brian Allgar says:

    Defending the 2nd

    “They’re after our guns! We’ll refute ’em
    With logic; our words will confute ’em.
    But if that should fail,
    We are bound to prevail
    When we round up the bastards and shoot ‘em.”

  7. Steve Benko says:

    Said the flounder one day to the sole,
    “That worm’s on a hook. See the pole?
    Let’s swim down and lie flat
    On the bottom and chat
    Till the guy motors off, the asshole.’

  8. Kirk Miller says:

    When Satan was asked, “Take a poll
    About classic and new rock and roll?”
    After pausing a while,
    With a devilish smile,
    Said, “The music I like is called Soul.”

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s euphoric to lose all control
    So turn up the sound and “unroll”
    Close your eyes and just chill
    You are in for a thrill
    Let the music take over your soul

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    The world is just no longer fun
    There are people out there with a gun
    You will not see us smile
    We get seats in the aisle
    To get the hell out and then run

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    Marvin Gaye, Barry White, Nat King Cole
    Were singers we sure did extol
    They would always enthrall
    And proved once and for all
    You don’t need to shout to have soul

  12. Steve Frakt says:

    A bank robber out on parole
    Went to church to save his soul
    But he tempted fate
    And stole the collection plate
    And that was the end of that goal

  13. Lisi Nortman says:

    This country is safe ev’ry day
    Cause of Trump, Boy, he sure is okay!
    He is such a good “Pres”
    Listen close when he says:
    “Just buy guns! The American Way!”

  14. Steve Benko says:

    Here’s one for both prompts:

    The nuke on Bikini Atoll
    Robbed a part of our national soul.
    “Their weapons of war
    Until now were a bore!”
    Satan clucked, looking up from the hole.

  15. Steve Benko says:

    Said Donald, “Hey you in that hole,
    Go dig some more beautiful coal!
    Climb down a few rungs
    And then fill up your lungs;
    On our national shoe, you’re the sole!”

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    Inflicting Bodily Harm

    The bungee cord kept on a ‘flyin
    As a weapon, it ain’t worth a ‘tryin
    To take your own life
    Simply use an old knife
    With a bungee, you keep almost ‘dyin

  17. Tim James says:

    Hordes of kids, fans of K-pop from Seoul,
    Took embarrassing Trump as their goal.
    They scored one million tix
    With a few simple clicks
    And the shitshow in Tulsa they stole.

  18. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    At the Take Out I order this dish:
    boiled chicken butt mixed with canned fish.
    Surf ‘n’ Turf? Oh how droll!
    Well, I can’t afford sole,
    so I’m treating my taste buds to “chish.”

  19. Paula R. Moore says:

    I cannot abode ANY gun,
    They’re not my idea of some fun,
    I know for some lootist
    His motto as shootist
    Is “grab all the goodies and RUN!

  20. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Three fiddlers who knew Old King Cole,
    Scoffed, “This guy? A merry old soul?
    You should see what an ass
    he can be without grass,
    so we fill up his pipe and his bowl.”

  21. Tim Gray says:

    First pick a career you revere,
    Then with your studies persevere.
    Being true to your soul
    Keep your eye on the goal
    Or else, from your track, you will veer.

  22. Tim Gray says:

    Important point number one
    You can’t shoot if you can’t have a gun.
    Points two to ten,
    (For the NRA’s ken*),
    Refer to point number one.

    *ken: To know or understand (English/Scottish)

  23. Brian Allgar says:

    The fish swam around in a shoal.
    God was angry, and told them: “Your role
    Should be worshipping Me!”
    They said: “As you can see,
    We’re sardines, and we don’t have a sole.”

  24. I wish my workplace had a soul,
    but that’s never been how they roll,
    and the size of its heart
    weighs no more than a fart
    in contrast to their boot and spiked sole.

  25. Dave Johnson says:

    Tim J. – Doggonit you got here first, but here’s another take:

    When followers sat all alone,
    Trump’s glorious rally was blown.
    Attendance they’d lack
    From the kids fighting back;
    Their weapons? Tik-Tok and a phone.

  26. Dave Johnson says:

    Some researchers have a new goal:
    Determine if Trump has a soul.
    One summed it up best:
    “It’s an arduous quest;
    We’re combing a bottomless hole.”

  27. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    There’s a reason I’ve no wish to trifle
    with the likes of a pistol or rifle:
    my aim’s more impressive
    when passive-aggressive.
    (More conspicuous urges, I stifle).

  28. Daisy Ward says:

    He made a raw deal for his soul
    All he got was an empty bowl
    He got very upset
    Hopped on a moving jet
    His death, was one weird story told

  29. Tim Gray says:

    As winning is his only goal
    To the devil he’s sold his soul.
    He’ll say whatever it takes
    And whatever are fakes
    To win in the next poll.

  30. Steve Benko says:

    Said Lizzy, “I’m grabbing an axe,
    And my mother I’ll give 40 whacks.
    Though that may seem uncouth,
    I’ve discovered the truth:
    She writes checks to Republican PACs.”

  31. Steve Frakt says:

    It is said a stick or a stone
    Can sometimes break a bone
    But if you’ve only heard
    A pun with a word
    It will only result in a groan

  32. Steve Benko says:

    Said Oog, “Me go hunt now with spear.”
    But his wife said, “You full of lies, dear.
    What you call ‘business trip’
    Is excuse; I am hip
    To what means your Neanderthal leer.”

  33. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Learning cuss words, when young, was my goal;
    soon no sentence without them seemed whole.
    So my mother (“The Pope”)
    washed my mouth out with soap.
    Now I squeak but a meek, “bless my soul.”

  34. Janice Power says:

    Making devil’s food cake was her goal;
    On her fate, though, it took quite a toll.
    For this offer she took
    From the demon’s cookbook:
    “For my recipe, sell me your soul.”

  35. Lisi Nortman says:

    Bank Robbery

    There’s a gun at your head; stop that bawling
    Here’s my note; I want cash; quit that stalling
    “Thief, I read what you wrote
    You’ve no reason to gloat
    Now please leave Sir, your grammar’s appalling”

  36. Steve Benko says:

    Said the mink, “To hellfire your soul
    Will be damned if you make me a stole.
    Right now you riffraff
    At my warning may laugh,
    But down there you won’t think it’s so droll.”

  37. Steve Benko says:

    Said Jill, “Hey Jack, let’s climb that knoll;
    On top’ll be nary a soul.
    ‘We need water,’ I’ll say
    So my mom says OK,
    But to not be a virgin’s my goal.”

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    Elvis Presley, Sam Cooke, Nat King Cole
    Are the singers I truly extol
    I invited them all
    To my “Rock ‘n Roll Ball”
    And guess who showed up? Not a soul

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    Shoot a gun, and your subject will fall
    Stab a knife, and your victim will sprawl
    Yet some words you might say
    In a real vicious way
    Are the most harmful weapons of all

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    My wife is sure on the attack
    A few times she gave me a smack
    So I asked her, (real sweet)
    “Later on when we eat
    Will you please pull that knife from my back?”

  41. Jean McEwen says:

    I’ve got bunions and corns, and the sole
    Of my foot feels like walking on coal
    Set ablaze on a grate.
    To ameliorate
    Such sharp pain, there’s one fix: Dr. Scholl!

  42. Jean McEwen says:

    What with all of the guns on the street,
    It is best just to beat a retreat
    When you’re into a pickle.
    If mugged, don’t act fickle–
    Just curse, kick, and run – use your feet!

  43. Tim Gray says:

    All my shoes on the whole
    Have leather upper and leather sole,
    On slippery steel
    With a slippery heel
    I’m lucky that I didn’t bowl.

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    An unusual murder weapon

    Ev’ry one of the cops on the beat
    Were certainly not real discreet
    Saw the victim and shook
    Knew his wife was “no cook”
    (Told the press, “It was murder by meat”)

  45. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mad: above limerick
    Could you please change L2
    Instead of Were certainly not real discreet to
    Were known for not being discreet

    Thank You, Lisi

  46. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    On my keyboard I thump “Heart and Soul,”
    and bang “Chopsticks” (when I’m on a roll).
    It’s a scant repertoire,
    which I must say, so far,
    helps to minimize damage control.

  47. Tim James says:

    Asked the sage of his student: “Young soul,
    How is Donald J. Trump like a mole?”
    Well, the boy was wise too
    And his answer was true:
    “Both their heads are lodged deep in a hole.”

  48. Lisi Nortman says:

    A baby is housed in a womb
    A vault for the dead is a tomb
    So therefore, a bomb
    (Which can’t keep you calm)
    Should rhyme with a word like “Ka Boom”

  49. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Deceptive Weapon

    Careful choking in sex is all right
    It’s a “turn on” and sparks sure ignite
    But the gal didn’t know
    ‘Bout my new girlfriend Jo
    So I choked her a little too tight

  50. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Though I may be a literal fool,
    I think figures of speech can be cruel.
    Think of all those who croaked
    as they parried and poked
    with their pens — not their swords — at a duel!

  51. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Elvis”

    Used to come home from school and my sole
    Desire was losing control
    I would put on “The King”
    Just do my “own thing”
    And dance to that ole rock ‘an roll

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    A man with instinctual soul
    Created this craze: “Rock ‘n Roll”
    His name was Chuck Berry
    Who made you so merry
    Your dancin’ feet lost all control

  53. Roger Haugen says:

    No way would the gourmet extol
    Any part of his meal or the whole;
    Instead blurted: “Ish,
    What a terrible dish,
    Chicken chowder with filet of sole?”

  54. Roger Haugen says:

    If you’re angry and ready to stifle
    Your opponent, but don’t have a rifle,
    Don’t feel downcast,
    It’s easy and fast,
    If a bullet can’t do it, a knife’ll.

  55. Steve Benko says:

    “When we sell to you Saudis a tank,”
    Said Donald, “It’s cash in the bank.”
    “The homes of the rebels
    Will soon be just pebbles!”
    They toasted, and more champagne drank.

  56. Steve Benko says:

    “My campaign needs more heavy artillery,”
    One night in October said Hillary.
    “For now it seems Comey
    Is Donald Trump’s homie”
    He won, and she drank a distillery.

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Just an ordinary collector

    The government asked “That in time
    Will you sell use your guns; they’re sublime!”
    After real careful thought
    I felt quite distraught
    ‘Bout selling to organized crime

  58. Tim Gray says:

    With the effects of a quake or eruption
    The pandemic is a massive disruption.
    Though by many deplored,
    Global warming’s ignored,
    Trump’s a weapon of mass destruction.

  59. Tim Gray says:

    America will never be great
    Till we learn to love and not hate.
    Until we are whole
    And have regained our soul
    We’ll forever be in this state.

  60. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    “Though your homophones, Oscar, are droll,”
    mused Richard, “this piece on the whole….
    Well, I like ti with bread,
    but a note ‘pulling thread’?
    Any chance you might brighten up sol?”

  61. Tim James says:

    I shot an arrow into the air,
    It fell to earth, I knew not where….

    – Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

    “When that arrow I shot in the air
    Fell to earth (be assured I know where)
    I should not have bent down!”
    He exclaimed with a frown.
    “I can’t sit now; I’m hurting down there.”

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    June 27, at 8 PM
    Sorry, Mad : obvious mistake: L2 will you sell us your guns; they’re sublime
    not: will you sell use your guns.
    I just noticed it.
    Thank You Lisi

  63. Lisi Nortman says:

    An unusual, yet effective weapon

    Here he lies, and we hope that he rests
    In peace, (he tried one of his quests)
    Found a girl, but was rude
    And exceedingly lewd
    So she smothered him with her big breasts

  64. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Assuming the posture of lotus,
    Buddha lifted his voice to give notice:
    “You may chant on this knoll
    if it pleases your soul —
    but you’re gone if your mantra is ‘potus.'”

  65. Kirk Miller says:

    A forensics professional, Ray,
    Went to court with his findings one day.
    When he talked ’bout the gun,
    All his facts came undone.
    And he just went ballistic, they say.

    In court, he was under the gun;
    Got shell-shocked, and came all undone.
    He thought he was charming
    And rather disarming.
    He’s a pistol, that son of a gun.

  66. Tim Gray says:

    If I can’t: “I will!”
    That is my magic pill.
    My aim is sole:
    To score that goal.
    That’s why I’m winning still.

  67. Brian Allgar says:

    Can anything ever console
    Donald Trump for the rally they stole?
    “A million, they said!
    Got six thousand instead!
    Believe me, some heads gonna roll!”

  68. Lisi Nortman says:

    A better version, to make more sense: “An effective, sexy weapon”

    Here he lies, and we hope that he rests
    In peace, (he tried one of his quests)
    Found a girl; he was rude
    And exceedingly lewd
    So she smothered him ‘tween her large breasts

  69. Wayne Feder says:

    Trump falls short.

    “The Tulsans will top all my goals,
    I expect to have one million souls.”
    What made Don’s balloon pop
    And his momentum to stop?
    He got punked by some junior high trolls.

    Not a thing can exceed a black hole,
    It’s darker than the darkest of coal.
    Now scientists agree,
    There’s a new nominee:
    The center of Donald Trump’s soul.

    “Though the virus has reached a new peak,
    Nix the masks, they make me look weak.”
    Don, damage control
    Can’t rescue your soul,
    You look weak every time that you speak.

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    The music we love, as a whole
    Plays a very significant role
    For your mind; gives it rest
    And the way it’s expressed
    Forms a channel for soothing the soul

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    another way of putting it:

    The music we love, as a whole
    Plays a very significant role
    In calming the heart
    And playing its part
    Of soothing the sensitive soul

  72. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    At the restaurant I ordered with glee
    fresh sole daily pulled from the sea.
    But I lost all control
    when I choked on the sole.
    So they threw in the laces for free.

  73. Roger Haugen says:

    A gallon of mead in a bowl
    Was balm to the old Viking’s soul;
    He downed a huge slurp,
    Emitted a burp,
    And toasted the gods with a “Skoal!”

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    Yearly Checkup

    Mr. Trump, I’m not one to be droll
    I am truthful; I never cajole
    The report shows you’re fine
    All your parts are benign
    Yet it seems you’ve no heart and no soul

  75. Tony Holmes says:

    So, which way will the president jump?
    Armageddon’s a pretty big hump.
    Has he plundered his soul,
    In achieving his goal?
    Could he be, then, the very last trump?

  76. Tony Holmes says:

    Dad dismissed, as, ‘No fun!’ self-control,
    And repeatedly loaded his bowl;
    But it wasn’t the fries
    That brought on his demise,
    But a hook that was left in the sole.

  77. Tony Holmes says:

    In denial, Dad spurned self-control,
    And repeatedly loaded his bowl;
    But it wasn’t the fries
    That secured his demise,
    But a hook that was left in the sole.

    Wasn’t happy with the first and fourth lines.

  78. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry about this, but I couldn’t think of mortgaged first time round.

    So, which way will the president jump?
    Armageddon’s a pretty big bump. (in the road)
    Has he mortgaged his soul,
    In achieving his goal,
    Might this be, then, the very last trump?

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Genius”

    I planned a real vicious attack
    So that fraud would get one painful whack
    After ten solid years
    I broke down in tears
    Cuz my boomerang never came back

  80. Tim Gray says:

    Mind, body, heart and soul,
    Four aspects that make us whole.
    Trump is bereft,
    His heart and soul left
    With conceit now filling the hole.

  81. Dee Hyrkas says:

    There once was a young cow named Betty
    who borrowed the farmer’s machete.
    She spilled human blood
    while chewing her cud
    and added it to her spaghetti.

  82. Tim James says:

    Many years from now, Trump bares his soul:
    “I regret that I lost all control.
    I renounce my bad acts!”
    But it’s time to face facts:
    There’s no WAY that he’s making parole.

  83. madkane says:

    The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  84. Brian Allgar says:

    Since “God’s Chosen One” is his role,
    Well, of course Donald Trump has “a soul”.
    But there’s one little twist:
    Theologians insist
    That it should be pronounced as “asshole”.

  85. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    LOVE Brian’s holy pun!!! (Amen to the sentiment as well)

  86. Dee Hyrkas says:

    There was a young woman named Jade
    who wielded her tongue like a blade.
    She’d slice you to bits
    and not give two shits
    while your psyche just dangles there, frayed.

  87. Tim James says:

    Here’s a bit of discouraging news.
    Despite all of the measures we use
    Against COVID-19
    This is what we have seen:
    Facing weapons-grade stupid … we lose.

  88. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Sighed Poirot, “The solution is plain.”
    (Had his listener detected disdain?)
    “That murdering fool
    used a gardening tool!
    Yes, he lacks — like his victim — a brain.”

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